HURT!
by Lady Error
Summary: CCD Suoh and Idomu were back in a neverending confrontation. Their conflict dragged poor Nokoru to be placed between them. Nokoru had to choose one of them, and left the other. Who would he choose? Warning: Slash THE END! Only moving to a new place.
1. Jealousy

Chapter 1: Jelousy -----------------------  
  
It was his first day in High School, and even tough he was pointed as the President of the High School Department, even before he entered the level, Nokoru could still feel his nervous.  
  
He realized that being the President of the Student Council this year would not be an easy job to do. There were many things he had to learn and asses in running the planned program by the former council. And the problem now was he had no one beside him that he could trust to assist him.  
  
Being one year younger than him, his former Secretary, Takamura Suoh, had to stay in the Junior High School and still had a year to go to the High School. And so Ijyuin Akira, his Treasurer, he had two more years to go before he joined him in the High School Student Council.  
  
Imonoyama Nokoru used to be alone, for loneliness had always been his friend. But this year, somehow he felt he was going to be lonelier than ever. Regretting for being older than his close friends, Nokoru entered his new classroom.  
  
Ah.. New classroom. new classmates. new teachers.  
  
Day seemed to run slower that it used to. Nokoru glanced to the classroom clock for the fifth time, and it still had two more hours till the lessons finished, and he had to go to his new Student Council boardroom. He sighed.. He understood that the new boardroom would not have much difference from his old one, and he had been in this kind of situation before back in the Junior High School.  
  
It was the same like this, when he was graduated from the Elementary School, and had to be the President of the Junior High School. He was feeling a lot lonelier than this time, since it was the first time he had to separate from Suoh and Akira.  
  
Now after they finally had been together again for the last one year, they had to separate again. He hardly could bear it.  
  
He looked at the clock again. Obviously he could not concentrate to the lesson. He just wanted to finish his lesson as soon as possible. He made a few notes on his book, about his plan for the term, since there would be no Suoh to do it fro him. And after school, he would have to estimate the expenses, which it should be Akira's responsible before.  
  
And at last, the lesson was over. How he glad it was done. He rapidly tidied up his desk, made sure there was nothing he would left behind, and left his class as fast as he could. There were many things he had to start to do, before the day fled.  
  
***  
  
Suoh felt his body was filled by laziness as he entered his new classroom, and as usual he could see from the corner of his golden eyes, few girls were chatting around with their eyes pointing at him.  
  
Sighing, he thought it would another ordinary day. No matter where he was, he realized there would be some childish girls who would follow him around, asking questions, and so on. and so on.  
  
The amazing thing was, those girls didn't know how much he felt annoyed. There were many times - as far as he could recall - he tried to ignore them all. Tried to withdrawn himself. but so far, nothing was effective. They came as if they were bees. searching for honey.  
  
If only they knew he had someone already in his heart.. Someone he swore he would protect for the rest of his life. someone he wouldn't mind even if that One wanted to have his life.  
  
Yes..  
  
He loved him.. And he could never imagine what his days were going to be without his presence. And yet, the most stupid was, he couldn't express how his feeling was to that person. For he thought it would be the best for them both by concealing his truth feeling.  
  
What matter to him was actions, not words.. As long as he could stay beside him, it was more than enough. And he was very thankful for that.  
  
But now.  
  
That person was out of his sight. Being separated in different school level frustrated him so much. He could hardly pay attention to his lessons. He could not eat, and sleep, and he nearly killed himself for not concentrating in his ninja training. Many times he was caught didn't listening to Akira's friendly conversations, and were busy wandering around his own mind.  
  
He believed if this continuing, he would lose his sense. He would go insane.  
  
But at least today he felt a little bit joy.. Thinking that in the lunch hour he would visit the High School Student Council boardroom to meet his Nokoru. To go to the High School District from the Junior High took one- hour journey using the linear car. So he had to make an appointment with Nokoru to have lunch together in the boardroom.  
  
At first, Nokoru was surprised to have his request to have lunch together, since it was a quite long journey to spend just to get luch together. But he found a perfect reason for the request. He excused he had to check on his safety - which of course was a total lie - for he just missed him so desperately.  
  
He was looking to the clock again and again, and started to think that someone must had sabotaged the clock for it was running so slowly like a worm. He was distressed. When this would end? Or might be he just had to lie to the teacher that he had been not feeling well at all, and requested to dismiss earlier.. But that would be useless. Nokoru must still have his lesson by that time. What would he do anyway while waiting for him? So, there was no other way for him - except to wait. patiently.  
  
***  
  
Nokoru finally reached his new boardroom. He reluctantly opened the big door, and stepped in. As he guessed it was very quiet inside the room, and no one was waiting for him. So this was what he was going to have day by day. No more fun, no more warmth. and moreover, no more. him.  
  
He didn't know why there was a strange feeling in his heart whenever he though about him. A feeling that demanded him to wish to see him all the time, to spend every single second beside him, to only hear every single word of his mouth spoken, and most of all. to share his life.  
  
Suoh.  
  
His Suoh.  
  
His blue-hared and golden-eyed Suoh..  
  
His best friend, his protector, his brother, and his comfort. his souls mate. Perhaps it was true. Suoh was his soul mate, the other half of his soul. But he was afraid to hope Suoh would feel the same like him. And he didn't know why he believed that might be it would be the best for them both if Suoh didn't know how his true feeling was.  
  
Anyway..  
  
Back to work now.. He couldn't waste anymore time now. He used to. but since there would be no more help from his dear friends, he had to work it all by his own. No matter he liked it or not. As he put out some paper works from the folders to his desk - the huge President's desk - he began to sort them by categories. He sorted them into their priorities, and then by purpose, and so on. He was drowning in his business, and he almost didn't realize someone had been knocking for the door several times till he answered it.  
  
'Yes. please come in.' Nokoru answered with his blue eyes still observing the papers.  
  
He knew for sure it was Suoh who came as he promised to have lunch together. But he was startled when he lifted his angelic face to see his guest.  
  
It was.  
  
'Idomu!' Nokoru couldn't believe his eyes. It was Idomu, an old friend of him. But whatever the reason was.. he was here! Nokoru was so excited to see his friend returned. He jumped out from his seat, and he headed towards him.  
  
'I- I thought you were studying your piano lesson abroad.'  
  
Idomu smiled. He had changed so much. He had been taller than Nokoru and he had built an athletic body. 'Yes, I did! I just came back to Japan the day before, since the school is starting today, isn't it?'  
  
'You. you what?! You will attend school here? In Clamp school?!' Nokoru couldn't believe his ears.  
  
'Yes. I thought I had just said it to you.. Aren't you happy to have me back?'  
  
'No. no.. Of course I am!! I'm very happy to have you back to our school! But why you didn't inform me before?'  
  
'Actually, I want to make it as a surprise. So. here I am!!' Idomu widened his smile, and spread his arms.  
  
Nokoru was so excited that he jumped in his arms, and gave him a hug. For the moment, he felt he would not be alone anymore. He could have Idomu to help him with the council's work, and how it would have so much fun.  
  
Idomu coughed. Nokoru was blushing when he realized he was in Idomu's embrace. He stepped back awkwardly, and walked back to his desk.  
  
'In that case, I am very happy to welcome you to our school.' He smiled.  
  
Seeing his angelic smile, Idomu felt his heart was about to leap out from his chest. He tried his best not to blush in front of him. Slowly, Idomu walked to get closer to Nokoru.  
  
'Well, I can see you have started your work already.' he observed the papers in the piles on Nokoru's desk.  
  
'Ah. yes. I have to.' Idomu caught a little grief in his sparkling blue sapphire. 'This year I won't have Suoh and Akira by my side to help me out, so I can't waste time anymore.'  
  
Idomu stared at him. 'Oh?! But why?'  
  
'They haven't finished the Junior High yet.' He answered sadly.  
  
'Oh. I see.' Idomu moved his body closer to Nokoru till he was nearly nose- to-nose to Nokoru. He felt it was so attempting to kiss Nokoru's lips. 'I can help you till Takamura came and assist you.'  
  
'Really?!' Nokoru looked at his eyes.  
  
Idomu nodded firmly as he moved even closer to him, and put his mouth right in front ear of Nokoru's ears. 'By the way. Don't you want to know why I come back?' he whispered.  
  
Nokoru turned his head around to have a closer look to Idomu's eyes. There was a confuse in his eyes, but he remained silent.  
  
Again for Idomu. Those lips were so attempting.  
  
Idomu was about to kiss the blonde-hared boy, but he stopped just a few more centimeters from Nokoru's lips when the door was opened in a sudden.  
  
'Kai- Kaichou.?!' Suoh disbelieved his eyes.  
  
Both Nokoru and Idomu seemed startled with Suoh's presence. They separated in distance at once with their faces blushing.  
  
'So.' Idomu choked. 'Takamura-san, nice to see you again. I hope you still remember me.'  
  
For a moment, Idomu thought Takamura had become deaf, since he replied nothing.  
  
'Yes. Of course, I remember you.'  
  
Suoh was fighting so hard not to lose his temper. He wanted so much to smash Idomu's head just like smashing the baseball ball with its stick.  
  
'What are you doing here?' Suoh's voice was cold and sharp, as he approached to the two boys.  
  
'Well. Just have a little reunion with my dear old friend.' How he loved to observe the irritation feel in those golden eyes. 'Right, Nokoru?'  
  
'Umph?!' Nokoru looked a little nervous. 'Oh? Yes! Idomu just come here! He'll be joining the High School since today. Isn't it wonderful?' He tried to smile.  
  
Idomu grinned. It was obvious for him that Suoh disliked his return. Avoiding further confrontation, Idomu asked permission to leave. 'Well, I guess I'll have to leave now. I still have some more things to be unpacked, since I just arrived yesterday.' He walked to the door and passed the stunned Suoh.  
  
Just before he walked out the door, Idomu turned around and looked at Nokoru. 'See you tomorrow then. I'll pick up you up after school. Just wait in front of your classroom.'  
  
Nokoru nodded.  
  
Then the door closed.  
  
***  
  
Soon after Idomu closed the boardroom door, Suoh hurriedly came towards Nokoru.  
  
'What is he doing here??' He demanded the answer impatiently.  
  
'Oh. Nothing. Just like I said before, he just returned and decided to join our school.'  
  
'NO!!' Nokoru was startled with Suoh's reaction. 'I mean.. What did he do to you??!!'  
  
'Do to me?' Nokoru tried not to flush.  
  
'Yes.. He.. he was so close to you.. And it seemed..' Suoh paused. He was not sure he would continue his words. //It seemed he wanted to kiss you.//  
  
'Anyway, I don't like him to get near you..' He sighed.  
  
'Oh, Suoh.. You're just being paranoid. He's my friend now.. He may not harm me..' Nokoru smiled. 'Furthermore, he promised to help me with the council work.'  
  
'WHAT???!!!' Suoh again disbelieved his ears. 'And you say..'  
  
'Of course I said he is mostly welcomed..'  
  
Nokoru couldn't continue his words, as he was shocked Suoh hit his desk loudly. Never before he was so angry and showed his emotion like this. Was he jealous?  
  
'S- Suoh???'  
  
He remained silent.  
  
Nokoru worried by his reaction, so he moved closer to him, and put his hand on Suoh's shoulders. 'Are you alright?'  
  
Unexpectedly, Suoh grabbed his hand, twisted it to the back of his body, and pressed him to the desk. He was so shocked that he wasn't able to fight back or tried to escape. He could feel his shoulder would be broken into pieces, but he didn't have any voice to scream for help either.  
  
'S- Suoh.. It's hurt.. What are you do-.'  
  
Nokoru stopped. He could feel Suoh's lips in his mouth. And that was beyond his expectation. He was shocked! But he could not release the kiss from him. Suoh kept on pushing his mouth into his. Nokoru believed he was nearly breathless. He pushed back the blue-hared boy's body with his other hand, but it ended with Suoh's tight grasp on his wrist. There was no way to fight back. As Suoh stepped forward to push him, Nokoru felt they were losing their balance, and finally they ended up on the floor. With of course.. Still lip-to-lip.  
  
Finally, Suoh let go of his kiss to take a breath. He wanted to do that since long time before. But he didn't expect he would do it in this kind of condition. But he had to. for he didn't want somebody else would take his Nokoru away. He wanted him so much.. He wanted his whole.. His body, his heart, his passion.. He wanted them all..  
  
All just for him only.  
  
Nobody else could touch his Nokoru. especially Idomu..  
  
He was jealous.  
  
Nokoru was very shock of Suoh's action. Never before he acted like this. And he was very. very . scared. Nokoru was scared. He was terrified. He couldn't stop him, but apart of him didn't want to stop either. He was confused. What should he do? Could he runaway?  
  
'Nokoru.' Suoh called his name.  
  
He was startled. It seemed he had been wandering away form his mind and body. He refused to go back to the reality, but something pulled him to return. But he still refused to look back at the source of the voice.  
  
'Nokoru, please look at me!' Suoh demanded. This time Nokoru could feel his voice stronger. It was an ultimatum for him, but he felt he didn't want to obey him.  
  
Instead of it, he tried once more to escape from Suoh. He would do anything to release himself. to be away from him. He was thinking to cry out loud just like a baby, but that would be foolish. But the more he struggled, the tighten Suoh would hold him. Finally, he felt he couldn't anything more. He surrendered. But he refused to look at the man's golden eyes.  
  
'Why is it so hard to have you looked into my eyes?' Once again Suoh questioned him with -of course - louder voice.  
  
'Suoh. please. Please don't do this..' He answered weakly. 'I. I.'  
  
'WHAT?! I just want you to listen to me.. Is it that hard?!'  
  
Nokoru glared at him, which made the blue-hared man startled. He had never seen Nokoru's filled with such an anger before. Nokoru was angry. He felt the blonde man's body starting to tremble signing he would explode at anytime now.  
  
'Since when.. ' Nokoru whispered. His voice was so weak that Suoh hardly could hear him.  
  
'What did you say?' Suoh asked curiously.  
  
'Since when I've NEVER listened to you?!!' He was screaming loudly. 'LET ME GO!!! NOW!!! I MEAN IT!!!'  
  
Nokoru was terribly angry now. And never before he was angry like now, and it was more than enough to surprise Suoh that he faintly let go of his grasp, and stood on his both feet leaving the blonde man laying on the floor still. He tried to get up and stood on his feet, but he just couldn't. The experience being pressed by his bodyguard's body, and the shock he felt had not been over yet. His body still quivered, not because of the pain, but more because of his fear.  
  
Suoh knelt down to help him stand up, but to Nokoru's stubborn personality, he pushed away his hands, and tried to get up by himself. He was so angry to him, and there was no way he would tolerate his actions.  
  
He knew before he lost his temperance more, he had to leave the place soonest possible. He went back to his desk to get his bag, and started to leave the boardroom. But damned! Suoh grabbed his arm again. Why is it so easy for someone else to catch him?  
  
'NOW WHAT DO YOU WANT??!!' Nokoru couldn't calm his voice. He was screaming at Suoh, which it was never happened before.  
  
'LISTEN!!!' Suoh didn't want to give up.  
  
'LET ME GO!!!! I HAD ENOUGH OF THIS!!!' Nokoru tried to twist Suoh's grasp.  
  
'I SAID LISTEN!!!' Apparently, Suoh lost his temperance as well. He too became angry of Nokoru's behavior. He just wanted to say what inside his heart honestly. Was it wrong?  
  
Nokoru remained still, biting his delicate lips, waiting for words coming out from Suoh's mouth.  
  
'I. I.. know you are angry because of this.. But. but.. I just want. I just want you to know that..' He paused. Somehow it was hard to say it. He wasn't ready to say it, but he would never be ready. He had to say it sooner or later.  
  
Sensing a chance to escape while Suoh was confused to pick the right words to say to him, Nokoru pulled his arm, and managed to escape. He didn't let Suoh to have a grab on him again. He ran to the door and tried to open it as fast as he could. He had to runaway. He had to leave.  
  
But it was too late.  
  
Suoh was faster than he was. And you wouldn't like to see his face. Suoh was extremely pissed off. He was trying his best to express his true feeling to someone he loved, but that person ignored him. Somehow it hurt his feelings. He banged the door with his palm so hard to keep it closed, and glared fiercely to the blonde man.  
  
Instead of being scared, Nokoru glared him back. He was insulted. Never before someone would act so rude to him. the young master of the Imonoyama family. They wouldn't dare. Suoh had gone too far.  
  
'What the hell are you doing?!' His voice was different. Not the calm and pleasant voice he used to give. 'I command you to let me out of here!!'  
  
'Command?! So. Is that it? For you, I'm just your bodyguard, am I?'  
  
'..' He looked away.  
  
Suoh put away his fist from the door. 'Fine. If you want to runaway, you can.' He turned the door handle, and opened it.  
  
Just before Nokoru wanted to step out of the room, Suoh continued his words. 'After all these times, I thought I know you.'  
  
'Do you?'  
  
'No, I just thought I know you. I thought you are a brave man, but you are just a coward. You only can run every time you face a problem. You are a coward.'  
  
'What did you say?' Nokoru returned to approach him. His face was reddening, fighting his anger not to explode by that moment. 'Say it again.'  
  
'You don't care about others' feelings. You just cared about yourself. You love yourself too much, you are afraid that someone will hurt you. You sealed yourself. You think you're rich, smart, perfect, and that everyone will happily serve you as a young master. You're WRONG!!'  
  
'Stop it!! I don't want to hear it anymore!!!'  
  
'You don't have to! You can run anytime you like. I've opened the door for you.. It is opened! You don't have to listen to me at all. Anyway, you've never listened to me. I'm just a DOG for you, am I? I have to follow your order! Am I right? Young master Imonoyama?!'  
  
'Stop it. please. stop!' Nokoru couldn't bear it. He covered his both ears neglecting more words he had to hear.  
  
But Suoh didn't want to stop. 'It is obvious for you, isn't it? I am just a DOG.' He paused. Not because he didn't have anything more to say, but it was because the sharp pain he felt on his cheek.  
  
Nokoru had just slapped him.  
  
His cheek was in pain, but he felt it was more painful in his heart. His love had just slapped him. But somehow he was awakened. He realized that he was too much. His jealousy blinded him. He must have hurt Nokoru's heart very much.  
  
It was too late.  
  
He witnessed the fear inside those blue eyes, and a great suffering. Nokoru's face was very pale as a death man's face. He was crying. Never before he watched Nokoru's crying. Even by the time he was kidnapped by the outlaws, he never showed his tears. Now. he was crying.  
  
There was nothing he could do now. He did it.. He slapped him. Suoh hated him for sure now.. he lost his best friend now.. and it was his own fault. He wished it had never happened.  
  
Might be Suoh was right. He was a coward after all. Perfectly a coward. First he cried, and now he was running away from him. He wanted to disappear. His heart was hurting. He could feel his face wet by his tears. 'I'm sorry..'  
  
//Good bye, Suoh..//  
  
He left him now. he didn't when he could see him again.. He just believed Suoh would be happy without him. He was a burden for him. He had always been a burden.  
  
//I hope you are happy..//  
  
Hurt.  
  
To be continued - 


	2. Understanding

Chapter 2: Understanding  
  
Nokoru was crying on his bed. He didn't understand... He would never understand why Suoh could do such a thing to him. How could he? Why Suoh wanted to make him cry...  
  
Why he could not understand him?  
  
Hadn't he suffered enough?  
  
Did he want him to be lonely?  
  
He didn't want to lose him. He loved him. The only fault he had was just he didn't have any guts to admit his true feeling to him. But that was because he was not sure about Suoh's feelings. He was afraid. afraid to be disappointed...  
  
By the time he knew, Suoh turned out to hate him...  
  
He had made Suoh angry...  
  
Now he wanted nothing else other than to die...  
  
But he couldn't... He wouldn't be allowed to... He was too important.  
  
He was an Imonoyama.  
  
All he could now was sobbing. Sobbing and sobbing... Alone in his dark room.  
  
His heart was broken into pieces, and he was unable to hide his tears.  
  
But...  
  
Let it be...  
  
For once he wanted to be himself. The fragile, broken, weak and hurt Nokoru. Not the strong, pleasant, cheerful, and charming Imonoyama Nokoru...  
  
He was only a 'Nokoru'...  
  
He was crying till he dissolved into his dream.  
  
***  
  
Suoh couldn't sleep that night. He kept changing his position on his futon. There was no way he could forget what had happened early in the day. He supposed to have a wonderful lunch with his loved one. Chatting about what they had been doing while they separated each other... Discussing things they liked, or planning any event they could do together in the future.  
  
But it was all gone.  
  
Because of that damned Yudaiji Idomu.  
  
OH... yes... he hated him so much...  
  
Perhaps not hatred he could feel in his heart...  
  
He just felt jealous... Because he realized Idomu would be able to spend more time with nokoru than he would. Knowing their different levels, Suoh would have limited chance to meet Nokoru nowadays - at least until he finished the Junior High School, and entered the High School division.  
  
But what made him really pissed off that... Nokoru seemed very happy about Idomu's return. That's what made him felt he wanted to explode...  
  
What was so excited about to have him back to the campus?  
  
Had Nokoru forgotten about all that boy had done to him years before?  
  
He would never forget it!! Not in his life!!  
  
Realizing the fact that Nokoru would be beside him most of the time made him wanted to be sick. Nokoru even offered him a duty in the Students Council. Was he out of his mind?!  
  
He was insane!!  
  
Didn't know why, Suoh believed something terrible would happen to his love if he got near that boy. He had to do something...  
  
Otherwise he would be crazy...  
  
That night Suoh couldn't get a peaceful sleep...  
  
He was a warrior. He was sworn to protect his 'One'. He would fight for his One's happiness and life.  
  
He would fight even into his sleepless dream.  
  
***  
  
High School Division was very crowded on dismissal time. All the students were busy getting out from their respective classes. Some were just heading straight to home, and others were still looking forward to join the extra lessons in the afternoon.  
  
And it was obvious for Idomu to be confused to find Nokoru's classroom by that time. Even tough he had been here during his Elementary period, but the size of the Campus was still impossible for him to explore. Anyone could get lost in this gigantic Campus.  
  
//1-Z... 1-Z... Where the hell is that class?//  
  
Idomu had almost given up the whole idea to pick up Nokoru. He didn't have his hand phone by the moment, so there was no way to contact him to find out where he was right now. But he had promised. The image Nokoru was waiting for him desperately forced him not to give up.  
  
//There is no other way. I think I just wandering around here. Got to ask someone...//  
  
'Umh...' Waving his hand, tried to stop a passing girl. 'Excuse me... Do you know where is Class 1-Z?'  
  
The girl was blushing being asked by such a handsome young man. 'Sure. Just go to straight to the corner, and take the right turn. You'll find the sign.'  
  
'Thank you...'  
  
//Fuh. Lucky I ask. Other wise I'll be wasting more of my time.//  
  
If truth to be told, Idomu hated to ask someone else. Not that he was an arrogant person, but asking for someone's help meaning you were so incapable to do it by yourself. But if you couldn't so it by yourself, you needed help...  
  
And if someone could do it for you, why on the first place you had to do by yourself anyway?  
  
He smirked. //How stupid I am...//  
  
He took the right turn on the corner, and as the girl had informed him, he found the sign of the class.  
  
//At last, I found it... //  
  
The class' door was opened. Not many student left inside it. Since it had been long time passed the dismissal time, and he was pretty sure late.  
  
//Nokoru must have been waiting for quite a long time now... //  
  
But he couldn't sight any sign of Nokoru's presence in the class. Had he left already? Knowing he was very busy with the council works and he couldn't waste any time. Idomu was feeling a little bit disappointed. But it was his fault to be late; he couldn't blame it to Nokoru to leave earlier.  
  
Anyway he had to ask someone about him...  
  
'Excuse me. ' He asked a male student who was busy cleaning the huge black board. 'Have you seen Imonoyama Nokoru?'  
  
'Nokoru-sama?' He replied, and turned his back trying to search the blonde boy's presence. 'He was here a moment ago. But I'm sure he's not leaving the class yet. There's his bag. You can wait here. He'll be back soon I guess...' The boy pointed at a bag left over a desk in the middle row.  
  
Ah. so he hadn't gone yet... Idomu felt a big relieved... He hated to be left behind.  
  
'Thank you...'  
  
'Your welcome. By the way, are you his friend?'  
  
Smiling, he nodded in concurrence.  
  
'Well. It's not I'm being nosy or something. But I guess he's not feeling very well today.' He put away the eraser board he had been holding. 'He was so pale during the morning, and he seldom says anything. Usually he is very active in answering the teacher's questions and discussions. But today he remains silent. Not only me, all his classmates are worry. Especially his fans club...'  
  
The boy paused. Now he was busy packing his things and inserting it into his bag. 'Nokoru-sama has always been nice to all of us, and especially to the ladies. But today he acts differently, he is ignoring them...'  
  
'Well. Perhaps he is just too tired. Would you like to be chased all day long by girls? People can be sick of it you know...'  
  
The boy was quite surprised by Idomu's answer. But he smiled in return. 'Yes... Perhaps you're right...' He looked at his watch. 'Anyway, nice talking to you. I gotta go now. My girlfriend must have been waiting for me now...'  
  
'Nice talking to you too.. Enjoy your time...'  
  
//Nokoru isn't feeling well?//  
  
The conversation was bothering him. He stood in front of the classroom door to be alerted on Nokoru's presence. //What happened to him?//  
  
He was curious...  
  
***  
  
Finally he found a quiet place to hide himself. The gentlemen's toilet had always been a perfect place for him to hide. Even tough it couldn't last long, but at least he could keep away all his surroundings for just a moment. Nobody else understood the school better than, anyway, he was the founder of the school, and certainly he recognized the school as if he recognized his own palm.  
  
He managed to find this rarely-used toilet... And he was going to use it for him to... smoke...  
  
Yes.. Nokoru didn't realized when the first time he started this habit, but by the time he realized he was smoking. he just enjoyed it...  
  
Before he entered the toilet, he looked his surrounding; making sure nobody witnessed him as if he was going to commit an outlaw activity. After he was sure everything was safe, he quickly entered it, and locked the door to make sure nobody else could use the toilet other than him.  
  
He searched for the cigarette box deep inside his coat, and when he found it, there was a satisfaction bared on his angelic face. He was glad he could still have it safe in his pocket. He took one cigarette, put it on his delicate lips, while his both hands searching for the lighter to give a little fire spark for his cigarette. Once he managed to light it up, he took a deep breath, and released a dancing white smoke in the air.  
  
Dancing...  
  
The white smoke twirled in the open air as if the fairies were dancing with their clothes around them... The first time he was smoking he was trying to catch the smoke...  
  
What a stupid idea..  
  
If truth to be told, the most pleasure thing Nokoru took from smoking was the sight.. The sight of the white smoke twirling in the open air.. Somehow, the smoke took his soul flying to the sky.. Where he could be free, and felt no more pain.. When the smoke disappeared, he was back to the Earth, with all the suffering he had to feel..  
  
Anyway..  
  
Even tough it only lasted for few moments only; he would do anything for it. He would sacrifice anything for the freedom; even tough it didn't happen in the reality. even tough it was only in his imagination.  
  
He didn't mind..  
  
People said smoking could take their life.. That's true.. At least that's better to be true..  
  
//Take my life. I don't want it anymore..//  
  
What for his life anyway? He had nothing.. Only feeling..  
  
One feeling..  
  
Hurt!  
  
Suoh didn't want him anymore. Nobody would be by his side now..  
  
He took another deep breath on his cigarette, and then he put it off. He had to go back now. He remembered Idomu would come to pick him up..  
  
He went to the sink to wash his face. He knew he couldn't show his distressed face to anyone. He took a mint from his pocket to hide the smell of the cigarette left in his mouth.  
  
Before he went, he took another look of himself in the mirror. To common eyes, he looked as perfect as he should be.. But he didn't feel he saw himself in the mirror.  
  
Somehow he knew..  
  
He was not.  
  
Imonoyama Nokoru.  
  
He was just a.. 'Nokoru'.  
  
Hurt..  
  
***  
  
Idomu was getting more stress now.. He had been waiting for Nokoru to come back for almost half an hour, and yet the blonde boy didn't show any sign of his presence. The 1-Z class was getting emptier and emptier minutes by minutes, and he started to think would it be better for him to take off then.  
  
Just when he was confused deciding he was going to leave or not, a gentle touch on his shoulder surprised him. And it surprised him very much.  
  
'AARGH!!!'  
  
Nokoru was startled as well to see his friend's respond.  
  
'Don't you do it again!!!' Idomu was pointing his finger to Nokoru's nose.  
  
Idomu was very surprised with Nokoru's sudden presence behind his back, but he was more surprised with the figure's look before him. For he didn't see the cheerful and confident Imonoyama Nokoru's figure as he used to see, instead he looked at a vulnerable young man he had never seen before.. A perfect stranger..  
  
So exhausted..  
  
The pair of blue sapphire eyes that used to glow with joyfulness seemed to disappear..  
  
Replaced by..  
  
The injured look glowing in those eyes..  
  
Anyone who looked into them could feel the sorrow..  
  
//No wonder his friends could easily read him.//  
  
'I'm sorry to surprise you. Have you been waiting for long time?' Nokoru asked him when he had settled down.  
  
'As a matter of fact. Yes! Where have you been?'  
  
'Oh.. I've been in the toilet.. I'm really sorry.'  
  
'It's alright. Actually, I'm the one who have to apologize to you. I was late. I was lost in the..' Idomu didn't finish his words. He realized the young man he was talking to didn't pay any attention to his saying. At least, that was the way he felt.  
  
'Nokoru.. Are you alright?' Now he was getting worry, after all Nokoru's friend had informed him before, he now was sure something had gone wrong with his friend.  
  
'Huh?! What did you say?' Seemed he had been wandering around in the outer space. 'I..'  
  
Idomu raised his right hand, and placed it on Nokoru's forehead. Afterwards he moved it to his own forehead to compare any difference of body temperature they might have..  
  
'I think you are a bit warm, aren't you?'  
  
Nokoru smiled to see his friend's doing. 'Silly.. I'm just fine.. I don't have any fever.'  
  
'But.. Your friend just told me that you don't look healthy today. And not only to your friend.. To me, you also don't look fine..'  
  
This time, Nokoru couldn't help to laugh. Knowing Idomu used to be an inattentive person, and the fact that he was so worry about him. somehow it felt strange..  
  
'Don't be paranoid, you just look like..' Nokoru didn't finish his words. //him..//  
  
'Look like who?' Even tough Idomu had already known the answer, but he couldn't help to ask. It was odd for him that Nokoru didn't want to mention the name of the person.  
  
But why?  
  
'Never mind. Shall we go to the council boardroom then?'  
  
'I would like to. But aren't you forgetting something?'  
  
Nokoru's eyes were widened. What did he mean?  
  
'About?'  
  
'Nokoru-san.. I know working is important.. But we must eat our lunch first!! We don't want to get ourselves sick, do we?'  
  
He was smiling. 'I'll accompany you to the campus cafeteria to have lunch then. But I myself don't feel to eat anything now..'  
  
Idomu was surprised with Nokoru's answer. 'What do you mean by that? Everyone needs to eat.. No wonder you're so slim.. As a matter of fact, you have to eat more than I do..'  
  
The blonde boy shook his head. 'I'm just fine.. I just don't feel hungry right now..'  
  
'Listen! You got to eat, no matter what.. Other wise you'll put me into trouble, since your body guard will get me for not keeping you in a good shape.' Idomu grinned; he expected Nokoru would give his joke a big laugh.  
  
But he was totally wrong!  
  
The blue-eyes boy faintly looked away from him, and started to leave him entering the classroom to get his left behind bag. But Idomu's firm grab stopped him to make further steps. He was confused of Nokoru's reaction. Never before he acted like this.. He always loved to talk about that dark blue-hared boy. In fact he was always talking about him. through the emails he sent for him.  
  
Suoh did this.. He did that..  
  
And Idomu was almost sick of it.. Always about him!  
  
Well.. not sick.. Just a little jealous.. No! Very jealous!  
  
That was why he wanted to return to Japan as soonest as possible..  
  
'Nokoru.. What's wrong?'  
  
'.....'  
  
'Something has gone wrong.. I can feel it.. Tell me!'  
  
He shook his head.  
  
'Are you angry to me?'  
  
Slowly he looked into the boy's blue eyes. It was obvious for him that Nokoru was trying to hide something from him. But what?  
  
'Idomu.. I'm sorry..' He loosened his grasp. 'I don't want to lie to you. But I can't tell you either. Even tough I want to tell you, I. I don't know how to tell you.. I'm still confused.'  
  
Nokoru left the boy behind to get his bag, and he returned to the boy's standing spot as quickly as he could. 'I guess we are very late now. I still have a lot of work to do in the council. Do you mind if you eat your lunch in the council boardroom?'  
  
Idomu was quite amazed by the change he observed in Nokoru's face.  
  
//How can he do it?//  
  
For moments ago, it was the desperate looking boy who stood before him, and just in a few seconds, the distressed boy suddenly turned into a confident young man..  
  
The confident 'Imonoyama Nokoru'..  
  
He shook his head. He should have known about this.. Nokoru was unpredictable. He was meant to be.. He tried his best to be unread by anyone else. Nobody was supposed to know how his true feelings were. Whether he was happy, sad, or disappointed. For he didn't want anyone to be closed with him..  
  
'I don't mind, as long as you'll eat with me.'  
  
He was smiling. 'Fine. I'll ordered something for both of us.'  
  
//I hope the day would soon be ended..//  
  
***  
  
Dammit! He couldn't concentrate whatever he wanted to do today. Suoh thought all that happened the day before somehow had managed driving him crazy..  
  
He was certain he wouldn't finish any of his jobs correctly today..  
  
He looked at the amount of paper works he had to approve today. He was the chairman of the Junior High School Divison now replacing the former Chairman, which was Nokoru. But he didn't think he could do it better that him. Nobody had been better than Nokoru. Though he liked to postpone his tasks, but Nokoru had always managed to get all his works done before the due date. He was the best. ever.  
  
Compared to him, he was nothing. Liked now, he couldn't finish them all with his mind wandering around somewhere out there.  
  
It took five minutes for him to write the date on one piece of paper with his mind not on its proper place. What's happening to his brain anyway?  
  
Why couldn't he think about him for just once?  
  
He must be crazy.. He had to be.  
  
He stood up from his huge desk, and packed his belonging back to his bag. He planned to get over with all of it. He had to see Nokoru. He was about to wait for Akira to come and handed over the paper works to him. But he just couldn't wait any much longer..  
  
He had to see him.. soon!  
  
***  
  
Nokoru were busy checking all the paper delivered to his desk. He had to finish them all before the new ones arrived. Working somehow would take his mind somewhere else besides thinking of 'him' all the time.  
  
Idomu was sitting on the Secretary's desk, sorting the paper works into different categories and priorities. He was making the perfect schedule for the Chairman to develop plans for events that would be occur around the campus with the software he programmed.  
  
He was always good with computers..  
  
Even tough he was trying hard to concentrate on his programs; he couldn't help himself to have a look on Nokoru's doing every five minutes. He couldn't help the temptation in himself to come over his desk, grabbed the blonde boy and put his lips into a long breathless kiss. But he had to..  
  
Knowing Nokoru was having his untold problems..  
  
Which was of course, it was an insult for him. Knowing Nokoru hadn't trusted him enough to share his problem with him..  
  
But let it be..  
  
If it was the right time, who knew Nokoru would tell him what it was about..  
  
He would wait..  
  
'Idomu..' He was nearly jumped out hearing his name called in sudden.  
  
'Ye-Yes?'  
  
'I was just wandering.. Do you have any idea for Christmas? It is already November, and within a month we have to prepared Christmas performance. We have planned to have a Christmas concert coordinate by the Student Council of Junior High and High School Division. Before.' He paused, considering to say 'his' name..  
  
'Yes?'  
  
'Before Suoh and me. were planning to have a drama for Christmas, but I guessed we have not enough time to prepare the scenario, the artists, and costumes. Even tough budget and place won't be a problem, but still the preparation will take lots of time..'  
  
He stopped, giving Idome some time to consider about his thoughts.  
  
'So.. do you have any idea what we can do. or you might want to stick on the former plan?'  
  
'I think to have a drama will be a great idea.. After all you've been performing dramas every year, right? But on the other hand, considering the time and human resources we have it'll need a great effort. You have a point there also..'  
  
Idomu stood up from his seat, and walked to get closer to Nokoru's desk. 'You know what?' He continued his suggestion. 'May be it's time for you to make something new this year.. Something that not less interesting than dramas..'  
  
The first time in the day, Idomu could see there was an excitement in Nokoru's eyes, as he was closer to him now.  
  
'You're right! I agree with your idea. We can make something new for this year's Christmas..' Nokoru was getting excited with the idea. He loved special occasions, especially Christmas.  
  
'And I've got a brilliant idea what performance the High School Student Council can carry out..'  
  
'Student Council? Wait a minute.. Do you mean me?' Nokoru's eyes grew larger.  
  
Idomu couldn't help his grin when he looked at him. He firmly nodded his head correcting the blonde boy' assumption.  
  
'But.. But I can't do anything.. Now that I'm alone.. What can I do?'  
  
'No.. I didn't say you're going to do it alone.. I'll help you..'  
  
Now he was getting more confused. What did Idomu mean with that?  
  
'I will perform a piano recital..'  
  
Nokoru lifted his shoulders. 'Yes. I know you're good with piano. After all, you're the best! But me? What should I do then? You know I can't play piano.. How can I play with you?'  
  
This time Idomu couldn't help his laughter. He was so amused with Nokoru's panic. It was the first time for him to observe the perfect Imonoyama Nokoru felt hopeless unknowing what to be done.  
  
'I don't ask you to play it with me.. Unless you want to sit beside me and play the piano together.'  
  
Nokoru was blushing. 'Then what should I do?'  
  
'Sing.'  
  
'What?!' He was so startled with Idomu's idea that he jumped out from his seat.  
  
'You want me to do what?'  
  
'Sing.. You know how to sing, right?'  
  
'Yes.. I know how to sing.. But.'  
  
'But what?' Idomu asked him back.  
  
This was ridiculous. He had never sung a song before in a performance. Was it a joke?  
  
'But my voice isn't beautiful to be listened to.'  
  
//Your voice is like an angel!!// Idomu wanted so much to scream that thought of his.  
  
'Be confident of yourself!! You have to believe you can do it.. All you need is a little practice!'  
  
Now he was really confused. The idea he had to sing on the stage made him. made him want to..  
  
Laugh!  
  
So he was laughing..  
  
It was the first time in the day, he could let go of his laughter. Idomu was happy to see him laughing again. Nokoru was laughing so hard that he was losing his balance as he stepped backward. Fortunately, Idomu was pretty much aware of his condition that he quickly slipped his arm around Nokoru's waist to prevent him falling to the floor.  
  
Even tough he almost fell down Nokoru couldn't stop his laughter. He was still laughing in Idomu's embrace. Idomu could see tears creeping out of the corner of the blue eyes. The boy was crying in his laughter. Something had gone wrong.. And he knew it for sure.  
  
He placed his hand behind the blonde's head, and pushed it forward gently to have a kiss on the boy's forehead. Idomu could feel Nokoru was still giggling, but moment-by-moment, the giggle disappeared dissolving into a long soak sob.  
  
He was crying in Idomu's embrace.. And there was no way to stop it. He wanted to stop, but he just couldn't..  
  
Idomu stroke his fingers through the silky golden hair trying to give the comfort Nokoru needed by that time. He wished he could stay like that forever.  
  
He whispered gently into his ears. 'It's alright. I'm here..'  
  
Slowly Nokoru loosened himself from Idomu's embrace. He looked at the green eyes before him.. he could sense the strength in those eyes.. A strength he hoped could protect him.. Protect him like his Suoh used to do..  
  
He was desperate.. He was afraid..  
  
Knowing no one would be beside him..  
  
But he had Idomu. beside him..  
  
Even tough he didn't know for how long.. But at least for this moment he had him..  
  
He raised his hand to touch Idomu's smooth face, and beyond of Idomu's expectation, Nokoru moved his body forward and.  
  
He kissed him!  
  
Idomu was shocked!  
  
The sensation he felt on his lips..  
  
Finally, he could release the temptation he had after all these times..  
  
Idomu tightened his embrace, and gently pressed the shorter boy's warm mouth against his in a hungry kiss.  
  
And they were kissing each other..  
  
For quite a long time.  
  
But they didn't know one thing..  
  
Behind the door, no one realized someone had been standing voiceless observing both of them.  
  
No one heard his tear dropped to the cold floor as he watched them kissing each other.  
  
He was there motionless, taking a peep from behind the door, but having no courage at all to come inside to stop them; even tough he wanted so much to do so..  
  
Might be he WAS a coward..  
  
Suoh closed the door very carefully without any sound, and he fled from the scene as fast as he could.  
  
He could feel the pain inside his heart.  
  
He had to leave..  
  
While he still could bear it..  
  
Bear it..  
  
For it was so...  
  
Hurt!  
  
To be continued - 


	3. Choice

Chapter 3: Choice  
  
Suoh's heart was hurt. He could feel his heartbeat beating so fast. His whole body was shivering as if he was feeling cold. But he didn't want to stop his footsteps. He had to go away... He wished he could disappear like the midst in the morning glory...  
  
He was fighting his tears from falling down, but he knew his entire struggle was useless...  
  
There, in the quiet alley, without no one could see him, he broke down into tears...  
  
His bad dropped form his grasp...  
  
He was standing there in the middle of nowhere...  
  
Feeling desperate...  
  
Angry...  
  
Disappointed...  
  
And.  
  
Hurt!  
  
For his love had betrayed him... For he lost his center of the world... For he lost the center of his life...  
  
He lost everything...  
  
And it was...  
  
Hurt!  
  
He was not a warrior anymore... He was just an ordinary boy...  
  
He was weak...  
  
He lost his battle...  
  
A battle against 'himself'...  
  
But then again...  
  
Who was he? What was he?  
  
Just a bodyguard - nothing more...  
  
He should have known that... He meant nothing or anything at all for a big name like his.  
  
For an Imonoyama Nokoru.  
  
He was no perfect match for him...  
  
Yudaiji deserved more...  
  
Takamuras were servants... We served our 'masters'...  
  
We had no rights to love them... No rights to ask them to love us...  
  
Stupid...  
  
Stupid...  
  
Suoh.  
  
Even tough he realized all of that - he couldn't help himself from...  
  
Not to be in love with 'him'...  
  
Even tough at the end...  
  
He would be...  
  
Hurt!  
  
He couldn't live without him.  
  
And it was definitely...  
  
Hurt!  
  
***  
  
Akira was very excited today. The fact that he would be having a meeting with his former Kaichou to discuss the plan for Christmas occasion made him unable to concentrate during his lessons. There were so many things he wanted to prepare for the meeting in the afternoon. He still remembered his Imonoyama Kaichou's favorite food, and it had been sometime he didn't serve him.  
  
//Imonoyama Kaichou would be very happy if he knows what I have for him.//  
  
He loved his dear friends. After Nokoru had been graduated and left them for the High School, somehow it made Akira felt very lonely. Didn't mean he disliked working together with Suoh, but he just felt something had been missing without his Kaichou.  
  
Takamura senpai was a good leader. Unlike Kaichou, Takamura senpai rarely postponed any paper work. He always worked in a full concentration, and he took every council matter seriously.  
  
But it was that what made him missed his Kaichou.  
  
When Kaichou was still around, he could still have a chance to play around together with him, enjoying the time. Kaichou didn't work too seriously, but it didn't mean Kaichou underestimated his works, but somehow, Kaichou could make everyone happy with his unpredictable actions.  
  
But there gone the old memories...  
  
Quite a pity, he only could feel the togetherness of the three of them for only a year, and afterwards Kaichou had to leave them again...  
  
Sometimes Akira hated to be the youngest... He always felt being left behind by his seniors...  
  
Anyway....  
  
Today he was happy. He couldn't wait to meet him again, and together the three of them would cooperate each other again planning the exciting Christmas event...  
  
He heard that Kaichou had found a new assistant for him to work on the High School Council's works, and that they would be coming over to the Junior High Council this afternoon.  
  
He wondered who the new assistant was?  
  
He must have been a lucky person having a chance to be beside Kaichou...  
  
He just couldn't wait until the class finished...  
  
***  
  
'Nokoru, are you ready?' Idomu were asking the blonde boy while he was busy preparing some files to be brought along to the Junior High Council. He had sent a notice to the Junior High Council beforehand informing that they would be coming to hold a meeting.  
  
'Just a minute...' The blonde answered. 'I need to check the paper works before we leave...'  
  
Actually he was not ready at all to go. Somehow, after all that had happened the other day, he was afraid to meet Suoh. But he had no reason at all to cancel or delay the meeting. He knew he had to put off personal matter, since the meeting had benefits for the campus and there was no way he blew it out because of his personal feeling to Suoh.  
  
Idomu felt the reluctant feeling in Nokoru's answer. He knew Nokoru was trying to suspend their leaving, soon after he was sure he had everything he might need for the meeting, he approached the Chairman's desk.  
  
The blonde seemed to be distracted with Idomu's gaze at him. It was obvious Idomu were demanding the reason he did it. He knew Nokoru always hated doing the paper works, but now he treated the paper works seriously.  
  
'You can do the paper works after the meeting...' He argued.  
  
Nokoru didn't answer it. He knew it was more like a command than a suggestion to finish whatever he was doing and started to leave the boardroom for the meeting.  
  
'Are you afraid to meet him?' Idomu continued his question.  
  
His blue eyes were widened. He didn't know what to answer for that question.  
  
No....  
  
He didn't WANT to answer it.  
  
'I understand. Let's get going...' He raised form his seat, and was ready to leave the desk, while a firm grab stopped him to step further. Before he protested, he felt Idomu's gentle lips had kissed him passionately.  
  
Nokoru closed his eyes; he didn't want to immerse the kiss. He could sense Idomu's desire from the kiss. His desire of wanting him... Only him... and he gave himself to him already.  
  
Slowly Idomu loosened his kiss, and looked at him. Somehow, he was satisfied to have him... and there was nothing else he could possibly want in his life...  
  
The Yudaiji had given him everything..  
  
The fame. The wealth. Anything you could possibly imagine...  
  
But they couldn't give him... the LOVE.  
  
Idomu realized that he and Nokoru were similar in many ways...  
  
They both were rich, intelligent, and there was nothing on Earth they couldn't have...  
  
Except... - a LOVE.  
  
How they both were very lonely...  
  
So here they were. Completing each other.  
  
'Are you afraid to meet him?' Idomu repeated his question by whispering his voice to Nokoru's ear. 'Don't be scared... I'll be beside you...'  
  
Nokoru moved backward, not letting go his sight from the green eyes before him. 'No....' He shook his head. 'It just...'  
  
Idomu stepped closer to him. 'Are you afraid you might hurt him?'  
  
The golden-hared boy stunned. He didn't expect he could be easily read by the other boy. But it was true after all, so he only nodded his head.  
  
'Are you regretting our relationship, Nokoru-san?'  
  
He didn't answer, instantly he looked downward to the floor.  
  
'If you are, I don't mind...' Idomu wasn't able to continue his word as he felt his lips shut by a finger. Gently he reached for the hand that stopped him talking, and held it firmly.  
  
'I never regret for what I've done.' There was a certainty in his determined blue eyes. 'Are happy with me, Idomu-san?'  
  
Idomu smiled. What kind of question was that? Of course, he was happy. Nokoru was all he wanted in his life - NOW and before. He loved him.  
  
'More than you know...'  
  
The blonde smiled. Idomu almost believed it was an angel who was standing before him.  
  
'If you're happy, I'm happy as well...'  
  
'Thank you.' He kissed his hand. 'Then, shall we go now?'  
  
'Un.' Nokoru nodded in agreement. 'Let's go!' He was ready. No matter what would happen between him and Suoh, he had to face it. He made his choice. He couldn't hide from him forever anyway.  
  
He had to face it...  
  
Even tough it was going to be...  
  
Hurt!  
  
***  
  
To be continued - 


	4. Beaten

Chapter 4: Beaten  
  
Akira was humming while he was preparing the food for his companions who about to come in any minute. It had been sometime he had never felt this excited. Surely it was because he knew his Kaichou would be visiting him and Takamura senpai soon.  
  
Speaking about Takamura senpai. Where was he?  
  
He supposed to be here, Class 3-Z had been dismissed from quite sometime now.  
  
//Perhaps he is on his way here.//  
  
Akira seemed not too bothered with his senior's lateness. Knowing his senior had been a very busy person..  
  
He glanced at the clock.. In ten minutes time they would arrive here. A big smile was carved in his naïve face..  
  
He was happy..  
  
***  
  
Suoh dragged his feet forcefully to the Junior High Council boardroom. He knew he didn't want to be there, but he had to. He had plenty of reasons to cancel the meeting, but he had one reason he could not refuse to attend it.  
  
He couldn't sleep all night..  
  
He couldn't stop thinking about 'them'..  
  
Every time he thought about it, he could feel his heart hurting..  
  
He supposed to know Nokoru didn't love him.  
  
And that day explained a lot.  
  
No wonder after all these times he always refused him..  
  
How could he be so stupid?  
  
Now he had to meet him. and Idomu..  
  
How could he stay the same after he knew everything?  
  
He couldn't.. he just couldn't..  
  
***  
  
'Takamura senpai!' Akira welcomed him cheerfully. The black-hared boy ran towards him, as if he had never met him before. 'I though you're going to be late.'  
  
He forced his smile. 'We wouldn't want it to be happened, right?'  
  
Suoh entered the boardroom and threw himself to the couch. He was tired. Lack of sleep, and the fact he couldn't rest his mind from not thinking about 'him' or 'them' exactly, had made him exhausted.  
  
'Kaichou has come yet?'  
  
'No. Not yet. But I guess he'll be here soon.'  
  
Suoh nodded his head. There was no other way he could get away from this.  
  
In a sudden, a knocking at the door distracted the two boys.  
  
'It must be Kaichou.' Akira answered gleefully. 'I'll get it! Yes!' He hurried to the door and opened it, and his guess was right! As the door was opened, he sighted the familiar figure standing before him.  
  
'KAICHOU!!!' He shouted excitedly. Without any notice, he jumped out and hugged the blonde boy in happiness. 'I miss you a lot!!'  
  
Nokoru felt his body shaking, and thanked God he was quite strong to support his dear friend's weight. 'I miss you too..'  
  
He could see Akira's blurry eyes streaming with enthusiasms. Within that second, he felt he were warmly welcomed after all. Akira was so excited that he nearly forgot of the companion came along beside Nokoru.  
  
Idomu was standing behind them both, observing the two voiceless. He too was happy to see them.  
  
When the black-hared boy had already settled down, all of a sudden he noticed the presence of someone else behind his Kaichou. And it was nobody else but.. Idomu!!  
  
'ARRGH!!!' He screamed surprisingly, letting go his embrace from his Kaichou. 'So it's YOU!!!' Pointing at Idomu.  
  
Idomu was smiling to see Akira's respond. He knew the boy would be startled to see him back. 'Yes.. It's me. Do you still remember me?'  
  
'You are.. Yudaiji Idomu, aren't you?' But why you're here? We thought you've gone to Europe.. When did you come back?'  
  
Nokoru coughed. The black-hared boy faintly stopped his question, and looked at him in astonishment. 'Idomu has just come back from Europe. He'll attend the High School in Clamp School. And he'll assist me in the council.'  
  
Idomu smiled in occurrence to Nokoru's explanation about him.  
  
'So.. It's that so.' Paused. 'Then we are happy to welcome you back to our school. aren't we, Takamura-senpai?'  
  
Automatically, the three's sight destined to the blue-hared boy who was sitting since then observing them voicelessly.  
  
Nokoru gasped when he saw Suoh was looking at him. Faintly he looked away to avoid Suoh's sharp gaze. 'Let's start the meeting then..' He smiled. Without wasting anymore time, the three boys joined Suoh sitting on the couch to start the meeting.  
  
But then.. What happened afterwards, everybody could tell.  
  
The meeting was running very slowly, and it seemed like it wouldn't go anywhere.  
  
Suoh always gave his cold answer at any opinion that Nokoru or Idomu suggested. Many times Nokoru observed that Idomu was trying his best not to let his emotion exploded. Idomu tried his best to be patient.  
  
But the only one who had no clue about what going on between them was only Akira. He thought everything went normal as usual. He knew Takamura- senpai always put a great concern on Kaichou's safety. That was why he could accept Suoh's behavior always objecting to Kaichou's ideas.  
  
'What did you say?' Suoh seemed to disbelieve his ears.  
  
'Well.. I think it's a good idea to have Nokoru sing a song in the Christmas celebration. I believe he can do it.' Idomu explained his idea (again). How many times had he repeated his idea anyway?  
  
'No.. It's not that he could do it or not. But aren't you concern about his safety? Being in the middle of the stage, without any protection? Anything could happen by that time.' Suoh began to lose his control. He was raising his voice.  
  
'Yes. I understand what you mean. But the event is going to be held in the campus. so I believe the security will be guaranteed!'  
  
'Where will the performance be?'  
  
'In the Gamera building.'  
  
'Gamera?!' Now Suoh was really frustrated. 'Last time, there was someone who put a gas bomb in the building without being noticed, and it caused the whole building had to be scanned. You see, the building is lack of security system, if something happened, and the authority cannot get there on time..'  
  
'GOD DAMMIT!! What's your problem exactly?!!' Idomu couldn't stand it much longer. He exploded. He slammed the papers to the table, and rose from his seat.  
  
Suoh seemed didn't want to lose the fight after all. He stood on his feet as well to be equal with the other boy. 'It's not my PROBLEM!!! It's YOURS!!! Stupid!!'  
  
'WHAT DID YOU CALL ME??!!' Shouting.  
  
'I said: Y.O.U. A.R.E. S.T.U.P.I.D!!! Are you deaf or something?' Shouting back.  
  
Both Nokoru and Akira were very shocked to see their friends arguing, and that they started to curse at each other. Before they could get any worse, Nokoru stood up right away too and tried to separate them. He was afraid they got into a big fight physically.  
  
'LISTEN!! STOP IT!!! Both of you, please..' He gestured signing them to stop their behavior. 'This is supposed to be a peaceful meeting.. We supposed to share our ideas, and cooperate each other, instead of fighting. What happened to you both?'  
  
'Well, obviously, your dear friend started first!' Suoh looked away from him.  
  
'So I'm the one to be blamed, huh?!' It was clear Idomu was very angry.  
  
'Obviously, I said. It was you right who suggested that CRAZY idea?! Look at this boy!!' Nokoru was damn startled when Suoh's finger was pointing at him. 'He's like a golden duck; any hunter would desperately want him and shoot him down, no matter what it costs. Sending him to the middle of the stage would benefit him nothing, except inviting danger around!'  
  
//Duck?!//  
  
Idomu was about to state more argument if he did not see Nokoru glared at him and stopped him from whatever he wanted to say.  
  
'I said ENOUGH!!!' If truth to be told, Nokoru was about to let his anger out as well, but he understood he had to remain clam at this moment, other wise the situation could be worse than ever.  
  
He knew Idomu; he was an emotional person. But Suoh? Being together with him all these years he had never seen him losing control on his emotion like now. What had happened anyway?  
  
Akira was thinking the same thought as Nokoru was. Takamura-senpai used to be a calm person, and no matter how much he was angry to a person, he wouldn't show it frankly. At least not to the person he was angry to.  
  
'I guess it's time for us to take a break. I'll go get you some milk tea and cakes.' Akira stood up, and got ready to get the food from the kitchen.  
  
'Thank you, Akira.' Nokoru replied.  
  
The black-hared boy nodded, and went out the room leaving the three of them.  
  
There was a great silence as the boy had left the room. No one among them had the courage enough to start a conversation. Finally, it was Suoh who spoke up breaking the silence between them.  
  
'So.. How's Europe?' He asked Idomu in a cold tune.  
  
'Just fine.' Getting back to his seat, beside Nokoru's.  
  
'How's your piano lesson?' Continued asking. Suoh had got back to his seat as well.  
  
'Fine.' Shortly and it was clear that he felt irritated with the questions.  
  
'So.. Why did you return to Japan?' There was a suspicious tune in that question.  
  
So this was where the question was heading. Idomu grinned evilly.  
  
'I have my own reasons.' And that was all he wanted to answer.  
  
Again silence crept among them.  
  
Nokoru felt uncomfortable being in this situation. He had no choice except to remain silent. He was afraid he might put up the flame between them.  
  
'Any particular reason you don't want to tell us?' Suoh didn't give up. 'Or are you keeping a secret from us?'  
  
Idomu got really irritated this time. He glared to the golden eyes before him. 'Why don't you mind your own business?'  
  
'My business? Oh. You see. my business is to find out what you intend to do here and now..'  
  
More silence.  
  
'Listen.. I have an idea..' Nokoru interrupted trying to put off the flame between the two boys. He just didn't want the two of them started to fight again.  
  
'Why?' Idomu ignored Nokoru's interruption. 'Does it have something to do with you?'  
  
'....'  
  
'Idomu, I think..' Nokoru tried to interfere.  
  
'Well, you know what? I think you're jealous, aren't you?' Idomu was still ignoring Nokoru's words. He grinned wider - evil grin.  
  
Suoh stunned. But he remained silent.  
  
'Why don't you say anything? So it's true, isn't it?' He felt he was almost winning.  
  
'Idomu, please..' Nokoru tried to stop whatever he was going to say.  
  
'You are jealous because I can be beside Nokoru all the time, while you have to stay here, away from him for at least. one year more?' His grin grew even wider.  
  
And that was it. Suoh couldn't stand it anymore. He refused to swallow Idomu's words just like that. Without any warning, he stood up on his feet in a sudden, and grabbed Idomu's collar forcing him to stand on his feet.  
  
Idomu was shocked. He didn't prepare any of this. He was pulled over and he couldn't fight back.  
  
Suoh knew this was his chance - before Idomu got his balance or realized what would happen to him in the next minute - it was a good opportunity to punch him right on his face like he always wanted to.  
  
And he did it! He punched the boy's face until his body was thrown backward onto the floor. And before Idomu could get back on his feet, Suoh didn't waste any time. He rushed out to him to give the boy another hit in any body part he could beat by that time.  
  
Nokoru was panic. He tried to stop Suoh from beating Idomu more, but he was just not strong enough to do that. Suoh seemed to be blinded by his anger. He pushed him aside not letting the blonde interfered in his actions.  
  
'NO!!! STOP IT!!!' Nokoru screamed, but it was useless.  
  
Idomu didn't want to be beaten just like a defenseless prey. He wanted to fight back - he had to. Using all the strength he got, he pushed the blue- hared boy away from him, got back onto his feet, and attacked the ninja.  
  
Anyone could tell it was an unfair fight. Suoh was the most excellent bodyguard - perhaps the best on the world. He was well trained with defense skills, and the boy knew very well how to use it. On the contrary, Idomu was only a young master from the Yudaiji family. Even though he was better shaped compared with Nokoru, but it didn't mean he was better than the Takamura.  
  
He had to do something. He had to stop them. Here and now. No matter what it would take. They had to stop. Nokoru forced himself to be between the fighting boys, though he could feel pain all over his body being pushed away by Suoh before. But his action was useless. Instead of stopping the two boys, he only made things get worse then ever.  
  
Suoh was out of control. His temper was beyond his control anymore. He was blinded by his own rage. He couldn't stop his fist towards Idomu's face, even though from the corner of his amber eyes, he sighted his Nokoru was coming towards them.  
  
And then..  
  
It was happening..  
  
He did it.  
  
Nobody knew exactly how. Or in fact, what had happened. All they knew was the fact that Nokoru's body was heavily slammed onto the floor. Instead of hitting Idomu's face, Suoh fled his fist to Nokoru's face. Right on his One's cheek. It was like a thunderclap in the middle of the day, it awakened the boys. Both Suoh and Idomu stopped their fight.  
  
***  
  
//What have I done?//  
  
He was shocked. Never in his dreams he knew he might hit his One. Right on his beautiful face!  
  
//What have I done?//  
  
***  
  
//He did it! I can't believe he really did it!!//  
  
Idomu was shocked. He hated the ninja, but still he couldn't believe what Takamura had done to his Nokoru.. Considering the relationship they had all these times.  
  
***  
  
By that time, Nokoru couldn't use his mind clearly. The pain he felt on his face, the pain he felt all over his body, and moreover. the pain he felt inside his heart are. unbearable.  
  
He was HURT!  
  
Hurt to find his friends were fighting each other. Hurt to know all of that was because of him..  
  
How he hated it.. How he hated himself.  
  
He couldn't understand why Suoh did it.. Why he had to fight Idomu..  
  
What he had done wrong to him that made him acted like this?  
  
But he didn't know. He didn't know what Suoh knew.  
  
***  
  
Unable to speak more words, Nokoru tried to get up onto his feet from the cold floor by himself. Realizing what he was trying to do, Suoh merely came by and tried to help him. But the blonde neglected his assistance. Faintly he threw away his arms to dismiss him away. Nokoru didn't want to be touched by the blue-hared boy, even though it was hard for him to stand on his feet on his own.  
  
Idomu came by and helped him to stand. On the contrary, Nokoru didn't refuse his help at all. He received Idomu's grasp and got back onto his feet stroking his pain cheek.  
  
Every one could tell how hurt Suoh's feeling by that moment to see the scene lay before him. Why Nokoru preferred Idomu than him? But it was no time to think of the answer. For he knew the reason anyway.. Nokoru was angry to him..  
  
For all the things he most afraid of. was the anger of Nokoru to him..  
  
He had to say sorry to him.  
  
Had to..  
  
No matter what. he had to get the apology from him.. he had to make him forgive him.  
  
He didn't want to lose him no matter what.  
  
'Kaichou.. Are you alright?' Trying to grab his arm.  
  
But then, Nokoru twisted him away. 'NO!'  
  
Suoh was startled. Never before in his life Nokoru would refuse him, and now he didn't know what to do.  
  
'No.' The blonde boy shook his head. 'I don't want..' Nokoru swallowed his words. If truth to be told, he would like to cry by that time, but of course, it was a foolish thing to do.  
  
'Are you alright, Nokoru?' This time, Idome questioned him. He himself was in a great pain all over his body after having a big fight with the ninja, but he understood very well that Nokoru must had felt more painful condition than his. For he knew Nokoru didn't only feel the pain on his face, but also in his heart.  
  
The blonde gave him a weak smile, and shook his head.  
  
'Kaichou, listen. I. I. I am very sorry about it.. I know it was my fault..'  
  
Nokoru glanced away from him. He refused to have an eye contact with Suoh. Instead, he looked at Idomu signing him to leave soon. 'Idomu-san, can we leave now?'  
  
Idomu was stunned at Nokoru's request, but he had no objection than to agree on Nokoru's decision. He just nodded, and returned to their meeting table to collect the papers as soon as possible getting ready to leave the meeting, even without any result.  
  
'Kaichou.. Please, I beg you.. I- I'm really sorry..' Suoh was terrified. He tried to grab the blonde's body to stop him moving away from him.  
  
'Suoh.. Please don't touch me..' He whispered. He glared to the other boy.  
  
Suoh had never seen the glare in his eyes before. Though he actually refused to let go his hand, but the blue eyes' glares commanded him to do so. Slowly he lowered his hand.  
  
'I'm ready.' Idomu finished packing. 'Let's go.'  
  
For he knew there was nothing he could do, Suoh was terribly distressed. 'Damn!' He turned away few steps from both of them. 'Isn't there any way to make you forgive me?'  
  
Nokoru frowned. But he gave no answer for that question.  
  
'We have to go now..'  
  
But the blue-hared boy didn't want to give up so easily. He turned again, and moved towards them, and then pulled the blonde's arm roughly. Nokoru could feel the pain being stroke by him.  
  
'What are you doing?! Let him go!!' Idomu felt his emotion flaming once more.  
  
'SHUT UP!!' Suoh glared to him.  
  
'What did you say?!' Idomu was about to step close to him, and pulled his collar starting another phase of fighting; if Nokoru didn't rise his hand signing him stop whatever he had in mind.  
  
Nokoru shook his head firmly to Idomu, and turned his face to Suoh. 'Is there anything you want me to hear?'  
  
'LISTEN!!! I said I'm sorry, OK?! I'm sorry.. I'm really sorry!!!'  
  
He didn't answer anything.. He looked down as if there was something under their feet. Suoh felt Nokoru was turning deaf for there was no reaction from him.  
  
'I. I don't know what to say.' He slowly whispered.  
  
Suoh was frustrated. 'Can. or can't you forgive me?' He began to raise his voice.  
  
Nokoru shook his head. 'I don't know..'  
  
Suoh was about to scream at him, when in a sudden, Akira entered the boardroom as usual with his cheerful face and a tray full of attempting food.  
  
'Sorry, I'm late.. There was a call from Utako-chan I have to answer.' Gleefully he explained his belated. But then, Akira was damn surprised when he saw the situation before him.  
  
He saw his Kaichou was tightly grabbed by the blue-hared boy frowned, and he could feel the tense surround them.  
  
'Kaichou? Takamura-senpai? What happened?'  
  
But Suoh ignored him. Nothing in his surround mattered to him anymore, except the figure before him. The figure in his grasp at the moment.  
  
'Kaichou.. Tell me then.. What should I do to make you forgive me?'  
  
//Forgive him? What happened here anyway?//  
  
Akira was puzzled listening to his seniors.  
  
Beyond of Suoh's expectation or anybody else's, Nokoru tilted his head and gave him a charming smile. 'Suoh.. I guess our discussion is over now. May we leave? I don't want to take more of your precious time.. I understand you have lots of paper works to be done as the new Kaichou..'  
  
He was stunned. He didn't expect he would say that.  
  
//What?! Why the hell he concerned about paper works now?!//  
  
'What do you mean?'  
  
But Nokoru remained silent.  
  
'Do you mean I consider paper works are more important than us? Than our relationship?'  
  
But Suoh regretted his question. For somehow he knew the answer..  
  
'Isn't it the fact?' The blonde grinned. He repeated his words. 'It is the fact, isn't it?' But his grin didn't last long. His mask was melting. He couldn't bear it anymore. His heart was hurting more and more. He could sense his tears began streaming down from the corner of his eyes, but there was nothing he could do to stop it.  
  
He hated the fact he was crying in front of his friends. But he didn't know how to stop.  
  
'Is that what you think of me? That I only need you for the paper works?'  
  
Nokoru nodded. 'That's obvious, right? After all of these times.. You've never..' Paused. He looked away and wiped his tears. Slowly he loosened Suoh's tight grasp on his arms. 'I have to go now.. I'm sorry to cause so much trouble..'  
  
He bowed to him as if they were strangers, and started to go out from the boardroom's door.  
  
'Kaichou.. But wait!' Still in his puzzle, Akira called him. Though he didn't know what happened, but it was obvious there was something wrong going between them.  
  
Nokoru stopped his steps, and looked at him. 'Akira, I'm sorry I can't stay longer. Though I missed your cakes very much, but I have to go now..'  
  
Akira couldn't say anything then. But he had to say something, at least that what he felt. 'But will you be back?'  
  
He just smiled. And turned away, continuing his footstep out from the boardroom followed by Idomu.  
  
'KAICHOU!!!!'  
  
Suoh's scream stopped them in a sudden. But Nokoru didn't turn his back.  
  
'Kaichou.. Please.. I just don't want to lose you..'  
  
Nokoru felt his body trembling listening to those words.. But he had to. He had made his choice. He pretended he didn't hear those words, and started to walk away again.  
  
'Kaichou!' He called again. He would call him again and again until he answered him.  
  
For a second time, Nokoru stopped. He couldn't get away from him, could he? If an answer he demanded for, then he would get his answer here and now.  
  
'Suoh.. Don't you understand? I'm not your Kaichou anymore..'  
  
And that was it. Without waiting for Suoh's further respond, he left the boardroom escorted by Idomu.  
  
Leaving both of them stunned..  
  
Suoh was motionless. Suddenly he felt he was losing the ground and everything around him was spinning faster and faster. He felt an odd feeling inside him.  
  
Never in his life he was.. beaten!  
  
Beaten in love..  
  
And he had never been so..  
  
HURT!  
  
To be continued - 


	5. Friendships

Chapter 5: Friendships  
  
As Nokoru closed the door, it seemed that he didn't only close the boardroom's door. Suoh felt Nokoru had closed his heart too... for him. And now there was no way for him to enter his heart anymore...  
  
'I don't understand.. He was fine a moment ago, but he changed so quickly... Actually what had happened? Did I do something wrong?' Akira was very confused with his Kaichou's sudden change.  
  
'It's not your fault at all, Ijyuin.' Suoh answered him. 'It's my fault...' He threw himself onto the couch again.  
  
//'Suoh... Don't you understand? I'm not your Kaichou anymore...//  
  
Over and over again he kept hearing those words in his heads. It seemed like the words were all over the air surrounding him.  
  
What did it mean?  
  
Did it mean Nokoru had neglected him as his 'One'? Did it mean all the relationship they had been having these years had been over?  
  
What did it mean?  
  
Suoh could think no more. He was exhausted.  
  
He was... afraid...  
  
Afraid he might lose...  
  
Him...  
  
And if he lost him...  
  
What should he do? What would he become?  
  
Nothing...  
  
***  
  
Idomu escorted Nokoru to his elegant mansion. The blonde boy definitely was still shocked with what had just happened back in the campus. And he knew he had to accompany him till he reached his resident safely.  
  
He knew Nokoru very well. Nokoru's appearance might be deceiving, for he always performed a self-confident personality and being pleasant all the times, but far beneath the mask laid a frail character that no one could ever imagine.  
  
But... Was that wrong?  
  
Did you think Nokoru wanted to be like that?  
  
Concealing his feeling all the times?  
  
//We were the ones who forced him to do so...//  
  
And here they were, side by side in the limo, speaking of no words at all. Idomu sighed. He hated this kind of situation. Nokoru seemed he was drowning in his own thoughts, forgetting who was sitting beside him.  
  
'Nokoru...' Trying to start a conversation.  
  
'.........' No answer.  
  
'You haven't say anything since we left the campus...'  
  
The blonde slowly twisted his body to face him. 'I...' He swallowed his words again.  
  
'Well... I'll be very glad if you still notice my presence beside you now...' Idomu grinned. He hoped his joke could melt the intense situation.  
  
But he was failed. Nokoru's face was turning even sadder.  
  
'I'm sorry... I didn't mean to...' And that's it! He couldn't stand it anymore longer. He was holding back his tears since then, but something that Idomu said to him had peeled the wound.  
  
'Nokoru?' Idomu was greatly surprised to see his friend breaking into tears. 'Why are you crying? Is it because something I've said?'  
  
He shook his head.  
  
'If it's true... I... I'm really sorry then...' There was a terrible guilt in his voice.  
  
'No... You don't have to... I'm the one who has to apologize to you...'  
  
'But why?'  
  
Nokoru didn't answer it immediately. Instead he leaned his head onto Idomu's shoulder, and closed his eyes resting.  
  
'Because of me... You and him were fighting each other...'  
  
Idomu was silent. He should have known this. Anything went wrong; Nokoru would practically blamed himself for it. For making the mistake happened, or for his disability to stop it from happening.  
  
Yes...  
  
That was definitely Nokoru...  
  
His Nokoru...  
  
'Silly...' He raised his hand to strike the golden hair dropped on his shoulder. 'It was not your fault at all... You should know that...'  
  
'But... Supposed I can stop it... But I can't...'  
  
'You did stopped us...' Idomu smiled.  
  
Suddenly, the blonde sat straightly leaving his resting on the other boy's shoulder. His blue eyes were widened. Idomu was almost breathless to see those glowing eyes aimed to his.  
  
'Did I?' He asked in puzzle.  
  
'Yes... By throwing yourself in the middle of our fighting...' He's grinning wider. 'Which I believe it was a completely silly thing to do...'  
  
Nokoru's face was blushed. And he looked so adorable to Idomu.  
  
'I... Well, by that time I couldn't think any other way to stop you...'  
  
'But in that way, you made yourself hurt...'  
  
Nokoru touched his cheek, he could feel a little pain but he believed it would go soon.  
  
'Is it still hurt?' Idomu asked.  
  
He shook his head.  
  
'How about here?' Idomu slowly pointed his finger to Nokoru's chest. 'Is it hurt?'  
  
Nokoru looked very surprised. He didn't answer him; instead he moved his body away and fled his sight to the scene outside the limo's windows.  
  
'Nokoru?'  
  
'I guess we're almost there. I can see the gate of my mansion now. Idomu- san...' But he stopped in a sudden as his arm was pulled forcibly and he ended in Idomu's embrace. The last thing he realized then that Idomu was kissing him fervently.  
  
He could feel the lust in his body, yet he desired no escaping.  
  
But deep inside his heart, Nokoru could sense a guilt growing in his soul. For he was hoping it was not Idomu who kissed him...  
  
For he was wishing it was...  
  
Suoh...  
  
His Suoh...  
  
Idomu didn't know that. It would be better he remained in his unawareness. Since it would keep his heart from hurting. Idomu didn't know it, as he didn't know there was a single tear falling from his eye's corner.  
  
He had made his 'choice'... Now he had to live with the 'choice'.  
  
***  
  
'Ijyuin-sensei, how long should we bake the dough?' A female college asked him gleefully.  
  
No answer.  
  
'Ijyuin-sensei?' The girl repeated her query.  
  
'Uh...?' Akira was startled. 'I... I'm sorry... What was you asking about?'  
  
'Ijyuin-sensei, are you alright? May be you're not feeling well...' The girl replied with a great concern.  
  
'No... I'm fine...' Akira gave his sweetest smile to comfort her. 'I'm just thinking about something...'  
  
Something...  
  
Actually he was thinking about his seniors. Kaichou and Takamura-senpai...  
  
//Kaichou and Takamura-senpai had been good friends all these times, I don't understand why they can fight each other... They never did...//  
  
That day, something was happened while he was away. He knew that Takamura- senpai and Kaichou were arguing about the Christmas celebration, but that was not enough reason they would act like now. Every time he was asking about Kaichou to Takamura-senpai, instantly he would avoid the topic. If he insisted, Takamura-senpai seemed to be angry to him, and it scared him a lot.  
  
Usually, Takamura-senpai loved talking about Kaichou. When Kaichou was not around, he loved to talk about him, their memories together back in the Elementary, those beautiful memories...  
  
Well... Not all beautiful... When we were graduated from the Elementary, Takamura-senpai decided to break out with Nagisa-jyou. But he never mentioned the reason. It broke Nagisa-jyou's heart eventually, since she loved him so much. But I believe Takamura-senpai had a good reason in his heart, and not to reveal it to Nagisa-jyou might be the best way. Takamura- senpai didn't want to hurt her heart perhaps...  
  
Meanwhile, my relation to Ohkawa-kaichou... I mean... Utako-san... was getting better and better. I had a faith we would be husband and wife in the future. Even though the future was still a long way to go...  
  
Utako-chan was still friends with Nagisa-jyou. They were best friends ever. They had been traveling together. Nagisa-jyou did her concerts, and Utako-chan would perform her fashion show. Nagisa-jyou was still our friends... and I knew she was still in touch with Takamura-senpai...  
  
How Akira missed the times when they were still together... The five of them... He understood no one could live in the memories... Life must go on... But he would do anything to make them stayed together always forever.  
  
He kept thinking of this in his cooking class, which made him was not able to concentrate in his teaching.  
  
//But wait a minute... we did before... We had a fight once, but that was a long time ago, and it was all because of...//  
  
Something made him conscious, he remembered the time they were fighting, and it was because of...  
  
Yudaiji Idomu came...  
  
Now...  
  
He returned...  
  
Was he the reason they'd been fighting?  
  
//I must ask Takamura-senpai about this!! I must!!//  
  
Instantaneously, he put away his apron and tidied it up, and put on his school coat uniform.  
  
'Minna-sama, I'm terribly sorry. I have to leave now for an urgent. I've put the instructions here, if you have further questions, you can always send it to me in our next shift...'  
  
Soon afterwards, he left his cooking class and headed to the boardroom to meet his Takamura-senpai.  
  
He had to end this.  
  
***  
  
Suoh was in the boardroom. He hated to be there, doing all the tasks that supposed not his at all. But he had his responsibility. But it didn't prevent him from not to think about Nokoru. His last spoken words to him...  
  
//Suoh... Don't you understand? I'm not your Kaichou anymore...//  
  
What did he mean with that?  
  
Did he want to diminish the bond between them? Or even worse... He wished to eliminate the bond itself?  
  
What would he do without him?  
  
Would he lose his love? His destiny? Or even... his life?  
  
He didn't want it to happen...  
  
As he was thinking all those thoughts, he could sense a set of hurried footsteps heading to the room. It had to be Akira... As a ninja, he could sense it very well... But strange, he knew Akira's schedules, and at the moment he supposed to be in his cooking class, teaching...  
  
Must had been something urgent he had to leave the class...  
  
BRAGGG!!!!  
  
Ijyuin opened the boardroom harshly, and he could see the black-hared boy panting exhausted.  
  
'Ijyuin, are you alright?' Suoh was worried of him.  
  
'Kon-Konnichiwa, Takamura-senpai...' Akira was trying to catch his breath back to normal.  
  
'Something wrong? I thought you're supposed to be in one of your cooking class...'  
  
'I... I dismissed earlier...'  
  
'So I see...'  
  
'I came here...' Akira closed the door behind him, and walked approaching Suoh's desk. 'Because I have something to talk to you, Takamura-senpai...'  
  
'Oh?' Suoh put his paper works aside. 'What is it?'  
  
'About Kaichou...' Akira stopped his footsteps right in front of Suoh's desk, facing the blue-hared boy who was sitting behind it.  
  
'Akira...' Suoh sighed. 'I thought we're agreed there's nothing to talk about anymore.'  
  
'But... You have been acting strangely since then...'  
  
'No, I am not.' Denial.  
  
'Takamura-senpai, please... Tell me what happen yesterday...'  
  
'There was nothing happened yesterday. You know it yourself. We were just arguing about the celebration, and...' Paused.  
  
'And?'  
  
'And... That's all...'  
  
'It's not true, isn't it?'  
  
'That's all, Ijyuin. What should I do to make you believe me?'  
  
'Tell me what happened when I was away then...'  
  
'We... we were just discussing things...'  
  
'Things...?'  
  
'Unimportant things...'  
  
'And?'  
  
'Ijyuin... What do you want me to say?' Suoh began to feel uncomfortable now. He got the feeling being interrogated by Akira.  
  
Akira didn't want to give up easily. He had to get the bottom of this.  
  
'Did you have a fight with Kaichou?'  
  
'No...' Suoh stood up from his chair. 'Of course not. You know I won't do that!'  
  
'Then... You must had fought with Yudaiji-san...'  
  
Suoh's eyes were widened. Was he easily read?  
  
'No...'  
  
Akira's eyes aimed to him deeply, signing he didn't believe the single word he'd spoken.  
  
'OK... Yes, I did argued with him, but that was all...'  
  
Silence crept between them.  
  
'But I don't understand...' Akira sighed. 'Why...'  
  
'What?!'  
  
He looked in Suoh's golden eyes. 'Why his eyes were so hurt?'  
  
Suoh gasped.  
  
'Kaichou seemed so hurt... And I saw him covering his cheek as if it were painful. And you keep asking for apology...' He was puzzled. 'Why did you have to say sorry?'  
  
'I...' He couldn't find the right words to tell him.  
  
'Takamura-senpai... I know you're hiding something from me... I don't mind. Every body has a secret to keep. But I just don't want we break out because of this. I know you have a close relation to Kaichou, closer than I do. And I'm happy to see both of you together. You're good friends. I wish I have that kind of friendship...'  
  
Suoh was almost crying listening to Akira's words.  
  
'Whatever going on between you and Kaichou, you should talk to him. Communicate how you feel to him... I believe he'll understand you... He's wise after all...'  
  
'Ijyuin...'  
  
'I'm sorry I interfere your business...'  
  
'No... No... Not at all...' He smiled. 'Ijyuin?'  
  
'Yes, Takamura-senpai?'  
  
'Thank you.'  
  
'For what?' He was puzzled.  
  
'Thank you for paying me attention...'  
  
Akira blushed. 'I... But that's what friends are for, isn't it?'  
  
Suoh smiled. 'Sometimes I wish we were still elementary children. Things were easier by that time.'  
  
'Sometimes I do feel the same too...'  
  
'Ijyuin?' Paused. 'Am I a selfish person?'  
  
'No... No... Not at all!' Akira waved his hands. 'I think you always concern about us.'  
  
He smiled. 'Thank you. But I believe you concern us more than I do.'  
  
Akira blushed again, redder than before.  
  
'By the way, Takamura-senpai, yesterday, Utako-chan gave me a call.'  
  
'Oh, yes... I recall you mention her name. How is she?'  
  
'She's doing great. Thank you. She told me she'd be coming home for Christmas. She'll arrive in the Tokyo airport from Europe tomorrow.'  
  
'Really? That's a good news then.'  
  
'Yes... And she'll be coming with Nagisa-jyou as well... They... They travel together.'  
  
//Nagisa...// Suoh's heartbeat was running faster when he heard Akira mentioned her name.  
  
'Takamura-senpai... I was going to ask you to come with me to pick them up from the airport.' Akira carefully examined Suoh's respond. 'That if you don't mind meting Nagisa-jyou once again...'  
  
'Silly... Even though things didn't work out well between me and Nagisa, doesn't mean she's not my friend anymore.'  
  
'So... Are you coming with me?' Hopefully.  
  
Suoh nodded. He smiled to the younger boy. His answer made the black-hared boy almost jumped out high in the air.  
  
'Thank you, Takamura-senpai. I know Utako-chan and Nagisa-jyou will be happy to see you there. But...' Akira's happiness suddenly faded away.  
  
'But?'  
  
'Actually, I want to ask Kaichou to come as well. So the five of us can be together again considering it had been quite a long time we had never gathered again.'  
  
Suoh hated to disappoint this friend of his. Since he was so naïve... 'Why don't you ask him then? He never refuses going out together, am I right? May be we can have dinner together on that day...'  
  
Akira's face was filled with excitement once again with the idea. 'YES!!!' Now, he was walking around. 'That's a good idea! And we can be together again. All of us. I'll go and tell Kaichou about this...'  
  
Akira was almost getting out of the boardroom when Suoh called him.  
  
'Akira, you don't have to go to the High School Division, you can use the phone and call him...'  
  
'It's OK, Takamura-senpai!! I want to give Kaichou some cakes I've made today. It had been a long time he'd never tasted my cake anyway...'  
  
And so he'd gone...  
  
Suoh was smiling to himself. Ijyuin was right. Nokoru and him would always be friends, no matter what happened. He would be there for Nokoru whenever he needed him...  
  
//That's are what friends are for...//  
  
Friends...  
  
They made us happy... They made us sad...  
  
They healed us... They hurt us...  
  
But they would be there for us...  
  
To be continued - 


	6. Loneliness

Chapter 6: Loneliness  
  
After more than half an hour journey on the linear car, finally he reached the High School Division area. He was a little awkward over there, since he realized he was the only scholar that different from others. But he had only one destination, the High School Council boardroom. He couldn't wait to see his Kaichou.  
  
Just exactly as he imagined before, the High School boardroom was not too different from the Junior High's one. Carefully he knocked at the huge door with the sign Student Council on the top of it.  
  
'Yes... Come in please...' A familiar voice greeted him.  
  
He opened the door slowly, and soon he could see the two figures he knew. Kaichou was behind the main desk in the middle of the room with big windows behind him, and there was Yudaiji sitting on the Secretary's desk working on the paper works.  
  
'Akira!!!' Nokoru shouted gleefully. He rose instantly from his chair, and rushed to him. 'What made you come here today?' Soon he reached the boy, he gave him a big hug.  
  
'Kaichou...' Akira hugged him back. 'I just miss you...' He smiled, tears burst out from his wide eyes. 'And I bring you something... Look!'  
  
'What is it?' Curiously he peeped into the box he brought.  
  
'Chocolate cakes!! I love them!! Thank you!! But aren't them the ones in the commercial breaks in the TV? It must be hard to make them...'  
  
'I made them only in half an hour...'  
  
Nokoru sweat-dropped. 'As usual, you're a genius, Akira...'  
  
Akira felt his face reddened. 'How are you, Kaichou?'  
  
'I'm fine! I'm glad to see you here. I'm sorry I left so soon the last time we met.' Akira could see the sadness in those blue eyes even in a glance.  
  
'It's alright, I understand you were busy.' He looked around on the boardroom, and found out something was different. He sighted no mountains of paper works anymore, not like in the Elementary or Junior High before. Kaichou must had worked very hard...  
  
'Come... Take a seat...' He led Akira to the couch. 'Idomu-san... come and join us! It will be a pity if you don't taste Akira's wonderful cakes.'  
  
Idomu smiled and tidied his papers to do as he was commanded.  
  
'So... How's the council?' Akira started the conversation.  
  
'Mmh? Oh... So far we don't have any problem...' Nokoru smiled. He was busy putting out the cakes from their beautiful box. 'Thanks to Idomu-san helping me working on the paper works on time.'  
  
'He's joking. Don't believe any word he's said.' Idomu disagreed the blonde's opinion as he joined the two of them on the couch.  
  
'But that's the fact...' Nokoru protested.  
  
Akira smiled. Knowing his Kaichou always tried to be low profile. 'How is the Junior High council anyway? I believe it's well organized than before when I'm in charge, right? Suoh is a better leader than I am.' Nokoru asked as he put the first bite of the cake into his mouth.  
  
'Yes... As a matter of fact...'  
  
'MMMM... It' s very delicious, Akira!!! You're an expert!! Idomu-san, hurry try them!!'  
  
Akira was blushing. 'Th-Thank you...'  
  
Yudaiji tasted the cake, and acted the same way as Nokoru did.  
  
Nokoru was about to say something when the phone was ringing.  
  
'I'll go get it... Excuse me...' He placed his cake down, and headed to the phone.  
  
Akira was guessing who it might be, but the conversation went short.  
  
'It was Rijichou. She wanted to have the report on Christmas celebration plan.' Nokoru explained as he was getting back to the couch. 'I've been delaying it for some time now.'  
  
'Will we still have a cooperation between the Junior High and High School for the Christmas celebration?' Akira asked.  
  
Nokoru couldn't answer him at once. Instead, he looked to Idomu to help him giving the answer.  
  
'Based on our meeting yesterday, since we could not find the best solution, we've decided that each division will have their own celebrations. We're not going to combine it anymore.' Yudaiji gave the explanation.  
  
It was obvious Akira was very disappointed with it. He was hoping they could work together like before this year.  
  
Nokoru hated to see his friend sad. 'Akira... Please don't be sad, there's always another chance to cooperate later in future. Perhaps in the Valentine Day?'  
  
'No... It's OK. I'm fine. I understand we don't have enough time for preparation anyway.'  
  
'So...' Nokoru tried to change the topic. 'On what purpose you came here?'  
  
'Oh!' The black-hared boy suddenly came into his conscious the reason he was there. 'I just wanted to inform you that Utako-chan would be coming home tomorrow.'  
  
'Well... That's great news then! You must be happy to have your beloved person back!'  
  
This time, Akira's face was reddened ever. Nokoru grinned, he always enjoyed the scene when he mentioned Ohkawa-kaichou in front of Akira.  
  
'I... I...' He was totally nervous. 'I want to ask you to come with us to pick the ladies in the airport.'  
  
'Us?' Nokoru asked.  
  
'Yes, Takamura-senpai will be coming as well.'  
  
'He's already agreed?'  
  
'Yes.'  
  
'That's good then. Nagisa-jyou must be very happy to see him again.' Nokoru smiled.  
  
'Yes... I'm sure she will. But wait...' Akira paused. He looked curiously to Nokoru's blue eyes.  
  
'What is it, Akira?' Realizing the weird look on Akira's face.  
  
'I've never mentioned Nagisa-jyou would be coming with Utako-chan, have I? How did you know they'll be coming together?'  
  
Nokoru's eyes were widened. He seemed to be alerted, at least that was what Akira could feel from his respond.  
  
'Well... that's quite obvious, isn't it? I know that. They've been traveling together. Don't you remember I have a database of all female scholars in the campus and what happening to them?' The blonde was smiling.  
  
'Oh yes... You should have known it.' Akira's curiosity was gone.  
  
'Anyway, when they were leaving, Rijichou had informed me that there were two students who would take a recess on school activities for about two months. And they were Nagisa-jyou and Ohkawa-kaichou.'  
  
'I see...' Akira was amazed. 'So Kaichou... Are you coming with us?'  
  
'I....' Nokoru was confused. 'I have no idea...' He looked at Idomu who remained in silent.  
  
'Please...'  
  
One thing Nokoru couldn't resist was to see Akira big black eyes blurred with hope. Akira's puppy eyes.  
  
'Alright... I'll come with you.' Nokoru sighed, and then smiled to his dear friend.  
  
'Really?! Thank you!! Thank you so much!!' But then he rose from his seat and was ready to leave the boardroom.  
  
'A-Akira? Where are you going?' Nokoru was puzzled.  
  
'I have to leave now and tell Takamura-senpai you're coming with us!! I'm sorry I can't stay long, I have an appointment with my mothers too... but I'm happy we can go together tomorrow. Kaichou, I will call you tomorrow!! Bye! Bye, Yudaiji-san!'  
  
And so he was gone. Both of the boys in the room were sweat-dropped.  
  
'What an interesting friend you have...' Yudaiji commented.  
  
Nokoru laughed a little. 'You'll get used to Akira later on.'  
  
'May be...' Idomu raised his shoulders.  
  
'Are you coming with me tomorrow?' Nokoru asked him.  
  
'No... I guess not. Anyway, you'll have a reunion. After all I've done to the girls before, I don't think they can forgive me that easily.'  
  
'They will, trust me...'  
  
'I'm fine. I have something to do anyway tomorrow.'  
  
Nokoru smiled to him. He couldn't force him to follow everything he wished, could he?  
  
'Is it time already?' Nokoru mumbled.  
  
'Excuse me?'  
  
'No... it's nothing...' The blonde swallowed his words.  
  
'Nokoru?'  
  
'Mmh?'  
  
'Are you hiding something from me?'  
  
'No... What made you think of that?'  
  
Idomu looked in the blue eyes sharply. 'I just got the feeling you are.'  
  
'And why should I?'  
  
Paused. 'Nothing. I guess I have to get back to work then.' Idomu rose and got ready to go back to his desk.  
  
Nokoru was stunned on the couch. He had so many thought going around his mind now. The time was near...  
  
Tomorrow he had to meet Suoh again... And Nagisa-jyou...  
  
He knew Suoh had broken out with Nagisa-jyou some time ago. Suoh never told the reason, and in fact he never discussed it with him either.  
  
Poor Nagisa-jyou... She deserved the best... Such a kind girl...  
  
He could not blame Suoh for it; he made his own choice. If only he could help making things right between them...  
  
If only...  
  
***  
  
The night blew its cold breeze shivering within his body. Nokoru was standing in his room balcony. It was cold out there, and he was enjoying the view of white smoke flying from his cigarette. He took a deep breath in his cigarettes before he blew it again to the midst air. He was getting better in smoking now, compared to the first time he had his first cigarette.  
  
It was a beautiful view from the place he was standing now. He could see the moon like a mirror reflecting his unsteady soul that time. His thought was full. Full as the stars spread in the darkness sky. He wanted to cry, made gentle tears in an overflowing stream. But he was already tired. The tears he had ran through his heart now.  
  
The air was getting cold than ever. It was almost midnight. His cigarette couldn't give him the warmth he desired. The chilling within his body was not caused by the weather at all actually; it was more because of his confusing heart.  
  
Tomorrow he would meet them...  
  
A part of him was happy as ever... Knowing the five of them could be together again like old days...  
  
But could he?  
  
After all that had happened to him and Suoh...  
  
Could he act as nothing had ever happened?  
  
He couldn't sleep that night...  
  
He knew if he slept, he would have nightmares...  
  
At least, nightmares were better...  
  
He was afraid to have sweet dreams that night.  
  
Sweet dreams hurt him more when he woke up in the morning. Woke up and realized that it was all only dreams. He wished he could live in his dreams always...  
  
Stupid...  
  
***  
  
The three of them met in the airport. Akira and Suoh left earlier together, since Nokoru was not finished his meeting with the Campus Rijichou.  
  
He arrived later in the airport, but still before the girls' plane landed.  
  
As predicted, he didn't say much with Suoh. It was Akira who always encouraged a conversation between them.  
  
'Look! I think they're coming!' Akira shouted gleefully as he sighted a group of people coming out from the passengers' board.  
  
It was not difficult to find the two girls since they were easily got recognized by their beauty.  
  
Suoh gasped as he sighted the long purple-hared lady approaching them. Nagisa didn't change at all. Still in her beauty and elegance. She dressed in a traditional Japanese kimono, which was a contrast to her company who was dressing in a modern dress.  
  
Utako Ohkawa was always able to make Ijyuin Akira breathless. Her hair was short and as black as ebony. Her beauty was special. It was her cheerfulness won his heart.  
  
'Look! It's Nokoru-sama and his friends!' Utako said to her best friend, Nagisa. 'Akira is wonderful! He could take both of them to come to pick us.'  
  
Nagisa was blushing. She didn't expect that Suoh would be there also.  
  
'Utako-san!! Over here!!' Akira waved his hands.  
  
Both of the girls rushed a little to approach them.  
  
'We're very happy you're willing to come and get us.' Utako greeted them happily. 'Aren't we, Nagisa-san?'  
  
She was blushing. 'Yes...'  
  
'Nokoru-sama, Takamura-san, thank you for coming...' Nagisa bowed her head deeply.  
  
Both of the boys bowed in return.  
  
'Not at all, it was an honor to welcome you all back. How was Europe?' Nokoru smiled.  
  
'Wonderful! I've learned a lot there.' Utako answered happily.  
  
'How was your concert? Did it go well, Nagisa-jyou?'  
  
Nagisa blushed. She didn't dare to look at Nokoru's face at all. Especially Suoh's.  
  
'Yes... It went well.'  
  
'I guess we should be going then.' Akira suggested. 'Why don't we had dinner together?'  
  
'That's a great idea!' Utako answered excitedly. 'I'm hungry.'  
  
'I... I'm not sure... I have to go...' Suoh seemed objected.  
  
But he stopped his words as he spotted Nagisa's sad reaction to his words.  
  
'Suoh... It's just a dinner. We have to celebrate their return safely to Japan. Plus the success they've achieved.' Nokoru argued.  
  
'Takamura-senpai... please...' Akira's puppy eyes made Suoh sweat-dropped.  
  
'Alright...' He sighed. 'I'll go with you...'  
  
Nokoru smiled. //Akira's eyes sometimes are very powerful.//  
  
'Where will we go then?' Nokoru asked.  
  
'I guess the Campus' cafeteria won't be opened by the time we get there.' Akira looked at his watch. It was true it was already evening time. Campus would be closed in one-hour time, approximately five o'clock. It was not enough for them to reach it on time.  
  
'Akira... That's a bad idea to eat in that place anyway...' Utako seemed unhappy with her boy friend's idea. 'Aren't you bored eating in the same place every day? I prefer to have dinner in your house, prepared by you... than to eat in the campus...'  
  
Akira blushed.  
  
'That's a good idea. We could go to Akira's house to have our dinner. I missed Akira's cooking anyway...' Nokoru smiled. 'Do you mind, Akira?'  
  
'I-I-I-I- I don't mind, but...' He blushed more. 'How about Takamura- senpai and Nagisa-jyou?'  
  
'I don't mind too...' Suoh answered shortly. Obviously he didn't bother with it.  
  
'I'm afraid I'll bother you...' Nagisa spoke slowly.  
  
'Nagisa-san, don't be silly. We rarely go out together like now. We have to enjoy it.' Utako encouraged her friend.  
  
'Or perhaps you're not comfortable with our presence?' Nokoru asked her.  
  
Nagisa gasped. 'No... I never feel that...' She was panic to see the stare from Suoh. 'I...'  
  
Nokoru smiled. 'Nagisa-jyou, I was just kidding... You shouldn't feel bothering any of us... You are one of us...'  
  
'Nokoru-sama is right! Come let's go! We're just wasting our time here.' Utako stepped first leading the group to leave the place. 'We have to get our suitcases first... Akira... Takamura-san, you'll help us, won't you?'  
  
'Indeed...' Suoh answered. In that second, Nagisa's eyes and his met coincidentally, which caused them blushing instantly.  
  
Nokoru covered his smile seeing how the couple had been acting since then.  
  
***  
  
Akira's residence was not hard to reach. Didn't take much time to get there. The day before, Akira's mothers had gone to have a vacation with Akira's father. That was why he had to leave the campus earlier yesterday to fetch them.  
  
The house was well organized. Luxury indeed, as Ijyuin family was one of the richest family in Japan. Not as rich as the Imonoyama family, but Ijyuin got a respectable reputation as well.  
  
Many artworks displayed in the house. Priceless as they might be. Many people were wandering where the Ijyuin could get such precious collection of antiques. That was because they didn't know what profession the family had all these times.  
  
If they only knew...  
  
It was the first time Nokoru and Suoh visited Akira's house. They were amazed by the antiques collections, which were displayed in the hall.  
  
'Ijyuin, your family has a great taste of art indeed...' Takamura showed his amusement.  
  
'Really? I guess it's my father's hobby to collect those stuffs. I'm myself don't quite understand art.' Akira smiled.  
  
'Akira...?' Nokoru called him.  
  
'Yes, Kaichou?'  
  
'This painting... Isn't it the one which was stolen from the Tokyo museum last month?'  
  
Akira gasped. He could hear the cracking sound of his mind. His eyes were widened and panic was all over his body. //OH MY GOD!!! How does HE KNOW IT??!!//  
  
'I-I-I-I-It's impossible...' He was nervous. 'H-H-How a stolen painting can end up in my house???' He choked. 'Are you sure this is the painting, Kaichou?'  
  
Nokoru was observing the painting. 'I'm not quite sure either... They do look alike... Do you know why I think of that?'  
  
'Nooo...' Akira prayed.  
  
'Before the painting was missing, it was placed in my mansion. In fact, the painting was from my mansion. My sister painted it...'  
  
//O.H. M.Y. G.O.D!!!!// How come he was so fool to steal an Imonoyama's painting???! Why he had to put it in the hall at the first place anyway???!! He should have hided it somewhere!!!  
  
'B-B-But it might be an imitation of it, don't you think so, Kaichou?'  
  
'Imitation? Perhaps... But it was so real...' Nokoru touched the painting's surface. 'Oh well... Never mind... Who knows the '20 masks' sold it to your father...'  
  
GYAAAAA...  
  
'By the way, till now, the '20 masks' can't be caught yet, right?' Takamura asked Nokoru.  
  
'What can I say, he's a genius thief... Like Akira, genius in cooking...' Nokoru smiled.  
  
ARRRRGGGGHHH!!!!  
  
'Akira, are you alright? Your face is so pale...'  
  
Akira shook his face. 'I'm fine. I'm fine. I better go to the kitchen and prepare everything.' In the second he rushed to the kitchen. Leaving Nokoru and Suoh.  
  
'The girls are in the bedrooms changing their clothes...' Nokoru tried to build up a conversation.  
  
'Yes. Girls always minds their appearance.' Short answer. Suoh was observing a samurai sword placed beside the stairs. 'Yudaiji didn't come along?' His voice was sharp.  
  
Nokoru paused, and then he looked away. 'No, he wanted to, but he had to do something.'  
  
'So I see...'  
  
Nokoru sighed. He felt it was useless trying to talk more. He knew both of them were having problems. And it was hard to act as if there weren't any.  
  
'Aren't you happy today?' The blonde asked as he seated himself on the cozy couch in the hall.  
  
'What do you mean?' Suoh moved his sight to the blonde.  
  
'Aren't you happy to meet Nagisa-jyou again?' Nokoru repeated his question.  
  
Suoh didn't answer him. He took a seat right in front of the blonde, facing him directly. 'What do you MEAN by that?'  
  
Being stared like that by Suoh, made him uncomfortable at all. He fixed his seat as if something wrong with the couch.  
  
'You know very well there's nothing more between us. We're over.' Suoh's voice was sharp like a knife.  
  
'I don't understand, I thought you have such a wonderful relation with her, but... why...'  
  
'Please don't talk about it anymore!' Suoh obviously felt offended. 'It's enough!'  
  
'Did you tell her why?'  
  
He shook his head. 'What's the point? It's only making her heart hurt more.'  
  
'But she has the rights to know...'  
  
Suoh began feeling irritated by Nokoru's questions. 'Listen, we've been discussing it before, and I hope you respect my decision... It's over...'  
  
'Suoh...?' Nokoru looked at the amber eyes before him.  
  
'Yes?'  
  
'Is it so easy?'  
  
'What's easy?'  
  
'To forget the one you've loved before?'  
  
Suoh couldn't believe what he'd just heard. His face was reddened. It seemed that he wanted to explode. He took a deep breath to calm himself.  
  
'Is that what you think of me?'  
  
No answer.  
  
'That I am a man without a heart at all?' His voice rose. Suoh couldn't bear it. He rose from his seat. He was very distressed.  
  
But Nokoru remained silent. His body was quivering; he was scared of him. Suoh would be mad at him. Why he had to be nosy at the first place?  
  
'Do you really want to know the reason why I left her?!' He asked the blonde boy.  
  
Nokoru shook his head. He was scared, very scared.  
  
Suoh pulled him suddenly forcing him to stand on his feet with his arms tightly hold by Suoh's strong hands. 'Answer me!! God dammit!!' He shook the blonde's body which was trembling greatly now.  
  
'No... no...' Nokoru shook his head with his eyes closed. 'I... I don't want to know...' Whispering.  
  
'If you want to know... Fine!!! Listen!!!' Suoh was out of control.  
  
The blonde was hopeless. He wanted to getaway, but he was so weak he couldn't escape from Suoh's tight grasp. He covered his ears neglecting what he was about to hear. Whatever was that going to be, he got a feeling he shouldn't listen. Shouldn't know...  
  
'Open your ears now... I'll tell you the truth!!'  
  
'I said I don't want to know!!'  
  
'Don't say you don't want to know!! You've asked!! I'll tell you no matter you want it or not!!'  
  
'I can't hear you anyway!!' Nokoru started to raise his voice.  
  
'I'll scream if you can't hear my voice!! It's your choice, Nokoru...'  
  
Nokoru heard his name called. Never before Suoh called his name. He used to call him by his title, or family name. Suoh never called his name before. Slowly he lowered his hands from his ears...  
  
'I left her, 'cause I know she's not the 'One' for me. It took me a long time to realize that. Nagisa was more like a sister to me. A sister I have to protect, a sister I want her to be happy always, but not the 'One' who was related to my destiny. Not the 'One' who will become my destiny...' He paused. Slowly lowering his hands from the blonde's arms.  
  
'Nokoru, you're my 'One'... My 'destiny', you're what my life for...' He looked deep in the blue eyes he loved. 'Can't you feel what I feel?'  
  
Tears were creeping out from those sapphire eyes. He wanted so much to say 'yes', but he couldn't, he wasn't allowed to. He bit his lips trying not to let go the answer, which he might regret in the future.  
  
'Nokoru...' Suoh hold his hands firmly. 'Don't tell me you don't feel the same way as I do... Cause I know you're just lying. Lying to me, and to yourself. Why you have to hide your feeling? To be perfect? Is that what you want? To be perfect as your title?'  
  
Nokoru shook his head slowly.  
  
'If you don't want to admit it, fine... I don't mind, I'll wait till you're ready, but please don't deny it. Don't deny the feeling...'  
  
A sound of crack cut the words. Both of the boys instantly looked at the source of the sound. There, on the second floor, they sighted a female figure watching them with wet eyes. They could see the tears streaming down like a river reflected by the light. Nagisa was there; she had been listening to them without being realized by any of them.  
  
Nokoru released Suoh's hands from his at once, and moved away from him. He looked at the sobbing girl. 'I... I'm sorry, Nagisa-jyou... May be I have to give Akira a hand in the kitchen...'  
  
The blonde left the room immediately and got himself out to the kitchen area leaving Suoh alone in the hall. Suoh was motionless. He didn't dare to look at Nagisa.  
  
'Why you've never told me before?' Nagisa said. Though her voice was soft, Suoh could hear it clearly from downstairs.  
  
Suoh refused to answer it. He remained silent.  
  
'I know... You don't want me to be hurt...' She continued. 'But don't you know I'll be more hurt if you've never been honest to me...'  
  
Suoh frowned. It was a dead-end. He had nothing to say, except to leave the place and joined his male friends.  
  
Just then, Utako came out from her changing room, and found Nagisa was standing in front of her room. 'Nagisa-san?' She could see tears coming out from her tender eyes. 'What happened?' She put her hands onto Nagisa's shoulders.  
  
Nagisa shook her head. 'Nothing.' She wiped her tears away and smiled. 'Let's go down. The boys must have been waiting for us now...'  
  
Utako didn't understand, but she didn't want to see her cry more. She just nodded and followed her to go downstairs.  
  
***  
  
Akira was very confused. Something had gone wrong, but he didn't know what it was. The dinner was all set, and they were enjoying it at the moment. But no one was talking. Every body was silent. It was odd. They were still talking the moment they arrived, but why suddenly stopped... communicating?  
  
'Kaichou?' Akira called him.  
  
Nokoru startled. His mind was wandering around. 'Yes, Akira?'  
  
'Does my cooking taste bad?'  
  
'No... Not at all... They are... perfect!'  
  
'Takamura-senpai?'  
  
'They're... delicious as usual, Ijyuin.'  
  
'That's relieving. I thought my cooking tastes very bad, you don't like them...'  
  
Nagisa stopped eating. She put down her chopsticks and bent her head. She couldn't stand it. She burst into tears.  
  
'Nagisa-san, something wrong with the food?' Akira was terrified.  
  
Nagisa shook her head, still in her sobbing.  
  
Nokoru slowly put down his chopsticks as well. He couldn't swallow any more food even though he loved Akira's cooking very much. Soon all of them on the table put down their chopsticks.  
  
'Nagisa-san, what happened? Why are you crying?' Utako passed her a handkerchief.  
  
'I'm sorry that I made the situation worse. You should enjoy the dinner without me then. I... I... I have to leave now...' Nagisa stood up from the table, and hurriedly stepped out from the room intending to leave the house as soon as possible.  
  
'Nagisa-san... Wait for me!!' Utako rose in a hurry to follow her. 'Akira, I'm sorry I have to leave. I have to accompany her; she'll need me. I'll call you later. Nokoru-sama, Takamura-san...' She bowed and left chasing after Nagisa.  
  
Left the three boys on the table.  
  
Akira was shocked. He didn't expect any of this would happen. It supposed to be a happy reunion for the five of them. 'Kaichou? Did I do something wrong?'  
  
Nokoru shook his head. He was too weak to answer him. This was very awful. He had hurt Nagisa-jyou's feeling. How could he do that to a lady?  
  
'Kaichou, you look so pale...' Akira was worried to see his Kaichou's face.  
  
'I'm fine, Akira. May be just a little tired.'  
  
'I'll escort you to your home then.' Suoh rose from his seat, ready to leave.  
  
'No need... I'll be fine. My driver is here. May be I should leave now...' Nokoru stood up. 'Akira, I'm sorry for the day. It was my fault; I shouldn't join you here... Because of me, every thing went wrong...'  
  
Nokoru bowed as an apology sign to them, and left the room at once. He didn't want to be escorted by Suoh.  
  
He wanted to be alone...  
  
All alone...  
  
Liked he used to... Liked he always was... Liked he always would...  
  
Alone.  
  
To be continued - 


	7. Love

Chapter 7: Love  
  
Things were not getting any easier since the day he confessed his feeling to Nokoru and... Nagisa eventually. Suoh got the feeling both of them were trying to avoid meeting him. He tried to contact Nokoru in his boardroom by phone, but Yudaiji always answered it. Same thing to Nagisa, every time he called her home, Nagisa was not able to receive his call.  
  
Did he make a mistake?  
  
How come to be honest with your feeling was a hard thing to do?  
  
He was worried for both of them...  
  
Nokoru and Nagisa...  
  
There were so many similarities on both of them...  
  
Both of them were very beautiful... Yet so fragile...  
  
That might be the reason he was attracted to Nagisa at the first time, since she was so similar with Nokoru...  
  
Now... he was losing both of them...  
  
***  
  
'Nokoru?'  
  
The blonde didn't move at all.  
  
'Nokoru?'  
  
He was startled. 'Ump? Yes?'  
  
Idomu gave him a strange look into his eyes. He sighed. 'You're not eating your food...' He looked at Nokoru's full plate.  
  
'I'm...' Nokoru had just realized he was playing with his spoon making a mess on his own plate. 'I'm not hungry yet...'  
  
'But you need to eat... It's lunch time anyway...' Idomu cleaned his mouth. 'It took you more than an hour to finish a plate of food... What is it? You don't like the food?'  
  
He shook his golden head. 'No. It's just fine. I just...' Sighed. 'Don't feel hungry...'  
  
'But you still have to eat...' Idomu was really worried with Nokoru's eating habit. 'You look pale, don't you know that?'  
  
'I...' He coughed. Badly. His body was shaking greatly while he was coughing.  
  
'Nokoru?' Idomu rose from his seat to approach him. 'Are you alright?'  
  
Nokoru was still coughing. He was covering his mouth with both of his hands. 'I'm fine. I think I catch a cold.'  
  
'I go get you some drink.'  
  
When Idomu was away, Nokoru slowly lowered his hands, and to his surprise he saw fresh blood wet his palms. //Idomu can't see this.//  
  
Immediately he took out his handkerchief to clean his hands, right before Idomu returned with a glass of water in his hands.  
  
'Here. Drink it up.' Idomu placed the glass in his hand.  
  
'Thank you.' He smiled.  
  
'How's the reunion?'  
  
'Reunion?' Nokoru's eyes were widened as he drank the water from the glass.  
  
'Yes... It had been four days since, and you haven't told me the story. Was it fun?'  
  
'Yes... It was fun; we had a dinner in Akira's place. It's a pity you cannot join us...' Nokoru smiled to him wishing Idomu couldn't sense his lie.  
  
But Idomu wasn't a fool. He caught a glance of sadness in the blue eyes. He knew Nokoru was lying. 'Nokoru...'  
  
'Ah...' Nokoru rose in a sudden. 'I have to go now. I have an appointment...' Nokoru wanted to avoid him.  
  
'Appointment?'  
  
'Yes. Look at the time. I'm almost late.'  
  
'With who?'  
  
He stunned. 'With...' His eyes were wandering in their place. 'With one of my friends...'  
  
'May I come with you?'  
  
'I don't mind, but I'd better go by myself.'  
  
'I see. Will you be back to the boardroom?'  
  
'Yes, of course. I still have paper works to do, right?'  
  
Idomu nodded. The blonde waved his hand and fled away through the door. Leaving the Yudaiji heir with his curiosity.  
  
***  
  
Nagisa was sitting all alone in the campus park. Though her body was there, but her mind was wandering around. She couldn't think of others except for her Takamura-san. The memories she had with him... Then the fact he didn't love her the way she did...  
  
She should had known that...  
  
Takamura-san loved Nokoru-sama... All these times they'd been together, they shared every thing, more than she did with him...  
  
//How could I compete with Nokoru-sama?//  
  
//He was so perfect... Every body would prefer him than me...//  
  
Her thoughts were melting into the air as she felt a gentle touch on her shoulder.  
  
'Nokoru-sama?' She was startled.  
  
'I'm sorry I'm late. Have you been waiting for a long time?'  
  
Nagisa shook her head, smiling. 'No, you're not late at all. You're on time.'  
  
'Thank you for your willingness to meet me.' The blonde gave her his sweetest smile. 'May I sit beside you?'  
  
She nodded.  
  
Nokoru sat himself beside her, and looking around the park. Searching for something. 'It's a pity the ice-candy man is not here anymore. I would like to treat you...' His smiled grew wider. 'Nagisa-jyou, do you want something to eat? Or drink perhaps?'  
  
'No, thank you.' She smiled.  
  
Nokoru sighed. 'You know why I want to meet you here?'  
  
Nagisa shook her head. She had no idea why he wanted to see her in this place. She even had no idea why he wanted to see her on the first place.  
  
'This is the place where I first met Takamura Suoh... about nine years ago...'  
  
Nagisa gasped.  
  
'He disliked me when I met him the first time. I bought him an ice candy, and we ate together here. It was funny, since we'd never met before, but I got the feeling he would be beside me in the future.'  
  
Nokoru closed his eyes. Tried to remember the memories he had. 'Then he met you.' He looked at the girl. She was so nervous. Her face was so pale. Undoubtedly, she was distressed. 'Unlike me, he liked you from the first time he saw you. It was love at the first sight.'  
  
Nagisa blushed. 'I still remember how he was acting strangely since he saw you. He became quieter than ever, he even didn't scold me for delaying the paper works.' He giggled, which made the girl smiled as well.  
  
'Since then I know you're belong to each other. I do my best to unite you. And I succeeded. This time... I would the same as well... And I will succeed too... Just like before. I'll unite the two of you again...'  
  
Nagisa shocked. She couldn't believe her ears. 'Nokoru-sama... But... Takamura-san...' She paused.  
  
'Yes?'  
  
'Takamura-san only loves you...' Nokoru could see the pond of tears blurred her lovely eyes. 'He didn't love me at all... To him, I'm only his sister, not more than that...' She started to sob.  
  
'Nagisa-jyou?' Nokoru hold her shoulders. 'Do you love him?'  
  
Nagisa could not answer him, she was sobbing.  
  
Nokoru sighed. 'I know you love him so much... I could see it in your eyes. Even until now. I could feel the love in your eyes, and there was no other love on this world could defeat that...'  
  
'But even though I love him so much, he doesn't feel the same way like I do...'  
  
'That's because he was confused. Confused between me as his 'One', and you as his 'True Love'.'  
  
'I don't understand...'  
  
'When he met me the first time, he swore he would be beside me all the time, protecting me as his 'One'. I remember very well his words by that time. But that's all... To him, I'm only someone to protect. I'm his 'One'...'  
  
He looked in the girl's eyes. 'But you... You're different. You're his 'Love', not me. There's nothing on this world he wanted the most than to make you happy...'  
  
'But Nokoru-sama... What about you? Don't you love him?'  
  
Nokoru sighed. 'I do. I love him. But not the same love you had for him... I thank him for being beside me always, protecting me, supporting me, and sometimes pushing me to do my work...' He smiled. Nagisa smiled too.  
  
'But there is something he cannot give me...'  
  
'What is it?'  
  
'I don't know either, but I keep feeling there was something missing in us.'  
  
Nagisa was silent. She looked at the face of the man who was sitting beside her. Even if Takamura-san fell in love with this man, she could understand why. A man who was not selfish at all. Always thought someone else before himself. Even if it was true Takamura-san loved this man, she wouldn't mind.  
  
'Nagisa-jyou, trust me... There's nothing on the world I want more than to see both of you happy... Just wait... The time will come when Suoh realized who his true love is...'  
  
She smiled. 'Nokoru-sama, thank you. You care about us.'  
  
He smiled in return. 'You are my family. I have no one but you. Suoh, Akira, Ohkawa-kaichou, and you are my family. Before, now, and always.'  
  
Nagisa was touched by his words. She couldn't stop her tear from falling down again. How lucky they were to have a friend like Nokoru-sama...  
  
'I have to go now. I promised Idomu to come back to the boardroom on time. I'm sorry to leave you here.'  
  
'I'm fine. I can go back by myself.'  
  
'See you then. Take care.'  
  
The blonde left her alone. Somehow the words from Nokoru had made her comforted.  
  
She would wait...  
  
Things would get better... somehow...  
  
She didn't notice there was someone who had been watching and listening to their conversation since then...  
  
Idomu shook his head. He hated the way Nokoru solved this problem. He moved away, when he sighted Nokoru finished his talking to Takamura's girlfriend.  
  
Why he had to sacrifice himself all the time for his friends' happiness?  
  
Didn't he have enough suffering?  
  
Stupid Nokoru...  
  
***  
  
Nokoru was out of breath when he reached the boardroom. He was panting. But he couldn't find Idomu anywhere in the boardroom. Was he late? Idomu must had gone home...  
  
Oh well... he would have to work alone then...  
  
Just as he seated himself on his chair, he heard the door was opened. Idomu was there, leaning against the door, looking at him deeply. Nokoru didn't like the glare in his eyes, it seemed that he was very disappointed of something.  
  
'Idomu-san?' He greeted him. 'Where have you been?'  
  
Idomu didn't move from his place. He kept on staring at him.  
  
'What happened? Are you alright?' Nokoru got up from his chair, and approached him.  
  
But before he could come any closer, Idomu suddenly rushed to him, grabbed his arm, and pulled him to the couch. He threw the blonde's body to the couch before he could understand what was happening.  
  
'I-I- Idomu, what are you doing?' He was scared.  
  
Idomu pulled his coat. 'Tell me where have you been...'  
  
'I've told you. I have an appointment.'  
  
'With who?'  
  
'Some one!'  
  
'Tell me who was it!!!' He pulled the boy's coat higher.  
  
'Let me go!! What happen to you anyway?!' Nokoru started to fight back.  
  
Now Idomu lost his patience. He let go the boy's coat; instead he pushed him till the blonde's body was laying on the couch with his own body on the top of him.  
  
'Idomu!!! Don't you realize what are you doing??!!' Nokoru began to panic.  
  
'You were meeting that girl of Takamura, right?'  
  
Nokoru was startled. He was surprised. How did he know that?  
  
'Tell me!!!'  
  
'Even if I did, so what? You have no rights to stop me to do it!'  
  
'Damn you!!!' He rose his body and moved away from the couch. 'Why you did it?'  
  
Nokoru didn't say anything. He rose his body slowly into a proper sitting position. His body was trembling with fear now.  
  
'I heard everything you've said to her...' Idomu looked at him. 'What are you trying to play here? Are you trying to be her hero?'  
  
Nokoru still stayed in his silence. But Idomu could see tears coming down from his eyes.  
  
'It was obvious Takamura loved you. And you loved him...'  
  
'I don't love him...'  
  
'STOP LYING TO ME!!!' Idomu screamed. 'Do you think I'm a fool?'  
  
Idomu kneeled before the blonde boy, and aiming his eyes to him.  
  
'Till when you have to torture yourself? Till when you'll have to hide yourself?? I know you very well... I love you... I want you to be happy... I know you love him so much... and I don't mind you love Takamura more than you love... me...' He paused. 'But I hated to see you have to sacrifice so much for your friends...'  
  
'I hate to see you and Takamura, but somehow I'm happy when I see you with him. I wish I could replace him, but I know I can't.' He stroked the boy's golden hair. 'Don't you see I want you to be happy... I want to see you genuine smile... and you've never show me that smile...'  
  
'Idomu-san...' Nokoru was tearing apart. 'I'm sorry I've hurt your heart...'  
  
'No... You haven't... You never will... You just tried to make me happy.'  
  
'Don't you see... I have to do what I have to do... Because of me they're breaking up... Because of me, such a lovely bond had gone... Because of my 'fault'...' He was crying now. 'If only Suoh didn't have to choose me as his 'One', he would never lose Nagisa...'  
  
Idomu was broken to pieces to hear these...  
  
'She's a good girl, gentle and kind... She doesn't deserve any of this... I'm the one who deserved all of these... It's my fault two people were hurt... I'm the one who hurt them both...'  
  
Idomu couldn't bear it anymore. He stood up and backed away from him, tried to hide his own tears. 'But don't you want to be happy?'  
  
'Idomu-san...'  
  
'Yes?' He turned to him again.  
  
'Do you love me?'  
  
'I do...'  
  
'Then... will you stay beside me?'  
  
'I will.'  
  
Nokoru smiled. 'Thank you. Then I will be happy...'  
  
Idomu didn't understand him... But one thing he understood...  
  
He would never leave him alone...  
  
Never...  
  
***  
  
//I have to do what I have to do...//  
  
He was standing in front of the Junior High Student Council boardroom. He knew he had no reason to be there, and all by his own in particular, but he couldn't stop his feet not to head there.  
  
He had been thinking all the way to the Junior High Division. Things he wanted to say or do... He prepared them very well the day before, but when he was there... they all disappeared into the thin air...  
  
The door before him was so huge, he never realized before it was so big and heavy... He was not ready to enter it... He would never be ready...  
  
But he had to do what he had to do... He had to finish this matter once and for all... so nobody could be hurt...  
  
He knocked at the door twice, waiting for someone to respond...  
  
'Come in, please...' It was Suoh. He recognized that voice.  
  
His hands were quivering as he opened the handle. As he opened the door, he could see Suoh was there, on his desk, busy working his paper works. He was too busy with his works that he didn't even glance at him.  
  
'Ijyuin, thank God you're early today. You can help me finishing the report on Christmas celebration now. Rijichou has...' He stopped. To his surprise he saw an unexpected figure was there, looking at him deeply.  
  
He was not Ijyuin Akira, as he suspected before, he was...  
  
'Kaichou?' He shook his head to have a clearer view. Was he dreaming? He realized he was imagining things, and was this one of his illusion as well?  
  
'Konnichiwa, Suoh.' Nokoru smiled. Forced smile.  
  
'It's you? It's you... It's really you...' He was excited that he rose immediately from his seat to approach him.  
  
Nokoru closed the door behind, and he turned his back again to face him.  
  
The look on the blonde's face forced the ninja to stop few steps before him. Nokoru's face was in a great seriousness. His usual smile had gone, and wherever it was hiding, Suoh hoped it would return soon. But it was useless...  
  
Suoh would hear things he would never want to hear...  
  
Things that unquestionably would hurt his heart...  
  
Their heart...  
  
To be continued - 


	8. Lie

Chapter 8: Lie  
  
'Suoh, I need to talk to you...'  
  
Suoh was stunned. Though he didn't say anything at all, but he was completely alarmed of whatever Nokoru was about to say at that moment. Didn't know why, he got a bad feeling about what Nokoru was going to say to him.  
  
'I need to talk about what you have said that day in Akira's place...'  
  
'What is it about?' His voice was soft.  
  
'I've been thinking about what you have said to me...' He moved closer.  
  
Suoh observed him completely trying to find out what he was going to say more.  
  
'Suoh...' Nokoru stared at him. How lovely the sapphires were to Suoh as the stars glowing the confusing nights. With the tears unable to be hidden... How he wanted to reach those stars, but the more he chased after them, the further the stars would fly away...  
  
'Suoh...' He called his name. 'Will you say it again?'  
  
'Say what?'  
  
'That I'm your 'One'... That I'm your 'destiny'...'  
  
'Nokoru, you're my 'One'... My 'destiny', you're what my life for...' He looked deep in the blue eyes again.  
  
Nokoru smiled. He was very close with Suoh now. Almost nose to nose. He could feel Suoh's deep breath, and even feel his heartbeat. How he would miss those golden eyes of Suoh... His love... For he didn't know when he would be able to see his eyes, to feel his heartbeat, to smell his fragrance, or his breath... After today, everything would change... for sure...  
  
Slowly he lifted his hands to caress his face... How strong his face... If only he could touch this face always, he would sacrifice everything he had on this world...  
  
'Nokoru?' Suoh was confused. Nokoru had been acting strangely since the moment he entered the boardroom. 'What is it? Why are you asking me these? What do you want to say to me?' He hold the blonde's which was caressing his face. 'Tell me...'  
  
He just smiled. He pulled his hand from Suoh's grasp, and turned away. Without looking to Suoh, Nokoru whispered his answer. An answer he had chosen...  
  
'Cause I need to make sure...'  
  
'Make sure?'  
  
'Yes... I want to make sure that I won't deny my feeling anymore...' Slowly he turned his back facing the blue-hared boy who was frowned in confusion.  
  
'Nokoru...?'  
  
'Suoh... I'm sorry to tell you this... But you're not the 'One' for me...'  
  
//You're not the 'One' for me...//  
  
'What? What did you say?' Suoh was shocked. He must be dreaming... It must be a nightmare, since he could hear a thunderclap surrounding him...  
  
Nokoru gazed at him. 'Suoh... You're not the 'One' for me...'  
  
'No!' Suoh began to stress. He stepped backwards trying to find something to lean his body on. As if he was going to lose his consciousness... 'No... you're lying! You're a liar!!!'  
  
Nokoru sighed. He knew it wouldn't be so easy and simple as he wished. 'Suoh, I've never lied.'  
  
'No! That's impossible!! You're lying to me!!' He raised his voice. Obviously he was distressed, panic, and... mad...  
  
//No! I can't let it happening to me!! Nokoru must have wanted to fool me... He must be hiding his true feeling again...//  
  
With those thoughts over and over again in his mind, Suoh drew himself to the blonde and grabbed his arms so tight that the blonde was hurt.  
  
'Suoh... Wh-...' Nokoru was scared. He was prepared for this, but still he was afraid to face Suoh's anger.  
  
'Nokoru... Why? Why just once in your lifetime you can't be honest to yourself...' He looked close to his eyes.  
  
Nokoru was scared. Closing his eyes was the best way he could think of at that moment to avoid Suoh's sharp gaze at him, which of course... made Suoh angry more than ever...  
  
'Open your eyes!! God dammit!! Nokoru!! Look at me!!!'  
  
'Let me go!! Suoh, let me go, you're hurting me!!!' He screamed.  
  
To his frustration, he pushed the boy away. Nokoru was almost falling to the floor, if there was not someone supported his body from his back. He was startled, for he thought there was no one in the room besides him and Suoh.  
  
'Akira?' He looked at the person who was carrying him. 'But when did you c- ...'  
  
But Akira was silent. His black eyes were looking at the figure in front of them who was definitely angry. Suoh tried his best to control his emotion, but he just couldn't. He got the feeling Nokoru was playing with his heart, and he hated him for doing that.  
  
'Takamura-senpai...' Akira was confused. He was not sure what he was going to do in the middle of his seniors' fighting. He was not even sure what they were fighting about.  
  
'Is it because of Nagisa?' Suoh asked coldly.  
  
Nokoru didn't answer. He didn't want to answer.  
  
'Is it because of Nagisa?' He repeated his question.  
  
Still no answer.  
  
Silence crept among them. The three didn't dare to make any sound, not even a single movement.  
  
'It' not because of her...' Finally, the blonde spoke up breaking the frozen silence. 'It's my choice...'  
  
'Choice?!' Suoh was getting mad. 'What CHOICE???!!' He was screaming.  
  
Nokoru was trembling. Greatly fear. Akira couldn't stand it, he was feeling miserable to see his seniors fighting. And the fact that his Kaichou were suffering in his hands without anything he could do...  
  
'Takamura-senpai, please...' Akira begged him. 'Please stop this...'  
  
'Ijyuin. Don't interfere our business. This is our problem, you just stay away from it...'  
  
'But Takamura-senpai...' He stopped. Nokoru looked at him as a signal to follow what Suoh just ordered him to do.  
  
Nokoru smiled to the black-hared boy who was completely worried about him. He moved away from Akira's embrace, and faced the angry Suoh.  
  
'My Choice...' He said. His voice was certain as if no doubt in his heart.  
  
'Suoh... You asked me not to deny my feeling, right? So here I am, being honest to you, but you don't even believe me... You told me I'm your 'One', but even though I'm the 'One' to you, but it doesn't mean you're the 'One' to me...'  
  
'No! You are lying...'  
  
'Suoh... What should I do to make you believe me?'  
  
'Then tell me now that you don't love me at all...' Suoh glared at him.  
  
Nokoru was quivering.  
  
'If what you've said is true, and you mean it, look at my eyes and tell me that you never love me...' He dared him.  
  
Nokoru was terrified. He bit his lips, getting those words out of his mouth was not easy at all. He loved him...  
  
'What are you waiting for? If it's true, then it will be very easy for you to say those words...' He drew closer to him.  
  
'I...' Nokoru was in tears. Why it was so hard? Was it true he was lying?  
  
Suoh took a pity on him. 'Why? Why you have to do this? It was not true, right?' He wiped his tears away. 'If you don't love me at all, you won't cry for me...'  
  
Nokoru was speechless. He didn't know what to say. Might be Suoh was right after all. He was trying to lie... But the vision of Nagisa who was crying for she lost the one she loved the most was unbearable to him.  
  
//I have to do what I have to do...//  
  
His choice had been made. He had to live with it...  
  
Nokoru opened his blue eyes. He glared at the boy who was standing before him. Suoh was startled. Nokoru had transformed from a desperate figure into a confident look as he used to be. How did he do it? Just in a glance... Somehow he was alerted once more.  
  
'Nokoru...?'  
  
'Suoh... you're right... I can't lie to you anymore... I have to tell you what's in my heart...' He smiled, and stepped backward.  
  
'Kaichou?' Akira sensed something terrible was going to come.  
  
'I never loved you... I never did...'  
  
And that was it. He had said that. It was impossible for Suoh to believe that Nokoru would say it.  
  
'No... You can't... I believe you love me the way I love you... It can't be true...'  
  
'I'm sorry... but that is the fact... I have someone else in my heart...'  
  
'Who is it? Is it Yudaiji then?' Suoh glared at him.  
  
The blonde didn't say any word. Might be yes, might be no. But he had to convince him; he had to convince him that he didn't love him at all.  
  
'Fine then...' Suoh continued his words. His voice was trembling holding his rage the best he could do. 'If you choose not to admit the reality, if you choose to deny your own feeling... It's your choice then...'  
  
'How many times should I tell you that I'm not lying?! How many times should I tell you that I don't love you at all?!!!' Nokoru exploded.  
  
'Hundreds!!! Thousands if you need to!!! But it doesn't matter, cause no matter how many times you keep repeating your words, I won't believe you!!! I D.O.N.'.T. B.E.L.I.E.V.E. Y.O.U!!!!' He was screaming.  
  
'Don't you get it??!!!' Nokoru was screaming back. 'You're not the 'ONE' for me!!! I like you because you're strong!!! I choose you at the first place, because I've known your reputation as the best bodyguard... But more than that you're nothing!!!!' Nokoru's voice was higher than ever. 'YOU ARE NOTHING!!!'  
  
'STOP IT!!! I don't want to hear it!!!' Suoh was mad.  
  
'WHY?? You asked me to be honest with you, right??? This is the fact, Suoh, like it or not, you have to listen to it!!!! For me you're just one of my bodyguards... Care for nothing except my safety...'  
  
'Is that what you're trying to say? That I only guard you, protect you, all because I'm your bodyguard??!!'  
  
'But that's true, right? You never damn care about how my feeling every day I have to stay in one place, doing all those paper works... You even never give me a freedom...'  
  
'For God's sake!! I did it for your own safety. I love you, I don't want you to be harmed...'  
  
'Bull shit, Suoh!!'  
  
'What the hell are you saying?'  
  
'You just scared you'll lose your reputation if you've failed me. Or worse... you're afraid to lose all the facilities you've been enjoying for being beside me!!'  
  
'God dammit, Nokoru!!! You know it wasn't true!!!'  
  
'IT IS TRUE!!!'  
  
'Fine!!! But don't you realize, even without you, my family has already had a good reputation. People can't buy us to protect them, we'll choose whoever we want to protect.'  
  
Nokoru was silent. But the silence somehow made Suoh became more alarmed. He knew the blonde wouldn't give up so easily. He must had been building another strategy.  
  
'You've said it Suoh...'  
  
'What the-' Suoh stopped. He began to realize something.  
  
'You choose me... But doesn't mean I'd chose you.'  
  
'That's not what I mean... Damn!' Suoh was totally distressed. If there were a knife, he wanted so much to have a grab on it, and stabbed it to his own chest.  
  
'You know what, Nokoru? You're acting like this, since Nagisa returned, right? Is it true what I've said?!'  
  
'Leave her out of this!! It has nothing to do with her...'  
  
'You know what I think? You're being jealous of her. Perhaps... you're afraid I might want to return to her...'  
  
'I said it has nothing to do with her... It's your business you wanted her back or not!! It's out of my concern!! Fine, if you want to know why I'm acting like this... Then I will tell you... The reason I've been acting like this is because I'm sick of you!!!'  
  
'WHAT?!!!' Suoh almost couldn't stand not to hit the boy.  
  
'I'm sick of you pushing me all around, trying to make me said I love you, which in fact, I'm not!!'  
  
'Stop it!!'  
  
'And every time I'm trying to tell the truth, you accuse me as a liar!!'  
  
'Stop it I've said!!' Suoh had enough!  
  
'No, I won't!! I won't stop unless you stop accusing me as a liar!!!'  
  
'Stop it both of you!!!!' Another scream startled them. Akira was distressed. He could stand no more. He loved his seniors, and the fact they were fighting and cursing each other broke his heart to pieces. 'Please... Kaichou... Takamura-senpai...' His eyes blurred with tears. 'I don't want to see you like this... don't you know you're hurting each other?'  
  
Both Nokoru and Suoh didn't say a word to respond Akira.  
  
'I don't understand... After all these times, I believe you're good friends... We are good friends... I know my relationship is not as close as yours, but I'm always happy to see your friendships...' He paused. 'But why... Why now you're destroying that relationship between you?'  
  
Nokoru hated to listen to his friend's words. Not because they were not true, but they were completely true. He was destroying something that precious to him. Something that made him live... He hated himself to choose it...  
  
'Nokoru...' Suoh murmured.  
  
The blonde awakened from his thoughts.  
  
'I don't think we should fight anymore. It's useless.' He turned away. 'I'm tired.'  
  
Nokoru looked down. He remained silent.  
  
'Kaichou...?' Akira worried him the most. He knew his Kaichou...  
  
'Suoh?' Nokoru looked at him. 'I'm tired too...' He sighed. 'Let's finish it.'  
  
Suoh turned again to face him. The look on his face indicated the confusion he had. His mind was racing. 'What do you mean?'  
  
'I'm tired to be hurt all the time...' The blonde looked at him. His eyes were full of suffering. 'From now on... I don't want to be related anymore to you...'  
  
Thunderclaps.  
  
Akira gasped. He looked at his Takamura-senpai who was stunned motionless. It was obvious to him that Suoh was very shocked.  
  
'I don't need you to hurt my heart anymore...' He smiled.  
  
//What did he say?//  
  
Suoh's heart was bleeding.  
  
'Is that so?' His voice trembled more. 'So... all these times, I'm just hurting your feeling? Is that what you think I'm doing?'  
  
The blonde nodded, still with a smile on his face.  
  
'So... I can't make you happy even for just once?'  
  
'That was obvious, right? You never did... You never intend to make me happy. Never in my life for once I'm happy beside you.' His smile widened. 'But I got to admit; you're an excellent bodyguard... It's a pity I have to let you go, but no worry, I'll find the replacement soon, considering lots of people wish to work with the Imonoyamas...'  
  
Suoh was out of control. He was so mad to hear the answer. After all he had done for him, to him he was just an object. An object he used, and replaced whenever he wanted to. Without thinking it over, he slapped the blonde's right on his face, wishing it would make him realize what he had said.  
  
'Takamura-senpai!!!' Akira protested.  
  
Suoh slapped him so hard that he could sense fresh blood streaming out of the corner of his mouth. But the pain he felt was not on his face, but it was in his heart. He remained silent though, for he knew his words were too much.  
  
'Go... Go away... I don't want to see you anymore!!! Just go away...' His voice was shivering, he pointed to the boardroom door chasing the blonde away.  
  
'Takamura-senpai... please...' Akira begged him.  
  
'I said GO NOW!!!' He was screaming.  
  
'It's OK, Akira, I'll go now... I don't have anything else I need here anyway...' Nokoru smiled to the stressed boy with one hand still covering his slapped face.  
  
'Kaichou...'  
  
'Silly, I'm not your Kaichou anymore... Suoh is your Kaichou now...' His heart was breaking when he said those words.  
  
He was about to step out, when Suoh's words stopped him.  
  
'Nokoru...' He looked at the blonde's back. 'You know what? I regret to choose you as my 'One'...'  
  
Nokoru didn't look back, he remained on his position.  
  
'But I hope you won't regret to lose us as your only friends...'  
  
Those words stabbed his heart for sure. But he didn't say anything. He forced his tears from flowing down. He had to make his tears ran through his heart without anyone noticed. Then he walked away from the door knowing he wouldn't see them again. Even though he would meet them, things wouldn't be the same. They would be... strangers.  
  
It was hurt... Completely hurt...  
  
But he had to do what he had to do...  
  
He lost his true friends... He didn't know how to live without them... They'd been together always... Now he was losing them... How he could live his life ever since... He was creating his own grave... He was committing a suicide... He would die for sure now...  
  
His heart was bleeding as the thought flying around his mind.  
  
But... let it be...  
  
Better one of them hurt, than the three of them hurt. Suoh and Nagisa would be together again, and the four of them would be happy again... even without him around.  
  
He smiled. At least he believed he had done his best. He would be fine. He used to be alone. He was born to be alone... But why he kept feeling so hurt?  
  
Hurt...  
  
***  
  
As he walked down the alley leaving the boardroom with a broken heart, he didn't notice someone was hiding there. Someone that had been following him since, and listening to them from outside the boardroom.  
  
Yudaiji sighed.  
  
His heart was hurting as well when he saw what had happened. A part of him felt relieved since at last there was an opportunity for him to win Nokoru's heart. But part of him full of sorrow, since he witnessed Nokoru's was breaking.  
  
And if it were breaking... then again, what would be left for him?  
  
He didn't know what to do...  
  
Nobody knew...  
  
To be continued - 


	9. Leaving

Chapter 9: Leaving  
  
Days had passed since their big fight... Since then, Nokoru rarely spoke to his surroundings. He closed his heart to everyone, and he didn't allow anyone to reveal his true feeling.  
  
For he trusted no one, and he thought perhaps it would be the best for him to conceal the truth...  
  
The truth that he was dying... Slowly but sure...  
  
Because of the pain he was suffering...  
  
Even to Idomu... Both of them still met in the boardroom, but Nokoru always refused talking about Suoh. About what had happened that 'day'. He just couldn't bear to feel the hurt feeling inside his heart every time Suoh's name mentioned before him.  
  
When he was alone, working on his paper works, his mind was filled by the memories about him. About Suoh... How happy they were when they were still together... But the memories only made his heart hurt even more. His smoking habit grew even stronger. He smoked more frequently than before. But it mattered nothing to him.  
  
He knew smoking didn't help him not to think about Suoh. But he couldn't stop it. He... enjoyed it. He knew he had to stop. But then again... why should he? It harmed no one, and as he thought about it before, if the smoke could make his life shorter, he'd pay it gladly.  
  
Death...  
  
Perhaps it was worth for him. Anyway, he was dying... He knew that every one would die sooner or later. It was just a matter of time. And he was sure no one would mind of his death. Not even 'him'...  
  
In fact, if he died Suoh would be free...  
  
Free from his stupid swear to protect him the whole time of his life...  
  
Suoh might find someone else better than him to be his 'One'...  
  
Anyway, every body would be happy if he had gone...  
  
***  
  
He was in the council boardroom now. Outside, the day was beautiful. Though it was autumn, and all the leaves were starting to fall leaving their twigs, and caused the sky seemed to turn into red rain, but to Nokoru it was just another ordinary day.  
  
He was there. All alone. Working his paper works. Quite funny he could do them all on his own without any enforcement from Suoh. In the old times, he needed Suoh to push him to do the tasks on time.  
  
He hated the paper works, he always did. Paper works filled his life. In school, even in his home, he never could get away from them.  
  
What was he? A robot programmed to solve paper works automatically?  
  
How he hated them... But at the same time he was grateful for them. Especially on these times, when he was confused with his life, they could easily made him forget his sorrow and concentrate to something else.  
  
A knock at the boardroom's door distracted him from his thoughts.  
  
'Yes... Come in, please...' Wandering who might be behind the door.  
  
Idomu opened the door and entered the room slowly. There were stacks of papers in his hands to be handed over to Nokoru.  
  
'Konnichiwa, Idomu-san...' Nokoru greeted him. He smiled when he saw Idomu put the papers on his desk. 'More works for me apparently...'  
  
Idomu sighed. To Nokoru's surprised, he could sense this friend of his was not feeling happy at all. 'Is there something wrong? Are you not feeling well?'  
  
Idomu shook his head. 'I'm fine, thank you.'  
  
'But you look so sad... Something must has gone wrong...' Nokoru spoke up his argument.  
  
Idomu gave the blonde a weak smile. 'I do feel unhappy. Since I have to deliver so many tasks to you to work on. I feel guilty about these...'  
  
For a moment Nokoru stunned. He never expected that someone would say that the paper works would be a burden to him. Usually people thought they were his responsibility. It was his responsibility to get those paper works done. Seemed like if he didn't do it, he would die for sure. Even his Suoh emphasized it. It seemed like it was a responsibility that had become a reason for him to live his life now.  
  
But then he shook his head slowly. 'It's okay... I'm getting used to it... Anyway, it's my responsibility as the Kaichou...'  
  
'But when you have time to give yourself a rest?' Idomu asked. 'I know you, Nokoru. Your family business also required you to do the same responsibility, am I right? Your company?'  
  
The blonde boy smiled. 'It's a cost... I have to pay...'  
  
'But it's not worth enough.' Idomu moved his face closer to him and gave the blonde boy a gentle kiss on his lips. And them he whispered in his ear, 'I just want to you to be happy in your life.'  
  
Nokoru's blue eyes were blurred. He was touched by Idomu's words. All these times he believed nobody ever cared about his happiness. Might be it was not their fault after all. Being an Imonoyama, he had to act as if he was always pleasant, confidant, and workaholic. Who knew what kind of life he had been living?  
  
'I... I am. I am happy...' Nokoru replied.  
  
'Don't lie to me... You can fool every body else, but not me...' Idomu sighed. He paused for few seconds, considering whether he would speak up his next sentence. 'And that's including your feeling to Takamura...'  
  
Nokoru was startled. His eyes grew wider.  
  
'Wh-What do you mean?' Obviously, Idomu could feel the nervousness in his voice.  
  
'I know how you feel to him...' Paused. 'I know it very well...'  
  
Nokoru smiled. Tried his best to hide the truth.  
  
'I don't understand what you're talking about...'  
  
'Nokoru... Stop fooling me... Stop fooling yourself too...' Idomu caught the panic in those blue eyes before him. 'I know you LOVE him.'  
  
And that was it! Idomu had said it. Idomu had said what he had been keeping in his heart all these times. What he was afraid to say out loudly. Nokoru was very starled that he jumped out from his seat, and stepped backward away from his desk unbelieving what he'd just heard from Idomu.  
  
Having predicted what Nokoru would react to his words; Idomu wasn't too surprised seeing the blonde fright. He knew since the 'big fight' between Nokoru and Suoh, Nokoru had drowned into silence. He rarely spoke; unless it was something necessary he wanted to talk about. Nokoru had changed a lot. He was not the cheerful boy he used to be.  
  
He felt a pity for him, as he observed the blonde started to shiver. He hated to see it, but the curiosity in him forced him to make everything clear, before the three of them would be hurt. He had to be sure that Nokoru had forgotten all about that ninja. Which of course, it was impossible. But he had to try. At least, he didn't want to give up so easily...  
  
On the other side, Takamura obviously loved him. He showed it already... But that didn't make Idomu liked the ninja better... Anyhow, Takamura was his rival in love. By the time he sighted the ninja slapped his Nokoru so hard, he almost was not able to stop himself from not breaking into the room, and gave that ninja some of his fists.  
  
He loved Nokoru. Nokoru was the reason why he wanted to return to Japan. The only person he wanted to meet here. Not his family, not even his father. He hated his father. It was because of his father he lost his mother. He couldn't forgive him till now.  
  
So... here he was... He would do anything to win Nokoru's heart. He didn't want to give up, at least not without a fight. Idomu came closer to the blonde, and looked at his blue eyes deeply.  
  
Nokoru knew he couldn't escape from Idomu. Sooner later Idomu would find out. If he really didn't hide anything from him, why should he be afraid of him anyway? But that wasn't the fact. He was afraid. Afraid that Idomu might find out the reality.  
  
If he found out, he would definitely lost him. And that was his biggest fear. He had lost Suoh, and he didn't want to lose Idomu. He didn't want to be alone. It sounded selfish, but let it be. He just didn't want to be alone. He could feel his body trembling greatly, but he couldn't stop it. He was afraid... totally afraid...  
  
Not to Idomu... But to everything before him... to the fact that he had no power to hide anything. He almost couldn't bear it. He just closed his eyes. He was very sad... For he didn't want to hurt Idomu's feeling...  
  
'Please don't be angry with me...' He whispered.  
  
'Why should I?' Idomu stroke his fingers through the golden hair without letting go his eyes on him.  
  
'I... I'm afraid you'll think I lie to you...'  
  
He sighed. 'Is it still hurt?'  
  
'Huh?'  
  
'He hit you, right?'  
  
Nokoru's blue eyes were widened. 'What? What do you mean?'  
  
'That day... You fought with Takamura, right? I saw everything...'  
  
'But h-how? How can you see us?'  
  
Idomu just smiled. 'I was very worry about you, so I followed you to the Junior High Council. I stayed there, waiting for you, but I didn't expect you came there to fight with him...' He paused. 'I'm sorry I didn't help you at all...'  
  
Nokoru looked away from him. //So he knew... he knew everything...//  
  
'Nokoru... Are you angry to me?' He put a gentle touch on the blonde's shoulders, and then slowly returned him eye-to-eye again. 'Nokoru?'  
  
There was no answer from Nokoru. Nokoru still refused to look at his stare. He was confused. For he didn't know what to do next after he found out that Idomu had known everything now...  
  
'Nokoru... Please look at me...' He whispered gently, hoping the blonde would listen to him.  
  
As he wished, Nokoru slowly lifted his elfin face. His blue eyes were blurred. Idomu understood his dear friend was suffering, for he almost could feel the pain.  
  
'Nokoru, would you be honest to me and tell me everything inside your heart...'  
  
'I...' It was hard for him to answer.  
  
'You love him, don't you?'  
  
'I...' His tears began to stream down.  
  
'Nokoru... Just tell me the truth, I won't be angry...'  
  
He shook his head. 'I... I don't know...'  
  
'He loved you... Now, it's up to you to respond his feeling...'  
  
He shook his head again. 'No... You're wrong... He doesn't love me...'  
  
'Why do you say that?'  
  
'To him, I'm only his Kaichou. Nothing more...'  
  
'To you?'  
  
'To me?'  
  
'Yes... What does he mean to you?'  
  
'He...' There was a confuse in his blue eyes. 'He...' But then he was speechless.  
  
Nokoru refused to answer it. Not because he didn't know the answer, he just refused to tell the truth.  
  
'Idomu-san, please don't do this to me... Please don't force me...' His voice was weak. 'You've heard everything... To me, he was only one of my bodyguards.'  
  
A smile blossomed on Nokoru's face. His smile was so fascinating that made Idomu drowned his protest he was about to speak. But he knew the smile was fake.  
  
'I guess there's nothing more to talk about. We had to finish all the Council's paper works today. Especially the ones you've just brought just now.' Nokoru moved away from him, and got back to his chair. In a quick movement, he took some papers into his hands, and read it carefully. He seemed to ignore Idomu's presence behind him.  
  
Idomu had no other choice than to return to his own seat, the Secretary's seat. He knew pretty well that Nokoru was quite stubborn. If he refused to talk about it, than there was no way he could force him. But his mind kept on thinking how to solve these all...  
  
Soon, both of them were drowned into silence.  
  
***  
  
Suoh slammed himself to his chair. His chair since he was pointed to replace Nokoru as the next President of the Junior High Council. He still remembered how he disagreed of the assignment Nokoru gave him, but Nokoru's words by that time made him accepted the job whether he liked it or not.  
  
//'Suoh, please... You're the only one I trust to have these responsibilities as the next President. Nobody else could ever do it, and in fact you might be better than I am.//  
  
A smile blossomed on his face when he memorized the next words Nokoru told him.  
  
//Consider it as my revenge on you, since you were always pushing me around to finish the paper works, now it's your turn to feel what I felt.//  
  
And they both smiled by that time...  
  
He accepted the task, not because he wanted the job, because Nokoru asked him.  
  
He would do anything Nokoru asked him to do... Anything...  
  
Even to jump into his death.  
  
But he didn't know after everything he had done, the blonde still didn't understand the love he had for him. And that was hurt...  
  
Very hurt!  
  
'Why, Nokoru? Why?' His eyes blurred as he whispered the name. 'Why don't you understand me?'  
  
But he knew the answer. It was not Nokoru's fault. It was his fault that he was born as a Takamura, as a bodyguard, as a servant... Nokoru must have been ashamed of him. That's the reason why he refused him. It had to be it!  
  
If only he were richer, if only he were born as a noble, he wouldn't suffer like this. He would be equal to the Imonoyamas clan.  
  
But that was the fact...  
  
He should have known it...  
  
Stupid Suoh!  
  
***  
  
Akira went home with a broken heart that night. His mothers had already returned from their trip with his father, but he showed no interest in their stories about the journey. His mind was filled by the vision of his beloved seniors. He knew he could do nothing about it. It was their personal matter, and of course, it would be rude trying to interfere between the two's business, but he couldn't help not to think it over and over again.  
  
He had called Utako this evening, and since today was Friday, he informed her he would visiting her room as the '20 Masks' at night. It had always been his habit to have a date with Utako in this way, even when they had grown up, Utako refused the idea Akira stopped visiting her in this way. According to her, the way Akira dated her as the '20 Masks' every Friday night was very romantic.  
  
He didn't mind, as long as it pleased Utako. He would do anything to please all the people he loved. And that included Kaichou and Takamura- senpai. He wanted so much to see them both happy. Might be by meeting Utako tonight, he would talk to her and ask for her opinion. Sometimes Utako was genius she could solve problems easily...  
  
Here it was! He had reached Utako's bedroom's windows. He had to knock it to inform her that he had arrived. But apparently Utako had already noticed his presence as she hurriedly rushed to him, and gave her a big hug.  
  
'Oh, sweetheart! I missed you so much! But I hate you too!' Utako was whining in his embrace.  
  
'But why? Did I do something wrong?' Akira was confused.  
  
'No... you didn't do anything. But I hate you for being so late. Don't you know I miss you so much?'  
  
'I'm sorry... But I have to cook for my mother first..'  
  
'See... That's one thing more I hate from you. You always ask for apology from someone else though it is not your fault!' Utako started her argument.  
  
'Well...' Akira smiled. 'If it pleased you, I wouldn't mind to say sorry...'  
  
Utako blushed. How she loved this man so much, and how she always been grateful to have this man love her the way she did.  
  
Akira's smile didn't last long, as his smile replaced by a deep sorrow and worry. He was so naïve that anyone could read easily. Utako noticed her lover didn't act the way he used to. She sensed something had gone wrong.  
  
'Why? Is there any problem?'  
  
The black-hared boy's eyes were widened. 'N-No. I just...' He sighed. He knew there was no use to hide something from Utako. She was very clever and sensitive, she could sense anything. She cared too much for him, of course she would know if something had gone wrong.  
  
'I just can't stand to see what happening between Kaichou and Takamura- senpai...' Akira closed his eyes. He just couldn't bear to imagine what had happened.  
  
'Nokoru-sama and Takamura-senpai?'  
  
'Yes... They have been fighting each other recently, and it's getting worse time by time. Yesterday, Takamura-senpai even slapped Kaichou's face very hard!'  
  
'REALLY?' Utako was shocked. Unrealized by her, her voice was turning very loud, and it startled Akira very much. 'B-b-but how did it happen?'  
  
'I don't know for sure too. I don't quite understand what they were talking about...' Now he was feeling so sad. Why every time something happened he was always the one who didn't know anything.  
  
Utako looked at him deeply. She understood very well that Akira probably would try to blame himself for this. 'Listen... Whatever it was because, it's definitely not your fault.' Hoped Akira could be encouraged. 'Sometimes people fought each other...'  
  
'But why? Why Takamura-senpai had to slap Kaichou? What did he do so wrong?' Now he was obviously distressed. 'I don't understand... They used to be good friends. No, not only good friends, but best friends ever...'  
  
Utako was speechless. She knew very well how it broke Akira's feeling. Akira treated their seniors not only as his best friends, but more than that. He treated them as parts of himself. That was why it hurt him so much to see them breaking apart.  
  
'Akira-san... It is not your fault... There's nothing you can do about it...' She tried to comfort him, which she knew it was useless. Utako could see her lover's big black eyes were filled by silvery pond of tears.  
  
'B-but... Supposed there is something I can do for them... Supposed I can help them... What kind of friend am I? Why Takamura-senpai and Kaichou didn't want to tell me what's going wrong between them?' The boy looked both distressed and confused. 'Why? Is it because they don't trust me enough? Or am I so useless that I can't help a bit?'  
  
'Well... Sometimes people had to solve their problems by themselves...'  
  
The boy was silent. Utako felt a pity on him. But even she didn't know what to do. She also wanted to give her help in this matter, but it was totally out of her control. What ever happened between Nokoru-sama and Takamura-senpai was their personal matter. Utako didn't think it would proper for her to interfere their problem. But of course she couldn't say her thought to Akira. Akira cared for them greatly. He loved them so much, and their relationship was more than friends, more like brothers.  
  
'Utako-san...' A call from Akira wakened her from her thought.  
  
The boy looked at her sadly. 'I'm sorry to make our meeting felt weary... Honestly, I don't want to make you sad like me...'  
  
'Akira-san...' She sighed. 'I thought you've understood... We supposed to share everything... Not only happiness, but we should share the sorrow, right?' She looked deeply to the eyes of the man she loved.  
  
'On this planet, you're the only one I adore. And it is my greatest wish to share everything with you, your dreams, your feelings, and the future. How many times should I say to you that I'd be by your side in happiness and sorrow?' She smiled; a smile that made Akira believed for that smile he lived his life.  
  
'I'm sorry I cannot help you all the times.' Utako paused. Tried to find the perfect word to speak to Akira. 'People live with their own problems... Problems that sometimes they cannot share with anyone... Not because they can't, but it is more because they choose not to share their problems.'  
  
'But why? If they share it, may be there'll be someone who can help them...'  
  
'Yes, may be there's someone who can help them... But what if there's no one who can help them? I'm sorry, Akira-san... If they told you their problem, if you've known their problem, are you sure you can help them?'  
  
Akira frowned. Utako's question made him lost his words. For he didn't know the correct answer... 'I...' His eyes blurred. 'I understand now... I know I'm too foolish... Of course they choose not to tell me... Because it would be useless...'  
  
'No... No...' Utako was in panic now for she didn't want to hurt Akira's feeling more. 'That's not what I mean...' She hold his hand to comfort him. 'Don't you see? They didn't tell you, because they love you very much...'  
  
'They love me?' He looked confused.  
  
'Yes... They love you the way you love them. They just didn't want to make your feeling's hurt.'  
  
'But why? How can they make me hurt?'  
  
'Akira...' She sighed. 'They didn't want you to be sad with their problem, so they believe it is better not to tell you what's going on. Because they want you to be happy all the time.'  
  
'But don't they know that I'll be more hurt since I don't know the truth? Since I can't help them?'  
  
'Akira... People have reasons... Nokoru-sama and Takamura-senpai must have their own reason...'  
  
'Is that why? Is that why they're always leaving me behind all these times?' The boy began to raise his voice.  
  
'What?!' Suddenly Utako realize where the conversation was heading.  
  
'Yes! They're always forgetting me behind... They thought I won't understand anything... They never consider me as one of their friends...' Now Akira was really distressed. He started wandering around the balcony. This was not supposed to be their topic. But he couldn't help it. He was definitely angry... very angry knowing the fact how his seniors treating him...  
  
Utako was very worry. She never saw Akira acted like this. He used to be a calm and pleasant person. It terrified her so much to see Akira in his anger.  
  
'Akira-san... Please don't be like this... Nokoru-sama and Takamura- senpai also...'  
  
'Utako-san, you don't have to talk about them anymore...' He glared to the girl. 'I understand now... Really. I understand everything now...'  
  
Akira took his hat, and put it on ready to leave Utako's mansion. 'I'm sorry I have to go... I just don't want the situation become worse than ever...'  
  
Utako was speechless. She didn't know what to say anymore. She was afraid.  
  
'Good night, Utako-san...' And so he fled away from the scene the way he came. Just like usual, nobody knew how or when he would appear and disappear.  
  
Utako could do nothing except watching the shadow of her lover gradually dissapear into the darkness night. She wished she could do something. But she knew there was nothing she could do. If truth to be told, she would be angry as well the way Akira was angry. She thought all these times Nagisa considered her as her best friend, and that Nagisa would trust her. But on the contrary, Nagisa refused to tell her a single word about his problem with Takamura-senpai. She chose to remain silent about her problem. And it made Utako drew more into her curiousness. What was it? What was going on anyway?  
  
She was very worried about Nagisa... About Akira... Nokoru-sama... and Takamura-senpai. She was worried about the five of them.  
  
Utako thought there was no other way than to ask Nokoru-sama or Takamura- senpai about what was going on. After all, like it or not, it was them who caused all the troubles. But talking to Takamura-senpai wouldn't do any good. He would act the way Nagisa acted. Utako knew very well that Takamura-senpai was a silent person. He was an introvert person that nobody could tell how he was feeling, except he allowed that person to know.  
  
So... That made her had no other choice, except to talk to Imonoyama Kaichou. Perhaps she would know what was going on actually...  
  
And wished she could do something...  
  
***  
  
Nothing he could do now, only regrets.. Regretting why he had to do all he had done. His heart was hurting more than ever. He knew he would lose him some day in the future, but he never thought he would lose him this soon.. Why in the first place he had to do it anyway?  
  
He remembered all the memories he had with Suoh before, but it kept hurting heart more..  
  
If only he had the guts to commit suicide, he would do it. But he just couldn't. He was a coward. He wasn't afraid of the death, but he was terrified of what would happen after he had died. To his family, to his friends.. And especially, to Suoh.. Suoh would blame himself for his death for sure.  
  
And he didn't want it to happen. He just wanted all his friends to live happily. ever after.  
  
Just like the fairy tales always told..  
  
But how beautiful life would be if it ended like in the fairy tales..  
  
Nokoru curled himself on his bed. Suddenly he lost his temptation to live for another day. He lost the desire to greet another new day. He seemed to wish that his life would stop there. That moment. Wishing his wish came true. He didn't cry anymore. He had run out of tears. He was tired sobbing. Now his usual blue eyes shone nothing but sorrow. He wanted to sleep and had a dream. Any dream.. But he couldn't.. There were so many thoughts running around his head.  
  
This would never end..  
  
***  
  
'What is this, Ijyuin?' Suoh seemed to be so shock as he was holding a letter given by Akira this morning.  
  
Akira didn't look at him. He averted his eyes downward. He didn't want to see this senior of him. He was afraid even to pay a glance at him. But he had taken a decision. A decision he had thought about it over and again.  
  
'Do you really want to resign from your responsibility?' Suoh asked him slowly. Never in his life he would imagine that Akira was leaving him like this. He just couldn't believe it. 'As the Council's Treasurer?'  
  
Akira remained silent. He answered nothing except a nod as occurrence.  
  
'But... Why?' Suoh's eyes showed a great terrified.  
  
'I'm very sorry, Takamura-senpai... But I have my own reason, and I don't feel I can tell you right at the moment.' His voice was trembling. If truth to be told, he was also very sad and terrible with the decision he made. But he just couldn't bear it anymore.  
  
He just couldn't stand to watch his Kaichou and Takamura-senpai fighting each other like this. He didn't want to see his seniors hurting each other without anything he could do. He loved them both, and he loved to have the bond like they had before. He valued every moment they had spent together, and he respected them both. He learned a lot from them. He even promised himself never ever to leave his friends. But now he had to break his own promise.  
  
'But, Ijyuin. I-I-... I need you to help me. I can't do all the Council works on my own.' Suoh was confused. Very confused.  
  
'Takamura-senpai, I'm very sorry... I just can't help you anymore...' There was a guilty feeling in his eyes.  
  
Both of them turned silent. Suoh closed his eyes. He couldn't believe this. He had just lost Nokoru, and now Ijyuin was going to leave him also. Was it true that it was all because of him? Was it true it was all because of his fault? He must have done terrible mistakes that his friends left him one by one.  
  
'Ijyuin, is it because of me?' He asked in a low voice. 'Am I so selfish?'  
  
Akira's eyes widened. 'No... no... of course not! I-I-I-...' Akira stopped. He seemed having trouble to find the right words. 'I never think Takamura-senpai is a selfish person... Never.'  
  
'But then... Why do you want to leave me now?' Suoh was very distressed at the moment. The pressure on him was getting too much for him to bear now. 'Is it because my fight with Nokoru?'  
  
Akira couldn't say anything.  
  
Suoh closed his eyes again. //So it is true..//  
  
'Takamura-senpai...' Akira looked at him. 'The first time I joined the Council with Kaichou and you, I was so happy. In fact, I was so proud to have a chance to join both of you in the Council. I met Kaichou, and then you... ' He stopped. Memorizing the moment they first met, a smile blossomed on his face.  
  
'The first time I met you and Kaichou, I...' He sighed. 'I was a little jealous of your friendships. You looked so... closed, and... I wanted to be like you. To have such a close friend like you have... Which I know I will never have such a friendship... I was always left behind...'  
  
'Ijyuin... We never meant to leave you behind... We never did... You're a part of us...' Suoh was very afraid Ijyuin would have such a thought, and now his fear had become a reality.  
  
Akira smiled, but Suoh could see very clearly that tears filled the younger boy's eyes.  
  
'I know that... And I thank you for not forgetting me behind. Even though I know very well also that in fact I'm useless.'  
  
'Ijyuin... No, you're not useless! We need you before, now, and always...' Now Suoh felt he wanted to cry for real.  
  
'Takamura-senpai... I always support you, and Kaichou... I know you were always arguing each other, fighting because of the paper works, but you were still close friends. We were always together, and we tried our best to uderstand each other. Being with both of you was the happiest moment I've ever had.'  
  
'Ijyuin...' Suoh felt his sight blurred.  
  
'But now... Now it's very different... You hurt each other. You're breaking apart... We're breaking apart, and I can't stand it...' Akira's tears began to flow down from the corner of his eyes. 'I'm sorry, Takamura- senpai... I cannot stay here and watch you like this... I don't want to see any of you in this condition...'  
  
'Ijyuin, I... I... I'm sorry...'  
  
The black-hared boy shook his head. 'No... It's not your fault... It's my fault, I can't do anything... I'm so useless... I guess I am not worth enough to be your friend anymore. That's why I resign. I'm sorry, Takamura-senpai...'  
  
The black hared stepped backward slowly, and then he bowed to his senior, turning away, and started to leave the boardroom. Forever... But just before he opened the door, Suoh called him.  
  
'Ijyuin... Please... Is there nothing I can do to make you stay?'  
  
Akira smiled to the door. 'I wish there is.' And he went away, leaving Suoh all alone in the boardroom.  
  
'Is this it? Is this the end of our friendship?' Suoh was murmuring to himself. He was so angry that he threw away the resignation letter from Akira. Not only that letter, but all the papers on his desk, the President desk, were soon be found all over the boardroom's floor. After he satisfied himself by flying all the paper works in the air, he slammed the desk, and threw himself right on his chair.  
  
He was out of control. Never before he couldn't manage his anger, but who cared? He didn't care... Nobody would care anymore. For he was alone now...  
  
Without friends, without anyone beside him...  
  
For finally he knew what the meaning of being lonely... For finally he knew what the meaning of being left behind...  
  
Now he was lonely... And he was left behind...  
  
To be continued - 


	10. Secret

Chapter 10:  
  
'Idomu-san...' He addressed the man who was sitting on the Secretary's desk, startling him from his wandering thoughts.  
  
'Uh... Yes? I'm sorry.... Did you say something?' Idomu turned himself to face the man who just called him. But he didn't get an instant reply as the blonde observed him deeply.  
  
Nokoru shook his head. He did have something to say to Idomu just now, but after a second thought, it might be better if the words disappeared into the thin air. 'Nothing.... I....'  
  
But it was too late; Idomu didn't need a sixth sense to know that there was something wrong from Nokoru's reluctant answer. To satisfy his curiosity, he immediately rose from his seat and headed to where the blonde sat. 'Is there something bothering you?' He was worried. After all that happened to his dear Nokoru, he just felt Nokoru deserved to get more attention of his. Extra attention...  
  
The blonde looked at him, and Idomu knew that Nokoru was having trouble in his mind, but as usual the golden-hared man refused to share it with him. He sighed.  
  
'I don't know why, but I got the feeling something bad is going to happen...' His blue eyes were in confusion.  
  
'May be it's because you're working too hard on the Council's paper works.' Now he was face to face with him. Idomu would like to make sure his dear Nokoru wouldn't keep any secret from him as he stared at his sapphire eyes intensely.  
  
'No... I don't think it was because I'm working too hard... I just...' Paused. Nokoru couldn't finish the words he was about to say as in a sudden he coughed greatly. It was continuous, and he was hopeless to make it stop or try to get it easier. His face reddened, and he was having trouble to breath. Seemed the air surround him had been sucked all, leaving him in empty space.  
  
'Nokoru! Are you alright?!'  
  
But the blonde couldn't answer him. He kept on coughing and coughing.  
  
Idomu was panic. He could see from the way Nokoru cough, something was wrong with him. Before Nokoru admitted that he caught a slight cold, but now? Obviously, from the way Nokoru was coughing it was definitely not a common flu. It was very bad, anyway what was wrong with him?  
  
'Nokoru?' He tried to help him to stop coughing, but when his hand was about to tough the blonde's shoulder, in a sudden Nokoru rose from his seat. He was still coughing, but he shook his head signing he didn't need any help from him.  
  
'I'm... I'm alright...' Covering his mouth. 'I... I just need some fresh air...'  
  
'Do you want me...'  
  
Idomu had no chance to finish his words. Nokoru left his desk hurriedly and headed out from the council boardroom. He didn't know where to go, but he knew he had to get out... before Idomu saw everything... before he knew the truth...  
  
The truth....  
  
That he was dying....  
  
In fact, he was very weak. Yes... He needed help. He even could barely stand still on his feet, but he had to be hurry. He had to runaway from the room... runaway from him.... He could feel his hand was getting wet, covered by the blood streaming out from his mouth. But he couldn't lower it, and made it visible by anyone. He had to hide it... hide it as long as he could. After all, he supposed to be a perfect Imonoyama Nokoru. And it made no excuse for him to show his weakness to the public. No!  
  
He ignored Idomu who was calling him time and again. He could hear the man's footsteps behind him chasing after, but it only made him walk faster for he didn't want to be caught. For just once in his lifetime, he didn't want to be caught. His mind commanded him to run, but somehow his feet couldn't follow the order. And Idomu was getting closer to him....  
  
Nokoru was terrified. He looked around to find a perfect place to hide away. But shit! There was no single place he could use to hide himself. Not even a single shade to cover him. Actually he knew he couldn't hide anywhere. It was too late for him to hide now. Idomu was only a few steps behind, and he could feel his body weaker. His vision blurred more, and he almost could walk no more. His feet were no longer strong enough to support him.  
  
Then he lost his balance. He fell onto the cold floor... right on his knees.... Fresh blood dripping from his mouth leaving red marks on it... There was no way he could hide it anymore now... He had failed. He was going to lose his consciousness when he felt a pair of hands hold up his shoulders.  
  
***  
  
He was shocked. He never thought he would see this. How could he be so stupid.... How could he be so blind.... All these times, he should have known that there was something wrong with Nokoru... He should have known about this. He should have known Nokoru had lost his temptation to eat, and that he grew paler and paler day by day. How come he didn't even realize a bit of this.  
  
Now all he could do was stunned to sight the scene laid before him. And he could do nothing to help...  
  
Having back his strength, the blonde cleared his lips from the blood, smiled, and whispered to him, 'Idomu-san... Leave me alone, please... Don't worry, I'm just fine.'  
  
Idomu couldn't believe his ears. 'FINE???!!!' His voice was very loud. 'How could you say you're fine?' He glared to the blonde boy. 'LOOK AT YOU!!!' His eyes were filled with anger, yet full of untold sadness. 'NOKORU!!! You need HELP!!'  
  
Smile had gone from his angelic face. Nokoru looked at him without any more word to say. His face was drowned into seriousness, trying his best to convince his friend. But of course whatever he did, Idomu wouldn't trust him. He just couldn't. In fact he shouldn't have trusted him on the first place. And he was definitely stupid if he trusted the blonde's words after all of these happening.  
  
'I'm fine. I'm just a little...'  
  
'Nokoru!!! Why can't you stop lying?!!! When are you going to tell the truth just even once?!'  
  
'Idomu-san... I'm not lying to you.... I'm just-'  
  
'FINE!!!! Okay.... Then explain to me what the hell is this??!' He lost his patience now. Striking the blonde's hand, which was covered with blood, he showed it forcefully to the boy who seemed was very calm and emotionless.  
  
Nokoru didn't say anything. Yet he remained motionless. His blue eyes were filled with emptiness.  
  
'Nokoru....' Idomu's heart was breaking to pieces as he called the name. 'Why don't you tell me about this?' He looked deeply at the blonde who didn't dare to return that look. 'Please, Nokoru.... Look at me....'  
  
He wished he didn't have to listen to him. He wished he were able to escape from him. If only he had a good explanation of all that happened. Not an explanation precisely... More like a perfect lie to cover all of these... to cover his imperfectness.... Halfhearted, he directed his vision to him. Nokoru knew he could not lie anymore. But though he wished to speak the truth, he didn't know what to say either, so might be silence was the only answer he could present.  
  
'Nokoru.... Please tell me.... What happen to you?' Idomu's voice was softened. He felt no anger anymore in his heart. Instead it was replaced by deep sympathy. And Nokoru hated any sympathy for him. Actually 'sympathy' was the reason why he didn't wish to inform anybody about his true condition. He hated people feeling sorry for him as if he was helpless. As far as he concerned, he managed to survive not from other's people pity. And he achieved everything he possessed from his own struggle.  
  
But then again.... Wasn't it a very selfish of him? Idomu was just worried about him. And was it wrong of him if he showed it? Might be Idomu was the only person on this world who still cared about him now. How could his ego blamed his dear friend for giving him a pity? In fact, he needed it. He needed someone to sympathy on him and concerned him for he was tired to be seen as a tough man. For just once, he would like to confess to someone that he was so insecure. That he was so lonely....  
  
Few moments gone in silence. No matter how hard Nokoru tried to figure the best answer he could give to Idomu that moment, he just couldn't think of something. He might be genius in all subjects, but not in 'revealing- yourself' matter. And he could feel Idomu's stare demanded him to give an immediate reply at once. 'Idomu-san, I'm sorry....' At least, he had to say something, right? 'But I.... I don't know what's happening to me either....' He knew. He just didn't know how to explain it.  
  
Idomu analyzed him, trying to sense any slight lie in those blue eyes. But he was failed. Nokoru was honest. Perhaps he didn't know why this happening to him either.... He sighed. 'Then you need help. Have you checked your health lately?'  
  
Nokoru shook his head. 'Not yet. And I'm not planning to have a medical check-up on myself either....'  
  
'WHAT??? But look at yourself.... You... you- you're dying, Nokoru!!! Don't you realize it?!' He hated to say that, but there was nothing else he could say that time.  
  
'I.... ' Paused. Nokoru closed his eyes, and looked down again. It was no use talking to Idomu.  
  
'Nokoru, why don't you go to the doctor once you know you're...?' He received no answer for his question, but somehow he figured out what Nokoru intended to do. It just he was not prepared for 'it'. 'Nokoru... Are you...' Paused. 'Are you trying to kill yourself?' His voice was so soft when he asked the question. Question that he hoped he would never asked it to someone like his Nokoru. Since he knew he would dislike the answer of the question.  
  
'Idomu-san....'  
  
'No....' Suddenly Idomu felt so weak as he felt his body trembled with fear. 'No... you can't so this.... you can't do this to me....' Now his voice was trembling as well. 'You can't do this, Nokoru!!' He tightened his grab on the blonde's shoulders, but no matter how tight he hold him, he kept feeling Nokoru would disappear from his grasp anytime into the thin air without anything he could do to prevent it. He couldn't look at him any longer. His eyes were hidden under his purple hair, but Nokoru could sight a tear falling down through his cheek. He hated himself for making his friends crying for him. For he was not that worth....  
  
'Idomu-san....' His voice was trembling also. Trembling with sadness. 'Please don't cry for me.... Anyway, it was not your fault.... It was... it was my own choice....' He wiped away the tears streaming on Idomu's cheek.  
  
'But why? Why.... Why do you want to end up your life in this way?'  
  
Nokoru frowned. Yes... why? Why he had to die? But then.... Why he had to live anyway? What was the difference? Life or death seemed to be similar....  
  
'I thought you're happy with me.... I thought I can make you happy.... But I was wrong, was I?' He was very distressed now. 'You were never happy beside me. You're suffering, right? I can't make you happy, that's why you want to end your life this soon...'  
  
'No, no, no.... Idomu-san.... I'm always happy beside you. I do... It just... it was just my choice to be like this....'  
  
'Choice? I-I don't understand...'  
  
'I don't understand either.... But I'm happy with it....' Nokoru smiled. Though he wanted to be in tears as well, but he knew he couldn't show his tears to him cause it would only make Idomu hurt more. 'All my life, I have only one choice... to be an Imonoyama's heir, the wealthiest family on Earth. People use to know me as the young, intelligent, pleasant, and tough Imonoyama-sama. They always see me smiling no matter what happen to me. They don't know in fact I'm just a Nokoru, the coward, miserable, and fragile Nokoru. Don't you see, Idomu-san? They don't know that in fact I'm tired to be a perfect Imonoyama-sama, a perfect man. I'm tired to conceal the true me.... So for this once, I just want to be free....'  
  
'Free? But is it true it is the only way to be free? Killing yourself in this way? Committing suicide? Making yourself a grave?' He disbelieved his thought. He knew Nokoru very well, Nokoru might be crazy with his impossible ideas, but he never thought Nokoru would try to end up his life. Never. Not in this way. He just wanted him to be happy. Now he was failed.  
  
'Idomu-san, you don't understand.... May be you won't understand anyway...'  
  
'Yes... yes.... I don't understand, and I won't understand why you do this. I don't care what it will cost, but you have to go to the hospital! You have to be cured, and you have to be hale and hearty again! No matter what!' Idomu rose, and he pulled the blonde to stand on his feet too. He was about to drag him along with him to go to the campus hospital when Nokoru refused to step any further.  
  
'No! Idomu! It's useless! It's too late now!!' He raised his voice.  
  
'NO! I WON'T LISTEN TO YOU!! I DON'T BELIEVE YOU!! I have to get you to the hospital no matter what, and I'm not going to leave you until I know what's happening to you from the medic...'  
  
'I SAID IT'S TOO LATE!!!' Idomu was startled. Nokoru had never screamed at him before. 'It's too late now.... It's too late....' He broke down in tears now. Tears he was holding since the moment he realized he was dying. He promised himself he would not cry for his death. He was supposed to be happy since he was able to choose his own way to die. He was not scared. Soon he would go, and nobody would miss him. Nobody.... Suoh had his Nagisa, and Akira would live happily with Utako. And Idomu.... He was gorgeous; he would find someone else much better than him soon.  
  
'Nokoru.... Let me help you.... It is not too late.... You can still be saved....'  
  
'I've consulted myself with a doctor.'  
  
Idomu stunned. 'Then.... What did he say?'  
  
'I have only three months to live....'  
  
Idomu was shocked. It was still daytime, but somehow a thick darkness had surrounded him, and there were thunderclaps everywhere. 'Three months?'  
  
He nodded.  
  
'No! Impossible... You're lying....'  
  
'I have only three months to live or less than that.'  
  
'NO!!! YOU LIE!!!' He screamed. He couldn't take it anymore. It was impossible. This was not what he wished for. He didn't go such a long distance back here just to witness his only love died. Died before him without anything he could do. 'You're lying, aren't you? Please.... Tell me that you lie....'  
  
The blonde smiled. A forceful smile. 'Idomu-san, you don't have to be sad. Sooner later one of us will leave, and it just happen I'm the first one to go. It's not your fault.' He wiped his tears. 'I... I've decided this is how I'm going to die. In my whole life I've been lying to the world and myself. At least I will die in the way I should be.'  
  
'I don't understand. Why you have to die this way? Committing suicide?'  
  
'It is the truth that I'm only a coward... a coward who pretends to be a tough man. And only cowards kill themselves. They kill themselves because they want to runaway from the fact. The fact that they are lonely cause nobody likes them.'  
  
'Nokoru.... You're not a coward. You're not a....' But Idomu's words disappeared into his sobbing.  
  
Nokoru hated to see his friends crying. He knew there was no word could comfort him, so he would simply just stand there and wait. Waited until Idomu would finally accept the fact. Accepted the his decision.  
  
***  
  
Idomu was sobbing. Never in his life before he was crying in front of others. Not even when his mother died. He was not crying when his mother died, and years ago, he never thought he would cry for someone he had considered as the person who had stolen his mother's smile. Years ago, he desperately wanted to have a revenge to this man before him, and how happy he would be if he was able to have him dead. So now, why on Earth he shed his tears for this man? The man who had taken his happiness for some years in the past? Why he couldn't stop his tears?  
  
He reached him closer, and placed him in his warm embrace. If he couldn't say a single word, at least he hoped he could comfort his sorrow a little bit. He stroked his thick hair as he whispered to the man's ear. 'It's okay, Idomu-san.... Someday you'll find someone else better than me.... Someone who'll never hurt you, and make you cry.... Someone who loves you truly and deeply. You'll find that one soon. Don't worry...'  
  
Idomu didn't answer, but he could feel his body trembling. Nokoru's words had hurt his feeling even more. How could he say that? Who could replace him? Who could replace his only Nokoru?  
  
'I'm sorry, Idomu-san.... I just want you to be hap-' He coughed. Again. This time was going to be worse. Realizing that fact, Nokoru released his embrace at once, and tried to move further from his friend. He coughed badly that blood coming out from his mouth again in sudden that he was not quick enough to hold it with his hands, and causing him fell on his knees with red drops on the floor.  
  
'Nokoru?' For a second Idomu didn't know what to do. Shocked and panic were on his mind and body. When he realized it, he quickly grasped Nokoru's body trying to carry the boy to get help. Medical help. 'Nokoru, hold on.... I'll get you to the hospital!'  
  
'No! I don't want to go to the hospital!'  
  
'NOKORU!!! PLEASE!!! We have no time to argue about this!!'  
  
'I'm fine! I'll stop coughing soon anyway!! I don't want to see the doctors!!' He tried to release himself from Idomu's grasp.  
  
'NOKORU!!!' He shook the blonde's body hard seemed he wanted to get his consciousness back. 'LISTEN TO ME!!! I'm not going to leave you like this!! I'm not going to see you like this without doing anything to help you!!! If you want to die, fine!! But you're not going to die in front of me!! I'm not going to let it happen, so like or not, you'll have to obey me!!!' He was screaming.  
  
'FINE!!!' Nokoru was shouting back at him. 'Then why don't you leave me alone to die like I want to?'  
  
'I won't do that and I'm not going to let it happen!!! NEVER!!!'  
  
'JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!!!' With all the strength left, Nokoru pushed the man away, but it did no benefit for him. He couldn't get Idomu away from him, and the worse was yet to come. Suddenly Nokoru stopped fighting back, instead he was frowned and his blue eyes were widened. They seemed to spot something unusual somewhere out there, behind them for exactly. Idomu was startled to see his respond; automatically the man turned his vision to the same direction Nokoru was looking at. He too was surprised to see the figure he saw, standing behind them motionless, and from his face it was obvious he was very distressed.  
  
The man had nothing to say when the two looked at him. He felt he had gone deaf and mute that time. Deep in his heart, he wanted to deny everything he had seen and heard, moreover he wanted so much to escape from the time and space. He wished he were not there to witness what just happened, for he wasn't prepared to accept any of these. He hoped he could be in denial.  
  
Seconds had gone in silence when finally Nokoru addressed the man. He was whispering his name as he wished the man weren't there. For he didn't know how long the man had stayed there and listened to them. How much had he witnessed everything? What would he say about this? He wished he didn't have to know the answer. It was only make everything more difficult for him. But he couldn't escape now. He had to face it. There was no other choice....  
  
'Akira....'  
  
***  
  
The park.  
  
It was one fine day. Birds were flying everywhere around them, and the leaves were falling like rain onto the grass underneath them. White clouds were on the sky, shattered the sunshine. What could be more perfect than this? But still, both of them drew in a never-ending silence. They were sitting side by side on the park's seat, but none of them dared enough to start the conversation. Nokoru was busy in his mind, trying to figure out the best explanation he could give to Akira then, but again, might be the best lie, which Akira could accept. From the corner of his eyes, he could see Akira was drowned into his sorrow. From the moment they got here he didn't dare to look at Nokoru in his eyes, not even a glance. Furthermore there was no word spoken to him, not even a hello-how-are-you query. Earlier, Akira planned to meet his Kaichou – Nokoru Kaichou – in the High School Council boardroom to inform his resignation from the Junior High Council. But the moment he arrived on that place, he found no one was there. So he started to walk around the place, hoping he would meet either Nokoru or Idomu by luck. But on the second thought, perhaps he shouldn't meet them then. He did find them. But he never expected he would see both of them arguing. Not because he never saw they argued before, it happened anyway, but he never saw his dear Kaichou suffered in pain like that. To his horror, he sighted bloodspots all over his Kaichou's hands and on the floor. It was not hard to guess where all the blood came from. He also saw the blonde was coughing greatly, and there was blood streaming out from the corner of his mouth. Kaichou had to be very ill.... And he never knew about that.  
  
How could he be so stupid?  
  
Nokoru understood very well how Akira's feeling right on the moment. Akira must have blamed himself fro everything he saw. Previously when they found out Akira was listening to them, he asked Idomu to spare them some time alone together, for he wanted to talk to Akira. Explained everything and comforted the younger man. Though he was confident he could solve the problem himself by refusing Idomu's offer to help and accompany him earlier, but now he was in doubt whether he really could do it himself. One of the things he hated the most was to hurt Akira's feeling. The pure and innocent Akira.... Akira he loved and... he adored.  
  
And now he was facing him.... Praying for everything possible that he didn't have to see Akira's tears. But then, it was too late for Akira was sobbing now. Nokoru felt his heart was breaking. First it was Idomu, and now Akira. Could he last any longer to see all his friends cried for him. He never meant to hurt his friends' hearts. The last thing he wanted to see before he died was not his friends' tear. He wanted to see their smile on the day he died. That was why he never told any of them about him dying.  
  
'Akira....' He started. 'Do you still remember this place?'  
  
He got no answer. But he could see the black-hared boy nodded.  
  
Nokoru gave his sweetest smile, hoping he could ease Akira's feeling. 'There, under that big tree, we met for the first time.' He paused. He was looking to the tree he mentioned, and Akira did the same thing. He smiled, closing his eyes trying to memorize the past, their beautiful past....  
  
'Actually it was like today. The sun was shining gently, white clouds floating in the sky, and birds were busy flying around playing happily. Sometimes I wished I were the birds. So free...' He looked at his friend. 'Akira.... Do you still remember how we first met?'  
  
For the first time since then, Akira slowly raised his eyes to him, and looked at him at the eyes. He didn't smile as he used to, which was a very odd to him, but Nokoru understood. Slowly, the black-hared boy nodded.  
  
'Yes, I never forget the first time we met.' Whispering.  
  
Nokoru smiled.  
  
'The first time I met you was years ago, but it was still fresh for me. Seemed it only happened yesterday.' Akira looked at the tree again. 'You were standing under the tree, and the sun was shining on you. I thought you were a real angel that I had to rub my eyes over and over to get a clearer view of you.' He began to smile. 'You were so beautiful, and I didn't realize I was stunned there watching you. And I didn't move at all, till you realized I was there looking at you, and you stared at me. When I realized you were looking back at me, I was startled and my face was blushing.' His smile was widened.  
  
'I remember. Then I smiled to you.' Nokoru added.  
  
The younger man nodded. 'I saw you smiling at me, and yet I didn't know it was real or my fantasy. But I was so embarrassed that I wanted to getaway as quickly as possible.' He smiled again. 'But because I was so clumsy, I was tripped over, and fell down dropping all the things I was carrying. It was so messy, and I tried my best to tidy up soon. And you came to me.'  
  
'I thought you might need my help...'  
  
'And I was frowned again. I wanted to say something to refuse your help....'  
  
'You said you were sorry....'  
  
'Yes, I did say that.'  
  
'But then again, what are you sorry for?'  
  
Both of them laughed at the same time. It took some time for them to ease their laughter till Akira finally continued. 'I was so confused that time. It was my first day transferred to CLAMP school, and I had no friends yet. I was so shy to make friends, since I had never been to school before. I just studied lessons from my mothers at home. You were the first person I talked to on that day.' Akira was blushing. 'You started to help me picking up my things, but I myself was stunned and did nothing to help you...'  
  
'I remember.... You were busy looking at me...'  
  
He looked at the blonde sincerely, before he nodded in agreement. 'Yes. I was stunned because of your eyes. Never in my life before I found such beautiful eyes. They were very blue and sparkling.' He smiled and blushed more in the same time. 'And how I love to see your eyes, even until now. But....'  
  
'But?'  
  
'But your eyes.... They were... so lonely... and pain.' His smile was disappeared. 'I never see such beautiful eyes with such... pain if what it is. And I felt I wanted to share the pain I saw in those eyes. Since then, I swear to myself I want to be beside you to share it. To share all your pain, and all the tears you're holding back.' He was smiling. He tried his best not to shed tears, but he failed.  
  
'Akira....' The view Akira was in tears, tearing him apart. He wanted to cry too, but it wouldn't do any good.  
  
'But I was failed.' Akira's voice was trembling. 'I was totally failed. I was failed to be the one you trust to share your pain....'  
  
'Akira, I trust you....'  
  
'No! You never trust me. You never did. Until now you keep your pain for yourself. You never share it with anyone else. Why, Kaichou? Why? Am I so useless that you never believe me?'  
  
'Akira, I.... I never think like that.... I...' Nokoru stopped. Akira had looked away from him. Obviously Akira refused to receive any explanation from him. He knew how sad Akira was, and he could do nothing to ease it.  
  
'Kaichou.... All this time, I am happy with you and Takamura-senpai. I really believe our friendship will last ever after. That we will be friends forever... But now I know it is impossible, and it is only a dream.'  
  
'No, Akira. It is not a dream. We will be friends forever.' Nokoru declined.  
  
The younger man smiled. He believed Nokoru was lying to him. 'I have resigned from the Council today.'  
  
Nokoru was startled. 'What did you say?' His blue eyes were widened than ever. 'You resigned?'  
  
Akira replied nothing except a nod.  
  
Nokoru should have known about this. That was why he got a bad feeling earlier. 'Is it because of us?' He whispered.  
  
Akira was frozen. But he shook his head immediately to deny the question. 'No.... I just.... I just need to rest myself.'  
  
Nokoru examined him, and he could tell Akira was not telling the truth. The boy must have been very distressed to see both he and Suoh fighting all the time, and that Akira could it no more. Pretty obvious it was the reason why Akira left the Council. He would do the same if he were in Akira's position. Better to stay away than to see his friends breaking apart, but of course he wouldn't support Akira's decision, though deep in his heart he agreed with it.  
  
'Akira, you shouldn't do that. Suoh needs you very much...'  
  
The black-hared man just shook his head as a sign of his disagreement. 'No. Takamutra-senpai will do fine without me. He is the best.'  
  
'No, you're mistaken, Akira. He needs you to be beside you.' Nokoru tried to convince him.  
  
Akira slowly placed his eyes to the man besides him. The man who was trying to be strong by saying the words to him. The man who was trying to comfort him while he himself was in a great pain. He didn't understand how his Kaichou did it, but somehow he always succeeded to make everyone believe he was so tough and independent. How he managed to conceal his wounds behind his pleasant and peaceful face.  
  
'How about you, Kaichou?' His voice was so soft. 'Do you need me?'  
  
Nokoru was surprised by the question Akira had just asked him. 'Akira.... Of course I need you. I always need you.'  
  
'Then why you never tell me what is happening to you?'  
  
'I....' Nokoru lost his words.  
  
'Why do you keep it for yourself? Why don't you share it with me?'  
  
'Akira, I....'  
  
But his answer was drowned in Akira's deep sobbing, and his heart broke more. The feeling he had seeing his best friends crying for him was more hurt than knowing he was dying. 'Akira.... Please.... Don't cry for me.... I'm not that worth for you to shed your tears. I'm not someone worth enough to cry for.... You should save your tears for someone else more precious than me....'  
  
'Kaichou! Will you stop saying that?!' Akira's sadness had turned into anger. 'Will you stop thinking that you're not someone important for me?! For US?!'  
  
Nokoru was silent.  
  
'You are important to us. In fact, you're everything to us. Takamura- senpai and me love you very much. We'll do anything to see you happy, to see your smile blossom all the time. And we are happy if you're happy. Don't you ever understand?' And that was it. The boy was drowned into his sobbing once again. He could not stand to say any more words.  
  
Nokoru sighed. He knew it wouldn't be easy. It never would. But he had to bring it to an end. No matter what...  
  
'Akira.... By the time I met you, somehow I know you would be beside me until the end of time... At least the end of 'my' time... And I still believe it. No matter what, where, or when, you'll always be my friend. Suoh, you, Utako-kaichou, and Nagisa-jyou are the only friends I have. More than that, you all have been my family. The family I have never possessed. And I am grateful to have all of you.' He paused to see how Akira responded. To his relieved, Akira seemed to ease his crying. Then he continued. 'I know it is my fault to keep my illness to all of you, but don't you see, I have my own reason to do that.' He closed his eyes. 'A reason I choose.'  
  
Akira wiped his tears away, and listened to the blonde's explanation attentively. His big black eyes were opened wide, and Nokoru could see they were drowned in a silvery pond of tears.  
  
'I just don't want all of you become sad because of me. I don't want to be a burden to you...'  
  
'Kaichou! You never be a burden to us. We love you, and-'  
  
'I know very well you love me. We're friends, aren't we?' He smiled so sweet that made Akira blushed again. 'But on the other hand, I'm a selfish and arrogant person as well. That's why as long as I can, I want to keep acting as I am a strong person, which in fact I'm not.'  
  
Akira seemed to be confused. 'I don't understand...'  
  
Nokoru smiled to him. 'I just don't want you change after you know what's happening to me. I don't want you to treat me a dead person. I'm still alive, and I want to be treated as a living person.'  
  
'But we won't do that, we-'  
  
'No. You will do that. You will be sad every time you meet me. You'll give me your smile, but it'll be a fake one. Since you know the truth, and you'll keep thinking of it. And I don't want you'll be like that. It's the best thing not to tell you.'  
  
'Kaichou...'  
  
'I'm sorry Akira. I know you'll think I lie to you, but you won't understand how hurt it is to be treated as a dead person while you're still alive. I know I'm dying, and I intend not to tell anyone about it not because I trust any, it's more that because I'm a coward. I'm too selfish and too scared to be hurt. I apologize for having such thought in my mind, but I've considered it time and again, and I have no regret doing it.' Paused. 'The only thing I regret is my knowledge that sooner or later my decision will hurt all of you, but I will hang on my decision.'  
  
'Kaichou.... But don't you think you'll hurt us more when we finally.... We finally know that you're near to your death?'  
  
'I know.... And the fact that you'll even hate I've considered it as well.' He smiled bitterly. 'But if you do hate me, may be it'll be better. In that case, you won't be sad...'  
  
'Kaichou!' Akira could no longer hold back his anger. He stood on his feet at once from his seat and glared to the blonde. 'Don't you ever say that!! We-we will never-' His voice was trembling seemed he wanted to cry. 'We will never hate you....' Akira was very sad that he was in tears again. 'Though I wish I could hate you... and Takamura-senpai. I wish I could hate you for leaving me behind all the time... for forgetting about me.... But I never could. I never could. I-I love you too much to be able to hate you as I wish. I could never hate any of you. You're my best friends.... Always.' And he broke into tears.  
  
Nokoru stood up and pulled him into his embrace. He knew there was no soothing words could comfort Akira now. Akira was too kind to show how he felt about him being left behind in such words. He knew his friendship with Suoh was closer than he had with Akira. They sometimes left Akira out, and many times he did something with Suoh without including the boy. He didn't deny there were times he completely forgot about Akira while he himself was enjoying the time with Suoh. Akira had rights to hate them. He wouldn't blame Akira if he really hated them and left them.  
  
'Akira, if we did leave you, we're very sorry. But we never mean to forget you. You have always been a part of us. And the three of us will stay together forever....' He whispered to Akira's ears, and his own tears began to stream down from the corner of his eyes with nothing he could do to hold them back. 'Forever....'  
  
'No.... You're lying to me.... Kaichou.... You lie....'  
  
'I don't.... I don't lie to you....'  
  
Akira loosened Nokoru's embrace to have a better sight to the blue eyes in front of him. 'Then why you leave Takamura-senpai?'  
  
'I have my own reason...'  
  
'Is it because you don't want him to know what's happening to you?'  
  
The blonde nodded.  
  
'But he has to know! He must know!'  
  
'No. He doesn't have to know about it.'  
  
'No!! It's not fair!!! It's not fair!! Takamura-senpai has to know about this. Otherwise he'll keep angry to you.... he'll think you hate him, and he'll hate you more!!'  
  
'Let it be then.'  
  
'But it's not fair to you!!! I'll go and tell him now!' Akira released himself from Nokoru's embrace and hurried to leave him behind. But his footsteps were stopped by a force grab on his arm.  
  
'Kaichou, let me go! I will tell him and I'll ask him to see you to apologize for what he did to you!'  
  
Nokoru didn't answer him. He only smiled and shook his head. 'I don't want him to know, and I won't let you tell him.'  
  
'But why?! Kaichou-'  
  
'Akira!'  
  
Akira startled. Never before he saw his Kaichou's face was so serious.  
  
'Promise me you won't tell him about me no matter what happen.'  
  
Akira was desperate. 'No!!' He refused. 'I'll tell him what happen to you!!' He twisted his arm to escape from him. In fact, as the '20 Masks', Akira could escape easily from Nokoru's grasp, but just when he managed to get away, Nokoru suddenly fell on his knees and started to cough again. He should have taken a rest, but he didn't do it, since he felt Akira needed him, and he chose to talk to him, instead being on the bed and rested himself.  
  
'Kaichou!! Are you alright?' Akira was panic. He could see blood streaming out again, and Nokoru seemed couldn't stop his cough.  
  
The blonde tried to smile to hide his true pain. But he couldn't hold back the blood streaming out from his mouth. 'I'm fine.... It'll go soon....'  
  
Carefully Akira helped him to go back to his seat.  
  
'Akira....' He addressed the distressed-looking boy. 'Don't worry. I won't die this soon.'  
  
'But you will, won't you?' He asked. 'Why don't you want the doctors to help you?'  
  
'As I said before it was too late. It won't do any good. I'll be wasting my time.' He smiled cleaning the blood with his handkerchief. 'Akira?'  
  
'H-Hai...'  
  
'Look at this place.... Isn't it beautiful?'  
  
Akira looked around the park. Since the school's hour had been finished long time ago, the park was empty now. Since they came here, no one else seemed to show up. They could only hear the birds, and the sound of wind blowing the trees.  
  
Nokoru smiled again, and pointed his finger to the biggest tree in the middle of the park. 'I always love that tree.' He looked at Akira who was looking at the tree he pointed as well. 'The tree has brought me many happy memories in my life.'  
  
'I saw you the first time from that tree. I talked to Suoh for the first time in front of that tree, right over here, from where we are sitting. And I met Idomu the first time under the same tree. It seems that I met every one of you here. In this park, near to the tree.... What a coincidence, isn't it?'  
  
He giggled a little when he mentioned this. Akira smiled in an agreement.  
  
'May be it is fate. If I die in the future, I want to be buried under the tree, so I can memorize the moment we met each other.'  
  
Akira's tears were flowing down again. His voice was trembling when he replied Nokoru's statement. 'Kaichou, you won't die. You'll live forever. With us....'  
  
Nokoru stunned when he heard Akira's replied. How pure his friend was, believing that someone could live forever. Wished he could believe it to. Then he laughed. He was laughing so hard that his tears were forming in the corner of his eyes. When finally he could settle, he looked at Akira. 'Akira, everyone will die sooner later. I'll die too....'  
  
Akira bit his lower lip.  
  
'People said a dying man has a right to have his last wish fulfilled. Do you agree with it, Akira?'  
  
Akira looked at him, seemed to predict what Nokoru would say to him. But then, he nodded his head hesitantly.  
  
'I'm dying.... So I guess I have the rights to demand my last wish be fulfilled.' His voice turned into seriousness. He stared at Akira commanded him to listen to him carefully, and followed his order no matter what.  
  
Akira was still in silent. He was going to refuse whatever Nokoru wanted to ask him, but the look on Nokoru's face forced him to keep quiet and obey.  
  
'There are two things I want you to do for me at the moment. First, I want you to promise me no matter happen you will not tell Suoh about me. About what's happening to me.'  
  
'Kaichou! I don't-'  
  
'Akira!'  
  
Akira startled. Nokoru glared at him. Never before his Kaichou was mad to him. He was afraid that he lost his words.  
  
'Second, I want you to go back to the Junior High right now, and cancelled your resignation. You have to promise to stay beside Suoh no matter what happen forever.' He stared intensely to the younger man. 'Can you promise me those two things?'  
  
Akira was frowned. But something in his mind kept telling him to refuse to promise to Nokoru. 'I don't want-'  
  
'Akira! Promise me! You have no choice, Akira!!'  
  
'No!! I WON'T PROMISE YOU!!! I refuse to follow your order. You said it yourself that you're no longer my Kaichou. Why should I listen to you?! You're not my Kaichou anymore!!! I will do whatever I want!! And I'll go to Takamura-senpai, and tell him whatever I know about you and the fact that you're dying!!! I'll go there and I'll make sure that-'  
  
'AKIRA!!! LOOK AT ME!!!'  
  
Akira was shocked. Nokoru had screamed at him. He never screamed at him like that. Never.  
  
'FINE. If you refuse to follow me, than you're no longer my friend. I'm no longer your friend, and I'll forget everything we had all these years. I don't need you, and I don't want to see you anymore. Never.'  
  
'I don't care!!! Let it be then!! Anything I don't care, as long Takamura- senpai knows what happen to you, I don't mind!!! I'd rather to lose you than to see you suffering all by yourself. Cause it hurts me more to see you dying alone without the one you love the most. If you choose to throw me away as your friend, I don't mind. You have your own right to do so. But I'll still tell him the truth.'  
  
Akira stopped. His breath was not stable. His chest was hurt, since he had to say things he hated to say. But it was the truth. He would do anything for his best friends even it had to hurt himself. He prepared himself to face Nokoru's replied. He understood his senior very well that Nokoru was a stubborn man. If he determined to do something, then he would do anything to have it on his way. But to Akira's surprised, instead of an anger expression on Nokoru's face, he saw the desperate looking on the pale face.  
  
'Akira.... Please.... I beg you.... Please don't tell Suoh about this....' He started to cry now. 'Don't you understand.... If suoh finds out about me, he'll blame himself for sure. And he won't get any peace in his mind. He will be sad. I... I... don't want him to be sad because of me.' He covered his face now. 'Please.... I beg you.... Promise me, and I swear I won't ask you anything else. Just this once, promise me....'  
  
Akira was silent. His heart was hurting even more to see his Kaichou begging him like this. He disliked his Kaichou to be in tears like this. He just wanted him to be happy more than anything on this world. He just wanted Nokoru to smile genuinely, and why was that so hard?  
  
Again, the two of them were hugging each other, sharing their tears and pain. The birds were still singing and flying around them, and the wind was busy blowing the trees to make the leaves fell from their twigs. They stayed in silence.  
  
'Please understand, Akira...' He whispered to his ear. 'Even if you tell him, it will change nothing. I won't be cured. It only brings him more pain if he knows he can do nothing to save me. So let it be...' He was sobbing. 'He doesn't need to know. He can't know about this...'  
  
'But don't you want him to be beside you? Even to spend your last days?'  
  
Nokoru couldn't answer. He wanted it, but he was too scared to admit it. Akira tightened his embrace. The thought he was going to lose the person in his embrace scared him so much. He held him tighter and tighter hoping he wouldn't let him go. Both of them were drowned into silence, and their own thought.  
  
'I promise...'  
  
***  
  
He knocked at the Junior High boardroom's door gently. He didn't know why and how his feet could drag him this far to this place. Oh... yes... He remembered now.... He could hear a call welcoming him from inside the room, and he opened the door. He could see someone he recognized always, someone who had been so close to him. But after he found out all the fact, could he stay the same again? He doubted it. The person he meant didn't look at him. It seemed he was very busy reading lots of paper works piled on his President Desk.  
  
'Takamura-senpai?'  
  
The man behind the desk suddenly frowned. Suoh recognized that voice. The voice that had been so familiar to him. How could he forget about it anyway?  
  
'Ijyuin?' He looked up from his desk, and found his guess was right. 'Ijyuin! It's you!' He was so happy to see the younger man's present, that hurriedly he got up from his chair, and ran to him. 'Ijyuin! You're back! I... I...'  
  
Akira smiled. 'Takamura-senpai, I want to apologize to you.'  
  
'What do you mean?' Suoh was confused.  
  
'I want to cancel my resignation. I've thought about it over and over, and it was a fool of me to have such a decision. How irresponsible I am, and I'm ashamed to you. After all you've done to me, I should be grateful, and- '  
  
'Ijyuin, you don't have to continue it.' Suoh grabbed the black-hared boy's shoulders. 'We're friends. I apologize to you too for being such a selfish person. I'm sorry I never concern about you, and there is no words can represent the happiness I have in my heart to have you back in the Council.' He was so happy to have Akira back that he hugged the boy tightly. 'Ijyuin, thank you very much. I need you so much. Thank you for coming back beside me.'  
  
'Takamura-senpai....' Akira felt his tears forming in the corner of his eyes. He hugged his seniors tighter. There were so many things he wanted to share to his Takamura-senpai by the moment, but all his words were sealed by his promise to his Kaichou. If only Takamura-senpai knew about Kaichou, what would he say? He could nothing except biting hi own lips, trying to prevent the words out from his mouth. He was a man, and a man should keep his promises. Akira couldn't hold his tears back any longer as his thought was swirling in his mind. The thought that he should be beside Takamura-senpai instead of beside his dying Kaichou... The thought that Kaichou chose to die alone without letting the one he loved the most knew... All the thoughts made him crying in Suoh's embrace. How long he could keep this secret?  
  
Far from them, behind the boardroom's room, Nokoru observed the two of them hugging each other silently. He was satisfied to see his friends together again, but why he kept feeling hurt at the same time as well? Nokoru smiled. He should have known he was jealous. He wished he were in Suoh's embrace instead of Akira. He wished Suoh would welcome him as he welcomed Akira. Suoh would embrace him as tight as he embraced Akira. He would sacrifice anything to have that kind of embrace even for one second. But after all he had said and done to him, he knew Suoh had hated him. Suoh wouldn't forgive him that easily. And Suoh didn't need him to be happy. He had Akira beside him. He wouldn't need him.  
  
Nokoru stepped back slowly to leave the scene. His role had been done, and it was no use for him to stay there longer. He would return to his place alone.... As he used to be...  
  
Alone....  
  
How it was hurt to see his friends together without him. But it was fate... it was his destiny to be alone. Till the death took him. The death could take his body and mind, but it would never take his memory of his friends. He wouldn't let his death take his friends' happiness. Especially the one he loved the most....  
  
Suoh....  
  
//I hope you'll always be happy...//  
  
To be continued - 


	11. Reveal

Sorry for the terrible, terrible delay. Hope you still remember my fic. And thanks for still reading it up till now. I thank you who kindly review my fic. Your comments and critiques are mostly welcomed.  
  
DISCLAIMER:  
  
They are not MINE! Nokoru, Suoh, Akira, Idomu, Utako and Nagisa belong to Clamp, and I wish they were mine. Hehehe... T_T  
  
Chapter 11: Reveal  
  
One more step... one more thing to do... then he could rest in peace.... forever.  
  
***  
  
The bright sunshine crept into his bedroom, and woke him up from his peaceful sleep. Nokoru slowly opened his pair of sapphires. He didn't really want to wake up actually, but on the other hand, he couldn't really sleep anyway the whole night. The vision of Suoh and Akira being together had disturbed his mind very much that he even thought about it into his sleep. By the time he saw his two friends back together again, somehow he felt he was really, really, really lonely. He never felt so lonely before, and it hurt his feelings so much. All these times he had been their leader, and his friends would follow him anywhere anytime. But now... now, he understood very well how it felt like to be left behind.  
  
He faced the white ceiling above his bed, letting his mind wander around. Today was a school day, but he didn't feel eager to go to school. One day off from school wouldn't make any difference anyway, knowing the fact that he was dying soon. Nobody cared about his absence, anyway.  
  
Since the day he found out he was dying, every morning when he got up from his sleep, he kept asking the same question to himself. The first question he asked every time he opened his eyes.  
  
//Can I survive the day?//  
  
And from that single question, his genius mind would put out more questions for him to seek the answers for. What would it be if he couldn't survive? Would there be someone beside him to listen to his last wish? And so on... But then the question he feared the most was what Suoh would do if he found out he had died. Would he be upset? Would he hate him? But it would be a lot better for him if Suoh did hate him anyway.  
  
But before he died, he wanted to do one 'last' thing. One more step... one more thing to do... then he could rest in peace.... He could die for sure....  
  
And before that 'last thing' executed, he promised himself he wouldn't die. Now he just had to wait.... wait until there was a chance for him to do that 'thing.' No matter what it would take, he would have that 'thing' to be done, though he knew very well that 'thing' would hurt him so much... too much, in fact.  
  
He closed his eyes again. He was certain he didn't want to come to school today. He didn't care about school anymore. He just wanted to go back to his sleep, and this time, he wouldn't neglect any sweet dream he might have- a sweet dream about his past...back to the time when he was still happily surrounded by his friends.  
  
If he had that kind of dream, he didn't want to wake up anymore.  
  
***  
  
'Ah.... Arigatou, Ijyuin.' Suoh thanked the Treasurer as the boy poured warm milk tea into his cup. 'You know what? I'm very grateful you decided to stay with me. Without you, who'd be there to help me? I'll be very lonely then.'  
  
'You flatter me too much, Takamura-senpai.' Akira gave him a weak smile.  
  
Suoh smiled to him in return, and he continued sipping his favorite tea.  
  
'Takamura-senpai...'  
  
'Yes?'  
  
'I'm just wondering... Do you miss Kaichou?' Akira lowered his voice as he put away the teapot he was holding since then.  
  
Suoh seemed to be startled when he heard the question, but he acted his best to hide it. 'Why do you suddenly ask me?'  
  
'Well.... actually....' Akira was confused. 'Actually it's...nothing. It's just...that I, myself, have begun to miss him lately.'  
  
Suoh sighed. He put his cup on its plate and looked at the black-haired boy intensely. He knew Akira was having trouble accepting what had happened between him and Nokoru. He knew very well that Nokoru was more than a friend to Akira. In fact, Nokoru was his idol. Someone Akira adored very much. Suoh envied Nokoru for this matter, but he understood why Akira adored him so much-not only him, everybody else would do so if they had a chance to know him better.  
  
'Takamura-senpai...don't you wish to visit him once a while? Don't you want to meet him?' Akira looked at the older boy hopefully.  
  
'Akira.... I don't think it's a good idea for us to meet each other again after that big conflict. Both of us still need time to settle everything. Otherwise, I'm afraid we'll cause more trouble in the future.' Suoh paused, hoping Akira could get his point. 'Please try to understand, Ijyuin.'  
  
Akira looked disappointed. His effort to persuade Suoh to come and meet his Kaichou was totally a failure. He should've known that Suoh was also a very stubborn person, but he wouldn't give up so easily. He would find a way to bring them together again. He had to do it fast. Before it's too late...  
  
A knock at the door startled him from his thoughts as he quickly answered it. 'H-Hai... Come in, please...'  
  
A beautiful girl passed the door. Her lovely pale purple hair was slowly swung in the air as she entered and closed the boardroom door. Her face, even the softest touch would be a pity to be placed on her. Her appearance was always still stunning even to people who were close to her and met her daily. Suoh could still feel his cheek blush every time he looked at the girl. Was it true that actually deep inside his heart he was still longing for the girl? Perhaps it was true that actually he was still in love with this girl. He didn't understand that. All he knew that he loved to see her now, in this place, where everything seemed screwed up lately.  
  
'Konnichiwa, Takamura-senpai.... Ijyuin-senpai....' Azuya Nagisa greeted them politely.  
  
'Konnichiwa, Azuya-san.' Akira replied shortly.  
  
'Konnichiwa, Nagisa-san.' Suoh replied also, blushing in the face. 'May I help you?'  
  
'I'm sorry. Did I interrupt something important?'  
  
'No. Not really. Ijyuin and I are just taking our break.' Suoh started to get up from his seat. 'Was there something urgent that happened?' He couldn't help but worry about this girl. Though something special they once had between them had already gone a long time ago, but the feeling, the need to protect the girl from anything that might harm her still had been a personal obsession to him.  
  
Nagisa smiled shyly. She should've known Takamura always cared for her. Even till now. 'Nothing, I just happened to make extra snacks in cooking class, and I thought it will be a great idea to share it....' She paused. Now it was her turn to have three shades of pink. Not only her; the blush on Suoh's face was even worse. He became so red that Akira was almost sure his senior was about to explode any second.  
  
'Ehm...' Akira pretended clearing his throat, which got the couple's attention. 'I'm sorry...' He smiled. 'Takamura-senpai, I just remembered I have an appointment to attend with Ohkawa-kaichou, may I leave the two of you now?'  
  
'Er- Sure.... You've done your council's assignments anyway. Yes, you may leave now, Ijyuin.' He looked nervous. 'Thank you, and see you tomorrow?'  
  
The black-hared boy smiled wider. 'You're welcome. See you tomorrow.' Akira packed few things of his immediately and left the room. Once he closed the door, he leaned on it, took a deep breath, and sighed. He hated he had to lie to Suoh. There was no such appointment between him and Utako. It was a reason he made up to getaway from the scene as soon as possible. He couldn't stand to stay there and watched everything. Now that he knew the truth, how could he bear to see his Takamura-senpai enjoyed his time with Nagisa-san, while on the other side his Kaichou was dying alone?  
  
He sighed again. But after all, it was not Takamura-senpai's fault. He just didn't know the truth. That was why he still could feel relax in the time like this. Whenever it would be, Takamura-senpai would still have him beside, and Nagisa-san and everybody else. But Kaichou? Kaichou wouldn't have anyone. He would be alone, and he would die alone. And was it true there was nothing he could do about it?  
  
Akira felt tears forming in his eyes, and he quickly blinked them away. He didn't want to cry in this place. Crying wouldn't solve his problems now. He would go visit his Kaichou now and he didn't want to look sad. He had to be happy in front of him. For the last moments....  
  
***  
  
After a half-hour journey from the Junior High School to the High School area, Akira finally reached the High School Council boardroom. He rushed himself a little bit, and before he entered the room, he stopped for a while to fix his appearance. Finally when he was sure he was just fine, he knocked the door carefully.  
  
'Yes! Come in, please!'  
  
Idomu's voice. Akira pushed the door slowly, hoping he would see his Kaichou's face smiling to him as a warm welcome. But in a mean time, he knew he was disappointed. Everywhere he looked in the boardroom he couldn't see his Kaichou's angelic face or his warm smile.  
  
'Ijyuin-kun? Nice to meet you today.... may I help you?' Idomu asked the younger boy. Actually he knew the boy came there to look for Nokoru, but anyway he had to say something to greet him, right?  
  
'Idomu-san, it's nice to meet you, too. Um...is Kaichou here?'  
  
'I'm afraid Nokoru-san is absent today. He didn't attend his lessons, too, this morning.'  
  
'Really? Do you know why he didn't come?'  
  
Idomu shook his head. 'He called me this morning, and I asked the same question as you did, but he refused to tell me the reason he was absent.'  
  
Akira started to worry. 'Is it because....' He paused. 'Is it because of his illness?' There was a great fear in his voice when he pronounced the word 'illness.'  
  
Idomu shook his head again. 'I'm not sure about that. May be yes, may be no. But from the way he talked to me in the phone, he seemed to be fine. Then again, you know Nokoru.... he'll try to hide anything wrong with him from us.'  
  
Akira's eyes turned gloomier now. He agreed with the statement Idomu had just said to him. Knowing Kaichou, he always didn't want anyone worry about him. 'I thought I can meet him today....'  
  
'I understand.' Idomu smiled to him. 'I appreciate it really. He needs all the support he might get. Especially from his closest friends, like you.'  
  
Akira smiled in return. 'Thank you. Idomu-san, you're Kaichou's best friend too.'  
  
Idomu sighed. 'I'm not sure about that. Compared to me, you have a closer relationship with Nokoru-san than I do.' Now he was busy arranging the paper works he had signed and put them in the piles. 'I'm filing all these papers now. Ijyuin-kun, since you're here, could you please give me a hand?'  
  
'Sure.' Akira came closer to the Secretary's desk to help Idomu immediately.  
  
'I never stop wandering how on Earth Nokoru can do all the work by himself. Every day he has to answer the phones, sign the papers, make the appointment with other Councils, plus meet with Rijichou. Not to mention all the reports he has to make. How he could spend his time doing all of these? Does he get enough rest all this time? When is the time for himself?' Idomu stopped. 'Ijyuin-kun, he has to manage his family's companies as well, right?'  
  
Akira looked at him. Idomu's questions had made him wander also about the answers. He himself was a very busy person. Working as the Treasurer, cooking class lecturer, and that '20 masks' thing had almost driven him nuts. But he still enjoyed his life because he was doing all of that for the ones he loved. Every time he went home, he would have his mothers to greet him, and he always had Utako to talk to whenever he had problems. But what about Kaichou? He never heard Kaichou sharing stories about his family with them. Kaichou must be very lonely, then. He had them as his only friends, and he had no one he could always talk to about his feelings. But even though they were considered as Kaichou's friends, never a day would come that Kaichou came to them and shared his problems. Never. Kaichou only...no...always wanted them to be happy. He wouldn't bother them with his problems. He would simply keep his problems to himself.  
  
This was all his fault. If only he cared about Kaichou more, Kaichou might not end up like now. If only he was not always busy, and paid him a little more attention.  
  
'Ijyuin, are you alright?'  
  
'Huh?' Akira was startled. He completely forgot he was helping Idomu with his files. Instead of placing the papers into the folders, he put them into his own bag. 'I-I-I'm sorry. I don't mean to...' He instantly put the papers out again, and made all of them messed up.  
  
'It's alright.' Idomu got the papers quickly, and stuck them all before something worse-like losing the papers-happened. Enough trouble for the day without Nokoru around...  
  
'Idomu-san....' Akira was about to say something to Idomu, but on his second thought he swallowed his word.  
  
'Yes?' Idomu sensed something wrong with the boy. 'Did you want to say something?' His eyes were still on the papers.  
  
'I just wonder. How are your feelings to Kaichou?'  
  
Idomu stunned. Suddenly the papers didn't interest him anymore as he moved his sight to the younger boy. 'My feelings?' He repeated the question like he wasn't sure of his hearing.  
  
'Yes...your 'true' feeling...'  
  
He looked into the gray eyes laid before his intensely, trying to discover any mischief intend in those eyes. Yet he found any. 'What do you mean? I mean – Why you ask me that?'  
  
'I know I have no right to interfere your personal matter. But I got the feeling ever since you returned that Takamura-senpai somehow had changed. He and Kaichou...they seemed to...have a distance...not close anymore....' He looked hesitantly to Idomu's eyes. 'They started fighting each other, and it only happened since you came back to the school.'  
  
Idomu didn't say anything. He diverted his vision to somewhere else. His eyes were wandering around, sinking in his own thought.  
  
'I'm sorry, Idomu-san. It's not my point to blame you, but I just want to know what actually happened. There must be a reason why this happened. Kaichou and Takamura-senpai... no matter how often they argued each other, they never had this kind of conflict.' Akira sighed and looked away. 'I can't help thinking whose fault this is. I know I sound childish, trying to find other person to be blamed, but I just want to know what caused it.'  
  
'Ijyuin....'  
  
'I'm sorry, Idomu-san. I know you don't mean to have all of these happen. I just... I'm just...'  
  
'Angry?' Idomu continued his unspoken word.  
  
In a second, Akira gazed back to the man before him, seemed surprised on how the man could figure out his mind. But Idomu had spoken the truth. The truth he didn't want to admit. He was angry. But he didn't know why exactly he was feeling angry, and whom his anger was aimed at. He wanted to scream, to hit someone, and let all his anger out, but he couldn't. All he could do just to nod as a true agreement to Idomu's guess.  
  
Idomu sighed. He understood very well how Akira's feeling right at the moment since he also felt the same thing in his heart. 'Ijyuin...before I answer your question, I want to ask you something.'  
  
'What is it about?'  
  
'You've promised Nokoru not to tell Takamura about his true condition, right?'  
  
'Yes.'  
  
'Do you still keep your promise then?'  
  
'Yes, I do. Though in fact, I don't want to.'  
  
'I know it must be hard for you to keep it a secret.'  
  
'I still don't understand why Kaichou doesn't want Takamura-senpai to know about him.'  
  
'Did you ask Nokoru why?'  
  
'Yes. Kaichou said he didn't want Takamura-senpai to bkame himself because of him.'  
  
'That answers everything. Ijyuin, don't you see? Nokoru loves Takamura very much. And the thing that makes me angry instead of confessing his love to him, Nokoru chose to match Takamura with that girl.'  
  
'Azuya Nagisa-san you mean?'  
  
'Yes. That's her. Nokoru promised her that whatever happens, he will make Takamura return to her. Can you believe that?' Idomu began to raise his voice. His anger he'd been holding was about to explode. He couldn't bear it anymore. The vision, the thought that Nokoru chose to die in a very painful way had tortured him, and he began to put the papers in his hand roughly.  
  
'Damn! What the hell should I do with these papers? I hate them!' And that's it. Idomu lost his temper. He threw all the papers into the air and slammed himself on his chair stroking his own hair. He was distressed.  
  
Akira was in panic. He was busy collecting all the papers floating in the air. He was surprised to see Idomu's sudden change. All this time, he always thought Idomu was a cool person, and he always had a good control of his personality. When he finally managed to collect all the papers, he quickly put them away in their piles.  
  
'Idomu-san, are you alright?'  
  
But he didn't answer him soon. His eyes were closed. It was obvious he was trying his best to settle down.  
  
'Idomu-san?' Akira began to worry.  
  
The boy opened his eyes, and grinned. 'I'm fine. I'm sorry I just-' but his grin didn't last long. To Akira's surprise Idomu was crying before him. He never saw Idomu in tears before, and it was true; Idomu never cried in front of other people. Even by the time his mother left him, he didn't shed a single tear. But the fact that he was going to lose another person he loved the most was unbearable to him, and there was no way he could keep every thing inside his heart alone again.  
  
'The only reason I returned to Japan, to Tokyo, is to meet him again. I want to see his angelic smile, his shimmering blue eyes, and his golden hair, just exactly like I used to see years before. But I don't think it's possible...' Pause.  
  
'Ijyuin.... Don't you see what I see? He's not the Nokoru I used to know.... He's changed a lot. Now, he is more...more suffering....'  
  
Akira was speechless.  
  
'I can hardly recognize him anymore. Now, there is no cheerful smile on his face...no laughter he used to spend with me anymore....'  
  
'Idomu-san....' Sigh. 'I'm sorry....'  
  
'Sorry? What are you sorry for anyway?' He looked at Akira who looked very desperate now.  
  
'It is my responsibility to protect Kaichou. Not only his being, but also his happiness, and it seemed that I've failed him. I'm sorry, it's all my fault.'  
  
To Akira's surprised, Idomu giggled at him, and his giggle grew louder till it turned out to be a big burst of laughter, and his voice filled the silent boardroom. When he finally managed to have a control on himself, Idomu wiped his tears that creeping downs the corner of his eyes, and spoke to Akira with his breath short.  
  
'Stupid...it's not your fault!' Pause. He laughed again. 'Why do you think so? Ijyuin, there's nothing you can do about it. Nobody can do anything...nobody-not even me.' And the last word he spoke tore him apart.  
  
'GOD DAMN IT!!!! I just want to see him happy!!! WHY??? WHY???!!! Why must this happen? I didn't come here to watch him die!!!'  
  
'Idomu-san....' To tell the truth, Akira wanted to break in tears as Idomu did. But he realized it would only make the condition worse. He had to stay calm. At least he had to look tough. 'Please don't do this. You mustn't blame yourself for this.'  
  
'Easy for you to say!!! How about yourself? What if you're in my position???!!! Don't you feel the same way as me?!'  
  
'I....'  
  
'And the thing I hate the most is that blue-hared son-of-the-bitch doesn't know what's happening to Nokoru. How the hell-' But he cut his words short. Akira was right. It was no use blaming anybody for what had happened now. Everything had happened.  
  
'Idomu-san, I know you're very angry to Takamura-senpai. But he doesn't know any of this. He can't be blamed for what happened. I know how you feel, since I admit I feel the same too. I don't understand how Takamura- senpai can easily ignore Kaichou, and pays more attention to Azuya-san. But if only he finds out, I'm sure he'll be very sad.'  
  
'If he finds out.... But WHEN???!! Don't you think it's going to be too late then?'  
  
Silence. Yes. Idomu was right. He feared the same thing too. Time. Something he didn't posses. Something he couldn't steal, though he was the greatest thief ever. Kaichou might not have so much time. His time was getting near, and nobody could tell how much time he still had. He would die soon, and it was his intention to keep his dying from the one he loved the most. Takamura Suoh.  
  
'I can't stand it, Ijyuin.' He dipped his fingers into his hair, closing his eyes, trying his best to hold back his anger. 'I've thought about it over and over. And I have no choice. I've made my decision.'  
  
'What decision?' Akira seemed to be confused by Idomu's sudden statement.  
  
'I've decided. I'm leaving Japan. I'm going to return to Europe, and I swear I won't come back to Japan again.'  
  
'WHAT???!!' Akira was shocked. He was screaming. 'But you can't do that!!! If you leave, what about Kaichou?? Who will stay beside him again?' He couldn't believe what Idomu just said to him. Was he joking?  
  
'I've made my decision, and nobody can change it. Please don't waste your energy trying to change my mind. I'll be gone by tomorrow, I've arranged everything. Today is my last day in the Council, and I'll send my resignation letter this evening before I dismiss myself.'  
  
'But-but-...Idomu-san, if you leave, who'll help Kaichou? He needs you. He needs you to be by his side. You've said it yourself he needs all the support he could get, especially at a time like this. You can't just leave like that. How could you?'  
  
'Don't you get it, Akira???!!!' Idomu was angry. He slammed his fist onto the desk, and rose from his seat. His eyes were aflame. Obviously he hated to be questioned by Akira. Who was he anyway? He didn't know that actually deep in his heart he hated to do so. But Nokoru left him no choice.  
  
'I don't want to stay here, and watch Nokoru dying slowly. No!!! NO!!! I won't do that!! If I have to watch him like this, trust me, I'd prefer to be killed by you.'  
  
But Akira couldn't accept that explanation. How could Idomu be so selfish, thinking of himself, how should he deal with this? He should think of Kaichou's feeling as well. He was the only one who could stay beside Kaichou all the time, and spent more time with him compared with him and Suoh. He himself would gladly do that, but it was impossible for him because of their different lessons' schedules, and their responsibility in different councils, as well.  
  
'But STILL you CANNOT do that!!! Think how Kaichou will feel about it!!! Don't you realize you will only make him hurt more?'  
  
'But even though I'd stay here, I can't do anything for him, can I? I'd better leave, away from here, see nothing, know nothing, than to watch him die slowly.'  
  
'But how could you? How could you....' Akira didn't know what to say anymore. If truth to be told, he would probably do the same as Idomu would do. He'd better be away from here, and his thought scared him so much. A part of him realized he'd be betraying his Kaichou, if he really did leave him behind, pretending he knew nothing about him and his illness. He wished things could be so easy. But he knew it was definitely inappropriate. Kaichou was his best friend. And this moment was the very moment he needed him. He needed them. How could he leave him like this? How could Idomu leave him like that? He wanted so much to hold back his tears, but it was too late then. He cried now. If there was something he could do now, it most likely was just to sob. He knew sobbing wouldn't solve the problem he was facing now, but at least he could let out his feelings.  
  
'Ijyuin....' Idomu's voice softened. His heart couldn't stand to watch Nokoru's best friend crying in front him, but on the other side he knew very well there was nothing he could say more to comfort him, since he was feeling the same too. He was hurt. Both of them were hurt. And they couldn't heal each other's broken heart. 'I'm sorry I've hurt you. But please understand me, there's nothing I can do here anyway. Staying here longer will only make me hurt even more. I couldn't stand it any longer, and the fact he doesn't need me is what makes me hurt more; the fact that all this time he only loves one person, and that person is not me. That's what makes my heart hurt the most. So what's the point I stay here anyway? Nothing.'  
  
Idomu left his seat, and walked towards the sobbing boy. He placed his hand on the boy's shoulder, hoping he could ease some burdens off him. But Akira began to step away from him, neglecting him, and he shook his head as he disagreed with Idomu's opinion.  
  
'Why?' Akira's whispered. 'How could you?' His voice was rising. 'Don't you think I feel the same as you? Don't you think I want to run away, too, like you will? I also don't like this, and I'm also HURT!!! But I try my best not to give up. I try my best to stay, and not to leave Kaichou suffering all alone because we're friends, and friends will stay together in either happiness or sorrow. You said you're his friend. But what kind of a friend are you?' He sobbed.  
  
'Ijyuin, I-'  
  
'NOO!!!! YOU ARE NOT HIS FRIEND. You don't care how he feels. You just think of yourself, but don't you think he's hurt also? Don't you think he's hurt even more that you are? How can you be so selfish?' His anger exploded, and he was screaming at Idomu.  
  
Idomu's face reddened. Part of him admitted what Akira'd told him was true, but his ego refused to accept it without a defense of himself. And he was screaming back at Akira. 'LISTEN!!! I don't care what you think, and I don't give a damn what he'd think, but I'm LEAVING!!! I'm LEAVING and I'll NEVER return here. NEVER!!! Do you hear me?'  
  
Once he finished his words, he grabbed his bag and prepared himself to leave, leaving poor Akira who was speechless. Akira knew he had no right to make him stay, and he had no power to do it anyway. But he had to try, at least he had to give it a try. He would do anything to make him stay, even if he had to break Idomu's legs. So he grabbed Idomu's arm tightly, forcing him to stay where he was standing. But he should have known that Idomu was not easy to defeat, he himself had a strong self-defense. Even him, the famous '20Masks' had a hard time dealing with him in the past.  
  
'Idomu-san, PLEASE!!! DON'T GO!!!'  
  
'Ijyuin!!! Get your hands off me!!! After all I've said, don't you get it?!! It's no use for me to stay here.' He struggled to release himself from Akira's tight grasp. 'Akira!!! Get out from my way!!!'  
  
'NO!!! I won't do that!!! I'll make you stay, even if I have to break your legs!!!'  
  
'LISTEN!!! I don't want to fight with you!!! Even if you break my legs, I won't change my mind!!! So step aside, and let me go!!!'  
  
'NO!! I've said I won't do that!!!'  
  
'LET ME GO I SAID!!!!' Idomu screamed louder.  
  
'I SAID I WON'T!!!'  
  
'AKIRA!!! LET HIM GO!!!'  
  
Suddenly another scream startled them both, and at the same time both of them looked at the source of the command. They were very shocked when they spotted the figure they knew very well. The figure they loved, and at the same time the figure they didn't expect to see on that very second.  
  
Nokoru was standing over there, right by the opened boardroom's door. None of them realized since when he had been standing there and listened to them. They didn't even realize when and how Nokoru could open the huge door without being noticed. He seemed to appear from nowhere, and what they feared the most was how much Nokoru had heard from them. Did he listen to all the words they'd been saying about him? And to their greatest fear, how his feeling was at the moment.  
  
'Nokoru...'  
  
'Kaichou...'  
  
'AKIRA!! DIDN'T YOU HEAR WHAT I SAID? LET HIM GO!!'  
  
Without a second thought, Akira slowly released his grasp on Idomu's arm. Now both of them didn't have the guts to face Nokoru. There was a great seriousness in those blue eyes. Nokoru's blue eyes were not the usual ones they witnessed before, the eyes that were always warm and pleasant. At this very second, both of them seemed to be mute, at a loss for words.  
  
'He may leave whenever he wants to leave. You have no right to stop him.' His voice softened. He hated to sight the scene before him. He really didn't want to see his friends get into a fight again just because of him. He was not worth enough to be fought for.  
  
He had been standing behind the door for quite long time, and he had heard every single thing they'd been talking about. He shouldn't be here at this moment, he should be in his residence now, laying his body, looking at the empty ceiling, and feeling sorry for himself for being so lonely. But it seemed so wrong, so he decided to come to school, at least to pay a visit to the council to check his paper works.  
  
But now after he heard everything, might be it was true that he should stay in his bedroom. His heart was broken into pieces, and it hurt him more than ever. One by one, his friends started to leave him behind. But he had to face it. It was the consequence he had to accept. He wouldn't be sorry for himself, since he had promised he wouldn't regret his action no matter what it would cost. So... there was no way he could escape or even step back. He had to go on, even if it would hurt him more and more.  
  
Idomu felt uncomfortable. He tried to divert his eyes from Nokoru's stare at him. He had made his choice, like Nokoru had made his own choice. If Nokoru chose to die in this way, then he chose not to witness his death. He was about to continue his footsteps making his way to leave the room, when Akira stopped him for the second time.  
  
'Wait!! Idomu-san.... Please, I beg you.... Don't leave.' Akira begged him. Tears were in his eyes.  
  
But Idomu had made up his mind. He continued his steps without paying a single glance to him. He kept on walking till he reached the place where Nokoru stood.  
  
'Idomu-san...'  
  
He stopped right beside him, still refusing to face him.  
  
Nokoru closed his eyes, and smiled. 'Thank you. Thank you for everything.'  
  
Idomu gasped. He tried very hard not to cry when he heard Nokoru's soft voice.  
  
'I'm sorry if I hurt your heart more than I know. I'm sorry for everything.' His voice was trembling when he spoke his words. Both of them tried very hard not to burst in tears. 'If I have no chance to see you again in the future, I just want you to know that you're always my friend.'  
  
Idomu almost couldn't control himself. His heart was very hurt, and it tortured him a lot. He had to escape. He would leave, and he would never return to this place again. Time would go by, and he would surely forget this memory. This hurtful memory... definitely....  
  
'Goodbye, Nokoru.' That was all he said; short, and he said it without looking to the blonde's face at all. He continued his footsteps, and disappeared from the scene once he closed the door.  
  
Nokoru was motionless. He remained still on the place he had been standing. He heard Idomu's good-bye, but he didn't want to reply it. In fact, he didn't want to hear it at all. He wanted so much to turn his body, and tried to catch him, or to run after him, begging him not to leave him behind all alone. But he couldn't do that. He just couldn't do that.  
  
He didn't want to turn his back to see him leaving. He could sense Idomu's inexistence as he sensed the slamming of the door behind him. As Idomu closed the door, and left him, he knew Idomu had left him forever. His mind was overloaded now, and it was impossible for him to bear it much longer. He couldn't think of anything else now, except wishing he could disappear into the thin air that very second.  
  
'Kaichou....' Akira addressed him. He worried about him very much for sure. After all, he and Idomu had talked, and it was possible that Nokoru had heard them. He was worried of the impact of their conversation to Nokoru. He was afraid he had hurt Nokoru's feeling even more. 'Why don't you stop him?'  
  
'Because I don't have any right to do so. Idomu has a right to leave me. He's right Akira...being near my presence will only make someone hurt. He made the right decision to go away. If he's here, I only hurt him.'  
  
'That's not TRUE!!! You know that's not true.'  
  
'Akira....' Nokoru smiled to him. 'Please try to understand him. It's not his fault; actually, I was the one who hurt him. He has a right to abandon me, since I'm so selfish.' A tear started to flow down from the corner of his eyes. 'It was my fault. I was so selfish. How could I do that to Idomu? What kind of a friend am I?'  
  
Nokoru couldn't hold back his tears again. Never before had he felt so weak, so hopeless, and so desperate. His body was quivering, and he felt his feet couldn't support him much longer that he ended up kneeling on the boardroom's cold floor; sobbing with his hands covering his face. He was frustrated. The burden on his shoulders was getting heavier with each second that passed, and he had no more strength to carry it.  
  
Akira's heart was broken when he saw his dear Kaichou kneeling desperately, crying on his own, and the fact that he couldn't ease his burden. He knelt closely to the blonde, and embraced him tightly. For a moment, they hugged each other, sharing tears together, and it broke his heart more to do that. He didn't say anything to Nokoru; he just stayed there, and listened to every single pain Nokoru cried out. Every single scream of pain he put out.  
  
He listened to them all, and he would listen till it stopped. He would be there always. He would never leave him ever.  
  
***  
  
//'YOU ARE NOT HIS FRIEND. You don't care how he feels. You just think of yourself, but don't you think he's hurt also? Don't you think he's hurt even more that you are? How can you be so selfish?'//  
  
Akira's voice was floating in his thought, and he couldn't stop it, and get it out of his mind. But Akira was right. He had spoken the truth, the very truth of him. What kind of a friend was he? How selfish he was. He was mad. He was angry, angry at himself for his lack of ability to save his loved one's life. He was a coward and a looser that scared to face the truth he was hopeless. He hated himself. As he walked through the alley, he was thinking all these thoughts, and he lost his control. He was angry at himself that he threw away his bag he was holding.  
  
In the same second, he threw himself on the floor, and sobbed.  
  
'Why?' He sobbed. 'Why did you do it? Don't you love me even a bit?'  
  
He smiled in his tears. He should know the answer. Nokoru never loved him. He only loved one man, and the man was that stupid ninja. The image of Suoh made him widened his smile. 'I should have known. Nokoru only loves his Takamura. How can I be such an idiot trying to lie to myself that I still have a chance to win his heart?' He laughed. 'He never loved me. I was just his escape. How can I believe that he loves me too somehow?'  
  
His tears were dripping to the floor. It was so quiet there that he could hear the sound of his teardrops as clear as he could hear the sound of his heart breaking.  
  
'NO!! I can't do this!! I can't do this!! I can't just leave him like this, letting him die alone without the one he loved the most.'  
  
Quickly he wept away his tears, stood up, and got his bag back.  
  
'I must do something.'  
  
***  
  
'Kaichou... Are you feeling better now?' Akira handed him a glass of water. They were sitting on the boardroom's couch now. He needed a long time to settle his Kaichou from his frustration, but Nokoru still remained quiet, and he could see, obviously, that there was a great sadness in his eyes.  
  
The blonde only nodded his head a little. He looked at Akira, and gave him a weak smile. 'I'm fine, thank you. I'm sorry to trouble you like this.'  
  
Akira shook his head. 'Kaichou, you never troubled me before, in fact I was the one who always give you so much trouble.' Akira hoped his statement would make Nokoru's smile grow, but it didn't work. Nokoru was even sadder than before.  
  
'Akira, I wish we were all still elementary children.'  
  
'Yes. I wish we never have to grow up.'  
  
'We can play together.'  
  
'And have snacks together.'  
  
'And we were still Clamp Campus Detectives.'  
  
'Yes. Too bad, there wasn't any case to solve that time, other than to investigate where you were hiding to avoid the paperwork.'  
  
Both of them giggled as the memory came back. How wonderful life was when they were still children. But slowly everything changed. They grew up, and they had greater responsibilities. Suoh was getting more discipline on him, and at that moment he realized he had no time to play again. Paperwork, paper work, and paperwork everyday-in school and at home. Both were only getting worse each day. There was a time when he couldn't stand of it anymore that he was about to kill himself. Nobody knew back then. But he changed his mind, as he was afraid he would break Suoh's and Akira's heart.  
  
But now, he surrendered. He was exhausted with his life. Somehow he was happy to know he didn't have to feel all the suffering soon, but at the same time he was hurt to see his friends breaking apart because of him.  
  
'Akira?'  
  
'H-hai?'  
  
'By the way.... Why are you here? Aren't you supposed to be with Suoh? Is there any problem?'  
  
'No.... No problem at all. We're doing just fine, it's just-' He cut his words short. He was reluctant to tell the reason why he left the boardroom. He couldn't say it because Nagisa-san visited Takamura-senpai, and that now they were enjoying time together, could he? He was afraid he would make things worse.  
  
'If that's so, I won't worry anymore then...' He smiled to him. The sweetest smile Akira'd ever seen. But the smile only made him sadder for he might never see the smile again.  
  
//He never thinks of himself, does he?//  
  
'Christmas is getting near soon. I hope I will be still alive till Christmas. I want to celebrate Christmas with the five of us. For the last time.' Nokoru placed his glass on the table.  
  
Akira's heart was aching when he heard him. 'Kaichou, please don't say such a thing, you'll celebrate Christmas with us. You'll celebrate the next Christmas, the next Christmas, and the next Christmas. You can celebrate Christmas every year with us.'  
  
Nokoru smiled. 'That'll be wonderful. I wish I can celebrate Christmas every year with you, but I doubt that.' He paused. 'I know I'm dying soon, but I hope I'll stay alive till next year.' He looked at Akira who was confused with what to say. 'Next year, Suoh will graduate, and he'll enter the High School. He'll take over my position in the future.'  
  
'Kaichou, you'll still be the Kaichou next year. No one is able to replace you.'  
  
'Silly. Of course there'll be a lot of people who are more qualified than I am. Idomu and Suoh are the best examples I can give you.'  
  
'But to me, you are the only person who is qualified to be the Kaichou, and there is no one better than you are.'  
  
'Akira...don't you understand? I'm not your Kaichou anymore.'  
  
'No. You are my Kaichou, and you'll always be my Kaichou.'  
  
Nokoru shook his head. He wondered when Akira would ever understand that he couldn't call him Kaichou forever. But perhaps he would never understand.  
  
'Kaichou...'  
  
The call woke him up from his wandering thoughts. 'Yes, Akira?'  
  
'I still don't understand why you don't want to tell Takamura-senpai about yourself...'  
  
'Akira...' He sighed. 'I've told you that I can't-'  
  
'But don't you ever think that sooner or later he'll find out about you?'  
  
'I...' Nokoru couldn't say anything to argue with Akira's reason. He was very scared to picture the time when Suoh knew the truth had come. What would it become? Would Suoh forgive him for keeping the truth?  
  
'Kaichou...you'll have to tell him. You have no choice, he'll know sooner later, won't he?'  
  
'I know. I know he'll find out about me. It's just that I still have one more thing to do, one more step to take, and before I complete it, I won't let him know about me.'  
  
Akira was confused. He tried to think about Nokoru's words time and again, but he still couldn't understand what he meant. 'Kaichou, I don't understand. What do you mean? What do you have to do?'  
  
There was no immediate answer to the question, and it made Akira wonder more.  
  
'Kaichou?'  
  
'It just that I have to make sure-'  
  
Nokoru couldn't finish his words. A sudden bang on the door startled them both. And in the very second, without any command both of the men diverted their sight towards the opened boardroom's door. It was Idomu who was standing there, panting as he ran all the way back to the council. From his somber face, Nokoru could tell there was something wrong had happened, or perhaps worse, something worse would happen.  
  
Without wasting a second, Idomu stepped forward firmly to the place where the two boys were sitting. In a sudden, Akira felt he needed to be alert that he stood up from his seat, tried to settle Idomu, and found out what was going on actually.  
  
'Idomu-san. What happened? Are you alright?'  
  
Idomu didn't answer him. He was staring at Nokoru who was still sitting silently on his seat.  
  
'I thought you're going. But if you're here, does that mean you've cancelled your leaving?' Hopefully.  
  
Slowly he diverted his look to Akira. 'I've thought it over. I'm not going before I do something.'  
  
Now Akira was getting more confused. 'What do you mean?'  
  
Idomu looked back at Nokoru who was obviously tried not to return his stare from the first time he looked at him. 'Nokoru. Please stand up and look at me.'  
  
No action. Nokoru remained motionless. He didn't even want to see Idomu's face. Somehow he knew he wouldn't like whatever Idomu would tell him at that time and at that place.  
  
'I said STAND UP and FACE ME! Goddamit! Are you deaf or something?' He could hold his anger no more. He grabbed Nokoru's arm, and pulled him up from his seat, and he kept on holding Nokoru's arms tightly to prevent from slipping away from him.  
  
Nokoru was terrified. His body was quivering at that moment. He was trying to say something to neglect his command, but he was too weak and exhausted to do so. There was no way to escape from Idomu now.  
  
'Idomu-san, please! Don't do this to him! Let him go!' Akira was in panic. He didn't understand what was happening, but he knew very well his Kaichou needed help from him.  
  
'Get out of my way, Ijyuin! I have to do what I have to do.'  
  
'But you're hurting him! Please don't do this to him.'  
  
'Just stay away from this! I'm doing for his own sake, so you can either support me or just go away!'  
  
Akira was speechless. Idomu glared at the boy in his grasp now. He could see the weak, terrified and hurt Nokoru he hated to see, but he had to do this. He had to do this now, or there might be no other chance in the future. He had to do this before everything went too late.  
  
'Nokoru! Look at me and listen!'  
  
The blonde looked at him in depression, yet there was no word spoken from him. He was too afraid to say something.  
  
'I have to take you to meet that Takamura heir now, whether you like it or not. You have to see him and confess what is happening with you. You have to tell him that you're dying. And the most important is you will tell him that you love him, and you need him to be beside you.'  
  
He glared intensely to the blue eyes before him.  
  
'Do you hear me, Nokoru?'  
  
Nokoru was shaking. He was shaking greatly. He couldn't do that. He just didn't want to do so. He shook his head refusing Idomu's idea, as he tried to make a way to escape from him by twisting his arms again and again. 'NO! I won't do that! I will never do that!! You have no right to force me to do things I don't want to.'  
  
'NOKORU!!! YOU HAVE NO CHOICE!!! You'll do it, or I have to make you to do it, even if that means I have to drag you all the way to the Junior High Council!!!'  
  
'NO!!! I SAID I DON'T WANT TO!!! Why should I listen to you anyway???'  
  
'Nokoru!! For God's sake, I'm your friend. I just want to see you happy, not suffer. So I'll do that, even though it'll hurt at the beginning.'  
  
'NO! NO! NO! You have no right to do it!! Anyway, you are NOT MY FRIEND!!!'  
  
Thunderclaps. Idomu was stunned by the words Nokoru had just shouted. He never expected he would say that to him. On the other side, Nokoru was shocked, too. He didn't mean to say that, it was just because he was in panic and desperate to escape form Idomu and his order.  
  
'What did you say?'  
  
There was no way he would retreat now. He had said it.  
  
'Y.O.U A.R.E N.O.T M.Y F.R.I.E.N.D!!! Anyway, what kind of friend are you? You have left me. I have no friend like you. Y.O.U A.R.E N.O.T M.Y F.R.I.E.N.D!!!'  
  
It hurt for Idomu to hear it, but somehow Nokoru was right. He did leave him, and it was all because he was weak and coward. He couldn't be upset with it, for it was the truth about him.  
  
'Fine. You may assume I'm not you friend. But I still ask you to do what I've told you! And you are going to do as I wish right now!'  
  
'NO! I don't want to do it. Who are you to make me follow your order? You're NO ONE!!'  
  
'FINE. Then this 'NO ONE' will have no choice than to drag you to the Junior High and make you say everything you have to say to that damn ninja!!!!'  
  
Before Nokoru could put out more argument, Idomu had dragged him out from the boardroom. Akira was confused with what to do. In one side, he didn't like what Idomu did to his Kaichou- considering Kaichou's illness, he should be treated carefully. He wanted to help Nokoru, and protect him, but on the other side, he, too, agreed with Idomu's intention to get Kaichou to meet Takamura-senpai and discuss how he felt about him. So all he could do now was just to follow them, and say nothing. Deep inside his heart he prayed everything would go just fine.  
  
But life was full of surprises, wasn't it?  
  
***  
  
To be continued –  
  
Author's Note:  
  
I'm Evil, aren't I? @_@ Anyway... I'm Lady Error, right?  
  
To those who notice it, I repost the fic. Special thanks to my pal, Kin'ni. Withou you, man, what can I do? Buhuhuhu... T_T Me and my poor grammar. I guess I never pay attention to the grammar I'm writing. I just write the fic, and seldom I think how it's gonna end. I just write anything that goes in my mind. ^_^ Thanks again Kin'ni. And thanks a lot to all of you who kindly review and comment on my fic. I know I running out of time in replying your review, but I read it, and I'll reply it for sure.  
  
And more please! Hehe.... 


	12. Farewell

Chapter 12: Farewell  
  
No words were spoken in the boardroom at the moment. The only sound could be heard in the place was just the sound of the tea being poured into its cup. Nagisa looked very beautiful under the warm shine of the sun. At least that was what in Suoh's mind presently.  
  
'It's a beautiful day, isn't it?' Nagisa started the conversation, blushing on her cheek.  
  
Suoh's face was reddened. 'Yes, it is. The weather is perfect.'  
  
//Why are we talking about the weather anyway?//  
  
Silence again.  
  
'Suoh-san? I mean... Takamura-senpai...'  
  
'Please call me Suoh.'  
  
'H-hai... Suoh-san...' It was quite obvious the girl was very nervous. Actually both of them were nervous. The fact that they had not met each other for a long time certainly misrepresented the way they acted right at the moment.  
  
Suoh sighed, as he recalled the past. In the past, they also rarely spoke to each other. Even though they still had that special bound, but most of the time he spent with her were always in quiet. They would remain silent, and say nothing to each other, but somehow they understood what each other's mind, each other's feeling. Now.... It was so different. They didn't know what to say, what to talk about, and in fact, they had nothing about to say anyway.  
  
Still, he loved her presence right now. Somehow he still could see and feel the memory lied beneath. He still remembered how his heart beating every time his eyes met hers, and every time they were facing each other. And sometimes he admitted he missed those moments, when they sat side by side, doing nothing, except looking at the sunset faraway. And those moments were so beautiful no one could ever forgot. Not even him. He still remembered how nervous he was the first time he took her hand in his. How beautiful the moments were, and he wished it were never changed.  
  
But the moment didn't last longer. The need coming out from his heart to be beside his 'One' always, to protect him and to guide him had made him realized that Nagisa was not his 'One'. She was not the one he always thought and cared about. He realized the only one he always thought about, ever since he opened his eyes in the mist of the morning, was not her. It was Nokoru. Nokoru was the one he always cared about. The one he loved the most, and the one he would die for. He realized he couldn't divide his heart to two persons. And by the moment he realized it, he knew he had to end their relationship at once.  
  
He hated to make Nagisa cried, but he had made his choice. He only lived for his 'One', and he would give his life for him too. There was no place in his heart for her, and even if he had to choose between Nokoru and her, he definitely would choose Nokoru. He still remembered Nagisa was in tears when he decided to end their relationship. She didn't say anything by that time. Just nodded her head, turned away, and fled from the scene. His heart was broken too, knowing he had hurt her heart terribly. If only he realized his feeling earlier, Nagisa wouldn't be so sad. But what happened had happened. There was no way to return and change the whole thing. He lived only for his Nokoru, and Nokoru was the only one he cared about ever since.  
  
Now here he was, sitting face to face with the girl who once stole his heart with her beauty and kindness. Yet she remained beauty as ever, more indeed, and her kindness never changed a bit. Lots of girls would never be nice anymore to the men who once broke their heart and disappointed them. Nagisa was different from them. She was still kind and cared about him. Though it was the fact he had lied and hurt her.  
  
'Suoh-san, are you alright?'  
  
Suoh was startled. Nagisa's words instantly brought his mind back from wandering.  
  
'I-I'm fine. I'm just thinking about something.' He answered awkwardly.  
  
'Am I disturbing you?'  
  
'No- Not at all.'  
  
'I came here to apologize what I've said to you before in Ijyuin-senpai's house. I was so selfish, thinking of my own feeling, and didn't care how you feel. I'm very sorry.' The girl bowed her head deeply as a sincere sign of her apology.  
  
'No. Nagisa-san. Please don't say that. It is me who has to apologize to you. You are right. I have hurt your feeling so much, and I am so stupid that I don't even realize it.'  
  
'No... Suoh-san.... It isn't your fault. I-'  
  
She was speechless. It was true he had hurt her heart by keeping the truth away from her. But she could never blame Suoh for this. She knew very well Suoh just did not want her to be hurt, and after all, it was not Suoh's fault. In fact, it was her fault. She should have known Suoh dedicated his life only for one person, and that person was definitely not her. Nokoru-sama. The perfect Imonoyama Nokoru-sama. That was the kind of person who deserved to have a protection from a Takamura. Some one so precious, so wonderful, and yet nobody was able to compete him in any aspect.  
  
Not even her. People used to say she was one wonderful lady, beautiful and gifted with many talents, a pure artist, came from a respectable family, but that was all she was. People only judged her from her heredity, for her family's name, and they rarely saw the real of her. She didn't hate her family. She loved them. She loved them very much. But sometimes she wondered would people love her the way they did if she didn't come from that kind of family? No... She believed not. Only Takamura. Only Suoh who was able to see her, to love her, and accept her without even knowing who she was at the first place and what family she came from.  
  
Sometimes she wanted to go back to the past, when Suoh still loved her and cared for her. When Suoh still spent times together with her, and those moments were so beautiful that it was hard for her to forget. But it was all gone. She couldn't return to the past. Suoh had made his choice, and if she loved him, she had to accept his choice, though it would hurt her heart. As long as she could still sight Suoh's face, she was happy already. And there was nothing more she could ask.  
  
'Suoh-san, please don't blame yourself. You only do what you believe in. And I understand it. I admit I was hurt, but it's already long time ago, and I can hardly remember it. Please don't worry so much. I'm happy if you're happy.'  
  
'Nagisa-san...' Suoh could feel his tears began to sting his amber eyes. 'Thank you... I'm glad we're still friends.'  
  
Nagisa nodded her head as an agreement. 'We are. We're friends forever, aren't we?'  
  
Suoh smiled and nodded his head.  
  
Deep in her heart, Nagisa was very happy to see Suoh smiling to her. It had been a long time since the last time she saw him smiling.  
  
'Suoh-san... How's Nokoru-sama?'  
  
Suoh was startled when Nagisa asked the question in a sudden. 'Why? I mean why do you ask me?'  
  
'Lately I seldom see the two of you together, I mean... You used to be beside him always, but-' Nagisa suddenly stopped when she observed Suoh's odd reaction. 'Suoh-san, is there something wrong?'  
  
'I-...' He looked into Nagisa's eyes, wondering whether he should tell her or not. All this time, Nagisa had always listened to his problems, and might be that was he needed now someone to listen to him. 'I had a fight with him.'  
  
He waited for Nagisa's respond, but the girl remained quiet.  
  
'I fought with him. He didn't want me to be beside him anymore. He told me he was sick of me, and I was mad at him. We had a fight, and...' Pause. 'And we broke up.' Pause again.  
  
'I don't understand. Both of you are such good friends. Why do you fight each other?'  
  
Suoh smirked. He himself didn't understand what caused it. The only thing he knew he was trying to be honest to him, and to his heart. But obviously being honest was not always easy. All he wanted was only to let Nokoru knew how his true feeling to him. If he knew at the end Nokoru would hate him, and run away from him, he would rather die than telling him the truth.  
  
Nagisa looked at him deeply. She knew very well Suoh was suffering. She could tell from the amber eyes laid before hers. If only she could say something to comfort him, but she herself didn't know what was going on between them. She knew that all she could do now was just to wait and listen to his words. Suoh needed someone to listen to him. He didn't some wise advices at the moment. All he needed was a pair of ears who willingly listen to him, and a heart to feel what he felt now.  
  
Suoh looked at the girl's eyes again. They were so beautiful and... peaceful. How he missed those eyes, and how he missed the memories they spent together in the past.  
  
'Sometimes I miss the old days, especially when we were in the elementary school.' He sighed.  
  
'Yes, you were in the elementary, but I was still in the kindergarten school.' She smiled.  
  
His smile grew as he heard the correction. 'Yes... True. We were still very young then.'  
  
'Suoh-san.... Do you still remember the first time we met?'  
  
'How could I ever forget that? You were playing your flute on the Wisteria tree, and I'd never heard such a beautiful song. I can still remember the song till now.'  
  
The girl's cheeks were blushing. 'Thank you.'  
  
'But you ran away from me. I thought I was dreaming. Then I saw you again playing the flute, but still I was not confident enough to come to you, and asked your name. Or at least spoke to you.'  
  
'Why?'  
  
'Because I thought you didn't like me, that's why you were running away from me the first time we met.' Now it was Suoh's turn to have red color on his face.  
  
'You know it wasn't true. I was just...' She paused and gave a sweet smile to the boy who sitting in front of her. Her smile was so sweet, that it almost made Suoh's heart leap out from his chest.  
  
'I was just the same as you were. I was so shy, and I kept thinking of you since the first time we met. And I had no courage to speak to you.' Now both of them were blushing.  
  
'But Suoh-san... That was the reason I was running away from you. I didn't run away because I hated you. I was just too shy to say what was in my heart.' She smiled to him. 'I believe Nokoru-sama also has a reason behind his action.' She stopped again to see whether Suoh got her point or not.  
  
'But whatever it is, I know very well he loves you. He never hates you. He cares about you very much, and I-' Nagisa stopped her words. She knew everything now. She knew that Suoh only loved Nokoru, and even though she tried very hard to accept it, she still could feel the jealousy in her heart. And the fact she couldn't forget her love to Suoh made her very sad, and she couldn't hold her tears again.  
  
Suoh understood very well how hard it was for Nagisa to forget about him. That was why he didn't want to tell the reason he left her. As long as possible he wanted to keep it as a secret. The thing he hated the most in this world was to see his loved ones crying. He himself never ever shed tears. He was a warrior; at least he was born to become one. He used to bear all the pain in his heart, and not to let anyone found out his true feeling, unless he let that one knew. Now the girl he once loved was crying before him, and nothing he could do about it. He knew it was no use for him to say any word to comfort her.  
  
Nagisa didn't understand herself why she was crying. Now that she knew Suoh never loved her, he only loved Nokoru, and because of him, he had left her, she supposed to hate him. Or at least she supposed to hate Nokoru- sama. That would be a lot easier for her to continue her life. But she couldn't do so. She couldn't hate any of them. She loved them as her best friends, and after all it was not their fault to fall in love ach other. The only one she could blame was herself. Why was she so stupid that she couldn't see what the feeling they had each other?  
  
'I'm sorry... I-I-... I didn't mean to...'  
  
'It's all right. I'm your friend, and friends should share their sorrow and joy, am I right?' He offered her his handkerchief.  
  
Smiling, the girl took it and wept her tears away. 'Thank you.'  
  
'Nagisa-san.... I'm very sorry. No matter how many times I apologize to you, it seems that it won't be enough. I know I hurt you so much, that I can't repay it.' He grasped her hand tightly.  
  
'Suoh-san, please don't continue it anymore. It's not your fault.' She held the boy's hand firmly. 'It's not anyone's fault. So you shouldn't blame yourself. Please... For me, it's enough if I can see you happy. If you're happy, I'll be happy.'  
  
Suoh was touched by her words. In this whole wide world, might be only Nagisa who cared about him very much, and who could understand him very well. Sometimes he wondered whether his decision to leave her for Nokoru was the right one. Could it be he regretted it?  
  
But these thoughts were soon be over and disappeared as a smash on the door startled them both. Without being commanded, both of them quickly gazed to the source of the unexpected noise. To their surprised, the huge door of the boardroom had cracked, and there were three figures standing that he knew very well. And from their look, he could tell something very wrong had been going on, and it made him alerted instantly.  
  
Nagisa seemed to be surprised too to see the three men standing by the door. She could sense there was something wrong going on, especially the look on Nokoru-sama's face. He looked so pale, and... terrified. What happened actually?  
  
***  
  
//Why the hell am I here?//  
  
Idomu! Let me go! I don't want to go there!  
  
Please... I don't want to come here! I don't want to meet him....  
  
Please, Idomu, please let me go! I'll do anything, but just don't make me do this... Please!  
  
***  
  
You have to!  
  
I don't care what you say! You have to do this!  
  
You have to do as I say!  
  
Nokoru! Stand up and walk! I don't care what ever happen I will still make you go there!  
  
Even if I have to drag you there!  
  
***  
  
Idomu-san! Please! Stop this!  
  
Let him go! You're hurting him! Please! I beg you!  
  
Don't do this!  
  
***  
  
BRAKKKK!!!! [The door was opened]  
  
***  
  
//He's here... No! I'm here! He's with Nagisa now... What will I do? What am I supposed to do?//  
  
'Nokoru?'  
  
//He called my name... What shall I do? Should I ignore him and run away? But I can't.... Idomu won't let me go.... He doesn't want to let me go before I say something.... Before I tell him.... but I don't want to... I don't want to... Please.... Let me go!//  
  
'Nokoru? Are you fine? What happened?' Suoh couldn't help himself to worry about him. Being his protector, and spending a lifetime with his One, he could feel Nokoru's anxiety. Nokoru seemed he was about to lose his conscious any moment now. And the sight Idomu was holding Nokoru's arm so tight made him so irritated. How dare he treating his 'One' like that?  
  
'What have you done to him?' Suoh asked sharply to Idomu. He was certain Idomu had done something bad to Nokoru, and caused the boy shaking greatly.  
  
But Idomu ignored him. Instead, he glared at Nokoru. 'Tell him what's happening to you.'  
  
Nokoru didn't say anything. He was terrified. He didn't want to follow the order, but he had no courage also to stand and fight back. His heart had determined no matter happened to him he wouldn't say anything to Suoh, not a single word.  
  
Getting no respond from the blonde. He tightened his grasp, insisting the boy to speak up something. Nokoru winced painfully, but still he refused to say something. He could feel the pain grew intensely on his arm, being held so tight by Idomu, but he was so afraid that he couldn't say anything about it. He just bit his lips to bear the pain on his arm, and at the same time trying to hold back any word he might say.  
  
Idomu lost his patience. All the effort he put up had come to a dead-end. Everything seemed not going to work. 'NOKORU!!! TELL HIM NOW!!!!' He shouted at the poor boy.  
  
Though Suoh disliked Idomu very much, he never expected the boy would ever shout at Nokoru. Startled by his shout, Suoh figured something had definitely gone wrong. But whatever it was, he didn't like the way Idomu treated his Nokoru. He didn't deserved to be treated like that. Suoh couldn't stand to see the pain in those blue eyes of Nokoru. He had to do something to stop him from suffering more.  
  
'Yudaiji Idomu! Let him go at once!! You hurt him!!'  
  
There was a great anger in his voice, and it was hard for Idomu to ignore him. He glared to the blue-hared ninja, and Suoh's warn had ceased the fire of anger in him. He seemed to be ready to start a fight with the ninja at any time. But of course, he remembered he didn't come all the way here, dragging Nokoru to have another round of fight with this son-of-the- bitch. He would do it in another occasion, but not now. Definitely not now.  
  
'You stay out from me!!'  
  
'God damn you!' Suoh was angry for real now, and he slammed the table loudly. He rose up from his seat at that very second, and immediately came towards Idomu. Without a warning, Suoh grabbed his collar, causing the boy let go of his grasp on Nokoru's arm. 'Do you really want a piece of me?!'  
  
Idomu pushed him away. Obviously he was offended. He didn't understand why, but every time he met that ninja, there was always a feeling he needed to punch him right on his face. The only reason he didn't do it was he was afraid Nokoru would be mad at him. But now, he didn't care. He didn't give it a damn care. He would teach that ninja a lesson. Who did he think he was? He might be an expert in self-defense, but it didn't mean he could defeat him so easily.  
  
Suoh didn't like being pushed like that by him. So he pushed him back, and soon both of them were pushing each other, till finally Idomu lost his temper, and he hit him right on his face. It was a hard one, and it was strong enough to make Suoh fell onto the floor.  
  
Except Idomu, everyone else in the room was shocked. And it didn't end yet. Idomu didn't give Suoh a chance to recover and stand on his feet again. He rushed to the boy, and keyed him on the floor, while his fists were busy landing more smack on the face. Nokoru couldn't do anything to stop Idomu. He tried, but he was too exhausted, and he had power left to stop Idomu from beating Suoh again and again.  
  
'No! Stop it! Idomu! Stop it!'  
  
Akira came to help, but he was too not able to stop Idomu. He was pushed away, and bumped himself to the floor. It was a mess in the room. And Nagisa's cry made the situation even worse.  
  
'Stop it, please.... Idomu, stop it! OK, I promise you I'll tell him. I'll tell him whatever you want me to tell him.' Nokoru shouted desperately. 'Please.... Don't hit him anymore.... I promise I'll tell him everything....'  
  
Like a magic spell, Nokoru's words froze him. Somehow his words made Idomu realize their intention to come here in the first time. He was panting, and his face was sweating, but in some way he was satisfied he could have his revenge on that ninja he hated the most. It was worthwhile after all. Slowly he let go his grab on Suoh, and got onto his feet again, leaving the poor Suoh on the floor.  
  
Nokoru tried to help Suoh back onto his feet again. He knew Suoh was very angry now. Never before some one dared enough to challenge him, or even defeated him. Now that Idomu could defeat him easily, it must have hurt his pride. And it was all because of him. Nokoru's heart was hurting than ever. How many times he should see his friends fighting because of him. How many times he had to see his friends' hearts hurt. It seemed it wouldn't end forever, unless he died. Yes.... Unless he died, and disappeared from this world. That would end everything.  
  
'Suoh.... I'm sorry.... Everything is my fault. I shouldn't come here at the first place.'  
  
Suoh remained silent. He was still angry to Idomu, his pride was hurt, and he couldn't divert his eyes from the man.  
  
'Suoh, I-'  
  
'Nokoru! Why are you here?' Suoh glared at him.  
  
The blonde was startled. Never before Suoh would yell at him, and it almost made him in tears.  
  
'I-'  
  
'I thought we were agree not to see each other anymore. But why are you here?' He looked at Akira, still with anger in his eyes. 'Ijyuin? Why are you here also? You said you wished to meet Ohkawa Kaichou. Did you lie to me?'  
  
'Takamura-senpai, I-'  
  
'Suoh, it's not his fault. I'm the one who called him just now to come to my office. I-' Nokoru couldn't continue it. He was too scared to see Suoh. It seemed that everything he wanted to say would be wrong and useless. He wanted to get away, but of course, that would impossible for him to do so with Idomu standing behind him guarding the exit to escape. Now that he was here, might be he had to say what he had to say. There was no way out anymore. He had to do it.  
  
//One more step... One more thing to do... Then I can rest in peace forever.//  
  
He closed his eyes, thinking the best way to start all of this. He had to do this, no matter what it would be in the future, no matter he liked it or not, he had to do it. He took a deep breath, and sighed. Now it was time. He had to have courage, at least for one last time. Nokoru opened his blue eyes once more, and by the time he opened them, he was totally changed. He returned as the usual Imonoyama Nokoru. The confident and pleasant Imonoyama Nokoru, the glass mask he used to wear, and the mask he was about to wear to reveal the thing he had to do, before he died.  
  
He smiled to Suoh. The smile he used to give him when he needed to get away from the paperwork. Ah... If only those moments could stay.... 'I come here to tell you something.'  
  
His voice was so calm, and it made Idomu wandered where the 'terrified' Nokoru had gone. Nokoru's ability to transform himself had always amazed him, and he was never able to figure out how the hell he managed to do so. Nokoru looked at him, and Idomu didn't like the way he looked at him at all. Somehow he knew something wrong was going to happen, but whether he could prevent it still was a mystery even to him.  
  
'Idomu-san, Akira, and...' He paused, and looked to the frightened girl next to Suoh. Frankly he hated to scare a girl, but he had no choice, he was forced to. 'Nagisa-jyou...' He smiled wider. 'Can you please leave me alone with Suoh here? I need to tell him something privately.'  
  
The three of them were speechless. Idomu certainly disliked the idea leaving Nokoru with the ninja he hated the most without anyone around him, but then he looked at Akira who was staring at him signing to agree whatever Nokoru asked him to do.  
  
He sighed. 'I understand, I'll do as your wish. We will be outside then waiting.' Idomu looked at Nokoru with negligence, but the blonde seemed to ignore it. He just smiled in return, thanking him to fulfill his order at the moment.  
  
Soon the three of them started to leave the boardroom. Just before he closed the door, Idomu turned himself around to have the last look on his Nokoru. 'If anything happen, please call me, will you?'  
  
'I will. Thank you.' Nokoru replied him, still with a smile on his angelic face.  
  
Then the door was closed. Now, only the two of them in the room, and none of them were brave enough to start a conversation. They just stood on their place, and remained in their silence. Suoh looked confused. Yes, he was angry to Idomu, but yet he was curious what Nokoru was going to tell him. Finally, he took the courage to question him on the first place.  
  
'What is it? I mean, what are going to tell me about?'  
  
Nokoru's smile grew wider. 'I come just to say good-bye to you. I'm going away. Idomu's planning to return to Europe, and he'll take me with him. And we will never return here.'  
  
'What? I don't understand. What are you trying to say actually?'  
  
The blonde looked at him deeply. He hated to say those words, but he had no choice. His heart was breaking, but he had to hold on. He had to hold on till all of this was over, and at the end everything would be over. He came closer to the blue-hared boy, close enough till they were face to face. Nokoru could feel the deep breath of Suoh, he almost could hear his heartbeat, and he wished he could stay there, embraced him, and didn't let him go. But he had to go, and he couldn't take Suoh with him. He came closer till their bodies leaned each other. He leaned his chin over Suoh's high shoulders, and by his ears, the blonde whispered the words. The words he had to say.  
  
'Good bye, Suoh.'  
  
Soon after he said his words, Nokoru stepped backwards, still in his sweetest smile, leaving Suoh who looked terribly shocked.  
  
'I'm leaving, and I will never come back here.'  
  
//What?! How could you??//  
  
'No. You can't do that. How about your responsibility in the Council?' //How about me?//  
  
He shook his head. 'I'm sorry. I made my decision, and I won't change it.' He smiled. 'Please understand.'  
  
'No! I don't understand, and I won't understand you! How could you do such a thing?!'  
  
'Suoh.... I have to follow him.... I have to go with him...'  
  
'And tell me why you have to follow him?'  
  
'Because I-' Nokoru cut his own words. He didn't want to lie to Suoh, but he was forced to. To lie to him was the last thing he ever wanted. But he would leave sooner later, and it was the best thing if Suoh didn't have to know anything about it till the time had come.  
  
'I love him, Suoh. He's the only one I have.'  
  
Thunderclaps. Nokoru's last words were definitely hurt Suoh's feeling. How could he say that?  
  
'Is that so?' Suoh tried to hold his anger from exploding. 'So your love to him is more important than anything else, even your obligation to the council?' //How about me?// He couldn't control his voice intonation any much longer. He began to raise his voice, and it made Nokoru shivered.  
  
The poor boy's hands had turned cold now. They were freezing, and he couldn't stop them from trembling. He wanted to run away, or collapse that very second if it was possible. But he knew he had to hold on. He had to be fearless to face Suoh's rage. He was praying Suoh wouldn't sense his lie.  
  
'Yes. I believe you get my point clearly there. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of everything.' He forced his smile.  
  
'Nokoru!! Is that what you want me to hear? Is that what you want me to hear?'  
  
'Yes.' Nokoru nodded his head, hoping Suoh wouldn't see him trembling.  
  
'AHAHAHAHA....' Suoh couldn't control himself anymore. He was laughing out loud. There was a strange feeling growing inside of him. Part of him wanted to explode in anger, but the other part realized so well he wanted to laugh. Why? He didn't understand either, might be he just wanted to laugh at himself. He was laughing at his foolishness, or perhaps, insanity. How could he be foolish enough to believe all this time Nokoru would think he was precious for him? How could he believe that Nokoru love him actually? The fact that Nokoru would easily leave him, and disappear from his life made him so scared. What was he in Nokoru's eyes? Was it true he was only a bodyguard to him? Was it true he was worthless?  
  
No! He refused to reveal the answer. Similarly, he refused to admit the fact that he was only a bodyguard to his Nokoru. He refused the truth that Idomu defeated him. He was distressed for sure. Heavily distressed. He wanted to scream out loud. The pain he had been suffering in his heart, which caused the illness in his mind day and night. He wanted to let it out once for all. For God's sake, he swore he almost hit the blonde on his face, if he didn't remind himself that he was an Imonoyama's heir. How could he say such a thing after all he had done for him? How could he love that goddamn Yudaiji instead of him? Had he forgotten all the things that Yudaiji'd done to him that nearly caused his death? It didn't make sense at all. Nokoru had to be insane if he still fell in love with that son-of- the-bitch. He said he was sick of everything. Did it mean he was sick of him too?  
  
'Go away, Nokoru...' Suoh whispered in silence. His voice was filled by anger. 'Go away, and never show up in front of me again!!'  
  
Nokoru gasped. Obviously he was shocked to hear that.  
  
'Go away NOW!!! I swear I don't want to see you again FOREVER!!!'  
  
It hurt! It really hurt! The blonde couldn't hold back his tears anymore. Never in his dream, Suoh would chase him away. He shouldn't cry actually, for he hoped Suoh would do that to him. But why he couldn't stop his tears from flowing down.... No! Stop crying! It was his own choice, so he had to bear it. It was his wish to have Suoh driving him away, so why he had to cry now.  
  
'Suoh. I'm sor-' He was about to apologize, when Suoh's interruption cut his words. The ninja refused to hear any more words from him. He even refused to see Nokoru's face any second more. The next thing Nokoru knew, Suoh grasped his arm so tight, that he nearly screamed in pain, and dragged him towards the huge door of the boardroom.  
  
'If you wanna leave, FINE then.' The blue-hared boy opened the door roughly, and as soon as the door cracked, he threw poor Nokoru out of the room, slamming his slim body against the wall across them. 'GO AWAY, NOKORU!!! And please never come back!!'  
  
Nokoru was slammed to the wall in front of the boardroom with tears on his pale cheeks. His heart was hurt more than his body. But the worst was yet to come, before him, his three friends who were waiting for his return were stunned. Idomu was the first to react when he saw what just happened. Without wasting any second, he rushed towards the blonde with a horrified look on his face.  
  
'Nokoru?! What happened?'  
  
But Nokoru couldn't answer him. He was both terrified and shocked. Suoh was still standing by the door, glaring at him with his breath panting by anger. He was terribly mad. A ninja was supposed to stay calm in all situation that might happened, but the jealously and broken heart had driven him mad, and his rage was beyond of his control.  
  
'Go away from me, Nokoru! I swear I don't want to see you again forever. You may leave to anywhere you like, and I don't give it a damn care. You're not my 'One' anymore. Do you hear that?! You are NOT my 'ONE' anymore!!! I don't care even if you DIE out there!!'  
  
Suoh's last statement had almost struck him to death. But the blonde remained silent. He was too shock to respond it. He bit his lips with tears still flowing down like heavy rain. He wished he was able to kneel down in front of Suoh, and begged him for his forgiveness, but he knew he couldn't do that. Suoh had hated him for sure now, just as he expected. He should be contented now, but instead of being happy about it, he felt his heart broken to pieces, and it was a hell of pain.  
  
Idomu didn't understand what had happened between the two of them. He was confused, and the scene laid before him right at the moment definitely not the one he ever anticipated. Supposed that ninja would be worry, and felt sorry for Nokoru... but what happened now? He threw Nokoru out of the room just like that? Just like garbage or something? Scolded him like he had been making a sin to him? This was wrong. It was not right for certain. What would he suppose to do now? Feeling angry? Oh, yes, he was. He was more than angry. That ninja shouldn't treated his Nokoru like that. Definitely not by the time Nokoru needed him the most. What kind of man he was anyway? Did he have a heart of stone? His fist were ready to give the ninja another hit, if that would be necessary to make him realize what was going on to Nokoru, he would willingly do that.  
  
Being able to read what was in Idomu's mind, instantly the blonde grabbed Idomu's arm and shook his head. He was still not able to say any word, but his eyes signed the Yudaiji heir to cancel whatever he had in mind that moment. Slowly, Nokoru wiped away his tears, and put a weak smile on his pale face. It was painful for him to smile in this kind of situation, but he was after all an Imonoyama, wasn't he? It was obvious to Idomu that Nokoru tried to hide his true condition, but Nokoru was failed in maintaining his balance. He was so weak to stand properly on his feet that he nearly tripped over and fell with his face on the floor, if Idomu didn't aware of his condition. Immediately he grasped the boy's arm to steady him. The blonde looked at him, and smiled thankfully for the support.  
  
With his last energy Nokoru explained to his worried friends. 'I've told Suoh whatever I need to tell him. Idomu, Akira...' Reluctantly he looked at the lady who was in tears as well. 'Nagisa-jyou... I'm sorry to make all of you worry.... I promise you I won't make any of you worry again.' He smiled wider. He could feel tears begin to sting his eyes again, but this time he would hold them back whatever happened.  
  
He diverted his blue eyes to Suoh, his Suoh.... the person he loved the most on this world, and might be the person who hated him the most at the moment. 'Suoh.... I'm sorry I've disappointed you.... But I'm sure you'll forget me by...' Gently he loosened Idomu's grasp, and bowed his head to the ninja. 'Good-bye, Suoh.'  
  
Silence. Not a single word was spoken, not even a single sound was heard in the area. Only the sound of tears dripping to the floor formed by the most beautiful sapphire eyes on the world. Nokoru wasn't able to hold back his tears as he wanted to. For he loved the man before his presence, and truly it hurt his feeling so much to say farewell to him. He didn't want to lose him, but at the same time he couldn't keep him. And he knew he could do nothing else than to fly away from the scene as soon as possible. He was about to step out from the place he was standing when Suoh's call stopped him from moving further.  
  
'So.... That's all, isn't it? You just walk away from me, and that's mean it's all over, is that what you're thinking?' Rage remained in his voice.  
  
Nokoru frowned. Gradually he looked at the ninja, and he smiled. 'I thought it was you who wanted me to go away....'  
  
Suoh's face was reddened. He disliked the answer given by Nokoru that he rushed towards him. Akira couldn't stand it anymore. He was afraid his senpai would harm his Kaichou that he immediately approached the blonde and stood before him in order to protect him. At least, he had to do something.  
  
'Move away, Ijyuin.' Suoh's firm voice commanded the black-hared who was stubbornly disobeying him.  
  
'Takamura-senpai... Please.... I don't want anything worse to happen again...' The 'genki' look that used to remain on Akira's face had disappeared, replaced by a determined glare. Akira liked Suoh very much; in fact he adored him so much. Being with him most of his lifetime, he learned many things from him. But still he couldn't understand why Takamura-senpai could ever do that to Kaichou, knowing Kaichou had suffered a lot. He couldn't understand why he was so rude to him.  
  
'Akira.... It's alright. Thank you. I'll be fine. Please move away.' A soft voice almost like a whisper astonished him. He turned around to see the owner of the voice.  
  
'But Kaichou-'  
  
'I believe Suoh has something to say to me. It's alright.' Nokoru touched his shoulder gently.  
  
Halfhearted the black-hared boy stepped away leaving both of the men face to face.  
  
'Before you leave, I just want to tell you something.'  
  
Nokoru smiled. 'What is it, Suoh?'  
  
The ninja turned around, and Nagisa found herself surprised as the blue- hared man was heading to her. He took the girl's shaking hands in his, and kissed them. Then slowly he looked back at Nokoru who was stunned on his place.  
  
'I just want to tell you that I've found my new 'One'. The 'One' I should protect, and the 'One' who will be my destiny.' Suoh smiled as he looked back to Nagisa again. 'Nagisa-san, I'm sorry, for all this time, I was so fool I didn't realize it. I should've known you're the 'One' for me. All this time, you're there to comfort me, to listen to me, and you're the one who understand me the most. I'm sorry being so blind all this time.'  
  
Nagisa gasped. She was speechless. But at the same time, she was confused how to respond. Part of her was so happy to hear the words from her love, Suoh. Finally, Suoh realized how her feeling to him all this time. But part of her was tearing apart as well, as she could almost feel how hurt Nokoru-sama's feeling at the moment.  
  
'Suoh-san... I....' She looked at the blonde worriedly. But it seemed there was no reaction at all from him, as if the man had turned himself into statue.  
  
'From now on, Nagisa-san is my 'One', and I should protect her with all my life.' Suoh declared his swear. He looked at the stunned blonde again. 'Nokoru... sama.... I hope you're happy now. You may leave whenever you like. I won't be your burden anymore. I know you're sick of me, but I promise you since this moment, I won't follow you around anymore. You can do whatever you want to do, you are free to do whatever you like to do, and I won't be there to stop you anymore.' He paused. There was silence in the area. 'Good-bye, Nokoru... sama...'  
  
Nokoru was speechless. He blinked his eyes time and again to prevent his tears to form again. Deep in his heart he wished all of this were just a dream. That he would wake in the morning time laughing at himself realizing it was only a dream. But the hurt in heart that growing inside made him have to accept that it was not a dream. Suoh finally had abandoned him, and in a sudden he lost his reason to stay alive now. He had lost his reason to keep on living even for one more day on this world by the moment Suoh declared his new 'One'. He had nothing now. Nothing at all.  
  
He had to leave then. He had done what he should do. Suoh had found himself another 'One' replacing him, so what was the point he stayed there? He should be relieved right at the moment, knowing the fact he could die in peace. And there was nothing more he could say except a farewell.  
  
'I'm glad you've decided it...' He smiled. 'Sayounara, Suoh...' And that was all he had to say. Soon after he completed his words, he ran away leaving his friends behind listening to his fading footsteps in the alley. He had to disappear. Then silence let itself crept among them again.  
  
'I don't understand....' Akira started to talk, dismissing the silence among them. 'Takamura-senpai.... I don't understand you.... Why... I mean how could you do that?' It was obvious Akira blamed Suoh for what happened.  
  
'Ijyuin, I just-' Suoh realized how bad he was in everyone's eyes, but he himself was terribly hurt. There was no use trying to explain what just happened to every body here now. Even if there was, he didn't know how anyway.  
  
Akira shook his head. He refused to allow any explanation Suoh was about to give. He refused to hear any word Suoh was about to say. The boy stepped back slowly, and without sparing a glance to Suoh, he turned away, and ran after Nokoru. He knew he might not be able to comfort his Kaichou, but at least he would be beside him, and support him, yes... it might be the best he could do to Kaichou...  
  
Again the alley was only filled by the fading footstep, leaving the three of them who seemed to be drowned in an eternal silence... Idomu shook his head. He couldn't stop himself from thinking how the hell Takamura could ever do such a thing to Nokoru. He understood if Takamura hated him, and somehow he managed to accept if the ninja wanted to have a revenge on him, but he couldn't accept the way the ninja treated Nokoru. How could he possibly do that? How could he possibly chase Nokoru away by the time he needed him the most? By the time he was near to his own grave? How could he didn't care of Nokoru, instead he found himself another 'One', and declared it to everyone here? Nokoru loved him so much. He loved him till his death.  
  
Suoh's head was hurting him. Enough of the trouble for the day.... He slowly sighted at Nagisa who was looking back at him in a great distress. She was the 'One' for him now, and perhaps would last forever. Nagisa must have been worrying about him. He forced himself to give the girl a smile to comfort her.  
  
'Nagisa-san, I'm sorry I've troubled you.... It's getting late.... Let me escort you till your home....' Suoh came towards her, offering a hand to the girl.  
  
Nagisa was drowned in confusion. 'Suoh-san, I...'  
  
'TAKAMURA SUOH!!!' Idomu yelled his name.  
  
A loud scream addressed his name. Suoh diverted his look to the man who was addressing him. Clearly he disliked the way his name called. Somehow he knew a new confrontation between him and that Yudaiji heir was about to enter a new chapter.  
  
'I HATE YOU!!!' Idomu's scream was louder than ever, it even filled the entire empty alley. In a glance, he rushed towards the ninja with his fist ready to smack the man as hard as he could. But unfortunately Suoh had prepared himself to deal with the Yudaiji heir. In just a second he was able to avoid Idomu's sudden attack, and moreover, he was able to settle some scores on Yudaiji's body. Though it was painful, Yudaiji refused to give up. He didn't stop assaulting the ninja, till finally Suoh grasped his collar, slammed him against the wall, and keyed him up.  
  
'Will you stay calm NOW??!!' Suoh's question sounded more like a command to him, a command he refused to obey even if he had to die.  
  
'NO, I WON'T!!!' Idomu struggled his best to free himself from Suoh's grasp. But of course, Suoh was much more stronger than he was. His effort fruited nothing in conclusion.  
  
'God damn it, Yudaiji!!! Enough of the trouble for the day!!! I don't want to fight you anymore!!! It's OVER, YOU HEAR ME??!!!'  
  
'NO!!!! It is not OVER till I get you for this....'  
  
'You're so stubborn, aren't you? Don't you realize you won't be able to beat me?'  
  
'I'd rather have a head of stone, compared to you who have a heart of stone!!! How could you treated Nokoru like that?!! What kind of a friend are you??!!!'  
  
Suoh's face was reddened as ever. He was offended by Idomu's words. 'Do you think I want to do that?? He forced me to. And thanks to you who make it happen!!!'  
  
'What....' Idomu stopped his struggle. Suoh's words had stunned him. He didn't understand what the ninja meant. 'What the hell are you talking about??'  
  
Suoh released his grasp, and pushed the man away from him. He turned away, intending to leave Yudaiji alone. He didn't pay a damn care what would happen between Yudaiji and Nokoru anymore. Imonoyama Nokoru was not his 'One' anymore, he was free to choose whomever he wanted to be with, and it was definitely not his responsibility to look after him anymore. He fixed his coat a little to make sure his appearance better, and he returned to Nagisa who was speechless to see both men were fighting each other.  
  
'Come, Nagisa-san.... I'll take you home...' Suoh softened his voice. Now Nagisa was the only matter in his life. He had to protect his 'One' now, and this time he would never fail again.  
  
'Wait!!' Idomu rushed to him, and grabbed the ninja preventing him to go away. 'Wait!! Don't go!!! Tell me what do you mean just now??'  
  
'Nothing.' The ninja answered coldly. 'I just want to congratulate you. Finally, you've won Nokoru's heart.' He smirked. 'Congratulations!! He loves you.... You should be happy now....'  
  
'WHAT??!!!' Idomu frowned. Now he began to understand the reason why Suoh acted that way. It was impossible even for him to logic why the ninja acted that way to the 'One' he loved the most. He wouldn't ever do that if not.... If not....  
  
But there was no time to argue again about it. He had to find out the truth. 'Tell me.... What did he tell you?! What the hell Nokoru told you?!'  
  
Suoh began to feel confused. Idomu changed his manner so soon. 'Nothing.' He answered. Paused. 'He said he would leave with you to Europe. That's what you want him to tell me, isn't it?' Suoh looked at him questioningly. From the way Idomu's acted, he could sense something was out of place, but he couldn't figure out what.  
  
Idomu couldn't believe it. He lied to him. Nokoru lied to the ninja. He didn't tell him about the truth. Suddenly he remembered what Nokoru told him earlier when he got out from the room.  
  
//'I've told Suoh whatever I need to tell him.//  
  
So that was Nokoru told him about.... Things he needed to tell Takamura were things that make the ninja left him for someone else. How could he.... How could he be so stupid? He was so foolish.... He sacrificed everything he had, and now... he chose to suffer alone?? This couldn't be happening. Suoh should know the truth; he got to no matter what.  
  
Observing Idomu stunned without any word from him made Suoh curious even more. He couldn't help himself not to ask what was going on. 'Idomu? Is there something wrong?'  
  
But he got no answer from the Yudaiji heir. Idomu was frowned and remained in silence.  
  
'Idomu? Are you alright?' He got closer to the man, and placed his hand on the man's shoulder, trying to make the man conscious of his presence there.  
  
'He lies....' Idomu whispered without looking to the ninja's golden eyes.  
  
'What?' Suoh wasn't sure he heard what Idomu had just said. 'I-'  
  
'Don't you hear me?' In a sudden, he turned his eyes to meet the golden eyes before him, and with a glare he repeated himself. 'He lied!! Nokoru lied to you!!'  
  
'What? What do you mean?' Suoh was getting more confused.  
  
'He lied!! He's not going anywhere. I-' Idomu found himself hard to breathe, but he had to. He couldn't stop here. He had to tell the ninja everything he knew about Nokoru. Before everything was too late. 'I'm going to return to Europe, but he's not coming with me. He's not going anywhere.'  
  
'But...' Paused. 'But I don't understand. Why must he lie to me?' Suoh asked in return.  
  
'Because he-' It was hard for Idomu to say the word. 'Don't you get it? He wants you to forget him.'  
  
'I don't understand... But why?' Suoh was getting inpatient.  
  
'He is....' Paused. 'He is.... dying.'  
  
Suoh was struck. There was a horrible silence among them. Nagisa gasped. The fact Idomu just told them was beyond anyone's expectation.  
  
'No! You lie to me!! He's not... Nokoru is just fine. It's impossible!!! He's just fine!' Suoh refused to believe Idomu's word.  
  
'Listen!!! I'm telling you the truth. He's dying, and he doesn't want anyone to know about it, especially YOU!!!'  
  
'NO!! NO!! You lie!! He's not dying!'  
  
'Listen to me, GODDAMNIT!' Idomu lost his patient for sure now. How come it was so hard to make him understand that he was telling the truth? He grasped Suoh's collar, and forced the man to be face-to-face with him. 'You have no choice. You have to believe me. He's dying.'  
  
'No... Impossible.... He can't be.... You LIE to me!!!  
  
'Why should I lie to you anyway?! It brings me no use!!' Idomu snapped him, hoping he would get back to his consciousness.  
  
Suoh was silent. He was speechless. Perhaps, Idomu was really telling the truth. If he thought about it time and again, yes... it all made sense. Why Nokoru refused him, why he tried to avoid him, why he always denied his feelings, and why he didn't want him to be beside him anymore. It all made sense. Nokoru cared about him, he loved him the most, and he wouldn't let anyone or anything hurt the one he loved the most, even if that meant he had to sacrifice his own happiness. Even if that meant he had to lie to everyone, including to himself. How could he be so foolish? How could he be so blind? He should have known about it. He should have known Nokoru was lying to him. What kind of friend he was then? He had abandoned him, he misunderstood him, and to his greatest fear, he had hurt him so badly.  
  
Suoh was in a great frustration at the moment. He was so afraid to face anyone now, having known the truth. He was so ashamed to Idomu, to Nagisa, and most of all, to Nokoru. How could he hurt the most kindhearted person on Earth who didn't care of his own happiness? How could he ever repay him? He was so ashamed to himself. How could he proudly claim himself as the great Takamura heir if now he had disappointed everyone, especially his truly 'One'? He failed him. It was never him who protect his One's happiness, it was his One who always protected his happiness. It was always the other way around. And his fear had brought him into tears. He was a failure. He couldn't stop his crying, he was failed as a warrior. The fact he hurt Nokoru's heart was unbearable.  
  
'Stop taking a pity on yourself!!' Idomu slammed him against the wall again. 'Feeling sorry for yourself won't do any good now!!' He yelled at the ninja. 'Go and see Nokoru now!!! Apologize to him, before it's too late to do so.'  
  
Suoh stunned. Idomu had brought him back into his consciousness. Yes. He had to see Nokoru now. He had to ask for his forgiveness, even if he had to kneel and beg him for it.  
  
But his reflection was gone at once as he heard footsteps approached them in hurried. It was obvious he was running all the way to get here.... How surprised they were when they recognized the silhouette that had been running towards them turned out to be Akira. He was exhausted, and needed some time to catch up with his normal pulse again...  
  
'Takamura-senpai.... Yudaiji-san.... Kaichou... Kaichou...' Panting. 'He...'  
  
When he heard Nokoru was mentioned, instantly Idomu loosened his grasp on Suoh's collar, and rushed towards the breathless Akira. He couldn't help not to worry every time he heard about Nokoru, and he could tell from the way Akira's look at the moment, Nokoru had to be in trouble now.  
  
'What happen to Nokoru?!' He shook the black-hared boy's body, trying to get immediate information about the blonde.  
  
'Kaichou...' Akira fixed his breath. 'He needs help.'  
  
'WHAT DID YOU SAY?!'  
  
'He.... When I ran after him, I found him coughing badly on the stairs, and... and... there was blood coming out from his mouth.... I ask him to wait while I seek for help...' Akira's eyes were terrified. 'You have to help him.... He's on the second floor...'  
  
Suoh's heart seemed to leap out from its place when he heard it. Without asking any further question, he ran to wherever Nokoru was by that moment. He had to be there on time. He had to help him. Idomu and Akira were right behind him. They were all in a great hurry as if the time wouldn't spare them any chance again.  
  
Suoh was panic. The three of them were in a great panic.  
  
//This is not happening... it can't be happening...//  
  
He ran faster. He had to get there on time. Only one name mattered to him now.... Nokoru.  
  
//Wait for me... Nokoru! Wait for me!!//  
  
He forgot the two men behind him trying to keep up with him. He didn't pay attention to his surroundings now, in his mind he only thought about his 'Nokoru', and how he could get there to help him at once.  
  
//Nokoru, I'm coming!! Wait for me!!//  
  
***  
  
To be continued –  
  
Author's note: When I wrote this fic, Suoh char really pissed me off, and there were times I was crying all by myself. It's odd, isn't it? Anyway... Hope Suoh's fans out there don't hate me for making him such a villain... hehehehe...  
  
Kin'ni darling.... Beta read for me, please! Emergency!  
  
R&R, please, please, please... 


	13. Misunderstanding

Chapter 13: Misunderstanding  
  
//'Before you leave, I just want to tell you something.'//  
  
//'I just want to tell you that I've found my new 'One'. The 'One' I should protect, and the 'One' who will be my destiny.'//  
  
//'Nagisa-san, I'm sorry, for all this time, I was so fool I didn't realize it. I should've known you're the 'One' for me. All this time, you're there to comfort me, to listen to me, and you're the one who understand me the most. I'm sorry being so blind all this time.'//  
  
//'From now on, Nagisa-san is my 'One', and I should protect her with all my life.'//  
  
//'Nokoru... sama.... I hope you're happy now. You may leave whenever you like. I won't be your burden anymore. I know you're sick of me, but I promise you since this moment, I won't follow you around anymore. You can do whatever you want to do, you are free to do whatever you like to do, and I won't be there to stop you anymore.'//  
  
//'Good-bye, Nokoru... sama...'//  
  
He was running all the way down the stairs. But he didn't understand why he was running. Perhaps.... He was running from the reality.... He was running from his own thought. He couldn't stop the swirling thoughts in his mind, though he had tried to.  
  
//'Go away from me, Nokoru! I swear I don't want to see you again forever. You may leave to anywhere you like, and I don't give it a damn care. You're not my 'One' anymore. Do you hear that?! You are NOT my 'ONE' anymore!!! I don't care even if you die out there!!'//  
  
Flashes of memories he had been spending all these years together with Suoh returned before him, and they only made his heart ached more. He was sobbing. It was hurt.... Suoh had left him, leaving him behind without anyone beside him. He didn't care of him anymore. Idomu would leave him as well, and so did Akira. They were all leaving him. He deserved it. He deserved to be left behind. He deserved to die alone. He was selfish. Now all he could do was running... running till the end of his time. For he was a coward... a coward who had no courage to face the choice he made himself.  
  
//Suoh hates me... He hates me...//  
  
Nokoru couldn't stop the echoing thought in his mind. No matter how hard he tried, Suoh's scream at him was echoing in his head, and it tortured his heart. There was no way he could stop it. Now he only could run... run from his thought... run from himself...  
  
Nokoru had been running all the way down the stairs, carrying the burden on his shoulders, and it made him exhausted. He was breathless now, and his lungs were having trouble in supplying him some air. Forcefully he stopped his footsteps, and sat himself on one of the stairs. His vision was blurred by his own tears, and he hardly recognized where he was at the moment, but that didn't matter to him. What was the use anyway? Any place would be the same without 'him' anymore... without his beloved 'Suoh'.  
  
He was worn out, and he tried very hard to catch some air into his lungs to enable him to breathe properly again, but his effort seemed to be useless. No matter how hard he tried, it was difficult for him to breathe. As if the air surround him had been sucked away. No... He couldn't breathe.... His hand was swinging in the air, trying to grasp onto something to help him stand. Soon he was able to reach the stairs banister, but it didn't do him any good. He had no more strength to support him standing on his feet anymore.  
  
Air.... He needed air to strengthen him again. No! He still couldn't breathe... Help! He was about to drown in oblivion, when suddenly he felt his hand was firmly grabbed by someone. Nokoru narrowed his eyes to have a clearer vision of the one who hold him. In his eyes, he could only sight his black hair, and he caught the sight of the man's lips, which seemed mumbling to him, yet he could hear nothing. He closed his eyes again. Might be it was true, he was dreaming. But then he felt his body shaken, and he opened his eyes again. Now he had a better sight than before, he recognized who the man was.  
  
'Akira?' Unsurely he called the man.  
  
'Kaichou! Are you alright?!' Akira had been calling his name time and again, but it seemed that the blonde couldn't hear any word he'd said, and it terrified him very much. He thought Nokoru would leave him. 'Kaichou! Say something!'  
  
'Akira... I'm just fine...' The blonde answered him with a weak smile on his pale voice. 'It just a little hard for me to breathe just now...'  
  
Akira was panic. 'Wait me here! I'll go get Takamura-senpai and Yudaiji- san to help you!'  
  
Soon after he told the blonde what he was going to do, Akira stood up and started to rush to find the men. But he was stopped by a grasp. Nokoru refused to let him go to find Suoh and Idomu. No matter what, he determined he wouldn't let Suoh know about him. Suoh shouldn't know about him.  
  
'No! Akira! Please.... Don't do that! Suoh must not know about me!'  
  
Akira disbelieved what he'd just heard. How come by the time like this, Kaichou still acted stubbornly insisting not to let Takamura know about him?  
  
'But, Kaichou.... You're...' Akira gasped. He hated to admit it. 'You're dying.'  
  
'I know I am.' Nokoru tightened his grasp. 'That's why it's useless to ask them for help.' He smiled. 'Akira, please understand.... I've hurt Suoh... and Idomu... I just don't want to hurt both of them more. They can't see me like this.'  
  
'But Kaichou, you-' Akira cut his words. In a sudden, Nokoru started to cough, and it became worse than ever. He let go of Akira's hand, and covered his mouth. But the coughing was growing stronger, and he couldn't control it anymore. To Akira's horror, Nokoru began to spill out fresh blood from his mouth. And the blood was more than he used to see.  
  
'Kaichou...' He was panic. He tried to soothe the pain down, but his effort was useless. Nokoru was still coughing, and he was out of breath. 'Kaichou! Wait here! I'll go get some help!!'  
  
'No!!' Nokoru tried to reach his friend's hand again to stop from going away, but he was too late. Akira had left him to return to Suoh and Idomu. 'Akira! Don't go! Please! Don't tell them!!'  
  
Akira didn't hear him. He was gone. Panting, Nokoru wiped the blood from his mouth, and with his final strength he tried to stand again on his feet. He had to leave. They couldn't see him like this. Especially Suoh, he couldn't see him like this. He just couldn't. Leaning on the walls, he slowly moved his body and leave the place. If he had to die, then he would choose where and how he would die. And he wouldn't let his beloved ones know about his death.  
  
He had to go away.... He had to hide.  
  
***  
  
Suoh ran as fast as he could. It was a fortune he was born as a ninja, he was gifted by athletic skill that only several people possessed. Instead of single stairs, he took a big leap on them to make his faster. The vision Nokoru was dying waiting for his help horrified him very much. He had to be there soon. Second floor.... He was almost there....  
  
Idomu and Akira were right behind him. They were too in horror imagining they couldn't get on time to help Nokoru. They realized they had not much time, and they didn't want to be too late. The time ticked in seconds now, not minutes anymore.  
  
Second floor!  
  
//Where is he?//  
  
Suoh looked around, but he couldn't find the man's body in his sight anywhere.  
  
//Where is he?//  
  
'Ijyuin!!!' He yelled his junior's name. 'Where's he?'  
  
Akira reached the place seconds after Suoh did. Though he was an athletic man, and he was used to run fast being the world's famous thief, still he couldn't compete his senpai, especially when it came to Kaichou's matter of safety. He was exhausted, and he couldn't catch his breath normally. But at the same time, he too was surprised to find Kaichou was nowhere on the place he left him.  
  
'He... He....' Panting. 'He was right over here when I left him earlier.' He looked around and found nothing, except the shadow of Idomu who was running towards them.  
  
Idomu was exhausted as well. He was good in running, but still the two men were better than him. He was the last one to show up on the spot, and he was shocked to know Nokoru was nowhere to be found.  
  
'Where...' Idomu's panting. 'Where did he go?'  
  
Suoh gave no answer. He didn't know it too. His detective instinct naturally made him observe the environment accurately right away. Any clue he could find might lead him to Nokoru's presence at the moment. And he had to do it fast. Nokoru needed his help, and he didn't want to be too late for him. Having known what his senpai was thinking, Akira joined him in the search. Kaichou must have left some clue they could trail. Soon they found out that their effort was not useless at all. In conclusion, they found a drip of fresh blood on the stairway.  
  
Suoh touched the blood with his finger, and smelled it. The blood seemed to be fresh, so that meant Nokoru was there not long ago. His logic informed him Nokoru couldn't be too far now. He trailed the blood track on every single drip, and it brought them along till they reached the exit of the building. But their hope on finding the blonde was instantly gone, when they found the track ended right there, by the exit door of the High School Building. They tried to search again and again, but as if the blood disappeared into the thin air, their attempt was a failure.  
  
'Damn!! It's gone!!' Suoh was so distressed. He couldn't accept the fact he was going to be failed again this time. Nokoru's life was in danger, and if he failed again, he couldn't imagine what his failure would cost. He was so angry to himself that he beat the wall aside him expressing his disappointment. 'It's gone!! What should I do then?'  
  
Akira refused to give up so easily. They were still in search of the place. Considering Nokoru's weak condition, he had not gone too far for now. Even if he could, there had to be a special place he wanted to go....  
  
His thought somehow woke him up. Gazing at his two seniors, Akira suddenly realized where the destination Nokoru was heading. How come he was too stupid not to realize it in the first place? He remembered the words Nokoru told him the other day... the day when he found out there was something wrong in him...  
  
//'Look at this place.... Isn't it beautiful?'//  
  
//'I always love that tree.'//  
  
//'The tree has brought me many happy memories in my life.'//  
  
//'I saw you the first time from that tree. I talked to Suoh for the first time in front of that tree, right over here, from where we are sitting. And I met Idomu the first time under the same tree. It seems that I met every one of you here. In this park, near to the tree.... What a coincidence, isn't it?'//  
  
//'May be it is fate. If I die in the future, I want to be buried under the tree, so I can memorize the moment we met each other.'//  
  
The last sentence Nokoru told him was echoing in Akira's mind.  
  
//'May be it is fate. If I die in the future, I want to be buried under the tree, so I can memorize the moment we met each other.'//  
  
It had to be it. Exactly! This time he was sure it was right. Kaichou had to be there! He must have gone to that tree. He must have hided himself there. For he wanted so much to die by that tree....  
  
'Takamura-senpai! Yudaiji-san! I think I know where he's going to!'  
  
***  
  
The school was empty now. In the west, sun had almost sunk itself under the horizon, and soon the pale moon would replace its throne. Nokoru was out of breath. He had dragged himself all this way, and he wouldn't surrender until he managed to get there. For the last time of his life, he wanted to be there. To be under the tree, memorizing all the past he had been possessing. He wanted to be on that place, the place where he met Suoh for the first time, the place where he played together with Idomu, and the place where he saw Akira. He wanted to memorize all the precious moments just for one last time. One last time before he died.... And he wouldn't die before he got to that place.  
  
He promised himself the death couldn't take him before he reached the place...  
  
***  
  
As if they were possessed by evil spirit, the three men ran hastily to the place Akira mentioned. Suoh ran the fastest he could. He needed so much to get there soon.  
  
'Akira! Are you sure he's there?!' He yelled at the boy who was running right behind him.  
  
'Yes!! He told me he loved the tree, and he wanted to memorize the moments he had there. I'm sure I made no mistake.' Akira answered him.  
  
Suoh bit his lips. If Akira were so sure, then it had to be true. Nokoru was there, and there was no way to find out unless they got there. Suoh ran faster than before, heading to the destination where he could find his 'One'...  
  
***  
  
The park.  
  
At last... he found it. The tree. The tree where it was all started. Blood was all over his shirt now. Fortunately the school had already closed earlier, so no one noticed him. If anyone saw him in this kind of condition, they had to be worry by then. Fortunately it was weekend, what a perfect day to die, wasn't it? Nokoru smirked. He knew it was time for him, and he couldn't escape. Nobody could escape from the death, could they?  
  
It was still hard for him to breathe, as if his lungs were disconnected to his body. But he couldn't give up here. He was almost there... Few more steps, and he finally reached his destination.... He couldn't give up. Nokoru dragged his feet, and somehow they were heavier each time he lifted them, as if some heavy iron was attached on them. Only few more steps... He would be there.... He didn't know whether it was dream or not, but he could sight the illusion of Suoh and Akira were waving at him gesturing him to come 'there'. He smiled.... Yes, they were waiting for him to come... and he would. He would come soon...  
  
//'Come Kaichou.... You're almost there...'//  
  
He could hear they call his name... He wanted to drag his feet faster... he wanted to run to get 'there'... But he was so weak to do so....  
  
//'Come Kaichou.... You can do it!//  
  
They still called him Kaichou.... Nokoru's smile was widened. After all he had done to them, he still remained as their Kaichou.... He walked faster than before... he almost reached them...  
  
//'Kaichou.... Don't give up! You can do it!//  
  
His footsteps grew faster... And before he realized it, he had forced himself too far... Right on that second, his feet couldn't support him any much longer.... And his body fell right onto the flat grass beneath him. He was dropped down, and he couldn't stand again. His inability to breathe had tortured him this far, and he started to feel the darkness water cover his vision slowly.  
  
He dropped into.... Oblivion.  
  
***  
  
Suoh almost disbelieved he could run that fast. Even though he was a trained ninja, in his daily training he never ran that fast. But this was different. It was urgent. He had to find Nokoru fast no matter what it would cost, even if he had to run until he broke his legs, he would run.  
  
He made it! He finally reached the park. Now where was the goddamn tree?! He looked around. Akira and Idomu reached the park moments later. They were exhausted, since they tried very hard to compete Suoh's running.  
  
'Takamura-senpai...' Panting. 'It's over there!'  
  
Directly Suoh diverted his gaze towards the place Akira pointed. There! He could see the tree, but from the place he was standing it was hard for him to sight where Nokoru was. He had to be near that tree. Had to... If their prediction were mistaken, they wouldn't have anymore clue where to find him anymore. And it horrified him terribly. What if it wasn't true he was there? What if he couldn't find Nokoru there? Nokoru might be laying somewhere else dying, and their help surely would be too late.  
  
But he had no time to think of that! He had to go there, at least he had to prove himself whether he was right or wrong. He didn't care even if he had to mess the entire campus just to find Nokoru, he would willingly execute it.  
  
//Wait, Nokoru! You have to wait for me! Don't die! I'll be there! Soon!//  
  
***  
  
Nokoru opened his blue eyes in a sudden. He caught himself laid unconscious on the grass. He didn't know how long he had been slept into nothingness, but there were moments he believed he finally ended. He looked at the crimson sky above him. It was so beautiful, and it made him wondered whether he would be able to fly to the sky freely soon after he died. Flashes of old memory returned to him, and it made his tears flowing slowly from the corner of his eyes.  
  
He regretted his life. Such a coward he was... During his lifetime, he was always running away from his responsibility, running away from his paper works, giving his friends troubles to find him. He realized he bothered Suoh and Akira very much then, always having to find his hiding, and persuading him to finish his delayed tasks. Suoh had his family, and Nagisa. So did Akira. He had his mothers, and Utako. How could he be so selfish? How could he demand his friends to give most of their time for him? They too had personal life. Nokoru smirked. He had done a lot of mistakes on both of them, and there was no apology he could get on this world could ever forgive his mistakes.  
  
But after he died, nobody would ever suffer because of him anymore. He wouldn't be able to bother any of his friends. Now... For the last time of his life, he really wanted to get under the tree. If he had to die today, let him die peacefully there. It was very weighty for him to lift his body. Nokoru knew he could never walk there. He had no strength even just to stand on his feet. But he had determined to get there, no matter what he had to do. If he had to crawl there, he would do it.  
  
He could see his blood covered his own hands, but he didn't care. He crept step by step to get there. on his hands, on his knees. In his eyes, he still could sight the illusion of his friends calling his name, and that what made his refusal to give up. As he crawled bit by bit, he witnessed his blood dripping bit by bit from his mouth. No! He wouldn't stop. Even if all the blood in his body had run out, he wouldn't stop.  
  
//Nokoru...//  
  
He was startled. He lifted his head to see the man who called his name. Suoh... Suoh called his name, and he was... smiling.  
  
//Come... You're almost there... Don't give up now...//  
  
Suoh lifted up his hand. He offered him his hand to help.  
  
Nokoru was stunned. After all he'd done to him, Suoh was supposed to hate him. But he was there, offering him a hand to help. Nokoru was ashamed to himself. He was ashamed of his negative thought.  
  
'Suoh...'  
  
//Kaichou! You're almost there! Come!//  
  
Akira was smiling to him. How he missed his puppy eyes. Suoh and Akira... Both of them were there... waiting for him.  
  
'Akira.... I will.... Wait...'  
  
Slowly he bent his knee, trying to make his body stand and walk again. It was very difficult for him to balance his footsteps, for actually it was impossible for him to stand. But he forced himself to walk. Finally he managed to walk again, even it was very slow.  
  
'Suoh... Akira... I'm coming...'  
  
***  
  
The tree was getting near. Suoh didn't go any slower. He would run until he could find Nokoru. He could see the tree clearly now, but still he couldn't see where Nokoru was. His two friends were right behind him, doing the same thing he was doing. They were looking for the one they loved the most, and the one they had hurt badly...  
  
Unexpectedly, Suoh stopped his running. He was frowned. Akira and Idomu were startled to see Suoh's sudden change.  
  
'Takamura-senpai? What hap-' The boy cut his own words as he viewed the same sight with Suoh.  
  
There... behind the tree, they could see a figure of a man, sat himself leaning his body on the bold tree trunk, gazing at the setting sun faraway in the West. The three of them gasped in almost the same time. Deep in their hearts, they were terrified. There was no life sign at all from the figure they sighted. He was not making any movement at all, as he sat there watching the sun set. For seconds long, none of them had the courage to come to the man to see him closely. Suoh's heart seemed to leap out from its place. He ran all the way here, but when he got here, he was stunned, having no guts at all to walk. What if he was too late? But he had to try.... He didn't run all the way here, just to be stunned. He had to see Nokoru.  
  
He tightened his grasp, encouraging himself to walk closer. It was near to the place he was standing in fact, but somehow, it seemed it needed a century's time to get there.  
  
Nokoru...  
  
***  
  
//See.... I've told you... You can do it!//  
  
Suoh smiled to him. The most beautiful smile he ever gave him. The blonde smiled in return. Yes... Finally, he made it.  
  
//Kaichou... We thought you couldn't make it!//  
  
Akira burst out with happiness when he said his words.  
  
'Sorry to keep you waiting...' The blonde whispered.  
  
//See! Over there! The sun sets! Whoa.... Isn't it beautiful?//  
  
Nokoru looked at the sun as well. Yes... it was so beautiful. Not only the sun. He looked back again to the faces of his dear friends. They were beautiful as well. There were no word could express his happiness right at the moment, being together with his friends, looking at the sunset, far from his problems. And his thoughts made him in tears again.  
  
//Kaichou...//  
  
Suoh called him. He gazed at the blue-hared man.  
  
//I wish we could spend every evening like this...//  
  
Nokoru stunned. He was speechless. But he decided to nod as an agreement. Oh, yes... Suoh didn't know what happened to him, right?  
  
'Yes... I wish we could spend every evening like this.'  
  
Suoh smiled to him, and he looked back to the sunset. Nokoru was staring at him. He wished he could see the view of the three of them together like this forever. But might be it was impossible. He would be gone soon anyway... Now his only hope was Suoh and Akira would not be angry to him when they knew he was leaving them.  
  
Slowly Nokoru lifted his hand to touch Suoh's shoulder. For the last time, he wanted to touch his shoulder, to lean on his arm, and embrace him. Just for one last time.... But the moment he touched them, the vision of Suoh immediately turned into dust. Nokoru was startled. Quickly he gazed at Akira, and tried to hold him, but Akira turned the same way as Suoh did.  
  
They were just his delusion. He was drowned in his own delusion.... Yes... He should have realized that on the first place. Suoh wouldn't be so nice to him. After all he'd done to him he must have hated him. He shouldn't expect more than it should be.  
  
All of the sudden, he felt so tired. He needed to rest his body. He was exhausted. He gazed the land beneath him, might be he would feel much better if he sat there, and leaned on the tree, waiting for his time to come to an end. Anyway, there was nothing more he could do, not in this kind of condition. So that was exactly what he did. Slowly he lowered his body, and sat on the land, leaning himself against the tree. His eyes were blurred with tears. As he had predicted he would die alone there, without anyone beside him. He giggled a little, in fact he wanted to laugh aloud, but he wasn't able to do so. His chest was hurting. He was nearly out of breath. The blonde closed his eyes. Might be it would be better if he took a little nap just like the old days, when he had to hide out from Suoh and Akira who looked for him to finish his paper works. And when he thought about that, he was smiling. Wished he could dream of it... just for one last time...  
  
But the blonde couldn't have his wish to take a nap for a long time. Not very long after he closed his eyes, he could sense firm stroke on his shoulder, waking him up from his dream. Slowly he opened his eyes again, and turned around to see who called him.  
  
'Nokoru?'  
  
Nokoru was stunned. He blinked his eyes again to have a clearer sight of the man who standing behind him. His golden eyes were worried, and he could feel his breath was heavy, as if the man had been running a long way before he got there. But was it another of his hallucination?  
  
'Suoh?' He asked the man doubtfully. 'Is that you?'  
  
'Nokoru... It's me...' The blue-hared man quickly moved before him, and kneeled down facing him. Obviously he was very distressed to see the blonde looked so miserable.  
  
Nokoru was dying, and it was for certain. He could tell from his face. Idomu wasn't deceiving him. He could see clearly the blonde's shirt and coat was covered with blood, and from the corner of his mouth, he still could sight some fresh blood was left.  
  
'Is that really you?' Nokoru was unsure he really saw what he saw. Or perhaps, he was seeing what he wanted to saw...  
  
'Yes... It's me.' The man whispered. He took the blonde's hand in his, and placed it on his cheek to make him feel his existence.  
  
Nokoru smiled. He was very happy to know it was not one of his illusions again. Finally, he was able to see his beloved one for the last time. But at the same time, he was sad too, knowing Suoh would find out the truth about him. He would turn Suoh into sadness, the very last thing he ever wanted to do....  
  
'Did I make you worry?' Nokoru asked in a low voice. His voice was trembling. 'I'm sorry if I did... I know I've been bothering you many times...'  
  
The blue-hared man shook his head. 'No... You never did. You nev-' Suoh bit his lips. He wasn't able to continue again. He was tearing apart to see his 'One' in this condition. Slowly his tears started falling down from his amber eyes.  
  
'Suoh.... Are you crying?' Nokoru caressed the man's cheek. He could feel it was wet. Suoh was crying now. He never saw Suoh's crying, and he never wanted to. 'Please don't... Don't cry... I'm alright.... I'll be fine... I just need a rest for a while, and I promise you I'll go back, and finish all the paper works, as you want to.... I promise I'll never disappoint you anymore...'  
  
Akira broke into tears when he heard what his Kaichou was saying. Cause it hurt him a lot.... All this time, he and Suoh always forced him to work. They minded nothing except for paper works... paper works... more paper works... He almost couldn't control himself then. He felt like he wanted to scream out loud. Idomu broke in his tears the same way as Akira. He was angry.... not only angry.... He was sad.... For he only could stand there, do nothing, and watch his Nokoru dying slowly.  
  
'No... You don't have to work on them anymore.... I'll do them for you. You can do whatever you like.' Suoh answered him. His voice was trembling as well.  
  
Nokoru seemed to be surprised with the answer Suoh gave him. Never in his life, Suoh would let him to do anything he wanted. 'Suoh? Where's Nagisa- jyou?'  
  
Suoh gasped. How could he still remember of her by the time like this? He completely had forgotten about her. 'I-I-...'  
  
'Don't you suppose to be by her side? She is your 'One', isn't she?'  
  
Nokoru's question hurt his heart. Yes.... He swore already in front of everyone Nagisa was his new 'One', and his heart ached more when he recalled the words he shouted at the blonde earlier.  
  
//'Go away from me, Nokoru! I swear I don't want to see you again forever. You may leave to anywhere you like, and I don't give it a damn care. You're not my 'One' anymore. Do you hear that?! You are NOT my 'ONE' anymore!!! I don't care even if you die out there!!'//  
  
God knew he didn't mean it.... He didn't mean any single word he had spoken. No one! No one on this world could ever replace him... could ever replace his Nokoru... his kindhearted Nokoru... the most selfless person on Earth. No! He could never figure out why the hell he said those words. The words that now he regretted so much...  
  
'Suoh...' Seemed to understand what the blue-hared man was thinking in his mind, Nokoru gave his sweetest smile. 'I'm glad you've finally decided to choose Nagisa as your 'One'...'  
  
Suoh gasped. He was thunderstruck.  
  
'The first time I saw you met her, I knew you'd made a big mistake choosing me as the 'One' you would meet in the future...' The blonde sighed. 'I realized from that moment you'd be better with her, than me.... I realized that you'd made mistake, you should choose her instead of me...'  
  
Suoh remained silent. He couldn't say any word about it.  
  
'I tried my best to bring you two together, and...' He smiled. 'It seemed that I did it. Suoh, don't you see? Your future is with her... not me...' Thinking about it made the blonde lost his smile little by little. 'You have no future with me... If only you met her before you met me, you would choose her as your 'One', instead of me... and it bothers me a lot you know...' He looked deeply into Suoh's eyes. 'Suoh... I'm sorry... I made you take that decision... I shouldn't do that...'  
  
'Stop it, Nokoru... Stop it...' Suoh shook his head. He couldn't bear to hear any more word Nokoru was about to say. He always did that. Nokoru always asked him for forgiveness.... He'd done nothing wrong.... His heart was aching more than he could stand. 'I don't want to listen anymore...'  
  
'But it was true, wasn't it?' Nokoru looked at him, demanding an agreement of his message. 'When you broke up with her, I know it was all my fault. If only I weren't between you and her, you wouldn't break up with Nagisa- jyou, and she might be still with you till now...'  
  
'No! Stop it! No matter what you say, you're still my 'One'. You're my future!'  
  
'Suoh...' The blonde's voice grew weaker. 'I've told you, you have no future if you stay with me.' His tears started to flow down. 'I keep thinking of it every day, every time, every hour, minute even second, and I know it was true. I try to deny it. I try to make myself believe we'll be happy forever if we stay together. But I find out it's a lie... I'm lying to myself. Every time I think of you, I only can see your dying face. You're dying, Suoh.... You're dying because you try to save me. I put you in danger. In my dreams, I saw you were killed because of me...'  
  
'No...' Suoh shook his head to deny it. 'No one can kill me that easy...'  
  
'Suoh... But it can happen one day in the future. If you stay with me, your future is only one. You'll die... You'll die for me, because of me. I know it. Though I don't want it, but I know you'll die for me. And I don't... No... I won't let it happen.... I don't want to see you die in front of me....'  
  
'Nokoru...' Suoh was sobbing when he heard what Nokoru told him. He never thought the blonde was always thinking of him. After all this time, he thought Nokoru was childish, and irresponsible. He thought he was worthless for him. He thought Nokoru only considered him as his bodyguard. Damn those thoughts!! 'I'm sorry.... I'm so sorry...'  
  
The blonde was silent. He was too exhausted to say more words, yet his smile remained on his pale face. His vision was blurred, and it was hard for him to keep his eyes peeled. He felt so sleepy. Before he closed his eyes, he took one last look on his beloved Suoh. He was crying... Suoh was crying.... And it was all because of him....  
  
He felt so tired. He'd said what he had to say. He'd done everything he had to do. Might be he could have a rest now...  
  
Just for a while....  
  
Suoh was sobbing. Regret, sorry, anger, hate, sadness, and all other feeling he felt in his heart were mixed. If only there was someone could get him out of the trouble, he would cry out for help. But there would be no one who was able to help him.  
  
Why? Why it had to be happened? Moments earlier, he started to believe Nokoru would be happier without him. He started to believe Nokoru had found his true love... and he would leave him. He even believed Nokoru didn't care about him. That he was selfish... leaving him behind with a whole responsibility that had made him sick. But in only a glance, the world seemed to turn upside down. He was here, kneeling on his knees, facing the 'One' he loved the most, and watching him dying slowly without anything he could do to prevent it.  
  
What kind of man was he?  
  
'Nokoru... I love you... In my life, you're the only one I love the most, and I was too fool to realize it. I was too slow to know about my own feeling.' Suoh felt it was so hard to say the words he was about to say, for his words were mixed up with his cry. He was so ashamed to Nokoru, and to himself that he bent his head hiding his flowing tears. 'That's why... that's why I fell in love with Nagisa....' Regret. 'I don't realize it will hurt your heart to see me and Nagisa together...I'm sorry.... But then I find out it wasn't her whom I love... It was you... You're the reason I live my life... Can you forgive me for what I've said and done to you?'  
  
Seconds had passed, but there was no answer from the blonde.  
  
'Nokoru?' Suoh lifted his head and found his dear Nokoru was closing his eyes. He was shocked to find Nokoru was unaware of his presence. Unnoticed by him, Nokoru had slipped into oblivion. Negative thoughts poisoned his mind at once. Had he already died?  
  
'Nokoru?' //No! It can't be! He's not gonna die just like this!!//  
  
Suoh was panic. He refused the idea Nokoru had died. He was screaming his One's name again and again, hoping his voice would be able to reach his soul wherever it was, and brought it back before him. Akira and Idomu who were watching in distant were very surprised to see what happened. Suoh was acting like a crazy man. He shook the blonde's body abruptly time and again to bring him back in his awareness, but none of his effort worked. The blonde seemed incapable to feel any movement Suoh did to him. The blue- hared man was getting more distressed. He was screaming to his surrounding.  
  
'SOMEBODY!!! GET HELP!!!'  
  
Help!  
  
***  
  
To be continued –  
  
Author's Note: One more chapter! I promise! Review please! ^_^ Never can get enough of it! 


	14. Time Limit

**Chapter 14: Time Limit**  
  
_'Doctor... Can you help him?'  
  
'I'm sorry, we have done the best we can, but his chance is very slim....'  
  
'What do you mean?! He's not going to survive?'  
  
'We're terribly sorry... We-'  
  
'No! Don't just say you're sorry!! You have to do something to help him!!!'  
  
'Suoh!! Control yourself!!'  
  
'Doctor... Please we need you help... You must save him...'  
  
'We've tried our best... But I think it's too late... Now everything depends on his fate...'  
  
'Impossible!! There must be SOMETHING you can do to help him!!! This is the CLAMP Hospital!! Don't expect me to believe the technology you implement here can't save his life... The hospital's equipments are supposed to be the best on the world!! So there must be SOMETHING you can do to SAVE him!!!'  
  
'I didn't say it's impossible to save him... If you come earlier, yes, we still are able to save his life.... But now not only his lungs malfunction, his heart is an acute condition as well. He is in critical circumstances. His life is in a great danger.'  
  
'Does it mean we can't do anything to save him? Does it mean we have to wait and watch him die?'  
  
'There is one only way...'  
  
'What is it?'  
  
'As I told you before, his life is critical. With the help of modern technology, it is possible he can have more chances if we can transplant new lungs. But one single mistake can cause his death.'  
  
'Then why don't you do it? It's better than to stay here and do nothing watching him die without any help...'  
  
'Easy to say, but hard in practice.... Only several surgeons were succeeded.'  
  
'Don't tell us you're incapable in executing the process...'  
  
'The problem is.... where to find the lungs as soon as possible. To get donated lungs, you'll have to wait from the state. And considering Imonoyama-sama's critical condition, we may not have so much time. You see... time ticks in second for him...'  
_  
Silence.  
  
Time ticked in seconds....  
  
Even for an Imonoyama....

* * *

Hospital.  
  
Suoh was sitting silently in front of his 'One' who was sleeping on his white bed in the white hospital's room. He looked so peacefully in his sleep, and he seemed so happy. Suoh felt he would never get bored to see his angel sleeping without suffering on his face. They were able to bring him as soon as possible to this hospital, but apparently it didn't help him a lot. Suoh knew all the professional medics here had tried their best to save his Nokoru, but somehow he felt they should try harder.  
  
Right at the moment Nokoru slept into oblivion, somehow he felt the world surround him stopped rotating. Time stopped running, and his life automatically had run into a distance pause. He forgot how to breathe, how to see, smell, or hear, or in similar phrase, he forgot how to live. Everything that had been his reason to live in a sudden glance disappeared, turning into an unpredictable curtain of sorrow.  
  
Ever since Nokoru was moved into this room, he had been holding the blonde's hand tightly, and he completely forgot when the last time he let go of it. He wanted to hold on it forever, sensing every beat that might occur, sensing every single sign Nokoru was still alive, still there with him, even though he closed his beautiful blue eyes. God knew how much he wanted him back with him, how much he wanted to say that he loved him very much, and that he would never let him go from his side anymore.  
  
'Suoh... I've told you, you have no future if you stay with me. If you stay with me, your future will be only 'one', you'll die, Suoh. You'll die because of me; you'll die because you'll try to save me, to protect me. It will happen someday in the future, and I don't... No... I won't let it happen...'  
  
The last words he said were swirling in the ninja's thought. They were still fresh in his mind, as if Nokoru had just said it few seconds ago. And every time he memorized it, he couldn't help his tears from flowing down. After all this time, Nokoru had always thought about him, he always cared of him, and all he did was to let him in his grief alone. Pushing him to do things he hated the most, and he could not remember when the last time he asked Nokoru what he wanted to do, or even to show him that he really care of the blonde.  
  
Akira was much better than he was. He always showed he cared Nokoru by asking him what he wanted to, to eat or to drink.... He? The only thing he cared about was that Nokoru would finish his responsibility right on time every day, and he didn't care what it would take.  
  
How fool he was.... Now.... Everything was too late... too late indeed.... He might not have any more chance to spend time with the 'One' he loved the most.... The 'One' he was willing to sacrifice his life for.... And whose fault was that?  
  
'Suoh?'  
  
A whisper addressing his name had wakened him up from his thoughts. He looked at the man who was calling him weakly. Nokoru began to return to his consciousness soon, and the first name he was able to mention was only one.... Suoh.... proving how much he loved the man he called truly....  
  
Quickly Suoh erased all the tears that had been flowing from his golden eyes, for he didn't want the blonde to catch him in his grief. He just didn't want Nokoru to become sadder having to see his sorrow. 'I'm here.... Nokoru.... I'm here....'  
  
Nokoru tried to focus his sight more. He realized his vision was getting poor, perhaps it was almost his time to die anyway, that was why he couldn't see things clearly as before.... Never mind.... As long as he could sense Suoh was by his side, it was more than enough.... He was quite satisfied with it.... He tried to get up, and sat straight on his bed, but he just couldn't do anything.... He was so weak even to move few inches from the spot he as laying now.  
  
Seemed to realize what the blonde was trying to do, Suoh moved closer to him. 'Nokoru, you have to stay where you are.... The doctors ask me to keep you lay down on the bed, and make no further movements...'  
  
Nokoru stopped moving. Obviously he was disappointed not allowed to move, but he decided to follow whatever Suoh asked him to do. 'I understand. It's just I'm getting tired laying down all the time.' He smiled. 'It seems that I've always been a burden for every body... even until now.... I'm sorry to cause you all this trouble...'  
  
Suoh didn't answer anything. His heart was in pain to hear those words.  
  
'Suoh.... What did the doctors say about me?' He looked at the muting Suoh. 'I can't be cured, can I?'  
  
The golden eyes were shocked to hear the question. In a sudden Suoh felt he'd become mute for real, or at least he hoped he was mute that he didn't need to answer Nokoru's question to him.  
  
'They- They try their best to heal you.... They said there's a chance to save you, and to bring you back to normal...' Suoh prayed his nervousness was perfectly hidden. But one thing he should've known, Nokoru was not easy to fool. He knew very well Suoh was deceiving him, but he couldn't blame him. After all Suoh just wanted him to be optimistic, while he himself was pretty sure he wouldn't be able to survive in this kind of condition.  
  
'I see....' He widened his smile. 'Suoh.... if I can't survive this time, promise me you won't be sad because of me....'  
  
Thunderclaps. 'What are you talking about? You'll survive. The doctors will save you.... You'll be healthy again, and you can be with me, Ijyuin, and everyone else again.... Nokoru, you'll survive....'  
  
The blonde answered nothing; he smiled in return. 'Suoh.... If I can't survive, promise me you'll forget me by.... And don't be sad because of me....'  
  
'No! You'll survive.... You will....' Suoh was getting distressed. The vision Nokoru would die, and leave him behind scared him so much. What would he be with his 'One'? What would he have for life? Or what would life have for him? He couldn't live without him, and that thought scared him so much.  
  
'Suoh... please promise me....'  
  
'No!! I refuse to promise you anything!' He was angry for sure. The thought Nokoru was hopeless, and that Nokoru had given up his will to live, had driven him crazy. 'Why are you always acting like this? Why do you give up so easy on your life? Don't you know how much I love you? Don't you know how much I want you to stay with me?' Suoh was crying out loud now. He hated to make things worse, but he couldn't help himself. Somehow he really wanted to make Nokoru realize that his life was precious, at least for him. 'I need you.... I love you....'  
  
'Suoh....' Nokoru's heart was broken even more. 'I need you too.... And I love you too.... I love you more than I can say in words....' His tears started flowing down. 'That's why I hate to see you sad.... I'm not that worth to cry for.... That's why just forget about me....'  
  
'Then tell me how to forget about you??!!' Suoh was screaming. 'Tell me how the hell I can forget about you?!'  
  
The blonde was silent. He closed his eyes to redeem the pain in his heart.  
  
'Fine then. If you can't answer me, then tell me can you forget about me?!'  
  
Still silent.  
  
'Nokoru!!' Suoh was out of control. His anger and sorrow had conquered his heart. 'Open your eyes, and look at me!! Tell me can you forget about me?!'  
  
Nokoru bent his head, still with eyes closing, and slowly he shook his head. He couldn't. No matter how much he tried to forget about Suoh, eventually his mind would long for him. These past days, he kept thinking of him, even in his unconsciousness moments, he would think of him. How.... How on Earth he could ever forget about him?  
  
'No.... You can't, can you?' Suoh softened his face. 'Then how could you ask me to promise you to forget everything about you?' He stroked the golden hair in front of him, feeling the softness he might lose someday. But at least, he wouldn't give up. He still believed Nokoru could be saved, no matter what it would cost.  
  
'How can I forget your eyes... your smile... and your face.... You're my 'One', Nokoru... How can I ever forget your kindness to me?'  
  
'Suoh...' His voice was trembling. 'I know... I love you, and I can't forget you, but... you have to forget about me.... There's someone else needs you more.... And I'm not your 'One' anymore... Nagisa-jyou is your new 'One'. You should be with her.... Instead of me.... She needs you more than I do. Go.... Leave me... I'll be fine....'  
  
Silence dropped again. Suoh felt he was forced to swallow a big block of ice cube into his throat, and it stole all the words he was about to say. Yes, he still remembered very well how he declared his new 'One' in front of everybody, and how he broke Nokoru's heart by that time. As always, regret came late. He couldn't go back to his decision. Yet, he refused to stay on his decision. Nokoru would always be his 'One'... forever...  
  
'I won't leave you.... Even though you ask me to leave, I'll stay beside you.... you'll have to kill me to make me leave you....'  
  
'You never change.... You're stubborn as always.... Don't you understand, even though you stay, I'm the one who's going to leave you.... I'm dying, Suoh....'  
  
'Then why should you leave?'  
  
Suoh's question surprised him.  
  
'You have choice, Nokoru.... Fight for your life.... You can be cured only if you want to. Don't give up... Trust me I'll fight with you.... As we always did....'  
  
'Suoh.... I-' Nokoru shook his head. 'I can't.... I'm tired already.... It seems that everything I do has no meaning at all.... I don't know what to do....'  
  
'Is it because of me?'  
  
'No!' Paused. 'I- I-'  
  
'Nokoru...' Slowly Suoh lifted the blonde's hand, and place it gently on his face. 'Do you ever regret of our friendship? Do you ever regret being my friend?'  
  
The blonde shook his head. Ponds of tears were on his sapphire eyes. 'No...' He answered whispering.  
  
'Do you still remember we've known each other by chance....' Suoh smiled to him.  
  
'Became friends by choice....' Nokoru replied him softly.  
  
'Still friends by decision and when we say friends forever...' Suoh's turn to reply.  
  
'That's definitely a lifetime promise...' Both of them answered at the same time.  
  
For seconds the two boys looked each other in eyes with smiles on their face.  
  
'Promise me that no matter happen.... Fight to the end. Don't ever give up....'  
  
'And you promise me whatever happen we're still fighting together....'  
  
Suoh smiled. He nodded his head. For the first time of his life he could feel happiness and sorrow at the same time in his heart. Nobody could tell about the future.... But they would fight for their future....  
  
'I love you, Nokoru...'  
  
'I love you too, Suoh...'

To be continued – 

**

* * *

**

**Author's note:**

I know, I know!! I've been very late in updating the fic, but hey.... I have no choice, man! I was quite shocked to read the review on HURT lately.... Whoa.... Who's that asian girl btw? Man... So many UPDATE words!!!  
  
Anyway.... The good news is.... I'm back, and I continue writing the fic, and the bad news is.... I don't think the fic is going to be ended in only one last chapter, and if you ask me when it's gonna end.... I have no idea....  
  
Thanks to you guys who keep reading and waiting for this fic. I know lots of ppl curious of the ending, but let it be.... Hehehehe.... Enjoy anyway! And please C&C!  
  
Disclaimer: Just see the prev chapter....


	15. Semifinal

**Chapter 15: Semifinal**  
  
Suoh closed Nokoru's room's door as silent as possible. He didn't want to wake the blonde up. Nokoru needed a lot of rest. After he made sure Nokoru was completely asleep, Suoh made his way out of the room. He hated to leave Nokoru all alone in the room, but he had things to be done. He had to find his friends outside. Ever since Nokoru was sent to hospital, Akira, Idomu, and him stayed in the hospital to stay alert of Nokoru's health condition. None of them was willing to leave the place.  
  
But unlike Suoh who stubbornly insisted to stay and sit right beside Nokoru's bed, Akira and Idomu would rather stay outside the room. Sometimes they would enter to check whether everything was alright, or Suoh might need a break to guard on Nokoru. But Suoh would tell them not to worry about him, and that he was able to spend few more hours guarding Nokoru.  
  
Akira was the one worried about Suoh's condition the most. He could see obviously that Suoh needed a rest, at least for few hours before he returned and guard Kaichou, but the more he forced his senpai to take a break, he would find Suoh cry out loud, saying that if it weren't his fault, Nokoru wouldn't end up there, on the white bed, waiting for the death to come and get him. That Kaichou would still be in the council, doing his paper works, laughing, and even arguing with them. Those what exactly he'd been saying again and again to him.  
  
He remembered very well the last time he entered Kaichou's room, and found Suoh stared at the sleeping blonde with empty look on his golden eyes. He couldn't stand to see such a point of view. He almost believed his Takamura-senpai would die faster than his Kaichou.  
  
'Takamura-senpai.... Give yourself a break.... Why don't you eat something first? I brought some food to eat...' As always, Akira never gave up persuading the ninja to give himself a break.  
  
Merely Suoh looked at him weakly, and shook his head. No words were spoken from his mouth.  
  
'Kaichou is resting anyway.... Why don't you give yourself a rest as well?'  
  
Suoh looked at the younger boy again slowly. Weak smile was blooming on his face when he answered him, 'I know.... Doctor said he had given him some medicines that will cause him to sleep. But I want to be here right beside him, when he's opened his eyes later.'  
  
Akira was brokenhearted to see his senpai torturing himself in this way. But he couldn't put any more argument on him. He tried once. As the result, Suoh was in tears, and shouting that he was terrified Nokoru would die when he was away. That he couldn't be beside Nokoru, if he died. That he needed to be there. Akira decided not to force him further to leave Kaichou again. It only made the situation from bad to worse.  
  
Even Nagisa visited and tried to persuade him to have a break; still Suoh would refuse and react the same. As if there was nothing else mattered to him than Nokoru. Akira often caught him looking at the unconscious blonde, and talked. Sometimes Suoh would stroke his golden hair, and Akira often sighted glimmering water flowing down from his golden eyes. Suoh was definitely hurt.  
  
And today, while he was on his way to check his senpais again, he caught Suoh was leaving his Kaichou's room, and it was definitely extraordinary. On one side he was glad finally Suoh gave himself a break, but on the other side, he was kind of alerted. If it were not because of emergency case, Takamura-senpai would never leave Kaichou. So, what had happened? Had something really happened to Kaichou? He hoped not. His instinct influenced him to follow Suoh without being noticed.  
  
Suoh was looking for someone. But of course, he was not the one Suoh was looking for. Suoh knew very well around this particular time, he would come to the room, bringing some tea and food to offer for him. So... who was he looking for exactly? Was he in search of Yudaiji-san? But both of them were enemies.... Or at least they didn't go well with each other....

* * *

Idomu was waiting outside the hospital. He was smoking his cigarettes at the moment. Actually he quit smoking sometimes ago while he was still studying piano lessons in Europe. But the burden in his mind seemed to force him to smoke again to ease his mind. Didn't admit smoking could help, but it was better to smoke than to do nothing and drowned into this hell of thoughts. He knew it was forbidden to smoke inside the hospital, that was why he sat outside the hospital's park, and smoked.  
  
He was sitting on a bench, while his head was straightly looking up to the sky. Never before he realized the sky was so blue... as blue as Nokoru's eyes... the eyes he missed so much these past years, and yet here he was, trying to make himself believe he was about to lose those eyes again... forever. Sometimes he wondered whether it was true all of this happened because of him.  
  
If only he didn't return to Tokyo, and met Nokoru, interfered in his affair with that damn ninja, was it possible all these things didn't have to happen? Why on the first place he wanted to return to Tokyo anyway? He was happy in Europe, he had everything he wanted there. His career, his dream.... Well, not everything.... Not his love for sure.... But he had realized though he knew his feeling to Nokoru, he would never get the blonde's heart for sure. From the emails he received from Nokoru, he could tell Nokoru only loved for his ninja... bodyguard... whatever he was.... he didn't give it a damn care anyway.... He was jealous of him.  
  
Till one day he received an email from Nokoru.... informing something had bothered the blonde so much, and that he didn't know what to do. He was so curious about it, and he still remembered how hard he tried to make Nokoru tell him what actually happened. Still he kept everything for himself.... He returned to Japan to make sure he was fine, and before he realized it, everything had gone terribly wrong. And he couldn't do anything to fix it, could he?  
  
He sucked his cigarette deeper, and blew a white long high smoke to the air.... The weather was getting cold now.... Surely cause it was near to Christmas now. He didn't feel celebrating the holy event anyway this year. He thought his return to Japan would give him a chance to celebrate Christmas with Nokoru, but... what a sad Christmas he would have this year, a Christmas in the hospital....  
  
He should've known Nokoru smoked too.... He caught the smell of smoke coming out from his mouth several times, but he was unsuspicious about it. How could he miss that sign? But his thought was disturbed by a glance of shadow that appeared in a sudden right beside his seat. He narrowed his eyes to get a clear sight of the person.  
  
'Yudaiji-san... May I have a word with you?'  
  
It was not a wish. It sounded more like an order, which he had to follow at once. Idomu lifted his head to face the man. Takamura Suoh, the man he hated the most, his rival of life and love, was standing right in front of him, commanding him to follow, something he disliked the most.  
  
'Well...' Idomu pressed his cigarette to the bench to put off the fire. 'You didn't say the magic word, did you?' He smirked. 'Please?'  
  
Suoh paused for a moment. Idomu knew very well that Suoh would burst out in anger, and he knew he himself was acting as a jerk in this kind of situation, but he couldn't help himself not to tease that bodyguard of Nokoru. Perhaps a fight would do well for this kind of moment. Better fighting, than to linger in grief.  
  
Unexpectedly, the blue-hared man nodded, and willingly said the requested word. 'Please?'  
  
Idomu found his jaw struck to depth to hear the reply. Never he would anticipate this reaction from Suoh. He almost believed having to wait in Nokoru's room for a long time had really turned the ninja into insanity. It had to be something extra important he needed to inform him right away.  
  
'Is it something happen to Nokoru?' That was the first possibility he could think of, and he sounded out immediately to get the answer.  
  
Suoh shook his head. 'He's fine. The doctor has just given some medicine to make him rest.'  
  
What a relieved. Then? 'What is it?'  
  
'I just need to talk to you, and here is not the perfect place to talk. Can we talk somewhere else?'  
  
Idomu just nodded his head. He grabbed his coat, and followed Suoh to go inside the hospital again. Akira was right behind them, and unnoticed. He was surprised to find his senpai was actually trying to find the Yudaiji's heir, and it made him even more curious of what would happening between them that he decided to keep on following the two men.

* * *

'You want to do what?!' Idomu was shouting in an empty room in the hospital. He was shocked to hear what Suoh had just said to him. Idomu really believed now Suoh had gone insane. Now he even hated hospitals more. Especially their rooms! They could make someone's mind going insane for sure sooner later.  
  
'You heard me, I guess.... I don't want to repeat myself....'  
  
'Yes, I heard you.... But NO! I refuse to do as you say! Are you insane?!'  
  
'Idomu! Please! Just do as I ask you! Don't you want to save Nokoru's life?'  
  
'Yes, I do! But not in that way! It's crazy!'  
  
'There's no other way! You've heard what the doctor told you!'  
  
'I did! I'm not deaf, excuse me! But it doesn't mean your idea can be preceded. Are you out of your mind?'  
  
Akira was right outside their room, plastering his ear on the door.  
  
'Idomu! There's no time to think whether this is right or wrong! You must do it, or Nokoru will have no chance to live!'  
  
'Listen! I love Nokoru! And there's nothing more I can wish than to see him back to normal.' He glared at Suoh. 'Your idea is the worst scenario I've ever heard. Drop it!'  
  
Akira put his ears closer than before. He was getting confused. What were they talking about?  
  
'Nokoru needs new heart-lungs to be transplanted in his body... And if the transplant heart-lungs come from the same body, he will have greater chance to survive....'  
  
'I know! And I need no review on the doctor's explanation!'  
  
'So what's you problem?! Take MINE!!!'  
  
Akira was shocked to hear what his senpai had just said. Without a second thought, he burst into the room, and startled the two men inside.  
  
'Takamura-senpai! You can't do that! Don't you realize what you're talking about? That's too dangerous! You'll bet your life on it.'  
  
Suoh was stunned to see Akira's sudden break-in. Moreover, he was frowned to hear the younger boy's words. Perhaps Idomu was right, he was insane. It was similarly committing suicide. Though nowadays the medical technology had progressed very much, but the failure chance was still existed. Not only that, to be a donator of body organs, he had to be eighteen-years-old at least. Otherwise he might get himself killed. But he was hopeless. He was desperate. He hated to see Nokoru on his bed dying, while himself sitting and do nothing about it. He'd rather die than to see him dead.  
  
'Ijyuin! Stay out from this! I'll do whatever I want to do! Not you or even Idomu can stop me!'  
  
'But Takamura-senpai... It doesn't make sense!'  
  
The three of them turned silent. What actually made sense anyway? From the day they found out Nokoru was dying, everything didn't make sense anymore. Suoh had almost gone mad, looking at the blonde, and hallucinating he would open his eyes in a sudden, laughed at him, bounced off his bed, and made him have to chase after him. Idomu? He was not far different with Suoh. Being paranoid, couldn't sleep well at night, and in daytime he could think nothing else than Nokoru, and it made him wandered around time and again. Akira was the same. Often he caught himself mumbled something, and he used to call someone else as his Kaichou. The three of them were suffering. But yes... the worst was Suoh, for he kept blaming himself for being the cause of everything.  
  
Regret always came late.  
  
If there were a way to end their misery, then Suoh would pay it gladly. Even that meant he had to pay it with his own life. The day the doctor told them the only solution to save Nokoru, Suoh couldn't stop thinking of giving his own heart-lungs to Nokoru. If they could save him, he would do it. Even it meant committing suicide. He scared of no death. All ninjas were trained not be afraid of death. He was a warrior, and death supposed to be his friend. If this were the only way he could save Nokoru, he would do it. He owned Nokoru his life, and it was the perfect time to repay him.  
  
'It make sense to me.... Nokoru needs the organs to keep him alive. Why don't you use mine?'  
  
'But that's stupid!' Idomu neglected his idea. 'I won't let you do that!'  
  
'Idomu! I thought you hate me! So why don't you want me to die??! If I die, you'll be able to save Nokoru's life!! I thought you love him!!'  
  
'I do! I LOVE him!!! And I know I hate you very much, but I'm not that foolish!!'  
  
Suoh lost his patience. He approached the Yudaiji heir, and grabbed his shoulders. Yudaiji really didn't understand how minim the time they possessed.  
  
'Idomu! Please! We have no time to argue about this!! Nokoru needs help now!!'  
  
'So what? Are you asking me to cut your throat, and then give your dead body to the doctors, and ask them to get your heart out? Are you out of your mind?' Idomu pushed him away. Suoh's idea disgusted him. It was true he disliked the ninja, and it remained still. He was his rival, but permitting him to kill himself was a whole other idea. Boy.... He dreamed of the death of son-of-bitch in the past.... But now? It all seemed so wrong...  
  
'Yudaiji! Are you a coward?!'  
  
'What did you say?' Suoh had offended him. He grabbed his collar, and put the ninja nose-to-nose with him. 'I would love to kill you with my own hands!! Cut out your heart, and having it transplanted in Nokoru's body to make him alive. But on the other side, I love Nokoru too much too. Fine! If you wanna die, go ahead! I don't give a damn care anyway! But think of him! Yes! Your heart can save him! It's true! Unquestionably! But did you ever think what Nokoru would feel when he found out it was taken from you? What would he think about it? He'll think he murdered you! And that will HURT him more.' He threw away the man's in his grab. 'Haven't you had enough hurting him?'  
  
Suoh was motionless, yet he was out of words. He knew that. He knew he would hurt Nokoru with his decision. But he had no choice. He was hopeless. It was lots better if he could give away his heart and lungs to Nokoru, than to stay and do nothing. He'd rather die before him. He was distressed, and again his tears began to creep from his golden eyes.  
  
To everyone's surprise, Suoh slowly knelt before Idomu, and he bowed his head so deep till it touched the cold floor of hospital. Akira was startled to death when he sighted what his senpai was doing. Never before Suoh was willing to kneel before someone. He was a warrior, and he'd rather die than to lose his pride. But Suoh couldn't help himself not to kneel down and beg to Idomu. If he had to kneel down and beg to save Nokoru's life, he would certainly do it.  
  
'Please.... Please save him for me.... I don't want him to die.... Don't you understand? This is the only way he can be saved.... I don't want to see him dying.... I'll do anything.... Anything to save him.... Idomu-san, I beg you.... Please do as I say.... Give my heart-lungs to him.... He can't wait much longer....'  
  
'Takamura-senpai....' Akira was crying. He really couldn't stand to see his senpai acting like this. But on the other hand, he couldn't let Suoh do something foolish. Donating some body organs was very dangerous, especially if the donator was not old enough. Suoh might lose his own life. He knelt right beside him, trying to comfort the older boy. He knew exactly how he felt now, and he couldn't blame him for having such a silly thought. If it was possible, he would do the same as well, but Idomu had his point as well. What would Kaichou feel when he found out the truth? It would only make him hurt more.  
  
'Takamura....' Idomu's voice was trembling. He almost couldn't control his emotion, and he was afraid he would burst his anger. Anger for not being able to help to ease the situation.... 'I don't care whatever you say. I won't do what you want me to do....' His eyes were reddened; he was totally distressed. If only the solution Takamura suggested could be done easily, they probably didn't have to suffer like this. But that was impossible. Takamura should've thought what was going to happen.  
  
He read a lot about the transplantation surgeon, and found lots of facts regarding it. First of all, it was very hard to find the perfect donator, the recipient had to be patient to wait for the donator based on the state's decision, since there were lots of other recipients who were waiting for transplant organs for themselves as well. And to be a donator of transplant organ, a person had to be at least eighteen-years-old, otherwise he had minor chance to live. The recipient and the donator would have to suffer the similar pain, and for the donator, he would have less chance to survive.  
  
What Takamura had just suggested was totally insane. It was the same as committing suicide, and he would not let it happen. Even if he allowed it, the medics in this hospital would probably advise the same opinion as his. But seeing the ninja pledging and begging him to agree to his stupid idea, as a matter of fact, made him take a pity on that blue-hared man. Still he couldn't agree on that kind of thought.  
  
'Listen.... Takamura.... I understand you're just trying everything that possible in your mind to save Nokoru.... But this isn't the right way to save him....'  
  
'So?!' Suoh was getting more stressed, he was shouting back at Idomu. 'Are you trying to tell me to wait and see him dying?! Just like this?! Without doing nothing to save him?! How could you let him die like this??!!'  
  
This time, Suoh's words had gone too far. He had offended the Yudaiji's heir very much. Without any sign, Idomu grabbed the ninja's collar, and pulled him forcing him to stand back onto his two feet, facing him close in the eyes.  
  
'What did you say? Did you say I tried nothing to save him?! Do you think I want this to be happened?! Do you think I want to see Nokoru dying without anything I can do to save him?' His face was crimson red, as anger filled in it. 'God damn you, Suoh! You disgust me!!'  
  
As he finished his curse he threw the poor boy away from him.  
  
'You know what?! Do you want to know the truth?! The truth is all of this happened because of YOU!!! YOU are the one who make Nokoru suffer like now!!!'  
  
'Stop it, Yudaiji-san! Please! Takamura-senpai didn't mean it!!' Akira tried to defend his senpai.  
  
'WHAT??! It's true!! Do you want to deny it??? If it wasn't because of him, Nokoru didn't have to suffer. If only he paid more attention to him, if only he didn't force to work all the time with that stupid papers.... Nokoru wouldn't have to... to....'  
  
'Stop it, Yudaiji-san.... Please....' Akira was begging him.  
  
Suoh's eyes were blank. All of the sudden, he became mute, at loss of words, and at the same time, he couldn't see anything laid before him. Idomu's words had paralyzed him. He could hear Akira saying something trying to defend him, and he could hear Idomu's scream and yell at him, but somehow they were far beyond his awareness. The only thing he realized was when Idomu grasped the handle of the door to open it, and made himself a way out of the room, leaving the misery covering the three of them. He could hear the last words the man tell him before he left, and the words that he didn't want to hear actually.  
  
'Takamura.... I hate you.... God knows I hate you.... You're the one who cause it.... If Nokoru can't survive.... If he dies... Prepare yourself... prepare yourself to accept the fact that you're the one who kill him.... and you have to live with it....'  
  
'Takamura-senpai....'  
  
Suoh blinked his eyes. Idomu had left them. He could hear Idomu's fading footsteps, but his words remained clear as ever. They were echoing in his head. He diverted his eyes to Akira, his loyal friend, and hoped he could say something to comfort him, but it was no use. Akira was in tears as well. He too was broken to pieces.  
  
'Ijyuin....' He addressed the younger boy.  
  
'H-hai...' Akira wiped away his tears. It was hard to him to give even the slightest smile he used to give to his senpais.  
  
Suoh smiled weakly. 'I'm sorry.... I know I've been acting foolish lately....'  
  
The younger boy shook his head. 'Iie... You just... you just try to do your best to save Kaichou....'  
  
'Ijyuin...' He sighed. 'Idomu is right, isn't he?' He looked to the gray eyes before him to reveal the answer. 'That I'm the one who kill Nokoru?'  
  
Akira gasped. His eyes were widened. 'No! No, it's not true! Takamura- senpai, you know it's not true. It's not your fault!'  
  
Suoh smiled in return. 'But somehow I know he's right. Even though I didn't kill Nokoru with my own hand, but I force him to kill himself. I'm the one who cause it....'  
  
'Taka-'  
  
'Ijyuin. I'm scared... If Nokoru dies, I'll never be ready to face the fact that I'm the one who kill him. I can't live without him. I'm scared....' Tears began to flow down from his golden eyes.  
  
Akira remained silent, for he knew very well no matter what he was about to say it would do no good. Suoh would not accept any words he would say, so it was best for him to keep quiet, and listen to his senior. He came closer to the ninja, and put him gently inside his embrace. There, Suoh couldn't hold all his tears that he wanted to explode since before. He sobbed for quite a long time inside the younger boy's embrace, and still Akira remained quiet. Till finally, he felt everything he kept inside his heart was totally released, and he felt relieved.  
  
Suoh lifted himself out of Akira's embrace, and cleared his tears away. He knew he was acting childish, but he was not embarrassed of his action. Akira was his best friend, and surely he understood him. He really needed someone to comfort him. All these years, he had been acting that he was so mature, and he needed no one to lean on. He wanted everyone beside him to trust him, and lean on him, but he didn't realize that he himself needed someone to lean on too.  
  
'Ijyuin.... Thank you.... I-'  
  
Akira merely shook his head. 'I understand Takamura-senpai.... You don't have to say anything....'  
  
Suoh smiled. How lucky he was to have such a kindhearted friend, and he had to admit among the three of them Akira was the one who understood them the most. He never felt angry or annoyed every time he and Nokoru was arguing or fighting. He would patiently advise them, and smile. There were times when he was jealous of him, especially by the time he and Nokoru could get well, even better than him and Nokoru. Seemed that Akira understood Nokoru better than he did.  
  
'Takamura-senpai.... I just hope you won't do anything foolish....'  
  
Suoh shook his head. 'Ijyuin.... Please understand.... I'll still do it, even though you guys disagree with me. It's the only way to save Nokoru.'  
  
'What?!' Akira disbelieved his ears.  
  
'I will donate my organs.'  
  
'But it's dangerous!! You might get yourself killed.'  
  
'I know. I understand the risk, but I'll take it anyway.'  
  
'No!!' Akira began to raise his voice. 'You can't do that! I- I won't let you do that!'  
  
'Ijyuin!!' Suoh's scream startled Akira. 'I thought you understand me more than Idomu. Don't you get it? Nokoru needs it. Or he won't have a chance to live!'  
  
'I know! I know! But it doesn't make sense!! Say that Kaichou's transplantation's succeeded, but it doesn't mean you'll survive. What if you lose your life because you're trying to transplant your own organs? What will Kaichou feel if he finds out? What will I tell him?'  
  
'Then you don't have to tell him anything.'  
  
'WHAT??!!' This time, Akira was sure he couldn't believe his ears anymore.  
  
'Nokoru doesn't need to know.'  
  
'BUT- BUT HOW??!!'  
  
'I don't know too.... But no matter what, he doesn't need to know....'  
  
Nokoru doesn't need to know...  
  
_To be continued –_

* * *

**Author's note:**

Oh-oh... What's gonna happen to Suoh? Will they end well together? Only God knows.... (God and me precisely... ) C&C! More please!!!


	16. Intersection

**Chapter 15: Intersection

* * *

**

_'Takamura…. I hate you…. God knows I hate you…. You're the one who cause it…. If Nokoru can't survive…. If he dies… Prepare yourself… prepare yourself to accept the fact that you're the one who kill him…. and you have to live with it….'_

'Is it true I'm the one who cause this?' Suoh was murmuring to himself, holding the unconscious blonde's hand tightly in his. 'Am I the one who make you suffer…. Nokoru?'

A single tear dropped onto the blonde's palm awakened him from his sleep. Slowly the man opened his sapphire eyes to catch the sight of someone who was sitting beside his white bed. 'Suoh?' He whispered in a weak voice that could hardly be heard by anyone. 'Is it you?'

Suoh didn't respond in immediate. He was busy in his own thoughts.

'Suoh?'

The blonde's second call finally realized the ninja from his wandering thoughts. He was startled. He was drowning in his swirling minds deeply that he didn't realize the blonde had returned to his consciousness. He wiped his wet cheek, and looked at the pale face before him, trying to give his best smile. 'I… I'm here…..' Hurriedly he took the blonde's hand to his hand ensuring the blonde of his presence.

Nokoru tried to focus his vision. Lately he realized his sight was getting poor, and that he was too weak even to lift up his hand to reach on something he wanted.

The blonde smiled.

'I'm sorry…. Did I wake you up?'

Nokoru shook his head.

'How do you feel? Is there something you need?'

Again the blonde shook his head. 'I only need you.'

Suoh almost couldn't hold his tears from flowing down when he heard the boy's answer. It hurt his heart very much to hear such an answer. Wasn't it ironic? All this time, he was hoping so much he could get such an answer from the mouth of the Imonoyama heir, but then by the moment he got what he wanted, he preferred not to hear it at all. How could he leave him? How could he leave his love by the time he needed him the most? By the time Nokoru needed him the most to be beside him?

Nokoru tried to sit straight on his bed. Having enough rest for past hours enabled him to do so. Realizing what the blonde intended to do, Suoh rapidly gave his hands to help.

'It's OK, Suoh…. I'm fine. I could do it myself.' Smiled.

Soon after the blonde finally rested himself in the position he wished, he looked deeply into the pair of amber eyes before him, trying to figure what exactly the owner of those eyes had been thinking.

'I thought you've left.' His voice was so weak.

'No…' Suoh shook his head. 'You know I'll always be by your side…'

The blonde was smiling when he heard the answer. 'Silly…. You know it won't be happening. You can't be by my side forever….' Suddenly, Nokoru felt he wanted to tease this friend of his. 'How about Nagisa-jyou? She'll be jealous because of me….' His smile was widened.

Surprisingly, Suoh didn't react the way he used to. Usually, he would be face-faulted with a face so red that he was no different with a steamed crab. But now, his face was sadder than ever, and it broke Nokoru's heart to see him. Suoh answered him nothing, and he bent his head so low that Nokoru wasn't able to see his face. Suoh was trying to hide his tears from him.

'Suoh…. I'm sorry…. Did I say something wrong?'

Suoh didn't answer him. Simply he just shook his head, and both of them fell into silence.

'Suoh…. I'm sorry if the words I've said have hurt you….' He sighed. 'I really didn't mean it….'

Again, Suoh shook his head.

'You know what? You shouldn't do this…. You don't have to be with me all the time…. Go home, and take a rest. I'll be fine. Anyway, I can't go anywhere…. I'll be waiting for you here….'

'I'm just fine… Let me spend another few more hours beside you, then I'll go home and take some rest.'

He lied. Nokoru knew Suoh was just lying to him. The last time he asked, Suoh also answered the same, but he didn't do what he said.

'Go home now, Suoh…. I'm just fine…. I don't need you now anyway…. You need to take a rest. I don't want you to get sick because of me. It's alright to leave me, I'll have the nurse to help me while you're away.' He sighed. 'Since I entered this hospital, never a day you left me. I know very well you always sit beside me, I can sense you holding my hand, and wait for me to wake up from my sleep. Though there were times when I was unconscious, I could still feel your presence. Suoh…. You really need to give yourself a break.'

Suoh gradually lifted his eyes, and the blonde was surprised to see anger flame in his golden eyes. Suoh seemed to be very upset with Nokoru's words. 'Why, Nokoru? Why do you want me to go away from you?' His voice was heavy and trembling.

'Suoh… I-' Nokoru was confused, he really didn't understand what was wrong with his answer.

'Why does everyone want me to go away from you? Yudaiji, Ijyuin, Nagisa, and now even you yourself didn't want me to stay? What did I do? Did I do something so wrong that I don't deserve to be by your side? Am I so useless? Can't I do anything for you…?'

He rose from his seat in a sudden, and turned around facing the window of the room. Nokoru knew very well Suoh was trying to hide his tears from him. He could sight his shoulders shaking. Suoh didn't dare to face him, and show him his tears. He tried his best to look tough to the end. Since the day Suoh found out he was dying, everything seemed totally wrong. Every time he opened his eyes, he was happy to find Suoh by his side, but in the same time, his heart was broken to find his Suoh drowned into his misery. That was the very reason why he intended not to let anyone know about his illness, about him dying. Cause it would only make every one he loved in sorrow. They would treat him as if he was dead already. Grieving each day, and feeling sorry for him… exactly what Suoh was doing right at the moment, blaming himself for letting it happen to him.

Nokoru was exhausted. He had said all the words to comfort his Suoh, to convince him that none of this happened because of his fault, but Suoh seemed to be deaf, and he kept repeating the same argument. Suoh seemed to believe everything went wrong because of him. If only he tried to understand him more, if only he wasn't so selfish, if only…. If only…. If only…. And if only…. So when would it be over? This time, again Suoh would blame himself, and he was already tired trying to convince him that it was not his fault.

'I am useless, am I?' He could hear the words coming out from the ninja's mouth, more like whispering. 'I can't help you, I'm the one who make you like this, am I? I've done something wrong…. terribly wrong, and I can't…' He lost his words.

'Suoh….' If only he had more strength, he would surely get up from his bed, run to him, and embrace him. Too bad it was impossible for him to do so. He could feel his body as heavy as metal, and there was now ay he could move anywhere, even only for inches from the place he laid now. 'It's not your fault…. I'm sorry if I want you to leave…. But it's not because you can't do anything by being by my side. I just don't want anything bad happen to you….' His voice was softened. 'Look at you…. Your eyes cannot deceive me; they look so tired. You need a rest, Suoh. Enough pain caused by me…. I just…. I just don't want you to be ill because of me….'

'But… How could I? How could I leave you here, and let you suffer alone?' His vision was getting blurred for his eyes were filled by pond of tears. 'I'm the one to put the blame on…. Because of me, you're…. You're….' He was sobbing in his hands.

As the words spoken, Nokoru could feel his own eyes were wet, but he tried his best not to cry, or wise, everything would get worse. 'You are torturing yourself…. If there is someone to be blamed, then the blame will go on me. I'm the one to be blamed…. Not you…. I'm the one who make everything worst…. I'm the one who make you suffer like this, and you should hate me for this….'

'Stop it, Nokoru…. You know it isn't true….' He turned his back to face the man on the bed. 'I'm the one who hurt your heart, and I let it happened on purpose. I-… I said bad things to you, I hurt you with the words I said, I doubted you, and I even hurt you physically…. And you still believe it was not my fault?'

The blonde's tears were streaming down without him being able to stop it. He was muting. His heart was hurting when he heard those words spoken from the mouth of his most beloved person on the world. For he could feel exactly how Suoh was feeling right at the moment. He could feel the desperation and the grief caused by him. It was his fault. His fault definitely! His incapability to keep his serious illness as secret had made all his loved ones suffered. And especially his dear Suoh….

'Please don't blame yourself…. It's not your fault…. Everyone knows that…. You're not the one to be blamed….'

'…' Suoh was speechless.

'If someone has to be blamed on, then it'll be me… I chose it to happen… I'm the one to let this happen…' Nokoru whispered.

'NO!' Sudden cry startled both of them. Within the second, both of the men looked at the source of the voice. To their surprise, they sighted the figure they wished not to sight. A girl was standing in front of them, unnoticed by the two. Her appearance was almost similar to a living corpse, as her face was paler than the white wall surround them. And her violet hair only made the view even worse than ever.

'Nagisa-jyou…' Nokoru addressed the poor girl silently.

'Suoh-san! Nokoru-sama! It's none of your fault! The one has to be blamed is me! Me! I'm the one who makes you falling into this trouble. I'm the one who makes you suffer!' Right after she finished her words, she burst into tears.

Suoh reacted nothing. Biting his lips, he closed his eyes trying to bear the pain and guilt in his heart, the pain caused by his failure to protect the ones he loved from being hurt, and the guilt for he was the one who hurt them.

Nokoru was motionless on his bed. He was tired actually. If only he could think a way out that able to escape them all from this kind of situation, but no matter how people admitted him as a genius, no matter how hard he tried to use his intelligent brain, the way out was not bigger than a needle hole.

'Nagisa-jyou….' He tried to smile, ignoring the pain on his back for staying up straight too long than it should be. 'Please don't say such a thing…. Of course you have nothing to do with this. My illness happened caused by my own reckless action. I should have known that I'll hurt all of you because of it, and keeping it as a secret to you makes you hurt even more, and I apologize for it….'

'WILL YOU STOP SAYING THOSE WORDS???!!!'

Beyond anyone's expectation, Nagisa screamed out loud, turning the room into a horrible silence as if they were in the middle of a cemetery. For a glance, Nokoru was shocked. He never suspected Nagisa would act that way. He knew the girl for quite long time, and as far as he knew, Nagisa had always been a quiet girl, kindhearted yet so fragile. That was what Suoh'd been thinking also in his mind. He knew Nagisa very well, and he was in love with her once before he finally realized his true feeling. Never in his life, he heard Nagisa screamed. In fact, all the times, he had to pay more attention to listen to her while they were talking to each other, since Nagisa would talk in a very soft voice.

'Nagisa?' The startled feeling in Suoh's heart caused by sudden change in Nagisa's manner led him to approach her. Suoh was about to come closer to the girl to calm her down, when another shocking picture happened.

'Will you stop apologizing for everything? I have enough…' Nagisa continued her cry in tears.

'Nagisa-san….' Suoh grabbed her shoulder, and tried to embrace her. 'Please calm down…'

Unpredictably the girl moved back, freeing herself from the ninja's grasp. 'Please don't touch me!'

Suoh was getting confused with her reaction. Never before Nagisa would refuse him. What was happening for real? 'Nagisa-san? What's happened? Are you fine?'

'Fine.' Her voice was trembling greatly. 'It's just… it's just… I'm just getting sick of everything.'

'I-I don't understand…. Wh-'

'Yes! You won't understand! Nobody will understand! But I know! Deep inside everyone's heart, they believe that I'm the one to be blamed, am I right? It was because of me! If only I didn't return here…. If only I gave up my hope on you, none of this will happen. Am I right?'

'Nagisa-jyou…. Please don't take that kind of assumption…. None of us think that way…. Believe me….' Nokoru tried to help explaining.

'Easy for you to say…. But I know very well in your eyes, I am the bad guy…. If only I didn't exist, nobody would stand between you….'

Abruptly Nagisa's words had turned the two into statue.

'Don't you think so too, Suoh-san?' She glared to the man she addressed. 'If only I didn't meet you that day, years ago, none of us would end up in this kind of situation…. Perhaps…. No…. unquestionably, you will live happily ever after with Nokoru-sama, and Nokoru-sama won't have to suffer like now. Don't you agree with me, Suoh-san? Don't you-'

Nagisa couldn't continued her words, words that she had been keeping all her life, words that she wanted to cry out loud from the bottom of heart. She thought it would be a relieve for her to be able to reveal all the feelings, all the fear and doubt she had been keeping for herself all these years, but in the fact, it wasn't any like she thought it would be. She knew it was improper time to say these unpleasant thoughts of her, but she couldn't keep them much longer as well.

From the moment she realized the bond between Suoh and Nokoru, Nagisa realized there would be no other relationship could stand between them, no other relationship could be stronger than theirs, not even hers and Suoh's. But somehow she managed to make herself believe that it would be no problem. Suoh had made his pledge, and as a man, she understood very well he had to follow it even if he had to pay it with his own life. But the more she realized his destination, the more she understood for him, she meant nothing. Still her love defeated all the logic she made.

By the way, since when love need logic to support it?

Day by day she lived her life in a lie she made up, a lie she believed in. Somehow in someway she could keep on believing she still got a place somewhere in Suoh's heart. She promised herself to prove her love couldn't be defeated by anything on this world, not even by Nokoru, and someday in the future, Suoh would be able to see her and love her the way she loved him. But a funny ironic it was, the more she struggled, the more she felt she dropped into failure. Day by day went away, but their relationship wasn't growing stronger, on the other hand, Suoh and Nokoru were getting closer, though each of them still didn't realize the relationship happened between them.

Time ticked, though only few second passed, it felt like they'd been drowning in that horrible silence for centuries now. Nokoru couldn't blame Nagisa for what she thought about him or Suoh. But he hated to admit that there was one time he really hoped Suoh didn't have to meet her in the past. If only Suoh didn't meet her he wouldn't fall in love with her. But he knew he was being selfish, that was why he tried his best to make them together.

By that time he believed if Suoh was happy, then he would be happy as well. But what a lie it was. On the second thought, was there anyone on this world who possibly stand up and say he had lived his life truly? No one. Everyone kept a secret for himself. The problem was how long he could keep it and remain it as a secret.

'Nagisa-jyou…' After taking the whole courage he might still posses, Nokoru once again tried to make things easier, for everyone's sake. 'I don't think the same way as you do. Perhaps you think we'll be happier if we haven't the chance to meet you in the past, but don't you think if we've never met before it'll prevent everything from happening now? Everything that happens has a purpose, and I believe there's a purpose you meet Suoh long time ago.' He looked into the girl's eyes, hoping she would still listen to him.

'I'm no God, I can't tell you for what purpose you met Suoh in the past, but I believe you two were meant to meet each other. And I still believe, both of you are meant for each other.'

'No!' Covering her ears, Nagisa declined Nokoru's statement. 'I have enough of this! I don't want to believe you anymore!'

Patiently the blonde shook his head. 'Nagisa-jyou, whole my life, I've never lied to a lady, especially you…. You're one of my best friends, and you'll remain the same….'

'Nokoru-sama, you really don't get it, do you?'

The blonde was quite surprised to get such an unexpected reply that he turned muting.

The girl continued her words. 'Because of you…. I began to make myself believe again that I do still have hope. That I still might get Suoh-san's heart…. which it's impossible.' She covered her face. 'I'm tired… How much longer I have to pretend…. I can't stand it anymore….'

'Nagisa-san, I-' Suoh tried to say something to the poor girl, but it seemed all the words he wanted to speak out were vanished into the air. If someone had to be blamed on, perhaps he would be the one. Why on the first place he fell in love with this girl, when he was supposed to understand that he already devoted his life to someone else. No one could serve two masters. But still he couldn't help his feeling, his need to protect the girl from the very beginning he met her. Now that it happened, would be any use to blame someone?

'Suoh-san…. I know I shouldn't act this way in this kind of situation…. But I can't stand watching you day by day regretting yourself, blaming yourself for everything that has happened to Nokoru-sama, which is in fact…. It is me the one who supposed to be blamed on! I can't stand it anymore! If only I let go of the hope I still can get your love…. If only I can forget you…. none of this can be happening!' The girl was still sobbing.

Suoh was really broken-hearted now for he was failed…. He was failed to protect his loved 'ones', and he definitely let them down. How could he claim himself as a warrior now that he had disappointed them all? He had failed them….

'Nagisa-jyou….' Again he tried to break the silence. Nokoru had lost all the words he had to say… he supposed to say, yet he realized there was no way for him to stay in silence this particular moment. He had to say something… a word at least. Though apology would not make things different from it seemed to be, though blame would not reconstruct everything that had already happened, though whatever he'd do could not make things better…. Yet he had to try…. For everyone's sake!

Nagisa covered her ears and her eyes, refused to hear any more word told to her. For she believed that there would be no way anyone could ease her grief.

'Do you really want to know the truth?' Nokoru continued his words. 'Do you really need to hear the truth?'

Slowly the young girl lowered her hands and opened her violet eyes. Reluctantly she diverted her sight to the weak blonde boy on the bed. She could see the blonde was not in his usual appearance, charming, pleasant, and confident. She hardly recognized this dear friend of her. She could only see the hopeless, desperate, and weak Nokoru, the son of Imonoyama.

Nokoru stared at her, waiting for an answer to his question. Again…. Time ticked carrying the miserable silence to creep among them.

'Nokoru-sama…. I-' Paused. 'I don't need the truth anymore now! I've already known the truth! I don't want to listen to all your words again, cause I've already known them! You're going to say that Suoh-san is actually in love in me…. And he…. he-' Losing her words, she closed her eyes in desperate.

'And you believe it's all just a deceit?'

Nokoru's voice was firm, and it startled the girl. His voice made her fixed her eyes to him, and Nokoru returned her a firm look, a look that rarely appeared on the blonde's face.

Nokoru closed his eyes, and the moment he opened them he gazed to the window beside his bed. As if the window viewed his past, the blonde stared on it for a long period of time before he continued…

'If you think it's a lie…. Then you're mistaken. I didn't lie to you… I never did. All I'd said to you is the truth….'

The young girl was about to argue, but she stopped when she gazed the serious look in the blonde's eyes.

Slowly he continued, 'It was the truth that Suoh did fall in love with you, and it made me jealous of you…. I still remember the first time Suoh met you…. It was love at the first sight, and he couldn't stop thinking of you day by day. Never before I'd seen him making so many mistakes, and I could see it clearly in his eyes by that time… that all he wanted was just you…. It was you who filled his mind and heart…. The fairy he met on the Wisteria tree…. And it was not me….'

Suoh muted…. Yes…. He recalled those days when he was in love with Nagisa…. But….

'It was not me… whom he sworn to protect, and that made me very angry…. Cause I started to believe I was the one he supposed to be in love with. There were times when I was really upset that I wished Suoh had never met you… No matter what I do for Suoh to make him happy, and how hard I did things to make him smile, but you… you could make him smiled and happy so easy as if all you need was to blink your eyes, and you got everything you wanted from Suoh. There were times I really wished you'd never existed in the first place, and that I made a totally wrong decision to put you up together….'

A single tear started to flow down on the blonde's cheek.

'Every day we met…. But the more we met, the more I felt the distance between us was getting further… and that was because of you…' His voice was weaker. 'I still remember there were times I hate you the most when I had to be all alone, while you could be together with Suoh…. How many days or nights I had to spend watching you together asking me permission to go out and I had to smile and let you go? How many times I had to bear the pain of watching you both leaving me behind? How many Christmases I spent lonely and cold while you had all the warmth I'd been dreaming of together with him? How many Valentines I spent watching both of you strengthening your love while I tried destroying my own? How many crazy days I had to pass without having to see you both walking side by side and keep myself from not getting insane?' Again he smirked. It seemed so ironic for him to sound out his questions aloud. Questions he'd never wanted to ask.

'They always say I'm a genius, I have all the answers of all the questions…. But they're wrong…. They just lie to me! Liar! Liar! Liar! I can't answer all questions!' He started to scream. 'You don't know…. How could you possibly know how I envied you every time Suoh looked at you, the way he walked with you, the way he laughed with you…? How could you possibly know that my jealousy had almost made me killed myself?' He shook his head.

Nagisa felt her tears were streaming down heavily from the corners of her eyes.

'You don't understand. Nobody understands. Suoh would never do that to me…. Not with me…. I always believed that Suoh would never looked at me the way he looked at you…. No matter how hard I tried to…. All I did was only causing his sorrow, his grief and disappointment of me.'

Suoh hid his face under his palms. _No! No! It's not like that! It's not like that!_

'But you…. Look at you! Never in my life I've seen Suoh in sadness when he was with you…. I've never seen you fight with him, or him yelling to you….'

Nagisa shook her head, trying to decline everything told to her.

'So…. what else could it be? It must be love then…. What else could you possibly think of? Is it not enough for you to believe that the bond between you is love? Do you need something else to reassure you that it IS love?'

'Stop…. Stop it…. Please!' Nagisa was sobbing.

'I-I don't understand…. I'd sacrifice everything I have in my self to be like you… everything… I don't understand…. how to make you believe…. How to make myself believe….' He paused. Nokoru shook his golden head; his eyes were full of tears he'd kept for years now…. Tears he hid, feeling he kept as secrets, now revealed beyond his power to prevent it.

Slowly he continued his words. 'Every day I had to said out loud to myself that Suoh had never been in love with me. I know I love him…. but it didn't mean he loved me the way I did. Every day I tried very hard to believe that I'd be happy just to have him beside me…. Every day I forced myself to believe that he would accept me the way I was…. even if I didn't do any of my job, any paper works, that he would love me…. in the way he loved you….'

'Nokoru…. Please don't continue it….' Suoh felt he couldn't bear it any longer.

'But you didn't, did you? Suoh…. you were disappointed of me. You didn't believe I'd tried my best… It's not your fault… I'm the one who turn you down…. I know I'm bothering you…. I am a trouble-maker….' A weak smile blossom in his pale face.

Suoh shook his head, listening to the blonde's words had broken his heart into pieces that he couldn't reply an answer.

'That's why you turned your heart to Nagisa. She's better than me. She can comfort you, accept you, please you, and she'll be there for you whenever you need her…. I know by that time I could not compete her…. And I love you too much that I just want you to be happy…. and that's why I tried my best to bring you together, even though it bleed my heart.'

The blonde paused and exhaled a long breath, seemed to be exhausted for everything he'd said. Again he diverted his eyes to the pale girl before him. He knew it had to be hard on her having to listen to all his words, but he had to take his chance… to clear things up. All he wanted was to have everyone ended happily ever after… as if in the fairytales.

He had to take his chance…. No matter if it could break his heart… again…

'I love you…. Suoh…. Nagisa-jyou…. As I've told you, you're my best friends, family I've never had…. I used to live in loneliness…. And till now, I'm still living in my loneliness, and I don't mind to stay in it. But when I'm with you all, somehow, my life was brighter than it used to be. I would sacrifice everything to make all of you happy. Even if I had to pay it with my own life, I don't mind….'

'Nokoru…. Please don't say such a thing….'

'No…. I mean it. I do. I will. When I knew you broke up each other, I had to admit somewhere deep in my heart I was relieved. Finally, there was a chance for me to win Suoh's heart. Finally I got my hope back. But then…. It felt so wrong…. I-I was not happy either…. Perhaps it's true, it's all my fault…. If only Suoh choose you as his 'One', you two will still be together, and live happily ever after… just as I wish. '

He looked to the blue-hared boy.

'Suoh…. I love you so much, and I still do…. All I want for you is your happiness… ever after happiness…. Even if there'll be 'no' me in it…. Even if 'someone' you meet in the future won't be me…. I don't-' Tears flowing down his pale face. 'I don't mind.'

For a moment, none of them could speak any more word. They drowned into silence.

Nagisa shook her head. 'If you do love him so much… then why did you put us together in the first place? Why didn't you stop us from uniting?'

Nokoru closed his eyes, bearing all the pain he had in his heart. Yes… he asked this question before to himself too… Why? But he knew why…. If Nagisa needed to know the answer, then he would give it to her.

'Because I simply love him.'

He looked at the stunned girl. Expecting her to say any word she needed to say, but then he realized he was about not to get any answer from her.

Slowly he continued. 'I love him too much in fact, that I convince myself if he is happy, it's more than enough for me. Before I met him, I never fell in love… I never had the guts to do that…. I even didn't understand how to love someone. But I knew very well if I decided to love someone, I would love him the way he was, and I would always love him no matter what happen. I realized he was happy every time he was with you, and I knew my heart hurt when he was with you. But I also knew I love him too much that I only wanted him to be happy, even if I had to bear the hurt feeling. If he is happy, it's more than enough for me…. more than enough….'

'Suoh….' Sudden call snapped the miserly blue-hared boy that he diverted his sight to the figure who addressed him. Nokoru was looking at him intensely as he continued his words. 'I love you the way you are…. Not because you're strong, not because you can protect me…. And I love you so much that it hurts me severely every moment I realize that… that you will have no future if you stay beside me. If you stay beside me, your future is only one: DEATH, and it hurt me more to know I AM NOT SUPPOSED to be with you. You will die because of me, and I don't want it to be happened…. not to you…. not in my life…. I swear I will not let it happen…. No matter what it will cost.'

Suoh shook his head, neglecting the argument Nokoru told him. 'No…. No…. You're wrong…. Nokoru…. you're totally wrong!'

'What could possibly wrong? Suoh! Don't you understand? Can't you see it? Can't you understand?! I'm NOT your FUTURE!!! In fact, I'll be the ONE who will _END_ your FUTURE!!!! Please!!! Open your eyes!! I-I-'

'I said NO!!! You're WRONG!!'

The blonde was startled. In a sudden his words were cut forcefully. Inevitably fear creeping in his heart for he expected Suoh would be angry to him…. On the contrary, Suoh's voice was softened.

'Nokoru…. All this time, it is YOU who don't understand…. Not me….'

'What?! I-I-' Confused. 'Don't understand what?'

'You ARE my FUTURE.'

Nokoru's eyes were widened.

'How could you say I have no future being with you? You ARE my future…. If I'm not with you…. how will I have a 'future'? Do I HAVE a future?'

The blonde was muting. His tears were flowing hard like a heavy rain as the storm passed his heart.  
How to make Suoh understand that he only wished the best for him? But before he started to put out his argument to decline the ninja's words, Suoh interrupted him.

'Nokoru…. I love you… I love dearly… in the past, in the present, and in the future. You're everything I always want, and you're the future I'm walking to. You're my destiny. If I don't have you, where will I go? Who am I? What am I? I'm no one… nothing… I have no future… I don't have a reason to live.'

'No…. It's not like that….' The blonde shook his head, neglecting the statement. 'Your future is not me. I am no one.'

'No, Nokoru. You are my 'One', my only 'One'. And I will say it again and again, hundreds and thousand if I need to make you believe me.'

'ENOUGH! ENOUGH OF THIS!!!' Unexpectedly, Nagisa let out of her scream, and rushed out the room leaving the two-startled man.

Both of the men fell into silence, before finally Nokoru dismissed the horrible silence.

'Go after her…. Suoh….' His voice sounded so weak that it almost faded along with the air surround them.

Suoh was stunned on the spot he was standing. Seconds passed with him still not knowing how to react to Nokoru's command. Part of him wanted to stay there, ignored the girl, and stayed with his 'one', but other part of him, demanded him to go after her after all he had done her wrong, at least he needed to apologize to her, and comforted her.

'Suoh…' Nokoru called him again for he didn't get any respond from the man he addressed.

Slowly he diverted his eyes to the blonde, still muting.

'Suoh… You should go and find her.'

His order was clear and sound. Nokoru wanted him to go. Suoh shook his head, neglecting to do what he commanded to do. 'No…. Let it be. I've told you I will be by your side always. I will not leave you…. not again.'

The blonde seemed to have predicted what the answer would turn to be, and he knew it was a wrong one. 'No.' He shook his head. 'It's not true. You know it is. You should follow her.'

'I've told you I'm not going anywhere.'

'Suoh!'

'Nokoru! Stop chasing me away! I've told you I'm not going anywhere, and I'll stay no matter how hard you try to make me go away!'

'She is your 'one'! Don't you remember?!'

'Nokoru! I've told you she's not my 'one', she's…'

'You swear it already! You can't swallow your own word! She's your 'one', and she will always be!'

'Damn it, Nokoru! I don't care!'

'Idiot! I order you to-' To Suoh's greatest fear, Nokoru wasn't able to continue since suddenly he was coughing seriously. It went so great that the blonde seemed to have difficulty in gasping air.

'Nokoru…' Quickly he moved toward the sick boy on the bed. He grasped his hand, trying to lighten the pain. But the blonde seemed to be incapable to stop coughing. Suoh began to panic. He was afraid Nokoru would getting worse. 'Wait! Hold on! I'll call the doctors to help you!'

Just when Suoh was about to leave him, Nokoru grabbed the man's arm forcefully to stop him stepping further. 'No….' He whispered in the middle of his cough. Panting, he forced himself to continue talking. 'I'm fine.' Coughing. 'Just give me some time.'

'Nokoru…. You need help right away! Let me get help for you!' Suoh was getting scared.

'I said I'm fine. Don't mind about me.' Nokoru tried his best to stop his cough; he didn't want to make Suoh worry about him. After taking a deep breath, he continued, 'Just go and find Nagisa-jyou. You have to find her.'

Suoh really couldn't believe what he'd been hearing. How come in this kind of situation Nokoru could still thinking of her? After all she had said to him and made his heart hurt, he was still paying attention to her.

'Please… Nokoru…. You really-'

'I ask you to find her.'

Suoh's eyes were widened. Nokoru was serious, wasn't he? He really wanted him to get her. 'Nokoru, listen-'

'No. You listen to me.' Breathing heavily. 'Suoh, I just don't want you to make the same mistake twice.'

Suoh was shocked. He opened his mouth to protest, but the blonde put out his words before he could do so.

'She is your ONE… Like it or not, you have to accept it. You've said it, and you swear it. Nothing will change the fact. Please don't let the same thing happen to her. You can't fail her.'

Suoh was stunned. For a moment he was paralyzed. His heart seemed to stop working, and his brain was disconnected by that moment. For the first time in his life he felt he couldn't do anything, not even to breath, because of fear. Fear of what Nokoru had just told him was a truth. Yes… he had failed his One once…. He couldn't fail for the second time, or could he?

Nokoru took a pity on him. He regretted having said those words, but there was no other way to make Suoh realized what he had to do. Though he knew he really wished Suoh's presence beside him all the time, but somehow he knew very well also that it was not right. It was not him whom Suoh should stay with. It was Nagisa. She needed him more by the time like this.

'Suoh… I'm sorry if I hurt you with my words… I didn't say you've failed me. You never did. In fact, you've won my heart. It just… Nagisa-jyou needs you to be beside her. And she is your One.' He smiled. 'Go… I'll be fine. I'll wait for you.'

'Nokoru… I can't-'

'Suoh. Please don't argue anymore. You have to keep your promise.'

'Yes. I understand. And I'm trying to do it. Nokoru, don't you understand me? I'm trying to keep my promise to YOU. You're the _ONE_ I will _meet_ in the future-'

'Doesn't mean I'll be the _ONE_ you will _stay_ with you in the future…'

The ninja was startled. His amber eyes shone with shock.

Nokoru smiled. He knew his answer would surprise the man, but it was exactly what he'd been thinking all these years time and again to make himself believe he would take the perfect decision. 'Now do you understand?' He was still smiling. 'All this time, you never break your promise to me. And I don't want you to break your promise to Nagisa either. Go and find her… now.'

Suoh was still motionless. It was hard for him to understand all the words Nokoru had just told him. But one thing he understood there was no way he could get away with this. He knew he had to find Nagisa sooner or later, and all of the sudden he remembered the thing he had to do. He remembered he had to leave Nokoru he loved the most soon, and he better did it fast before it was too late.

'Very well then…' Halfheartedly he responded to the blonde's demand. 'I'll go and see her.'

He turned his heel towards the exit, and just before he opened the door handle, he glanced once last time to his 'one' who lay weakly on the bed watching him going away. He could feel his heart aching knowing it might be his last chance to have a look on him, and that he might never meet the 'one' who he loved the most, but he knew he had to go. He just couldn't say farewell to him. It was just too… hurt for him, for both of them.

'Nokoru…' He called his name.

The blue eyes stared at him.

'I love you.'

Before Nokoru could answer him, Suoh opened the door and disappeared as he closed it again immediately, leaving the blonde alone in his room.

'I know.' He whispered. His tears began to run over his pale cheeks. 'I love you more.'

* * *

Suoh was running through the alley. He was sobbing while he was running. He didn't know where he was going or what he was going to do.

He just needed to run… run from everything.

_'I just want to tell you that I've found my new 'One'. The 'One' I should protect, and the 'One' who will be my destiny.'_

_'Nagisa-san, I'm sorry, for all this time, I was so fool I didn't realize it. I should've known you're the 'One' for me. All this time, you're there to comfort me, to listen to me, and you're the one who understand me the most. I'm sorry being so blind all this time.'_

His tears were falling harder when he recalled his own words.

_'Suoh…. I'm glad you've finally decided to choose Nagisa as your 'One'…'_

_'The first time I saw you met her, I knew you'd made a big mistake choosing me as the 'One' you would meet in the future…. I realized from that moment you'd be better with her, than me…. I realized that you'd made mistake, you should choose her instead of me…'_

_'Suoh, don't you see? Your future is with her… not me… You have no future with me… If only you met her before you met me, you would choose her as your 'One', instead of me…. Suoh… I'm sorry… I made you take that decision… I shouldn't do that…'_

Finally he fell on his knees on the freezing hospital floor. Sobbing, regretting everything he had done to the one who loved him the most.

_'Suoh…. I love you so much, and I still do…. All I want for you is your happiness… ever after happiness…. Even if there'll be 'no' me in it…. Even if 'someone' you meet in the future won't be me…._

Nokoru had sacrificed everything for him. And he didn't do anything at all to save him. He had to save him; even if it took his life to save him… he would do it for sure.

Gradually he dragged himself back on his feet, and wiped his tears away. He had to be strong. He was not, but at least he had to try. He had one last chance to save him, and he would not miss it for certain.

He knew what to do now.

He just had to start.

No turning back.

But how?

Now the question is: **How?**

To be continued

Author's note:

I just want to say thank you to all of you who still reading my fic. No word can describe how much I appreciate it. I've been reading your comments, and they inspire me a lot. I enjoy writing this fic, though there are times I'm running out of ideas how to continue it, your comments are the ones who keep me continue writing.

I understand everyone's curious of the ending, and in fact, some of you have given brilliant ideas how to end this fic, but he… he… he…. for now, I can't tell you yet. Guess after all, I can't really end this fic as soon as possible, so please bear with me. How evil…. And I know very well my grammar is poor, so if anyone can help beta-read for me, I'll be very happy. Please 3x someone help me!!!!!

Anyway, thanks again for everything. Your critics and comments are mostly welcomed.


	17. Heal

Chapter 16: Heal

Idomu was lost in his own thoughts when suddenly a hand offering him a cup of hot coffee dragged him back to the reality world. Instantly he looked at the man who was sitting next to him, holding another cup of coffee for himself in his hand. Hesitantly, he took the cup into his hands.

'Thank you.' He said shortly. His eyes now were focused to the cup in his held.

'Don't mention it.' Akira replied in return. He had never been close to Idomu anyway that he didn't bother to put more effort in getting him into conversation.

Both of them sat in silence next to each other, looking to the cups of coffee in their hands. Both of them understood very well that they were exhausted physically and mentally and that they didn't need more argument to turn their condition from bad to worse.

'I'm sorry,' Idomu started talking.

Akira diverted his gray eyes to him. Obviously he required further explanation from the Yudaiji heir.

Idomu looked at the younger man beside him. Never in his imagination before he needed someone to talk to, someone who would willingly listen to him, someone who would bear anything he was about to say. Being the Yudaiji heir had made him not to trust anyone else so easily. In fact, he had no one to trust. He was used to keep all his feeling to himself, and refused to expose himself in public. Now…. in this very place, he needed someone to listen to him, and though he realized he didn't know Akira very well, he knew he could trust this friend of Nokoru, in the way Nokoru had always trusted him.

He smirked as he glanced towards the black-hared boy. 'I know I was acting as a jerk just now. I know I shouldn't tell those painful words to Takamura, but the idea of having his organs donated for Nokoru and getting himself killed because of that-' He paused. 'It-… It scared me.'

Akira was wordless. He understood exactly how Idomu felt. He too was scared-very scared in fact having to imagine what it would be if Takamura-senpai really had his plan executed.

'I hate him…' The man continued. 'I won't deny that I hate him. I hate him, and I really do.' He blew his coffee softly to reduce the heat, and slowly sipped it. 'He took everything I always wanted in this world… just to destroy it in his own hands. I swear I will never forgive him for that.'

'Idomu-san…' Akira tried to defend his senpai. 'It's not entirely his fault. As a matter of fact, it's my fault too for keeping the truth about Kaichou from him that made him hurt Kaichou more than he realized.'

Idomu stared at the boy sitting next to him. Indeed, Nokoru had chosen a perfect friend anyone could possibly dream of. From the stories Nokoru shared with him years ago by emails, he got the picture Akira was indeed a kindhearted boy who had never complained of his surroundings. He was always contented of what he had had, and Idomu admired him for that. He himself had difficulty to be grateful of what he had already possessed, for he wanted something more and more in his life.

'Ijyuin…. Do you hate me?'

Akira blinked his eyes disbelieving the question he just heard from Idomu. 'Why should I?'

Idomu took another sip on his coffee. Without looking to the other boy, he continued his words. 'If only I wasn't here… if only I didn't have to return here, and meet Nokoru at the first place… Perhaps we will not end like this.' He looked at Akira who at loss of words. 'Don't you agree with me? Perhaps everything would stay fine. Takamura wouldn't be burned in his rage of jealously and he wouldn't treat Nokoru terribly. They might be still connected to each other without me standing in the middle of their relationship.'

He stopped and released a heavy sigh. Idomu could feel tears begin to sting his eyes. Actually he had been tired already, and he was sure he was not able to cry any more tears cause he believed he had lost all the tears he owned and stored behind his eyes. But the pain torturing his heart was unbearable, and if it was possible he would strike his claws on his own chest, trying to take out his heart from his ribs, and remove it away forever so he didn't have to feel the hurt he'd been suffering all this time.

'Now that everything had happened… I start to believe… Perhaps it was I after all who cause Nokoru suffer, and the thought that I might be the one who cause his death scares me very much.'

He started to sob. The cup in his hands was shaking, and Akira could see in a slow motion a single tear dripped into the middle of the cup causing a small ripple on the coffee's surface.

'Idomu-san…' Akira took a pity on him. He realized everyone – including him – was blaming himself for everything had happened to Nokoru. Was there any soothing word to ease the pain? He didn't believe so, but he had to say something… at least. 'Please don't think that way.' He took a deep breath, leaned his back against the wall behind him, and aimed his eyes to the white ceiling beyond him. He didn't know what to say or what to do next, whether he had to cry, or to escape from the scene.

'Let's face it…' Idomu lifted his sorrowful face to him. 'Actually I deserve to be blamed, don't I?'

Akira looked at him. Slowly he shook his head as a sign he disagreed to Idomu's opinion. 'If you need to find out who's the one to be blamed on, then you'll find out everyone of us deserves to be blamed on.'

Idomu gave an intent look into the gray eyes before him, waiting for further explanation from Akira.

'But the question is…' Paused. 'The reason why they have to be blamed on.'

There was a confused look on the Yudaiji heir's face as he continued to ask, 'What do you mean?'

'Basically,' Akira replied, 'all the people that had to be blamed on have the same reason that make them have to be blamed on.'

'I don't understand,' Idomu was getting confused. 'What's the reason?'

'Simple….' Akira closed his eyes, and took a sip from his coffee. 'They all love Kaichou too much.'

For a moment, Idomu was speechless. 'I still don't get it. Why? I mean what does it have anything to do with everything that has happened?'

The raven-hared boy smiled to him in return, and made Idomu confused even more. Akira's smile seemed to tell him as if he supposed to know why he gave him that kind of answer.

'You see, Idomu-san…' He started to explain, 'the problem is we all love Kaichou very much, and we did everything we can to make him happy, to chase away all his grief. By the time it didn't turn in the way we hope to be, we all instantly blame ourselves for letting everything awful happen to him.'

Akira took another look into Idomu's eyes before he continued what he had to say, 'Idomu-san… I don't blame you for everything happen, and nobody should. If there is a terrible mistake you've done, then it's just because you love Kaichou very much. And I can't blame you just because you love him. In fact, I believe you love him more than I do.'

Again Idomu was at a loss for words to say.

'I admit there were times I didn't agree with the way you act or say, but I can understand it's all just because you love Kaichou dearly. And I can guarantee you that Kaichou will feel the same. I love Kaichou too. I blame myself because I love him too much that I promised him not to let Takamura-senpai know the truth about him. I love him too much that I have to back myself from fighting physically with Takamura-senpai the moment he threw Kaichou out of the boardroom.'

Akira paused for a while as he recalled what had happened earlier on that day. He could sense his teardrops falling from the corners of his eyes, but he didn't try to conceal it. Let it be… 'I know very well if I did, Kaichou would never forgive me. I just love him too much that I don't want to hurt his heart more.'

'Akira…'

'Idomu-san… You should understand Takamura-senpai as well. I know you're angry with him, and there's no way I can prevent it, but at least try to understand him. Cause he too has the same reason to be blamed on… and the reason is that he loves Kaichou too much.'

Idomu shook his head firmly refusing Akira's sentence. 'No. I don't agree with you.' His voice was heavy and cold. 'After all he had done… No… I'm sure he doesn't love Nokoru that much… I mean, how come you treat the one you love the most in such a ruthless way? He'd gone too far!'

He looked at Akira as if waiting for his conformity to his words. But the younger boy shook his head, again having to disagree his point of view. 'Idomu-san… you still don't understand… Everything that Takamura-senpai had done is done because of his love to Kaichou. He loves Kaichou too much that he was mad when he thought Kaichou really fell in love with you. He loves Kaichou too much that he willingly let him go and choose another 'One' for him, believing it's the best way for both of them, and that he believed that was exactly what Kaichou had been wanting all these years… to be away from him.'

Idomu stayed in silence.

'Takamura-senpai loves Kaichou too much that he couldn't bear when he heard that Kaichou only treated him as his most excellent bodyguard. And he loves him too much that he is losing his sense and insisting to have his own organs donated.'

Gradually the younger boy lifted his sight to Idomu who were still remained silent. 'Idomu-san, I don't expect you to forgive Takamura-senpai, it is your decision whether to do so or not, and as Kaichou said earlier, I have no right to make you do what I want you to do. And I too have a hard time to understand everything that has happened, and I don't expect I myself can understand it. But-' He sobbed.

'Akira….' Idomu lifted his hand and put it on Akira's shoulder. He knew each of them had carried a heavy burden, and all they could do now was trying to ease each other's burden. 'I don't know any word that can ease the pain in your heart, and I can't promise you everything will be better eventually, but what I can tell you for sure is, that Nokoru has made a right decision to have you as his best friend.'

The black-hared boy smiled to him in return. 'Thank you.'

Idomu returned his smile. Quite an odd actually knowing the fact before the tragedy happened, both of them was a total stranger, knowing each other by chance, but they managed to grow a closer friendship after sharing the same misery together.

* * *

Nagisa found herself laying in an empty chapel in the hospital. She didn't know how long she had been there, crying and feeling sorry for herself. She regretted everything she had said and done moments before, but she couldn't stop herself. She knew for sure Suoh would hate her more now after all she had said to Nokoru-sama. She just couldn't stand it any longer. She wished she could disappear into the thin air the very moment she listened to all Nokoru's confession. The more she listened, the more she was convinced there would be nothing – nothing at all that could separate Suoh from Nokoru. They loved each other deeply, and there was no place for her to be between them. But even after she realized it, why she still found it hard for her to accept the fact, the fact that Suoh had never loved her truly in the way she loved him, the fact that Suoh would choose Nokoru instead of her no matter how much she had sacrificed for him. She couldn't understand, and she refused to understand. 

She was drowned into her sob that she hardly noticed that someone had been observing her quietly for quite a long time. He just stood there, feeling his heart breaking to pieces as he watched the poor girl crying without him being able to ease her sadness. He once swore he would protect this beautiful girl before him, protect her well-being and happiness, but today he was failed. He failed to make her happy, to prevent the anguish wrap her, and there was nothing he could do about it.

Slowly he moved closer towards the girl, and knelt before her. He stroke the girl's hair gently, feeling sorry, and in the same time, desperate. He remembered he once loved this girl, and if only he could stay the same, perhaps his life would be easier. But if he did that, he knew he was just deceiving his true feeling, and he was running away from himself.

His cold hand brought the girl into her consciousness that there was someone else with her in that lonely chapel. Quickly she rose from her position to have a better look to the person before her. She was surprised to find her most beloved person kneeling before her, and she could hardly recognize the man she loved once, now, and always. For the man before her looked so fragile, sorrowful filled his amber eyes, and an exhausted expression hanged on his handsome face. He had been crying, she knew that for sure…

'Suoh-san…' Within a second, she leaped into his embrace and cried in his warm chest. 'I'm sorry… I'm really sorry…'

Suoh tightened his embrace, sinking all the words she had to say into it. He could hear his heart breaking as clear as Nagisa's cry, and he bit his lower lip to bear the pain he was feeling. The words he was about to say, and he supposed to say, in a sudden had disappeared into the air. He couldn't stand to witness his loved one suffering in his embrace without anything he could do to ease it.

After a few moments, Nagisa managed to calm herself down as she began to look at the man in front of her and wiped away her tears. 'Suoh-san,' she whispered, 'forgive me… I shouldn't do what I just did to Nokoru-sama…'

He shook his head. 'It's alright.'

'Nokoru-sama must be angry to me. He must hate me for sure now…' Her tears were still flowing from her eyes.

Suoh returned her a weak smile as he wiped those tears away. 'Silly… He is not angry to you… He will never be angry to you. If he is, then it will be me he's angry to.'

'No…' The girl shook her head in disagreement. 'It's not your fault. It's mine.'

'I'm the one who make the decision to abandon him. Even if he is angry to me, he has right to do so.'

'But…' The girl started to sob again. 'I'm the one who made you take that decision.'

Suoh smiled to her as he continued, 'we can't change what's happened. I have decided you are my new 'One', and I have to keep my promise.'

'Suoh-san… But how could you… You are supposed to be with Nokoru-sama. You're not supposed to be with me. He needs you so much by the time like this.'

'I know. That's why I come to you.'

Nagisa was confused. She didn't understand at all. What was Suoh trying to tell her?

'Nagisa-san, I have swore you're my new 'One', and I can't take back what I've said before. I will keep my promise to stay with you forever. And this time I will not fail my 'One' for the second time.'

Nagisa disbelieved what she just heard. Had Suoh lost his mind? How could he possibly hang on that stupid swear of his after all that happened?

'I've decided it, and I will not step back.'

'I-… I don't understand, I thought you love Nokoru-sama, more than you love me. But why? Why do you leave him?'

'I have to. I have to leave him to save his life.'

She was getting confused. 'I don't understand.'

'Nagisa-san, before I explain, I want you to ask you something.'

'What is it?'

'Do you really love me?' He looked into the girl's eyes to find the answer, and he already the answer once he looked into those sobbing eyes.

'I do.' Her answer was short and clear. 'I love you, and I always will.'

'If I ask you to do something for me… will you do it for me?'

Nagisa didn't understand, she looked intensely into the amber eyes before her, trying to figure out what exactly in the mind of the man she loved, but she couldn't find any explanation she wanted.

Slowly Suoh leaned forward to the girl, and kissed her cheek. He knew very well the thing he was about to ask to this girl was the thing beyond everyone's prediction, and the very same thing would hurt the girl effectively perhaps for the rest of her life. But he had no choice. He had no other option. He had to ask her to do it, or else, he would never be able to save the life of the man he love the most on this world. Even if he had to sacrifice the well-being of the girl who loved him the most, even if later in the future she would give him her greatest hatred, he wouldn't mind. He would not care. It was the only way. Now or never.

'Nagisa-san, you're the only person who can do this for me. Cause you're my ONE, only you who can save me from all of this misery.'

'I-' The girl shook her head slowly, seemed having trouble in understanding Suoh's request. 'I still don't get it…'

'I need you to help, and only you who can help me. You're my 'One'.' Suoh repeated himself, giving the girl his intent gaze. 'Will you promise me no matter what happen, you will do it for me?'

Nagisa was muting. Her eyes were widened with confusion.

'Promise me, Nagisa-san, please promise me… and I will promise you I will stay with you for the rest of my life.'

The gaze of Suoh's golden eyes gave Nagisa no option other than to obey whatever Suoh was about to ask her to do. But somehow, Nagisa knew she would not like whatever Suoh would like her to do, still she had no choice except to nod her head and agree.

'I promise,' she whispered in such a soft voice that even Suoh himself hardly heard her.

The ninja gave her a weak smile, seemed to be contented with the answer the girl returned to him. In a sudden, he grasped her weak body and put it into his tightened embrace, whispering right before her ear, 'Thank you. Thank you very much.'

Nagisa was surprised with his reaction, but she immersed into his embrace, saying nothing at all to protest, not even asking why he did it. She knew whatever Suoh was about to ask her would be a very difficult thing to be done, but whatever it was, she would do it even if she had to give her life for him. She loved him too much that she would never be able to refuse any request he wanted. She loved him too much that she could never say no to anything he demanded.

Gradually Suoh loosened his tight embrace, and looked into the girl's pale face before him. Carefully he caressed her face, little by little recalling the memories they had together in the past, beautiful memories yet so painful. Suoh could understand if she turned to hate him for the rest of her life considering every hurt he caused in this girl's life, and might be it would be much better for him if Nagisa really hated him for certain, but she didn't, did she? Even until now, he could see her love to him in her beautiful eyes, even until this moment, he could sense her attention and care for him, and him only. How could he… how could he possibly hurt her heart? What kind of a man was he? Suoh felt he was so pathetic for letting two persons in this world who cared for him the most, yet any moment later he was about to disappoint both of them with his foolish action. But he was so desperate; there was nothing… or anything else he could think of could save Nokoru's life. He made his pledge to both of them, and no matter what it would take, he would fulfill it.

'Suoh-san…' Nagisa dismissed the cold silence between them, 'what do you ask me to do?'

Suoh couldn't answer her question in immediate. His mind rumbling very hard demanding perfect sentences to express to the girl, and his open mouth was idle to launch the words, yet there was no sound coming out of his throat. As if he turned into voiceless forever. But he had to say it. He had no time to doubt, he knew eventually he would hurt the girl's heart, but time ticked in seconds, running after him.

'Nagisa-san…. I-… I need you to-' He gazed into the girl's pair of eyes, thinking what she would think after she heard him. He had to say it. 'I need you to take my life.'

For a moment there was a horrible silence between them. Nagisa disbelieved what she just heard from him just now. Had Suoh gone mad? Her face was filled by both shock and fear that her tongue in a sudden had turned stiff as well.

'What?' She whispered in disbelief. 'You want me to do what?'

"Take my life.' The ninja repeated himself sound and clear. '**Kill** me.'

Instantly, Nagisa looked at him in a great horror. It was hard for her to believe what she'd just heard. It was insane, more than insane! Impossible! Suoh demanded her to take his own life! Had he gone mad?

'No…' Gradually she lifted her body back unto her feet. Having herself knelt for quite some time, caused her a little difficult to stand properly. Her legs and body were shaking. Was it cause by fear? Her eyes were filled by terror as she spoke the next words of hers, 'you don't know what you're talking about.' Her voice began to tremble. 'You're insane!'

Suoh closed his eyes for few moments, thinking what he'd been thinking before. He knew very well that it was not going to be that easy. He knew he sounded crazy, not only by Nagisa, perhaps by all living-beings that still possessed common sense. He pitied the girl before her though. Having to take a man's life was not an easy thing to do. She would have the feeling of guilt for the rest of her life… and this case, Nagisa had to kill someone she truly loved. Suoh couldn't imagine he had to kill someone he loved deeply, but it was no time for him to have empathy. He had to do it! Now or never! He had only one chance to save his Nokoru's life, and there was no way to succeed if he had any doubt in his heart.

'Yes.' He answered, more like a whisper. 'I've gone mad.' He glared to the girl, and looked deeply into her eyes, forcing the girl to do the same. 'These past days, I've completely lost my mind. I forget where I am, what I should do, where I should go, and I even almost forget what my name is.' He deepened his nails into his blue wavy hair as if to prevent his head from blowing out. 'But you know what? Above all, I can only remember one name. I can forget all other memory, but no matter what happen I won't forget one name.'

Nagisa felt her tears racing.

'Nokoru.' Finally, he broke down. The quiet chapel suddenly was filled by the horrifying sound of sobbing. So miserable and heartbreaking that could tear the darkness of the night. Nagisa felt her heart breaking as well as she listened to Suoh's groan.

'But… I don't understand… Why?' She whispered in fear.

'He's the only matter to me now…. I need to save him, no matter what is will cost.'

'But I still don't understand. Why do you have to kill yourself for that?' She shook her head in disbelief. 'Why do I have to kill… you…?' She started to sob. She couldn't hold her fear.

Slowly Suoh returned his gaze to the girl. He gathered all power he still had to give the explanation, his doesn't-make-sense explanation. 'The doctors…' He started. 'They said the only way to save Nokoru's life is to transplant a new heart-lung to Nokoru's body. Nokoru needs a heart-lung.' Paused. He hoped Nagisa could understand where he was heading to right at the moment.

'Are you… Are you trying to say that you want to donate your organs for him?'

There was no verbal answer, other than a nod confirming the answer was correct.

Nagisa instantly gasped. Her heart was breaking more and more. First, she had to accept that Suoh didn't love her at all. She had to accept the truth that she had no place at all in her most beloved person on this Earth. And now… and now, she had to accept the fact she would lose that person forever since he preferred to give his own life to another person. Another 'person' he loved with all his soul. Yet, the most hurting was that 'person' definitely was not her.

'No! I won't do what you've told me to do!' She said it loudly.

'Nagisa-san…. Please…. Just do what I say….'

'No! Suoh-san! That's absurd! You don't know what you're asking…. You're just too tired, that's why you can't think clearly! You're going out of your mind!'

'I'm NOT out of my mind!' He couldn't stand it any longer. He screamed in return to the girl, and rapidly stood back on his feet, grabbing her arms tightly. 'In these past few days, I've never been thinking so clear like this moment! I don't need you to justify my action! I just need you to obey me! For one last chance! Please, for God's sake!'

Nagisa was terrified. Never before Suoh scolded her like this. Her tears rained harder. She was very scared.

Seemed to realize what he'd done, Suoh let go his grasp slowly. He knew he was too much to her, but he had limited options… and time. He had only two choices, to save Nokoru or to let him die. And no matter what, he would prefer the second option, even if he had to exchange it with his own life. As told, even in the worst situation, we could still avoid the worse option.

'I… I'm sorry….' He was babbling. He really didn't mean to hurt her feeling… more. 'I don't mean to… hurt you…'

The girl was sobbing quietly. But Suoh could still hear her answer, 'But you have… You already did.'

'I…' He was at a loss of words.

'You always did it. You never care how I'm feeling. All this time, you only care for one person. Everything is only for Nokoru-sama, am I right!' Nagisa felt her rage of jealousy had fully controlled her, but before she could stop she'd said everything she'd been keeping all these years. 'Every time we went out together, I know your mind stay with him. You always worry about him; you make excuses to get home earlier to check on his safety. Nokoru this… Nokoru that….' Her eyes were filled with agony. 'I just can't stand it anymore!'

'Nagisa, please…. This is not the right time to….'

'SO! WHEN IS THE RIGHT TIME! When is the right time for you to listen to me more! When is the right time for me to tell you everything I've been keeping in my heart! When, Suoh? WHEN!'

'Nagisa!' He snapped the girl's body, hoping she realized what she was talking about.

'LET GO OF ME!' She struggled to free herself from Suoh's tightening grasp.

'Nagisa! Calm down yourself!'

'NO! I've told you I've had enough! You're always thinking of him! When do I have the chance?'

'Nagisa! Please!'

Nagisa's struggle eventually succeeded. She freed herself away from Suoh. Still with anger all over her eyes, she continued her cry. 'You know what…. I don't feel sorry for all that has happened. I think he deserve it. He has taken all that I have! He deserves to di-'

Nagisa couldn't finish her last word. Instead, she could feel pain sting severely on her cheek.

Suoh had just **slapped** her.

All her life never had someone slapped her. But today…. The person she loved the most and the one she needed the most had slapped her right on her face. And it HURT!

Suoh disbelieved what he just did. He couldn't control his emotion. Perhaps he really indeed had gone mad. But he just couldn't bear it. He couldn't let anyone insult or curse his Nokoru. Not even Nagisa. He would make them suffer, and he made sure of it.

'You… slapped me?' Obviously she was in a terrible shock.

Suoh muted. What was done was done. There was no way turning back. He knew he deserved being called as the villain. After all, he was the source of all these chaos.

'How… how DARE you!' Nagisa let out her scream. 'I HATE YOU!'

Suoh's eyes were widened.

It happened.

In a glance…

It was over.

* * *

Utako carefully steeped her feet on the cold hospital floor. She disliked the sound of her own footsteps for the hospital was so quiet; all she could hear was the echo of her shoes. She'd been wandering around for some time now, hoping she could meet Akira or Nagisa or anyone else she knew in this place. Not that she was afraid walking alone, but she just couldn't wait to visit Nokoru-sama to look how his condition was. 

'Where has everybody gone?' She murmured to herself.

Then she heard a loud scream coming from the alley. Something somewhere deep inside her heart, Utako felt the urge to find the source of the voice, and to get there as soon as possible. Something bad was happening, and she had always believed in her intuition. Before she knew it, she had hurried her footsteps to one room she predicted the source came from.

The chapel.

She dashed to the door, and quickly opened it. But what laid before her was beyond she was expecting.

Blood….

Fresh blood…..

All over the floor, painted it crimson red. There… against the wall, she could see her best friend ever stood in shock, while her hands were covered with blood.

And before she knew it, Utako had let go her loudest scream ever.

Scream of fright and terror….

To be continued –

Author's note:

So far…. Guys…. I need the review. Lady Error bows her head Hope you enjoy the story turn.


	18. Reason

**Chapter 18: Reason

* * *

**

It was raining outside. He was running under the raindrops, trying to get some place dry to avoid the water falling from the sky. Not long after that, he finally found a place where he could stop and stay away from the chilling rain. It was very cold. The sun had set few moments ago, sinking in the colorless clouds as gray as his heart now. Nokoru had never felt any lonelier than now. He stood there, rubbing his cold palms to his wet black coat, hoping he could get a little warmth, but it was useless. He could see his own breath like a dancing fog coming out of his mouth. He was freezing. Not only his body, but also his heart as well.

Moments earlier, he had a fight with Rijichou. Apparently the Rijichou had noticed his special affection to his one and only guardian, and it was beyond her tolerance.

_/'An Imonoyama is not allowed to have any affair with his inferior. You should have known that, Nokoru-san./_

_I know. But I can't help it…_

_/'This shall be your final warning, Nokoru-san. End everything you begin, and we shall leave the past behind. Or else, forgive me if I am not able to stop something terrible that can happen to HIM.'/_

A threat….

_/'Please, Nokoru-san… Don't be stubborn. You understand how bad things can be if it deals with Imonoyama's reputation. You can do nothing against them.'/_

Nokoru was almost in tears when he heard those words spoken right before his face. He wanted to runaway, to disappear, or to vanish forever. But he couldn't. All he could do was just to nod his head, and silently dismissed himself.

He didn't realize anything since then. He didn't realize he had run as fast as he could to escape from the building. He didn't realize that he was running under the rain. He didn't realize that he fell down right on his knees because of the slippery path. He didn't understand whether he was crying because of the pain on his knees or the pain in his heart. All was just the same… **HURT!**

'This far…. I've already come this far…. How can I…. How can I go back and start everything over? How can I forget everything that has happened?'

He was sobbing, praying someone somewhere somehow hear him and answer his question. His tears were flowing down like a hard rain. It was getting colder. He hugged himself tighter, trying to bear the freezing feeling wrapping him.

_/Suoh…./_

_/If only you know…. If only you know how my feeling is to you…. But even if you know, everything is too late now. Everything is too late. It will be much better if you don't know anything./_

Nokoru was about to leave the place when in a sudden he spotted silhouettes of two figures he recognized. Suoh, his Suoh…. he was walking with a girl who was not other than Nagisa. In his eyes, he could sight how perfect they were. Suoh was holding an umbrella to Nagisa. They were walking together, side by side. For few moments, Nokoru was certain he was paralyzed. He didn't know what to do that he barely moved himself. He knew he had only one choice. Hide….

The blonde felt his heart breaking, and that he wanted to scream loudly because of the pain. But still, he tried his beast to remain in silence and to hide behind the shadow. He felt his jealousy raging in his heart, but at the same time, he felt he wanted to cry madly. Brokenhearted and crestfallen liked tears unable to be hidden.

He wanted so much to call him, to go with him, to stay under the same umbrella with him, to get warmth in his embrace, but as if his voice dissolved in distance, the couple went on without even looking back at him.

Nokoru felt his feet were floating. He could hardly feel the floor beneath his standing place. For all the sudden, the surface beneath him turned into black water, ready to swallow his body….

And that was all he could remember….

And that was all he wished to forget…

And that was the beginning….

But…

Should it be the end as well?

The truth that he was in love with Suoh… the very truth he wished that Suoh would feel the same way as he was… but then… when everything was coming to the answer… even if the answer as exactly as he hoped it was… he was afraid to face it.

If Suoh loved him… Suoh would die… not only because he would be killed by the Imonoyama's enemies, but also that he would die because of Imonoyama clans themselves. That was the fact that he himself – the great Imonoyama's heir – could never change. Not with his power, intelligence or money.

The moment Suoh kissed him for the first time… he knew, or more precisely, he could see Suoh's future. And that was why this story began in the first place. Nokoru knew his mother, he understood her and knew exactly what would happen if he ignored her… or his family.

His mother might be eccentric, but she was always serious with everything she had spoken. He had seen what his mother was capable to do, including taking somebody else's life. She had done it several times before, and might have done it once again. She had power to take life easily and never hesitated t do so if it was necessary.

Now, he had only two choices… to forget about Suoh for good, or to hold on his dream and let the one he loved the most died before his face because him.

God knew that even if his life as the bet; he would never ever take the second option.

He would rather killed himself… and lose everything that to let the only person he cared the most on this world died because of him.

That was how all this drama began. And it should end in the way it should.

And he had promised himself that he would never regret.

It should end in the way it should…

* * *

Nokoru opened his blue eyes. Again… Sometimes he began to feel tired having to open his eyes time and again just to find that he was still in his nightmare, laying his weak body motionless, and the worst was having to see people who cared for him sitting next to him, doing nothing except for regretting themselves to let everything happen to him and wasting their tears for him.

How many times he had tried to explain that it wasn't their fault that he ended like this, that it was his choice to be like now, however it seemed that they would never understand. Or… they just didn't want to accept the fact.

But this time… something was different. He didn't see… _him._

'Akira?' He whispered.

The man he addressed instantly diverted his blank sight to him. Akira smiled weakly before he replied him, 'Nokoru-sama… You've awakened.' He wiped the little tears he felt starting to flow down from the corner of his eyes. 'How do you feel?'

Nokoru smiled. 'You just cried, did you?'

Akira shook his head, but Nokoru could sense his lie.

He exhaled long before he continued, 'I just dream about something.' He looked at Akira's eyes to make sure he was paying attention to what he was saying.

'About what?' Akira asked in reply.

'Something that remind why I do this.' He closed his eyes. 'Why I _have to _do this.'

'I don't un-'

Akira stopped his words. Someone opened the door and distracted them both. The figure looked very weak, yet remained unseen behind the shadow. But Nokoru knew very well who he was. For he would never forget his breath, his look, even his shadow.

'Suoh?' He called. But he didn't get any answer. He knew that something wrong had happened.

Akira stood up from the place he was sitting. He didn't like it. He could sense something awful was about to happen.

What about to happen only Suoh had the answer.

To be continued –

* * *

Author's note:

Hopefully you still remember this fic. It has been some time I haven't written all this fic again and in fact, I wanted to discontinue it. But then again…. Never start something that you won't finish… I will finish this fic, no matter how long it would take. Your comments are wonderful and inspiring for me! Never get tired reading all those comments again and again. Usually I write every chapter long enough so in that way, I wn;t have to write for certain time. But this time, sorry guyz, I'm in the middle of preparing my website (plz visit if it's done :) So starting now, I would have to keep it short to manage my time.

For those who are still reading this fic, thank you so much! Looking forward for your comments or anything! You know, it feels great to know that someone out there is reading your fic! The more comments I get, trust me, the faster the story will go! Wanna bet?


	19. Breathe for Me

**Chapter 19: Breathe for Me...**

* * *

'Takamura-senpai… Where have you be-', Akira started.

'Forgive me… I… I just…' Biting his lower lip, Suoh reluctantly faced the black haired boy. 'Akira, can you leave us alone? I … I need to say something privately to Nokoru…'

Akira blinked his eyes. It seemed very hard for him to digest the request and give an immediate answer. 'Of course, I-I just… I mean… I will…'

When Akira was about to leave his seat, Nokoru's firm voice stopped him.

'You don't have to leave, Akira.'

'But- It's okay, kaichou… I mean… I will wait for you outside.' Akira immediately replied.

Nokoru smiled at him and continued his words. 'Suoh… I hope you don't mind, but I would like to have Akira here with us. All this time, we never include him in our matter… Don't get me wrong, I just don't want anyone to feel forgotten anymore.'

Suoh closed his eyes. He knew that it would be a waste of time and energy to have an argument with Nokoru if the man had already been persistent with something. 'Fine. Akira, please stay with us.'

The golden-haired man smiled, satisfied with the decision Suoh made. 'Now then…. Anything important you want me to know?'

Silence crept among them. For once in his life, Suoh wanted to runaway and disappeared within the thin air. He spent his entire life being a samurai, being a man that never ran away and bravely faced the fact, but now… For the first time in his life, he wanted to surrender, to stop and to fall on his knees in despair. Then again, it was too late now! Too late to stop! He knew he had to go on. He had to tell Nokoru that… that… he was…

'Leaving….' One word fell out from his mouth. It was so soft, more like a whisper that could hardly be heard by else in the room.

'Takamura-senpai… I'm sorry, did you say something?' Being a professional thief, Akira could hear the slightest sound or voice in distance. However, he felt unsure of what he heard or more likely, he refused to hear what he heard. It was just not making any sense. _Leaving? Who was leaving? Who would be left behind? _

'May I know… why…' Nokoru's cold voice seemed to pierce the emptiness.

Akira gasped and looked instantly to the owner of the voice. _Kaichou… _'I-I don't really quite understand… Takamura-senpai, I beg you par- …'

'It's okay, Akira, I could hear it well… He doesn't have to repeat the word… Suoh… Please, answer me…'

The tense in the room grew rapidly in a sudden.

'Kaichou, I think Takamura-senpai did not mean to-…'

'ANSWER ME, GODAMMIT!!'

Akira was shocked. He had never witnessed his Kaichou lose control and burst in anger like this before. He quickly got up from his seat and took a step beside the man who was on his bed to comfort him. 'Kaichou, please…'

'Suoh…' Nokoru ignored Akira's advice as if there was _no one _else in the room. His anger could not be redeemed by any soothing word at the moment. He was an Imonoyama after all and when an Imonoyama demanded for something, he had to get no matter what it cost. 'Answer me…' His voice grew louder. 'Why are YOU LEAVING??!!'

Suoh gasped for air. He felt so terribly hurt inside. Was it caused by his heart or by the scar he had suffered from Nagisa's stab? He did not know the difference anymore. He didn't need to know the difference. He only knew that he had to continue. But his mouth refused to speak any other word. His heart was aching the most, since he knew he was about to hurt the feeling of a person he loved the most in this world. And that very person was about to hate him for the rest of his life. But, he knew that he had to do it. There was no way turning back.

'You know why…' His voice was trembling. //Why is it so painful?// 'I have made my choice.'

'What choice? Takamura-senpai, please… I… We don't underst-'

'Nokoru… You've said it yourself. I have to keep my promise.' Suoh paused. Deep in his heart, he prayed nobody realized his true condition. He stood in such a way that the dripping of his blood could not be seen by others. It was so hurting that he himself did not know how much longer he could bear the pain, but he had to try to the end. If he had to die, he would not let Nokoru see his dying face. Never…

Suoh winced. It was so painful to move his body even for an inch. He leaned on the door as he needed to support his weak body that was about to fall. Neither Akira nor Nokoru could see his wound on his rib beneath his coat now. He was a ninja after all, and ninjas were excellent in concealing their wound.

He gasped for more air. His wound was so hurting that it was extremely painful for him to breathe. Now he wondered whether he would survive till the end of this conversation or die in the middle of it. But whatever it would take, he would never die in front of Nokoru, not in front of him. For he knew one thing for sure that Nokoru would hate himself, and he would never let it happen.

'I have to keep my promise…' He continued. 'My promise… to… her.'

'What promise?' Akira asked impatiently in his confusion.

The ninja diverted his eyes to meet Akira's black eyes. 'My promise… as she is my 'One'…'

Akira's eyes were widened. _//What?! What is he talking about?! Is he out of his mind??// _Akira was terribly worried of Nokoru's reaction when he heard his senpai's answer. Reluctantly, he gazed to the sick man that stayed on his bed now. He expected that the blonde would have the rage in his angelic face, on the contrary, he saw none. Nokoru was sitting straight on his bed without any expression on his face. Akira felt a great uncertainty now whether he had to be relieved or to be more alerted.

'Fine.' Finally a single word from the blonde broke the silence among them. 'I understand. Thank you for letting me know about it.'

Suoh did not dare to look into the blue eyes that intensely observed him, yet he could feel Nokoru's deep gaze at him. He remained silent and still.

Akira shook his head. It was obvious that he had a difficult time to understand what was happening. A moment ago, Takamura-senpai was still beside his Kaichou, taking care of him and hardly leaving his side. Now… Now everything was so different… What happened? Was this a joke? Now his senpai was saying goodbye to him… To Kaichou…. To the one that he believed he loved the most. But why?

Why?

Though he looked so tough in the surface, Suoh was almost burst in tears when he heard Nokoru's answer. He should know that his Nokoru would never be angry of his decision, now matter how much bitterness he would taste caused by his decision, Nokoru would accept it unquestionably. But he did not want this kind of respond. He was hoping that Nokoru would yell at him, scream, throw things at him and chase him away. In that way… in that way… perhaps, he would feel much better… Perhaps…

'Takamura-senpai… Are you out of your mind?' Akira took the courage to let out his thought. 'May be- May be you're just tired, that's why you say such a thing… You're not aware of what you're saying just now…'

Suoh gazed at him weakly and grinned. 'No. Ijyuin, I know what I'm saying.' Then he faced Nokoru to his blue eyes that had been looking at him since then. For a second, he remembered how much he loved those eyes and how much he would miss them. May be this would be his last moment to be able to see them… So he would bear the pain, the anger and the disappointment from them…. For the last time…

'You are right, Nokoru… We don't have a future…. My future is no longer with you… my 'future' is in her hands now… It took me a long time to realize what you're saying to me is true.'

Nokoru couldn't stop a single tear drop from his beautiful eye. His lips were mute, couldn't say anything to reply Suoh's words.

It was a breaking-heart moment for Suoh to see Nokoru breaking in tears, yet he continued. 'Nagisa-san wants to go away as far as possible. She doesn't want to stay in this miserable place anymore. She-… She asked me to come with her…'

'Takamura-senpai… You're joking, right? You aren't going anywhere… You stay here with us…. With Kaichou…. Beside him always, right?' Akira was clearly distressed.

Few moments passed, till eventually Suoh shook his head as a sign of disagreement. He gave a weak smile to his dear friend. 'No, Ijyuin. I'm serious and I'm not joking.' He looked at the younger man's eyes. 'Ijyuin, I don't expect you would understand my decision. And I believe nobody will…."

Akira gasped. What kind of nonsense had he been listening? Yes… This had to be a joke…. A terrible joke.

'I come here for the last time to bid you all a farewell…. I'll leave soon…' Suoh was struggling for another breath. 'I'm sorry…'

Again, another silence.

'I can't stop you, can I?' Nokoru whispered. His blue eyes were wet with tears, and his voice was trembling. 'Suoh…. Please, is there anything I can do to make you stay?'

Suoh closed his eyes and answered firmly, 'No.'

To Nokoru's ears, Suoh's voice was sharp as a knife that cut deeply into his weak heart and seemed to slash it into million pieces. How should he react now? Should he be angry? Mad? Desperate? One thing for certain, he wanted to scream, to get up from his bed, to pull Suoh's coat and threat him not to leave or else…

And…

That was exactly what he did. Without thinking any further, the blonde tried to move his weak body to get up from his bed. He wanted to reach Suoh's body, strangled him, and shook him as hard as he could to make him realize how bad he needed him to be by his side. Nokoru knew time was running out for him, and there was nothing more he could wish else than to have his loved ones by his side moment before he was freed from his suffering.

His hands reached out to grasp at Suoh, yet Akira was there and was surely quick enough to stop him moving any further. But his struggle did not end that easily, he kept on struggling to free himself from Akira's embrace. He pushed, hit and even screamed to free himself, but Akira did not loosen his grasp.

Akira could feel the pain all over his body having to hold his angry Kaichou, but he swore whatever happened, he would not let go. He was terrified to know what could be happening if he ever let go.

'LET ME GO, AKIRA!!! LET ME GOOO!!!' Nokoru's scream seemed to fill the whole hospital by now.

'Kaichou…. Please….' Akira whispered to his ears.

'Let me go…' Panting. 'Let… me… go…' Nokoru was panting. He knew nowadays it was very hard for him to breathe. Slowly, he gave up struggling. Either it was caused by his exhaustion, his difficulty in breathing or because he had realized that whatever he did wouldn't change Suoh's mind… Nobody knew that for sure and now the blonde started to sob.

Akira tightened his embrace. He wanted to share his Kaichou's sorrow, his pain and tears, but he couldn't, could he? The only thing he could do now was to hold him and never let go.

'Why?' In the middle of his cry, Nokoru questioned.

Suoh was paralyzed of the scene he had been witnessing since then. It was tearing him apart to see Nokoru burst out his anger. It was hurt to see that the very person who embraces his One was not him. All this time, he had never seen his beloved 'One' act in such a way. And he knew what or who exactly caused him to be like this. It was he himself… He himself who rip his One's happiness to the very last piece…

'Why… Suoh… why?' The blonde sobbed more. 'You know I need you…'

'I…' He had to say something, 'I can't… I can't stay…. I'm very sorry. This is for the sake of both of us.' His vision was starting to blur as tears were filling his golden eyes. 'Nokoru…. Don't you see I must keep my promise….' He tried his best to hold his tears. 'You made me promise that to Nagisa… Don't you remember?'

'Please, Takamura-senpai…. Please don't do this…' Akira pleaded. 'You can't leave Kaichou like this, at least… not now…'

'Ijyuin. I've told you that there's nothing can change my mind now. I must go NOW. And if you wonder why, it is Kaichou himself who told me to go away with my new 'One'…' Suoh knew how much he would hurt Nokoru's feeling by speaking these words. 'I am just obeying whatever he wants me to do… So please don't blame me.'

Suoh took another deep breath. His rib was getting hurt more and more. He knew that he had lost a lot of blood and that he had to go as soon as possible before his friends realized what happened to him.

A terrible silence conquered the place. No one was brave enough to fight the muteness. Till finally, Nokoru whispered the words that Suoh had wished that he never had to listen to them.

'If you really have to leave…' He gasped, 'Suoh… can I ask one last thing from you…' He paused and looked deeply into Suoh's golden eyes.

'What is it that you want from me, Nokoru?' asked Suoh in curiousity.

Slowly, he loosened himself from Akira's embrace and fixed his position on the bed. Without hesitation, he commanded Suoh, 'Kiss me.'

Suoh's eyes went wider. 'Wh-… What?' He was unsure of his hearing that he looked for the answer from the black-haired boy. He needed an assurance from his friend that he was not imagining things.

Nokoru sighed, and began to repeat himself. 'I said… Kiss me… For the last time…'

'No!' Suoh quickly responded. 'I-I I can't do that!'

'Why not?!' Nokoru's voice was louder.

'I… I just… I just can't…'

'You can't or you don't want to?!!' Nokoru paused for an answer that never came out from Suoh's lips. Then he continued, 'am I so disgusting that you refused to give me one last kiss?' Still no answer. 'Why…. Am I not good enough for you…'

'No…. you don't understand-'

'THEN WHYY???!!!' Nokoru was screaming. He couldn't hold his frustration anymore. 'Nothing I can understand???!!! You're right…. I CAN'T UNDERSTAND YOU!!!! I tried my best to make you happy, but you're never satisfied, I give everything-'

'I NEVER ASK FOR IT!!!!'

Nokoru was startled. He didn't expect Suoh would shout back at him.

Suoh was also shocked to know what he just said, but there was no way he could take it back, or could he? 'I can't kiss you, and I would never kiss you. The only person I kiss in this world is the one that I will spend my future with. And apparently, that one is not you, Nokoru.' _Please, God… Give me strength a little bit more… it's almost over… _'I'm sorry…'

Nokoru was stunned. He was terribly shocked that he couldn't make movement even the slightest one.

Akira was stressful. He was… really mad now. He adored his Takamura-senpai very much since the very first time he met him, and no matter what he did, Akira always tried to believe that there was a very good reason behind it. But not this time… He was going too far, and Akira didn't mind having to do something too far as well. Rapidly, he approached Suoh, and before anybody could tell how or what happen, he slapped Suoh hardly right on his face.

He was about to do it for the second time when he heard Nokoru gasped and screamed, 'Akira!!! Stop it!!' Nokoru's harsh voice was like a spell on him that he instantly stopped his hands. But the words were not strong enough to stop the hatred fire bursting from his usual kind eyes.

'Why should I stop? Let me make him realize how stupid he is!!' Akira shouted back.

'AKIRA!!' Nokoru screamed, 'THAT'S ENOUGH!!!'

Akira bit his lip, tried to hold his anger. He looked at Suoh who was standing still in silence in front of him. 'I just don't get it, Takamura-senpai… After all Kaichou has done for you… I just don't understand you… I-I'm not even sure that I know you....'

Suoh remained silent. He knew whatever words could never explain what he was doing, the only thing matter now was to flee out of the scene and it had to be fast… before it was useless…

'Ijyuin… You may think I'm cruel, heartless, and whatever bad thing you can think of… But I can't tell lie anymore…. It's the truth, and you like it or not… I'm leaving… forever…'

Akira was angrier now. He was about to lift his hand to give another slap on Suoh's face when…

'Enough!!' Nokoru's sob was louder now. 'I heard enough… more than enough…'

'Kaichou…' Akira's heart was falling into pieces when he heard the cry. A cry of a desperate and hopeless lonely child. The cry of his best friend ever…

'Fine then…' Nokoru continued, 'if it is your choice to leave, no one can stop you, not even me. Just… just leave…. Thank you for telling me the truth. Thank you for…. Everything.'

When he finished, everyone was in silence once again. Akira desperately hoped in his heart that Suoh would cancel his mind, but somehow he knew it was impossible.

'Very well then…' Suoh replied finally, 'I guess my presence here is no longer necessary anyway… I shall leave you two…'

He turned around to open the door he had been leaning against when Nokoru's weak voice called him again.

'Suoh… aren't you going to say anything to me?'

Suoh paused. He didn't want to look back, 'what is it you want me to say?'

'Just bid me farewell..' answered Nokoru more like a whisper.

He took a deep breath till finally he said it, 'Goodbye, Nokoru….' Suoh quickly opened the door and within a second and disappeared behind the closed door, leaving the two men inside the room.

Akira dared not to speak of anything once Suoh left them. To tell the truth, he himself wished could follow Suoh and went straight to his home, hid under his blanket, and woke up to find all this things were merely just another nightmare, but he couldn't do that, could he? He couldn't leave Nokoru here alone… knowing how little time the man had.

'Akira…'

Akira was startled. Instantly he diverted his eyes to the man who addressed him. 'Kaichou?'

'It's all over, isn't it?' Nokoru smiled weakly.

'Kaichou…' Akira wished he knew what to say, encouraging words that at least could give a little hope for Nokoru and himself. He wished he could tell Nokoru that it was just fine and that Suoh would be back and apologized for all the things he had said and done. But if he told him that, was it only another lie?

But before Akira found his comforting words, something unexpected happened. Out of sudden, Nokoru was coughing terribly. So terrible that he could see that Nokoru could breathe at all. And to his greatest fear, the blonde started to vomit blood. Red as ever…

'KAICHOU!!!' Without wasting any second, Akira came closer and hold his body to comfort him, but it was useless… the coughing didn't stop… it even didn't go easier… that Akira started to be panic. And the worst happened… Nokoru was losing his consciousness…

'KAICHOUU!!!' Akira hurriedly pressed the nurse button to get help. 'NURSE!! COME QUICK!!'

***

Outside the room, Suoh was completely out of breath. All he could do now was staring at the door he once closed. Deep inside his heart he wished he never did that, since he knew very well, once the door was closed, he would not be able to see whoever behind the door, the ones that he loved forever, until the end of his time.

Slowly, he put himself down to the floor. His feet were no longer strong enough to support him.

This is it….

He was never afraid to die, but he was trembling now… He could not go back. He had sacrificed so much…. He had suffered so much, and he had made everyone around him feel the same pain…

'Is this what you want?' a firm voice startled him.

The owner was standing there since the beginning, yet could not do anything to help him ease the pain, since he himself felt the same. Idomu was stunned. He knew he hate the person before him, and long before he wished that this rival of his would just disappeared forever. But his hatred was transformed into a great sorrow, knowing he would never win against him… him… who willingly gave away his own life to make the one he loved survive another day…. He would never beat that.

Suoh did not answer him. He smirked as a reply to his question. Seconds later, he looked at him, and started to say, 'You know I have to do this….'

Idomu closed his eyes, 'No…. you never have to…. It's just your foolish choice….'

Suoh smiled, 'I don't care if I'm a fool, as long as I don't have to see him dying….' He gasped. 'Idomu-san, after I die, you know what to do…. Give my heart for him…. Do anything you can to save him…. I beg you…. Promise me…'

Idomu could see the blood starting to make a pool around Suoh. He knew that this might be the end for Suoh, and it was not wise to make any argument further…. Finally, he cried out the word he might regret for the rest of his life later, 'I promise!'

Suoh smiled wider. His job was finished. He kept all his promise in his life, even though it was imperfect, but he tried. Nagisa had taken his life…. But he only gave his heart to Nokoru…. Funny wasn't it? He did not break any promise. But why he felt so brokenhearted?

His eyes were getting blurred. He wished the last vision he had before he died was Nokoru's smile, but he understood it was impossible. With his last strength, he reached for something behind his coat. He looked at Idomu, and signed to take it. 'Please, give it to him…'

Idomu was tearing apart as he took the letter.

'I wish I can tell him how much he means to me…. I'm sorry I can't make him happy…' He closed his eyes and dropped himself into an eternal silence.

Idomu couldn't hold back his tears anymore. He cried terribly in that horrible silence.

Suoh had gone away.

***

The blue eyes opened slowly. The bright sunshine that came through his window made it hard for him to get a clear sight. After a few seconds, he could see who was sitting beside him. Slowly, he addressed the man, 'Akira?'

Akira was startled. He had been sleeping beside his Kaichou since the implantation surgeon. He lost count how many nights he had passed without sleeping. 'Kaichou?' When he realized his Kaichou had woken up, he was delighted. 'Finally, you're back!'

Nokoru smiled weakly. Obviously, his body was still hurting. But he could feel something was different. 'Akira… What happened?'

Akira gasped. He quickly responded, 'We… we managed to find you a donor in time, and doctors have operated a transplant surgeon to save your life. You're saved, Kaichou.'

It took him seconds before he realized what happened to him. Nokoru wondered whether it was another dream, since he believed he could never be healed. 'Really?' he asked in doubt.

Akira nodded his head firmly. 'You're alright now. Doctor said, you just need to take a lot of rest to have your new heart familiar with your body. And the rest… they'll check you continuously.'

Nokoru was silent. He didn't know what to say. Should he feel relieve and happy? But why he kept on feeling that something was missing? Suddenly, he remembered something.

'Akira…. Where's Suoh?'

Akira was stunned. Check-mat. Instantly, his body was frozen. He was at lost of words.

The door's opening saved Akira just then. Idomu entered the room and diverted Nokoru's attention to him. 'Nokoru, you're back!' Idomu was more than happy to see his friend finally get back to normal. He quickly hugged the blonde boy.

'What so you mean I'm back? I didn't go anywhere.' Nokoru smiled. He knew everyone was worrying about him. He had made everyone feel sad, Idomu, Akira, Utako, Nagisa, and…. Suoh.

'Where is he?' He asked again to his two dear friends. Akira quickly gazed to Idomu, signing that he needed help to answer Nokoru's question.

'I'm sorry,' Idomu immediately answered, 'He's gone.'

Akira's black eyes were widened to hear Idomu's quick response. He was afraid that Nokoru would be distressed to listen to Idomu's answer. But on the contrary, Nokoru remained calm and did not do anything about it.

'I see…' he whispered silently, 'it wasn't a dream when I heard him say goodbye…'

Everyone was silent. Akira was brokenhearted to hear what Nokoru had just said. He knew that his Kaichou was hoping all that happened was merely a dream… a nightmare… But it wasn't! What would he do if only he knew the truth? Akira was more than scared to imagine what possibly could happen. What happen if only Nokoru knew that Suoh had died for him? That it was Suoh's heart implanted in his body?

Idomu put out a single letter out of his coat, and handed it to Nokoru. 'He gave you this.'

Nokoru couldn't believe that Suoh had left him a letter. Trembling, he took the letter from Idomu's hand and opened the envelope slowly. Idomu and Akira could do nothing else than watching him read the letter slowly. They could see a single tear fall down from the blue eyes they loved, but none of them asked why. They just stayed in silence.

There was only one sentence written on the letter:

"Breathe for me."

Nokoru hold the letter and cried. He didn't understand why he cried. He didn't understand what the letter mean. He just knew one thing for sure…. He might not be able to see his love again….

***

Outside there, on a private jet, a beautiful girl sat with the most sorrowful eyes looking out to the dancing cloud. The blue colour of the sky reminded her of someone she loved and lost forever. In her embrace, there was a pot of ash that coming from his body. She would take the ash a place faraway that no one other than herself knew. Her eyes were blurred in tears, as she knew her love had kept his promise to her, to be with her until the rest of his life.

***

The end.

* * *

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

Finally, it's ended. I apologize to everyone for taking a long time to finish this story. I started this story long time ago when I was still college, I got a job, I got married, and now I got a baby. But I still can't get my mind out of it. I need to finish what I have started. So I thank you if you're still waiting to read the story. Thank you for those who spend their time leaving comments for me, just to let you know that it is your comments that make me continue my story, no matter how long it will take. Thank you so much!

For those who are still wondering what happen to Suoh and Nokoru at the end of this story, well…. Suoh died. Nokoru… he didn't know what happen to him. And everyone who knows swears that they will not tell anything to Nokoru. But secret will reveal itself. If you want to make a fanfic based on this story, please do so. I'd be happy to read it too.

See you again one day.


End file.
